How Do I Know God Loves Me If I Am Suffering So Much?

how-do-i-know-god-loves-meHow do I know God loves me when I keep suffering and the pain never seems to stop?

“For great is Your love, higher than the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.” Psalm 108:4

Last year my son and I were cuddled up on the bed having one of those rare quiet moments where he just wanted personal attention and was holding still long enough for me to talk with him.

I told him, “Do you know how much Mommy loves you?”
“How much?” he asked.
“I love you as high as the sky and as deep as the ocean” I told him.
“I love you. . .” he started to say, trying to think of something to compare it with. “. . .as deep as the toilet!”

[Ah. . .  thanks. . . I think!]

Well, maybe he was trying to think of a body of water like I had mentioned the ocean.

We ARE loved. “But how do I know God loves me,” we ask ourselves.

As soon as Valentine’s Day has passed all the stores remove the decorations of hearts and signs of affection and throw up big green clovers and little men dressed in tights. How fickle this can also represent our love. We remember those we love on the big holidays, we try to write “Happy Birthday” on friend’s Facebook walls, and we occasionally pick up the phone and hang up saying, “love you.”

But we don’t always feel loved ourselves. Does anyone remember us? Does anyone really see us? How do I know God loves me?

Living with an illness can be isolating and lonely. Even today as I prepare all of my paperwork for a new doctor, trying to explain the timeline of 18 years with rheumatoid arthritis, I look at my organized preparations and think, “Is this really my life?” I mention my marriage and the adoption of my child. The rest of my notes revolve around surgeries, infections, medication changes, and flares.

But God loves us. We look at our bottles of pills all lined up and we think, “How? If this is how He chooses to love me, do I really want to trust this God? I this is how He allows those He loves to suffer, why would I believe in Him? How do I know God loves me for sure?”

Because He loves you. He chose you. He even chose this path for you. God loves you deeper than you can ever imagine.

If you were the responsible child in your family growing up, you may remember how there were even greater expectations put on your shoulders. Perhaps more was even expected of you. It didn’t seem fair. If you were the child who was not quite as responsible, it may have taken you a bit longer in life to discover what you wanted to be when you grew up, what your passions were, etc. Perhaps because you were not forced to go through challenges as frequently, it took a bit longer to find yourself.

God chooses those of us with illness to bear seasons of suffering because He loves us and knows that we can be more of a comfort to those who are suffering–who have no hope– while we are living with illness. As we stand in the muck of life, still explaining how we rely on our Father’s guidance and love each day to endure our illness, people will listen. If we did not suffer, if life was easy, the cash overflowed, we never suffered, would those who were hurting seek us out for advice? Not likely.

I don’t understand it all and I don’t pretend to. I don’t even strive to fully comprehend it all, because even the Bible tells me it’s impossible for me to fully get it. Psalm 108:4 tell me, however, that God’s love is great, higher than the heavens, and that His faithfulness reaches to the skies. That is the best way the author of the Psalms could even begin to explain it in human terms.

It’s like God looks down at us and says, “I love you as deep as the ocean” and we look back and respond, “And I love you as deep as the toilet.” His love is beyond our comprehension.  Ecclesiastes 8:17 says, “Then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.”

But our inability to fully understand it does not lessen the impact it can have on our life. it doesn’t change God’s love. It only assures us it is worth fully grasping onto and never letting go.

About the Author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and has lived with rheumatoid arthritis for 18 years. She is the author of Mosaic Moments: Devotionals for the Chronically Ill.

 

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121 Responses to How Do I Know God Loves Me If I Am Suffering So Much?

  1. Lisa, I remember singing Jesus Loves Me as a child. It always brought me such comfort. Living through a chronic illness, it means even more to me now! But for that love, I would be a very different person. It is by His love that I am filled with the grace I need to press on each day. And I’m grateful for that.

  2. I couldn’t help thinking of the scene when Jesus reinstates Peter. He had told Peter that he would deny him three times, and when it came true, Peter wept. So on the beach that day, the risen Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love Me more than these?” Jesus used a BIG word for “love”, and “more than these” echoed Peter’s boast that he loved Him more than any other and would never deny Him. Of course, Peter answered “I love you”, but with a small word for “love”. So Jesus asked him, “Do you love Me?”, again using the big “love”. Peter answered “I love you”, with the small word. The third time Jesus asked, He used the same word Peter had used – “Do you love Me?” with the small word. That’s why it says Peter was distressed/sad when Jesus asked the third time… do you even “love” Me? He knows we “love” Him. Most of the time, we use that small “love” that Peter – humbled – used. But He uses a great big LOVE word when He says His LOVE is all encompassing for us. Thank God it is.

    • This is just wishful thinking – God isn’t real, and the human craving for unconditional loves leads us to fabricate someone who loves us just like children who are abused keep trying to convince themselves that their patents really love them, so it’s they, the children, who are really doing something wrong. I would be endlessly happy if there was a god who loved me – but I live with the same anxiety and uncertainty every day and the imaginary creator never shows up.

      • I tend to agree with you Tyler. It would be nice if just once God answered a prayer exactly as it is asked of him too really prove that he exists and really does care. It annoys me greatly when Christians give their stock standard answers such as “God answers prayer in His own way and in His own time” or “God won’t test us further than we are capable of standing”. How about those people who cry out for God to help them and their suffering goes on and on and only seems to get worse.and the only way out they can eventually see is suicide. Are Christians then going to say that that person did not have enough faith?

  3. Thanks Lisa, another chocolate out of the box!
    Kim

  4. I WANT TO TESTIFY THAT JESUS ​​IS LORD OF LIFE, THERE IS NO GOD EXCEPT JESUS​​. I HAVE SAVED THE WORLD FROM THE DEAD, I rescued FROM RAT POISON THAT I TAKE FOR MY SINS frustrated with DISHONOUR THAT I HAVE TO DO. JESUS ​​IS A GOOD FATHER. SUBMIT YOUR LIFE AND BELIEVE HIM, HE WILL help you! I witness.

  5. You know God loves you because you are freaking suffering..
    Don’t you know.. when you suffer is when you seriously improve and learn…
    Those who don’t suffer, get everything easy.. how they learn???
    I’m not quoting you from some bible as other christians do.. I’m so sick of how so many christians quote verses all the time.. we all need humans talking to us.. not a book talking to us.. nor a ‘standard format’ regulated answer..
    Just look at your life itself.. life as we know it.. what we want most doesn’t come easy.. what we don’t really bother about seems to come easy.. so what we want most is what we need to improve and learn most.. that’s why we suffer..
    It ain’t material gains that God really bothers us to have.. it’s wisdom, spirituality.. and all these comes from life experience.. that’s when you know God do love you..

    • Really? So God is a masochist? I am disappointed at God right now BUT I REFUSE to equate my pain with a proof of his love. What you state is even worse than what Job’s friends told him. Please, let’s just accept that when it comes to suffering and God’s role in all of this, we know squat.

    • I loved your comment so true every word ” I have learned more from pain than I could have ever learned from pleasure” pain makes us stronger and better people.

  6. I am 57 years old. My mother died when I was three. My father was an alcoholic. I had three different step mothers by the time I was 15 years old. I was sexually molested when I was 8 by a step sister. All I ever wanted when I was growing up was to have a good family.

    I married when I was 22. My wife and I had eight children. We raised our children to follow Jesus. Several of them have rejected what we taught them. My wife died from ovarian cancer five years ago. My dream for my family has been shattered. The grief has been so painful. I have never had to suffer yet with a chronic illness. I have great compassion for those who do. But I have had to suffer from chronic emotional pain.

