I am 36 & was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year, but I’ve had the severe symptoms for about 3 years. My husb& has been supportive, but my parents don’t believe I really have this illness & if I do I should just take the medicine they see on the commercials & get on with life.
I love them & want to still have some kind of relationship with them, but it is causing stress on my marriage too, because my husb& can’t bear to see me hurt by them any more. -Sherry
Dear Sherry,
I’m sorry you’re hurting. Sometimes it can be very difficult for others to underst& or to accept the reality of a chronic illness. Often times, they don’t realize that the debilitating affects of an illness like Fibromyalgia vary from patient to patient & that, for many, it just isn‘t as easy as “pushing ourselves“ or “taking a pill” in order to maintain the life we once led. And, unfortunately, ads from pharmaceutical companies are aimed at selling a product & don’t adequately present the varied symptoms of such a complex disorder.
I recommend a couple of resources that may help your parents gain a better underst&ing of how your illness affects you. One is a Fact Sheet from the National Fibromyalgia Association. And the other is an article titled, “What’s Going On? A Simple Explanation of Fibromyalgia- Making Sense of a Complex Disorder, For Those Who Don’t Have It”. The second is one of the best I’ve found & really describes how FM affects the body in simple, easy to underst& terms. I hope it helps. J
Beyond that, it is important for you to do whatever is needed to reduce the stress your relationship with your parents is placing on both yourself & your marriage. I know it’s heart-breaking to consider limiting the amount of contact between you. And I, myself, underst& how painful it can be not to have the support of those dearest to you, especially when facing an illness. It can feel like a dagger through the heart sometimes. But, in order to improve & maintain your health as much as possible, it is crucial to address both your physical & emotional needs. Since we know that stress exacerbates the symptoms of FM, it’s important to limit stressful situations as much as possible & to maintain positive, supportive relationships in your life.
I’m so happy to hear that your husb& is underst&ing & supportive! That is truly a blessing! And it may be that, one day, your parents will come to be supportive, as well. I would encourage you to share these articles with them. If you haven’t already done so, you might also try writing them a letter, expressing your feelings. Explain to them what a typical day, living with your symptoms, is like for you. If you have done all you can do to try to help them underst&, & they still fail to be supportive, then it may be necessary to distance yourself from them for a time. Focus on doing all you can to have a positive emotional outlook & this will help you immensely, both in managing your FM & in dealing with your parents.
Sherry, I encourage you to continue to pray for your parents’ underst&ing. And, at the same time, ask God to give you strength to change the things you can & peace to accept the things you can not. He can ease your hurt & help you learn to, once again, lead a joyful, productive life, even while managing the effects of your illness!
In Christian Love & Service,
Angela Dobbins, Founder
True Life Family Ministries
True Life Strategies – life coaching with hope & heart
Angela Dobbins is a Christian life coach in McKinney, TX. She lives daily with the effects of Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain Complex, & various sensitivities. Angela’s passion is to share God’s love with others & to assist them toward becoming all He created them to be, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.