    It is so hard to believe that God loves you when all your dreams are shattered and you suffer from chronic emotional pain.

    This morning I will share the love of God with about 200 people that will gather to hear me teach God’s Word. I am a Pastor and have been one at the same church for over 28 years. The basis for my trust in God is not what He has done for me lately. The basis for my trust is what He did to save me from my sin. Understanding what we deserve because of our sin and understanding what Jesus did for us on the cross to save us from our sin is the reason anyone who suffers should believe that God loves them. His grace is amazing! He did not give us what we deserve. He has prepared a place for us with Him where there will be no more suffering. These truths are the anchor of our faith in the midst of the storms of life.

  7. God loves you no matter what. You are special, he loves you so much and he doesn’t want to let go of you.
    You are so precious to him and he would never sell you to anyone. God is a loving, caring, great, graceful God. HE LOVES SO MUCH!

  8. So I am struggling with this concept. There has been a lot of pain, a lot of abuse, a lot of betrayal, a lot of lies told about me in my life. It seems that when someone wants to look for a victim, they find me. From my father who beat me w/o mercy to my brother who molested me for 6 years to the school guidance counselor who thought that was funny to a minister who invited me to come talk to him when 6 people in my life died in 8 weeks and then locked me in (old skeleton style lock) and molested me and then said I was psychiatrically unstable and told all his church staff to have nothing to do with me and my then-husband I fantasized “it” to a stalker I didn’t even know when he started stalking me to the supervisor who believed the stalker’s version of our “relationship” after the stalker got a job where I worked and proceeded to harass me without mercy and the supervisor helped him retaliate with a vengeance for filing complaints against him to a concomitant identity theft I can’t help but believe came from the same source which completely destroyed my credit to oh, my God, the list goes on and on and on without end. I have reached the point of not even believing God loves me, He has allowed so much trauma to blindside me in my life. So people tell me God does love me and I need to open my heart back up to Him, but I can’t even find a window or a door any more.

    • I’m sorry for all the sufferings you have experienced. But please don’t people molest you. Why do you let them? Love yourself. Stay away from sins. Ask God to be with you. Let him work on your life.

      I’ll pray for your guidance and strength. God loves you.

      • Hannah,

        I’ve been reading your comments and how you have the nerve to insinuate that people suffer because there’s sin in their life. How can you even tell someone who has been molested why they allowed that to happen to them? Really? Do you know what child molestation is?
        Anyway, you’re supposed to be a Christian, right? So open your bible and read the book of Job, Pay attention to how God was mad at Job’s friends when they implied that bad things happen to people because they must have sinned. Go to the New Testament and check what Jesus told to his disciples, when they asked him if the blind guy was born that way because of his parent’s sins or if the people who died in the collapsing of the tower of Siloe, died because of their sins? I can’t help but being angry when I read you. You spread beliefs which are not Christian whatsoever and just pour salt into people’s wounds.

    • Blessed are those who mourn,

      for they will be comforted

  9. Heavenly Father, You are merciful, gracious and loving. Your compassion never fails. I pray now for my Brothers and Sister and myself who seek understanding about the hurts and pains we have and are enduring. Touch our hearts. Allow your faithful ones to cross our paths to share your loving-kindness and goodness. If we cannot find a window or door for You to walk through into our hearts, create one and enter in. If we can no longer cry out to you, Send someone who will stand for us and cry out. Today Precious Lord, even today give us Your peace. Remind us that there is a place on Your breast for us to rest our heads upon. Let us know that you have not forgotten us and no matter what we are going through, let us remember that we are Your children and You really do love us. Father, we know you have kept us because we are all still here… although at times we may wish we were not. You have made us special and unique and you have chosen us for this task. With your help, You will give us strength to endure. Let us turn aside from our pains for one moment to pray for others who are going through as well. Now with all the breath, strength and courage that I can muster, I PRAISE YOU LORD!!! Amen.

  10. ….Let us remember that You have a plan for all this and when it is all said and done, we will give You all the glory and honor so that Your Kingdom will be glorified in us.

    Fall Into You by David Hodges (featuring Amy Lee)

    It seems so far, that I have gone down this road
    Only to find that it ends
    Looking back there is one thing that I know
    I can’t make it all alone again
    Cause I’m too weak to stand on my own
    When all I need is you

    So lead me, guide me, hold me, hide me in love
    With all that you are, and all that you do
    Hear me, take me, mold me, break me oh God.
    Just fill all of me. As I fall into you.

    Just catch me as I fall
    All this time, I have felt so alone
    Losing myself in my despair
    What loving arms, you were waiting for me to let go
    Of every step you were there
    Cause I’m too weak, to stand on my own
    When all I need, is you

  11. GOD blessed us all we have all have things we don’t want but we still live the life god gave us know matter what we choose to think god blessed us all we all have heart ach but god helps us th rough.I hope every one knows how much they are loved by god the devine I am blessed and I pray you are too

  12. @ Jerry,
    I wept when I read your post. That you could still believe in God and Jesus throughout the turmoil in your life. That you could put your faith and trust into something that seems to elude the majority of human kind. I don’t know why we are to suffer in this life. I think it is a test of some kind, so we may learn from it and comfort and love others. Love seems to be the bond between ourselves as a human race and also, the bond between God and ourselves. It also to me seems to the the bond in everything we do. We all have stories of suffering I think. The one thing that really stands out to me is how much God loves us. Sometimes I wonder, but in the end, I know he does. He loves us so much, he stepped out of eternity into time in the only way possible, which was through his only son, Jesus Christ. He did this so he could experience time and what it was like to be alive and bound by time and be tempted by the evil that exists. Yes, God created everything, although the best theologians can’t answer how, why or when. Love is the key. If you realize that God loves you and you love him and show love to others, then you will have a place to go, when you pass over to the other world.

    Mark

  13. praise the lord !!!
    im was 22 wen i got married from an affair. within 5 months it came to a divorce.i was suffering like in a hell.i tried to suicide i got failed.that man was killing me phisically and mentally, tried to sell me for his friends.god is great now he relived me by getting me the divorce after soo many struggles.
    god is great. love him have faith.he calls to all of us just listen.i knw it very well.

    shelo

  14. I read many of the previous posts about suffering, and they wonder why. The answer is found in Ecc 1:13, it is the experience of evil in our lives that creates humility, also see 3:10, same exact words.

    Satan & his rebellious angelic followers are the least humble of all of God’s creation & often the source of our afflictions, though not all of it. We suffer to learn the humility that Satan & the rebellious angels spoken of in the book of Jude would not learn because they are spirit beings incapable of pain, however we who are now human will one day be elevated to the level of Christ to be their judges.

    To be judges of the rebellious angels we must first qualify for that position, we qualify by suffering as Christ did when he went to the Roman torture stake, feeling the pain he felt. Not all of us will undergo the same quantity & type of pain, but it all counts, none will be forgotten & because of it we will reap the greatest responsibilities in Christ’s Kingdom which will never end.

    Do your best to praise him even if you can find only a small way of doing it & even if it is not deeply heartfelt, our Brother & our Father in heaven know all about it, and they do understand why in our pain we cannot feel thankful toward Him who created us.

    I don’t like my present pain either, I hate it, I tell God about it everyday, but by the day’s end I usually find a way to sit down with my guitar and sing a song like: “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross”. It’s hard to have the desire to thank & praise God for the humility we’re learning, but it’s a necessary step God requires of the entirety of the human race. After this life is over & done & we’ve come into Christ’s Kingdom, we’ll better understand why God made us the flesh & blood humans he did & then our hearts will overflow with praise to our Redeemer for what we learned from being humans so subjected to the pain we suffered..

  15. Then listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p8THfJihuc

    I sit down almost nightly with my guitar & do these two songs, it does give me encouragement that I can sleep better at night.

  16. God may love us, but does it really matter? Bad things happen to us whether God loves us or not. I love God and what Jesus did for me, but I hate the way He does things. I hate that I was not asked to live this life, I was thrust into it; we all were. And now if we don’t like it we’re sinners for not liking it? If this life is supposed to be a gift, then I wish I was dead; this life is a curse. I hate this life that You’ve given me Lord, and I will never be silent about it, so if You don’t want to listen to anymore of this, You’d better shut me up now.

  17. I have had constant back pain for over 10years. Sometimes I feel foresaken.Eventho I tell god everyday how much I love & appreciate this life he gave us.but yet still I’m in constant pain the kids r rude the bills pile ip our viecle brakes down .I take one step forward but end up four steps back why does it feel like I am not loved I just don’t belong. And I no ive sinned in my life but I have begged for forgiveness but never get forgiven

  18. how will know god love when noting works for me

  19. If someone getting desired fruits of his/her sinful actions, God is angry with him/her.
    If someone getting punished for his/her sinful actions, God is happy with him/her.
    If someone getting rewards for his righteousness, God is very-very happy with him/her.
    If someone not getting rewards for his righteousness and getting troubles even doing truthful actions, God is deeply satisfied with him/her, AND is preparing him/her for bigger responsibilty. And the cycle goes ON ….

  20. God loves you no mater what god gave his tuffet battles to his strongest solders

  21. HOW CAN WE p. 7COPE WITH SUFFERING?

    p. 6“Throw all your anxiety upon [God].” (1 Peter 5:7) Feelings of confusion, anger, and abandonment are only natural when we endure suffering or see someone we love suffer. Still, be assured that Jehovah understands our feelings. (Exodus 3:7; Isaiah 63:9) Like faithful men of old, we can open our heart to him and express our doubts and anxieties. (Exodus 5:22; Job 10:1-3; Jeremiah 14:19; Habakkuk 1:13) He may not miraculously remove our trials, but in response to our heartfelt prayers, he can grant us the wisdom and strength to deal with them.—James 1:5, 6.

    p. 7“Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” (1 Peter 4:12, New International Version) Here Peter is speaking of persecution, but his words apply equally well to any suffering a believer may endure. Humans suffer privation, sickness, and loss. The Bible says that “time and unforeseen occurrence” befall everyone. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Such things are part of the human condition at present. Realizing this will help us to deal with suffering and misfortune when it occurs. (1 Peter 5:9) Most of all, recalling the assurance that “the eyes of Jehovah are toward the righteous ones, and his ears are toward their cry for help” will especially be a source of comfort.—Psalm 34:15; Proverbs 15:3; 1 Peter 3:12.

    “Rejoice in the hope.” (Romans 12:12) Instead of dwelling on lost happiness, we can meditate on God’s promise to end all suffering. (Ecclesiastes 7:10) This well-founded hope will protect us as a helmet protects the head. Hope cushions the blows in life and helps to ensure that they do not prove fatal to our mental, emotional, or spiritual health.—1 Thessalonians 5:8.

  22. started to get teary-eyed reading your work. thank you. thanks for the reminder. this was what i needed..

  23. I never feel well, I am always tired, run down, sick, and I have a problem with alcohol that leaves me barely able to function , I have no money, only one real friend in the world, and if it wasn’t for my family helping me, I would probably be homeless one day, But I thank God that I do not have the problems some people do, no matter how hard my life may seem, I still have my family, and a roof over my head, and no serous illness that cannot be healed by sorting my life out, I still have a chance to fix my life, and I am extremely grateful for that.

    I cannot imagine the pain involved with losing your parents, children, wife, husband , or being told you have months to live because of something like cancer. I know people who have been struck down with such things and died very quickly, and I am forever grateful that I have not been tested in this way.

    We need to be grateful for the good in our lives, even if it’s only something very small, we must see the good, or all is lost. We are allowed to be tested , tempted, some people are tested a lot more than others, but God tells us we are never allowed to be tested or tempted to the point where we lose the ability to believe in God. We cannot begin to understand why some people have good lives, and some good people have nothing but tragedy in their lives.

    And I would not even begin to try and understand the suffering some people go through, all I can say is do not give up believing in Jesus, as long as we remember that he died a horrible death on the cross for us because he loves us for all eternity, no matter what happens, that is all that matters, we must always remember Jesus dying on the cross. His suffering was more than any human has ever had to endure, and he did it for us, we must try to stay strong and put our trust in him.

  24. Lisa, thanks for your testimony witness of Gods Grace. I was diagnosed Rheumatoid Arthritis-Ankylosing Spondilitus in 1991. I have tried almost all of the available meds since, Tens Unit, shots in the spinal column to kill the nerves and nothing works. I use fentanyl patch and when pain goes over the top, I take vicodin 10/600. I start everyday with time in prayer and ask God to walk wiith me this day only. The next day I start all over again. God has blessed me to Pastor 3 churches. I have done this for 6 years, and I still feel blessed every day. I know what my Lord did for me. I know I could not have taken what he took for me in the whipping, scourging, mocking, crown of thorns, walking up the hill to Golgotha, and being hung on that cross. If theworld had to depend on me we would all be in trouble. Praise God He rose again, and he Lives.
    Jim

    • Jim, it is always wonderful to hear how God has worked though one’s illness and pain. I am sure as a pastor with a chronic illness you were even more credible to most of your church since they knew you also understand suffering. Thanks for being in touch!

  25. Some of the comments are heartbreaking. I sometimes question Gods love i mean i witnessed abuse growing up battling all kinds of issues others dont violence, addictions heartbreak failed relationships terrible family relationships racism getting kicked out of church dieseae childlessness and possibly jail. So i mean i have seen a couple of good days but mostly bad. Sometimes i just want to quit. Sometimes i trully hate God bc it feels like He wants get me let alone love me. But even if this is how i feel some of this is my fault. Is it fair i grew up in abuse no, am i predisposed to some sins yes. Is it right people reject me no but honestly theres little i can do about my outward circumstances but plenty about my attitude. So life sucks it does..sometimes it really sucks it doesnt mean God doesnt love me those sometimes THATS hard to believe. But i guess by faith i believe and remember this is not my home.

  26. God loves you. I’m going through joblessnes, possible homelessness, illness, and taking care of a twin sibling who has severe mental illness. Oh and Im single, never married, and no children (by choice because I knew at age 12 when my mom was murdered, that life was going to deal heavy blows). I thank God for giving me a level head…common sense and smarts. Ive never abused drugs or alcohol. I never “chose” abusive relationships with men (potential friends or family). God gave me a brain!! AND i used it ever since I was orphaned at age 12! We sometimes ‘make our own hell’ with bad choices. Choose the wrong people to ‘be with’, guess what happens? Abuse drugs and/or alcohol? Guess what happens? Now everything is not our fault. Accepting that we live in a fallen world and bad things will happen to good well meaning people, will get you through these trials. ALSO, acknowledging when you’ve caused your own trials will help put things in real perspective. God is always here. Choose Him always because He has chosen you.

  27. this is for the very truth: i recently felt the same way you did..i had given up all hopes of ever meeting anyone decent..and i am a new widow…but for some reason…i feel as if the lord sent me a man that is so wonderful and kind…in a million and one years i could never have conceived that this could happen to me..i was so giving up on anyone ever coming into my life….and then it happened and we met…and all i can tell you is i wish i would have met this man when i was a kid…and we could have been boyfriend and girlfriend then…and at this age i feel that way with him….so my advise is to never give up hope..cause hope is waiting for you right around the corner…there will be a great woman for you…i met him online and we have been talking for 9 months and haven’t even met yet….that is how respectful he is…there are nice people out there..so don’t give up and just think that noone is out there…its not true…

    • To June, be very careful who you meet on line which is very scarey today. i am afraid to try on line dating after hearing so many horror stories about them, and today we have to be very careful since we are living in a different time now. i was married myself at one time for almost 15 years before she cheated on me which i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much committed to her as well. going out all over again is very hard since i am in my late fifties, and to deal with this mess all over again. but i will just go out and hope for the best. thank you very much for your support, and good luck to you too.

  28. @theVeryTruth: you put out a ‘bad vibe’ with your comment that “women have gotten nastier.” You may lack the insight to find out why women are distant and why they are distant from you. In today’s world, women are treated like sex objects and not like human beings with the same intellect as men. So our guard is up when men approach us. In a world of porn, internet porn, more crimes against women (than ever before) you have to be a bit sensitive to why women have their guard up and NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL and NOT BLAME GOD. Always look at yourself to see how you may ‘come off’ as offensive, threatening, too friendly and in your face, or whatever. When it’s right it’s right but get your attitude about us ‘fixed’ because you will not have a good relationship with a woman if you enter a friendship with a woman with such low opinions of us. @JUNE: Hi. God bless you and I read your story and you sound so lovely. Howeve, I need to say: pretty please be careful with the internet dating/romance/friendship thing. If you’ve chatted with him for almost ONE year and he hasn’t made an effort to visit with you, that could be a red flag. If he asks for money….or you find yourself offering him money…red flag. I have used Match.com and I meet the guy for coffee at Starbucks as a first date and then we go to dinner if we like each other. My rule for internet dating is that we have to meet within a 3 months time or it’s not going to happen. I personally wouldn’t date someone from out of state unless he was able to visit me (on his own dime) and I was able to visit him (on my own dime)…and I’m broke (lol). Anyway…you have these internet men (or Catfish/MTV tv show term) who find out you’re a widow or divorcee and they start to see dollar signs. Please make sure this is not happening to you.

  29. Seeing stuff like this makes me so sad… Is life going to be one big trial???? Do we get no plans of hope or happiness? Im afraid to even ask God for anything else, Im about to rip up my journal and unbargain with God and pretend he didnt hear what I wanted or my hearts desires.

  30. I think that there is a great misunderstanding of God’s provision – which is created by all the hype made by numerous evangelists mostly based on one bible verse/text. Like… God will replace what the locusts have eaten or the robbing God verse from the old testament somewhere, when they need you to [pay tithe – which incidentally is not new testamentary – or the verse that says that what so ever you ask the Father in My name you shall have – etc etc – i can go on and on about this, – but here is the reality of the bibles message – ignoring the many fake promises which keep you in hope but 99.99% don’t become a reality in the lives of God’s chosen people, Christians. Many people have many excuses ready to protect biblical views when questioned on the reason for the bibles modern faith and wealth teachings being none performing garbage.
    1. Life abundant as promised by God is the life hereafter, look around you and see the evidence – trillions of poor – very poor Christian – Jesus followers. – no abundance whatsoever!
    2. God has given you all you need in this life – the better you use it the better you will do in life.

    It is as simple as that.

    The hype is only to keep churches full – yes there are some, but very few miracles, but the general christian does not get any special treatment even if he is the child of the wealthiest and most loving father in existence. So get on with life and stop kidding yourself that life abundand is for this world or those who pray.
    All the hype about Gods love is for hereafter – as for now you are on your own in the devils domain – as long as you believe in the death of Christ on the cross for your sins – you will get life abundant as promised – but you have to wait till you die to get rid of pain and illness, and experience some of the family wealth.

    The last point I must make is the Hope we have We all pray in the hope of an answer in our life, rather sooner than later… OK the inevitable cliche about gods time is not our time will be the reason for non answered prayers if questioned, or any of the other usual cliches you get because no one really knows why you are not answered- we all live in hope from day to day – every morning waking up hoping that today is the day that my life will improve – some with prayer, some without, only to go to bed tonight without an answer – tomorrow I wake up and hope again that today is the day, and so life goes on until we die – but hope has kept us going – without hope half the world will suffer from depression and the illnesses this dreaded state of mind accompanies… so is Gods power not strong enough to overcome the continuous disillusionment of unanswered prayers – there will be many answers, but non I have not heard before – so we pray daily because it gives hope – and hope gives life and live gives a new day for more prayer and more hope fired by more evangelists and so we create perpetual motion.

  31. To Wendy Cat, i really don’t expect a woman to curse at me when i am trying to start a normal conversation with her. Don’t you think? I sure wouldn’t curse at a woman that came over to me to start a conversation with me, so why in the world should i be cursed at when i didn’t do nothing wrong for her to act that way towards me? In fact, i know other men that had this happened to them as well. Which goes to show you how women have certainly changed for the worst over the years. There are many of us men that are still single after a divorce that wasn’t our fault to begin with, and we’re hoping to find a good woman for us this time around.

  32. I want god to come back and my life. I feel like God turn it back on me. I don’t know what to do.

  33. To the suffering and mentally searching people of god I’d like to say the following….One has to remember that the devil walks around this domain in which you live as is likened unto a roaring lion. We live in his domain. We are free from his attacks -here by faith in Jesus and in eternity because Jesus died on the cross to make us blameless before the ultimate judge, the Father in heaven. We will stand before him white as snow – only because of the grace of God who sent his son to atone for our sins which have by His death been removed as from us as far as the East is from the West.
    The major disillusions which surround us in this world are because we believe wrongly – The bible does not promise us a land of cream and honey on this earth – it does say that we will have troubles here, and many are of our own making…believing all that we hear and see – but not realizing and believing that much of it is from the devil – if we would remind ourselves of this and immediately call on the name of Jesus, simply by saying something like Lord Jesus protect me from – this that or the next thing, (the devil flees when he hears the name Jesus – I have witnessed this) AND BELIEVE than He will gladden your mind , many mental and emotional detrimental states of mind will not linger and your general health will be better, as also will your zest for life improve. You will begin to experience inner peace being satisfied that God is on your side… he that is in you is greater than he (the devil) that is in this world.
    Lastly please understand that every decision has a consequence – if someone is nasty to you and you take exception to this it will play on your mind, and it will spoil your day – not the person who did the scolding – God (Jesus followers) utter no ugliness to anyone, so what you have just heard was a momentary (or permanent) devils possession utterance. Remember that the devil is a spirit and can only hurt you by being in a body – he can not touch you in his spirit form – HE HAS TO ENTER A BODY – he does this by entering those willing to receive him and than uses these people whom he has entered to be ugly and nasty to you and me in the hope that we will eventually say – where is the love of God that all this hype is about …. that is exactly what he wants for you to begin moving away from God.
    God loves you, but unfortunately we live in the devils domain he is the prince of this world and for this we have Adam and Eve to thank…. she led him into temptation, and if you are honest – today in this world the greatest temptation in many circumstances of unhappiness in this world remains the women walking around in miniskirts and with a good size cleavage beautifully made up to be attractive etc etc – men are tempted and do things to impress them which may often lead to sin. (Ladies no insult here – you know if you belong to this brigade) Men steal money to buy these women presents – they murder husbands to get to these women… I agree my eyes never miss a beautiful girl can’t help seeing what is right before my eyes, and ones mind strays… for sure, but than think about Jesus who if you would like, will sen you someone equally beautiful externally and also glowing with love on the inside,- but – yes, the mind wonders and the trouble starts much to the pleasure of the devil. God has given you all you need – use it to your own good – the better you use it the better your life will be both emotionally and financially – be honest and make sure people like you for they see love in you… you’ll be surprised the very short time it takes to have clusters of new and beautiful friends – they are many in this world.

  34. I have been praying everyday to bring up my grades up. All A’s. One day i see the grades fall down and i began to suffer alot. It s hard for me to trust in god’s faith

  35. Many people have great difficulty in accepting the fact that our prayers are not heard – at the age of 70 i lost all my possessions having placed my trust in my accountant – who within one year cost me a rich mans income – my business – my stud farm – my private 45ft sailing yacht, 2 brand new Mercedez Benz S class vehicles and all else I had – It has been a hard road – I now stay with my sister who is very good to me, my I have no independence left as a get only a states pension which does not even ay my medicines and auxiliaries- I paid all people as I could and retained my clothe and my name, knowing that 1 day i would need my name to make a come back. The holy spirit is within me prompting me to find a niche in the market into which i can sell things i can make. My business is about to open and i am now 77. I would like to explain a vision, or a dream I had some considerable number of years back. – I too wondered if God loves me why he allows me to suffer so much – I am 77 and am going for yet another back operation tomorrow, but God has directed me to a good surgeon who will make me walk again without constant pain.
    So the dream/vision was that I saw the whole world covered with a type of latex cloud, its was a bit like
    modern day silicone which dries but remains flexible – As i prayed I saw this arrow bounce back from this latex layer showing me my prayer had not penetrated – i prayed and prayed – in my dream/vision, and every time a prayer/arrow hit this latex cloud it would fall to the ground till eventually my prayers/arrows had worn a hole in the latex and i saw may prayer/arrow go right through the latex cloud – This is how God showed me that i must pray continuously as the demon powers intercept every prayer they can to interfere with your communication with your God.
    Wake up every day with the hope that your prayer will penetrate today – know that God wants to answer all your prayers, but it is not that simple as we live in the domain which has a prince – the devil. so stay close to Jesus and you will triumph – GUARANTEED. Write a reply – lets talk about this

    • Thank you so much for sharing this dream/ vision of yours…it really blessed me…lol i hope you dont mind if i writ it own, so i can look at it …read it..when i feel god isnt listening =]

      But i struggle with anxiety. ..i know its a far cry from chronic bedridden illness…but i still wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Enduring to the end is hard …but there is hope.

  36. god has answered my prayers. I feel so much love from him. thank you so much god!

  37. Joe – Here is a christian Dilemma – I have prayed for many many years that i may live without pain – (have had about 5 back operations and been cripple all my life – now it appears that there is a new technology which could relieve me of my pain – after 25 years – would you now say god has answered my prayers?

    • Don’t be harsh on Joe! That’s how we are humans: fickle in our appraisal of God’s love. When he gives us what our heart has been longing for, we praised him and feel loved by him. When there’s a delay in seeing our wishes granted or when we just don’t get them, we feel unloved.
      I don’t know your situation, Hans but from afar, and while knowing that I’m being hypocritical in saying that, my answer would be YES to your question: your prayers have been answered. I, too, hold grudges towards God, especially with regard to the fact that he doesn’t seem to get the urgency of situations. However, I’ve reluctantly come to understand that either I ask him for his grace to go through my trials or I keep on being a bitter, resentful woman who kids herself into thinking that she’s hurting God back by remaining mad at him, when I’m only hurting myself.

  38. I’ve been threw too much in my twelve year life time and every day when I get up I say are you shure we aren’t all ready in hell so I ask myself what is my life really depression and pain is that all it will ever be whats the big plan so thanks for lifting my spirit and giving me hope to grasp on too

  39. TO ARIAN – KEEP THE FAITH IN GOD STRONG AND YOUR REDEMPTION IS NEARER THAN DOING IT ALONE. My Hope remains in the Lord, in him i trust to set my life on the right path believing that every step i take id from Him, and that being so, such step have to be in the right direction no matter what that direction is.
    I have never seen prayers answered instantaneously, but i have seen many people who have prayed and glorified God eventually be happy and fulfilled in one way or another – mostly not in the direction which they themselves had hoped for – but when happiness and blessings come your way who really cares the direction from whence they come or the direction in which they have taken us. BUT THEY DO EVENTUALLY COME -at 77 years of age I am about to open a new business having been able to use all of life’s lessons learned to make sure this starts of on the right foot. Praise God for having given me hope every day and still does for finality and inner peace, spiritually, physically(my operation is on Thursday – 3 days from now, and commercially – I will open my business with orders in hand 2 weeks after my operation before the end of this month (March) NO ONE SHOULD THINK OR BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO FUTURE FOR HIM/HER – THAT IS A KIN TO GIVING IN TO THE DEVIL HIMSELF – HE WANTS YOU MISERABLE AND THINKING NEGATIVELY – Call on the name of Jesus and you will experience the flight of the demons from your life – but blessings are not like instant meals – snap your fingers and whalla – you have a meal – as you believe and begin to see progress your progress will begin to take hold in your life and as you use all the talents god has given you, the better you use these the better you will do.

  40. well, there was a little change yesterday and i felt so happy

  41. Hi Joe,
    Every day is an “Event” if you live it with God/ Jesus as your saviour..
    Knowing Jesus and constantly calling on his name keeps the negatives(demons) out of your life.
    The name of Jesus puts them to flight and when you feel happier know that that is exactly what took place. The knowledge and acceptance that He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world (devil) brings this inner happiness.
    And Joe know that it is a fact… He that is in you is God’s very own Holy Spirit, and he that is in the world is demonic. The good thing is that he (that demonic debacle) is powerless unless he enters a body – so stay away from negative people as they carry the wrong spirit inside of them. stay with people that are obviously happy not because of wealth or some material things, but primarily because they have inner peace.

  42. WELL, God must have favorites, you know, the people who get it all, and by all I mean the good stuff. And there are there who get the leftovers. Or not even those. You must know that you make a mistake, God is not interested in loving you, he is interested in getting loved, read the bible. He is a jealous God, craving attention. And the Swann death of jesus is just another lure to his attention craving, look at me, I gave my life for your sins. Now I do like the Jesus character, he is far more social then the old testament God, but still, it is all about admiration. Even in heaven the souls and angels have to sing Gods glory and splendor all day. Now I know the bible says that God will give you no more then you can bare. But does it have to be the maximum weight al of your life? I mean, half a load would make it more bareable. And some do get a light load while others almost collapse by the weight. So I decided that God doesn’t exist, makes my life a lot easier and bareable. For if their is a God, my only wish is to kill it, or actually, my plan would be for him to uncreate me. (my salvation is liberation from the creator and it’s creation) He hasn’t for I am here. So he doesn’t exist or he has a deathwish. Now I know it is hard to kill a God, but my first plan was uncreation. So I will go to Hell, kill the fallen angels. (what have they done for me?) raise an army from the left souls, besiege heaven, drag God into hell, torture the Hel out of him, And force him to uncreate me, after that all will be back to how it was (for I am no more and never was) with the only difference that I am freed from this insane mongrol of a creator and it’s creations. I’d rather not exist then under this creator. If you like my plan you can do the same to truly free yourself. )O+->

    • Must be the pain talking. I know I’ve entertained thoughts similar to yours, it’s actually scary and quite uncomfortable to see them written. That said, I bind in the name and in the blood of our savior Jesus-Christ, these demonic thoughts.
      God doesn’t crave for attention. These past weeks, I’ve been wrestling with the notion of God’s glory being manifested in everything. I was supermad, I was ranting about how tired I was that everything was supposed to be about him. Then I pondered what Jesus said about Lazarus’s death and how he justified his tardiness by the necessity of seeing God’s glory being manifested. Jesus said that because it is US, the humans, who need to see God’s glory manifested. It is US who need constant signs, reinforcements that what we believe is true. God has said that if he doesn’t need our worship since even the stones could do that if he wanted. The whole creation glorifies God.
      God isn’t an attention-seeker. God is a fiercely loyal person and he expects the same in return. I get that since I’m a very loyal person too. I am not gonna lie, I’ve a long way to go when it comes to being deferential to God. However, I can also get it that he would demand, at least, the same respect and consideration he shows us.

  43. Jesus suffered his whole life. He was mocked, ridiculed, betrayed, lied about, beaten, bruised, stricken, abandoned, hated, and more. He was God’s son. He was loved by God. Yet evil things happened to Him. He prayed for deliverance in the garden of Gesthemane, but God said no. He submitted to The Father anyway.

    If God did not deliver Jesus from all these sufferings and wrongs dealt to Him, yet loved Him completely as He loves Himself, why do we equate suffering with a lack of love?

    Suffering is not the opposite of love. Living a perfect life is not a sign of love either. Jesus warned us that we would be hated and despised. The evil one hates all of creation BECAUSE we are God’s creation. Therefore, Satan will stop at nothing to hurt us, God, and our view of and relationship with God. He has deceived many of us… Myself included. God has shown us mercy in the sacrifice of His son Jesus for our sins so that we may be co-heirs with Christ. He tells us His grace is sufficient and made perfect in weakness. We ought to thank God for our infirmities and pains, for it is by them we realize our own frailty and humanity and our desperate need for a Savior. This knowledge that we gain, is the outpouring of His love upon us.

    So I challenge you, when you suffer… Do the unthinkable. Praise God in your weakness. Thank Him as you ride waves of pain, even agony. Not that you may be overtaken by illogical bouts of manufactured giddiness, but that you may lean upon The Rock. That you may find comfort in the knowledge of His presence, His peace, and His deep abiding love.

  44. I feel so sorry for you. to live with that kind of hatred is poison. Not believing in God ,nothing to hope and pray for. also do you think you are the only person who has every suffered? I was sexually abused from early childhood and grew up and left. I then married a man who was just as sick and abusive as I had ever experienced. I continue to suffer with the side effects of all of this. Forgiveness is so much better than letting the hatred consume me.I pray that some how you might find peace.

  45. My neighbors were satanists and I was abused. My parents were not and I was blessed. I believed two truths under the age of 5: God is good and Jesus loves me. I won’t recant that simple faith no matter the persecutions, trials, pain or suffering. There have been many. Life is very short on this earth. You’re living in the kingdom if you love and follow the King. Eternity is very long. He who has the Son has eternal life. This is the most difficult part of eternal life – your life on earth. Make peace with it. Look up. Your salvation draws nigh. Praise the Lord because He is worthy to be praised. “Though He slay me yet will I bless Him,” the Holy Spirit spoke from my lips and the suicide demons bent on my destruction had to flee. You’re not holding onto God, He is holding onto you. Come to understand the pain He suffers when you have pain. He is the compassionate One. I don’t have any easy explanations for anyone’s pain or suffering including my own, but I’ve seen His tears. I’ve felt His grief. Nothing – “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38&39 His grace is sufficient and it’s enough. Fall back in His arms. I’m encouraged when I read the book of Revelation. Hallelujah to the Lamb! This life on earth and our pain will end, but His mercy endures forever. Your trials will pass but faith, hope and love abide. Look up. When He comes, He’s coming quickly. Be blessed.

  46. I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Well written!

    My web site – cool post (Sonja)

    • Thanks. What I wrote encouraged me. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb, the word of our testimony, and we did not love our lives even unto death. What would I lose to gain Christ? What would I give to know Him? We offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable in His sight which is our reasonable service. That may mean wasting away, chronic pain, a martyr’s death. It may mean fellowshipping in the sufferings of Christ. He is not far off. Press into Him. Look up. Fall back in His arms. Stand on the truth of His life given for you. Do you think His suffering was confined to physical crucifixion and death, public humiliation and scourging, betrayal and abandonment, feeling forsaken by God? If so, there are many who have suffered in like manner. No, Jesus Christ took upon Himself the pain and judgment of every sin ever committed, the pain and torment of all the evil in the world, death – the final enemy – that gnaws away in the weakness of our flesh. He became the curse for us. He WAS forsaken by God. The weight of what He bore is unbearable for any human being. I felt its weight momentarily and I was instantly crushed. Only the Son of God could carry this condemnation on His shoulders away from me. His yoke is easy. His burden is light, no matter the suffering of my days on this earth. I fellowship with Him only in His sufferings. I will not curse Him and die. He knows me in my pain. Hallelujah to the Lamb that was slain! I love Him.

  47. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called DR EBOEHI has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Nisha Benard we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email(supernaturalspelltemple@ gmail. com) then you won’t believe this, when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast. and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my monthly period and i go for a test and the result stated am pregnant. am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great DR EBOEHI for what you have done for me, if you are out there p***ng through any of this problems listed below: you can contact him via Email;(supernaturalspelltemple@ gmail. com

    • to Vera Morgen, about going to a spiritualist to get your husband back and had a child. God acknowledges in the Old Testament that there are some powers associated with the people who practice these things. With this acknowledgement he issues a warning, that if you go to these people for help you will be left out of any help from the One True God. Be careful Vera.

  48. I believe God loves us all that love him and are not Godless to him. I also believe if you see him you’ll always see him, and the miracles will happen to you. I believe that God does not like ugly, but if you are a person who is very askable to be forgiving then yes God loves you daily and always. and that means he loves you as much as you love him, i spend everyday loving and being with god. every of my moment in with god. So my life in in the hands of God, he is my runner.

    To God I love you so much when you read this, your my everymonent love
    Ariel

  49. I have been a born again Christian for many, many years. I know God loves the ‘world’ but I don’t know if He loves ‘Vickie’. I have been through more abuse, trials, heartaches, and rejection than one person can take. I am very angry with God right now. I’m trying to research the Bible and find even one scripture that will shout out to me that God loves me. I know I have to ‘pay’ an earthly consequence for my sins, but why don’t I get rewarded for being the Poster Child for ABUSE and REJECTION?
    vickie@embarqmail.com

    • May I ask, is that rejection means romantic relationship? Have you asked yourself, are those relationships healthy and worthy? Or they caused you to sin, like being lustful, selfish, obsessive? Because if they caused you to sin, then God wont really permit it.He doesnt want you ti be on those kinds of relationship. Do you know the true meaning if love? Pure love without sin? If not, then you have to discern the true meaning of love. After that you’ll understand more…. And you’ll no longer think that you are suffering.

  50. Yes, everyone is suffering. We all suffer differently. I, for example, has experienced suffering that almost caused me to end my life. I hated God. I even said he doesn’t love me and he doesnt exist, because if he does, then why would he let me suffer. Then, when I was about to turn my back and decided to go away from him…it’s also the time that I discerned that he is real. And he loves me. I was so sinful. I was so selfish. And I embraced the material things the world has to offer. He took all the yhings that made me sinful and astray. Those things cant make me happy. And I discerned, that through suffering, we become close to God. And we choose Him over everything else, that’s the time we will be truly happy. Let go, and let God. Hope for heaven. Hope for him.

  51. I know that God loves me because going through all the comments on this post has convinced me of that.
    I have been doubting God’s love for me lately because I can’t seem to catch a break. These past 6 years have been very hard and whenever I think I’m about to see the light, guess what? Things take a turn for the worse. In the meantime, I have friends who go through some tough times, pray about it, I pray for them and their situation gets better. Mine? Worse! So I started wondering if God really loves me, starts understanding Cain in the old testament. Why wasn’t his offering accepted? That was unfair, God has his favorites on earth. So I googled: “how do I know God loves me?” and here I am.
    God loves me because in the midst of my joblessness, my homelessness and me being destitute with tons of debts, he has people calling me out of the blue to check up on me. I am not talking about the close friends you tell all your secrets. No, I’m talking about people I helped or was nice to a long time ago, who are now lending me money, sending me job posts, paying my rents or better yet, lodging me rent free.
    My job search having lasted longer than I thought with no one calling me for a job interview even for positions which don’t require a college degree, I thought that my financial difficulties were the proof of God’s lack of love for me. Yep, that’s how interested I’ve become in my expectations of God. You aren’t helping me find a job so that I can pay back my debts and finally have my own roof over my head, after everything I’ve done for you? Well, this is a non-brainer: you don’t love me. What about divine providence? What about being on the verge of checking in to a woman’s shelter and having a friend and her husband paying for your rent? I am not even THAT close to that couple. That’s an expression of God’s love. That’s God telling me I’m holding you in the palm of my hand, do not fear: I love you because you’re a wonderful creature of mine.
    I had forgotten that when I started reading this page but now that I am at the bottom of it, I’m going to bed convinced of God’s love for me. I might change my mind tomorrow but one day at the time and I’m proud of my current victory over the devil’s lies.

  52. Without pain, suffering & turmoil in life there would be no triumph after a battle to show how one has finally won his place in the heavens.
    without the bad one cannot realize what it means to win the good fight. in any situation.
    its hard to see it when clouded over by the haze of Hades but i assure you. there is always reason.
    don’t lose hope my friend. reach out to those around you.

  53. I have been reading some of the comments and because I see so many who have suffered many more trials and evil than I have, yet I can say I do know a little about suffering. I will tell anyone that it might help my take the suffering in my life, not anyone else’s and I would never try and play Job’s friends and tell someone their suffering was because of sin in their lives. Some of our suffering is not coming from God but just a natural consequence to our choices, but even so it is not a loving God willing it so.
    I struggle from time to time and tell the Lord who is my friend and brother and can take anything I lay on Him feeling wise. I don’t have all the answers but this is what I do know. God loves us unconditionally. He will never leave or forsake us, even when it seems He does. I know that by faith. Those two things help when there are so many unanswered questions.

    I contracted polio from the vaccine at age 4. I have walked on crutches and braces exclusively until age 38. I got used to that and for the most part enjoyed my life and didn’t question the Lord much on that issue. I was diagnosed with Post Polio Syndrome at age 38 and had to retire from work at that early age because of the pain and weakness. Later I came to believe that it was an incorrect diagnosis because in 2000 after two consecutive years I had an illness that I wrongly attributed to PPS. The symptoms were rigors every hour night and day for the first 2 to 3 weeks, then weakness to the extent that I couldn’t even hold a phone to talk on it. This slowly went away over a 3 month period. The next year almost the same time of the year, the whole thing started over again, in the same way and lasted the same length of time. I was terrified that I would get something worse in the hospital so suffered at home alone with this illness. My Mom would bring food over once or twice a day. It was just me and my little dog and sometimes that only thing that would help was to sing.
    I got an air purifier not because of the illness but because my brother suggested that one that his brother in law sold would help with allergies, which I had had growing up to the extreme. I bought it and within 4 months my strength and stamina was back to the same as before the PPS diagnosis or almost the same. After talking with some doctors I came to believe that the problem of that horrible illness, was allergy to mold. I didn’t at the time know how dangerous it was. The air cleaner completely took care of the mold in the house I was living which is a small older home that was once my grandmother’s home.
    I had some good years starting a home business that was starting to take off and had increased in gross income each year from 2004 till about 5 years ago. At that time I developed sciatica on my “good” side. Something I had had off and on but generally went away in a week or two weeks at most. This time though it didn’t leave. I am on my 5th year of constant sciatic pain. Taking pain meds 4 times per day. I always hated meds and avoided them as much as possible, no prescription meds. But there comes a point when chronic pain makes it impossible to have any kind of a life without pain meds. I also broke both of my legs 3 years ago due to a freak accident with my wheelchair wheel not locking properly. It went one way and I went the other hitting very hard on my knees. One leg (the one with sciatica and because of that was numb) was broken in two pieces near the top part of my femur, very near the ball of my hip joint. 5 weeks in the hospital for that including rehab. I have been trying to get back to my home for 3 years. My house needed many repairs. It is almost there, and I thank the Lord.

    Now let me tell you the good things that came out of that. God did not do that, or will that. It is Satan who comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan intended to kill the Son of God to get rid of Him but the good that came out of it gave us all the way to live with God in heaven forever. He paid for the penalty of our imperfection. So it is not about how good I am but about how good He is.

    The good that has come out of the suffering I went through are many and some of them are: I realized who my real friends were, there was an outpouring of God’s people who were there at the hospital and encouraged me all along the way. I knew I had good friends, loving friends, friends that I had actually prayed that God would bless me with. I had specifically asked for Christian friends who loved the Lord. And one by one, this girl who had isolated her own self, was introduced to some of the best friends one could have. A couple were friends from elementary school until now, but I saw their love most vividly against this trial.

    Another good thing is that I found myself being more thankful for the blessings that I do have. We all have them. But sometimes we find it easier to complain. For example. one of my dear friends from childhood who developed cerebral palsy due to doctor error at birth, leaving her totally dependent on her family and friends, dressing, eating, etc, but because of her faith and the faith of her family, she was able to take the one thing that she did have, which was a brilliant mind, and get her doctorate and work her way up to a Director of a whole department at Ole Miss, and professor of Education, as well as author of two books, developed software for Special Ed teachers that sold in her state as well as in other states. She traveled all over the United States talking with SE teachers about her software. She was the recipient of many awards, and most of all she loved life.

    She could have spent her time recounting all of the bad things she had to suffer. In the last few years of her life she was on huge amounts of medication because of chronic pain. Yet, she loved her work and did work until 2 weeks before she passed from the life to the next.

    She was my friend and when I am tempted to complain so far I have found that Satan gets a black eye when I count my blessings. Everyone has some blessings to be thankful for.

    I was never dependent on others to take care of my daily needs and even now am not dependent in that way, and I count that as a huge blessing. I count the fact that this day I have a warm bed to sleep in, I am not starving, I have a lightweight wheelchair making it easier to load and unload. I can drive, I can still sing, I can play my guitar. I have a sweet little dog who shares my home with me. My Mom is 91 and in good health. My two older siblings are friends too and still living and enjoying their life. I can see, I can hear, I have a mind and the ability to write hear on this blog.

    There was a time I recounted in my mind the things that I felt I had been deprived of. I had a loving boyfriend who had wanted to marry me in my college years. I drove him away with my insecurity. I became engaged to a guy who turned out to be a liar, even about some things that he didn’t need to lie about. So I broke that off. So I have no husband, I don’t have the kids I dreamed of having. I could name many things that I have lost or that I could complain that if God loved me He could have given me.

    Honestly, we all have that. But I believe that counting your blessings and praising God in the midst of things that Satan, our enemy, hits us with we can find things, really many things to be thankful for. My little list above is tiny as to the many blessings. No, I don’t know the whys of everything, and I certainly don’t believe what one guy I dated said, maybe God saw something you would do in the future and crippled you so you wouldn’t do it. This is stupid. There are no people on the planet who are perfect in every action and thought. So if God is using illness to keep us from sin, we would all be in various forms of severe disability to keep us from sinning.

    We live in a fallen world. Mankind was sovereignly given the ability to choose. Mankind does not choose right every time, so there are mistakes in labs, so there are tainted vaccines. My wheelchair had a faulty lock, so I suffered the consequences by having 2 broken legs. Satan loves legalism, which would allow a friend to say that maybe God crippled me to keep me from sinning. It is not about sin, it is always about Grace.

    I do not demand anything from God, but He gives over and over. He uses even the bad things that Satan means for evil to bring out good and show Satan up.

    God is good, and I declare it. Not because I have to, but because I know He is good. Since the things that we suffer here will be nothing compared to the good things He has prepared for those who have asked Him into their hearts and lives and asked for His salvation. Believed that His payment on the cross was payment worth the lives of every person living or who has died. The only thing needed is to believe. Believe He loves you. believe that great good can come out of great suffering that Satan means for evil but God uses for good.

    I know this is long winded but there will be at least one who will see my message. It is all about Jesus, His goodness, His payment for our sin, His ability to bring great good out of horrible suffering.

    God bless you all.

  54. Please try and overlook my grammatical mistakes and my spelling. Didn’t proofread before posting. My prayer is that in spite of those things, post below will be used to help someone. God bless.

  55. This is very painful to write…I really don’t have anyone to talk to because the christian friends I have always talk about that faith crap…I was once a believer in faith, but this Lord took it away from me…I lived in a domestic violence relationship for several years…We had children together…When I left him, my life was a living hell..I lost custody of my children, and have been paying child support…He won’t even allow the children to see me… Aside that, I was called to sing for this Lord, and even recorded an album…I feel this is one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made in my life!! I was rejected..I used to be a music minister in the church and was also rejected..I was a prayer warrior, and I got to the point where I stopped praying to the Lord and started cursing at him…I didn’t know I could say so many terrible things to him or about him, but I got tired of all these false promises from him…Everything that was proclaimed to me never came to past..He took my job away from me, even though I have to continuously pay this bum his money for child support for children I cannot see..Here is a list of some of my tribulations, and I will let you know which ones I have been delivered out of…
    1. Lost my children and cannot see them
    2. Recorded a cd ordained by the Lord and lost my job for it…
    3. I continually suffer financially.
    4. I have problem with cystic acne for the past 20 years..
    5. I have a fibroid tumor.
    6. I have problems with hair loss..
    7. I can barely pay my bills.
    8. I ended up with another job, and now it is about to come to an end
    9. I lost my 4 bedroom apt my children and I used to live in…
    10. I have a raggedy car that I can now barely afford gas for, never the less purchase another one..
    11. I keep appyling for jobs and cannot get 1 interview..
    12. I have paid the children’s dad nearly $40,000 in child support so far..
    13.. I have helped other people’s ministries and have paid thithes..
    14. I can barely sleep at night now..
    15. Sometimes I don’t even want to live anymore…
    16. I am always having trouble with some part of my body, losing teeth, green chest congestion, changing in skin color, blurry eyes now, lesions of my face that won’t go away.
    17. Now I have bad nerves..

    I have not been delivered out of absolutely ANY of these trials and tribulations!!! It is sad to say that I cannot testify to being delivered when this Lord refused to deliver me out of these things!
    I still tried to keep going on any way fighting Satan, but a few days ago I went and ministered again..This Lord told me that He will bless me…Well instead of being blessed, I was cursed!!
    My job’s check bounced and took fees out of my bank account…The other job only paid me $100 for a weeks’ worth of work because he just purchased a new house and didn’t have enough to pay me a full check!!
    Where the hell is my blessing?????
    After this, I said to hell with everything!! I don’t want to hear or read any scriptures about faith..I had faith when I went to minster for this Lord and He abandoned me afterwards…I am at the point now that I have no desire to ever minister for Him again! I feel like He is a liar now and all He did was turn His back no matter what I did for Him…I had a better life when I wasn’t a christian, and I was being physically abused…That is how rough I am living now..
    Living for this Lord is a great disappointment. Now I have a need to drink wine coolers all the time to relax me…People who live in drunkeness, murderous, smoke, and fornicate seem to live better lives..I know the word says that “so that a man soweth, he shall reap it”
    I have yet to see the manifestations of the scriptures as well.. I wished I had never accepted this calling, and now I just wake up in the morning going through the motions…I feel there is no purpose for me now and I hate being alive…
    All this Lord did was use my vessel and throw me away afterwards…He put me in all these tests with no blessings for passing them…I hate Him now..I want nothing to do with Him again…I am soooo angry at Him in my spirit now..He has a cold, low down way about Him…He throws me in the wilderness, and just leaves me there…I am tired of Him now…I cannot take this anymore….

    • Michelle, you have suffered greatly and have every reason to be angry and disappointed. I am specifically going to pray for you today. And if anyone else is reading this, please gather around Michelle with me and ask God to heal something in her life. To ease the pain, to send true friends, to provide financially, to provide that huge hedge of protection. Your feelings are valid and I think most of us would be feeling bitter about the circumstances you are in. But I still believe God is more powerful than all of these circumstances. I pray that He will step into your life and show you He is real. I pray for His blessings to be visible. Michelle, you are heavy on my heart today. I know that won’t change things in your life, but please know you are cared for and prayed over.

      • Thank you sooo much for praying for me and letting me know you care…I appreciate this in my spirit…

      • Hi Michelle,
        I’m not nearly as versed in scripture as others who have responded. I read your post though, and felt led to respond. I had a cyst removed from my brain in 2010 and got fibromyalgia after that, my arthritis in multiple areas of my body got really bad. Bad to the point I had to stop working last September. I’ve been in bed practically since then. I have an 11yo with high functioning autism, a 14yo with depression and anxiety and my 25yo married a con man – she’s going thru an annulment so she and my 6yo granddaughter are living with us right now. She’s got a part time job, my husband works construction, and I am on long term disability through my last job and praying for Social security disability to allow me benefits. I have a spinal cord stimulator implant in my back. I’m in chronic pain 24/7 taking morphine and oxycodone and 5 other meds. Before this I was doing p90x for exercise, had lost 70lbs, worked full times and was supermom. I’ve been grieving the loss of my past life – my active, fun life where I sang every sunday with the worship team…leading worship and praise to the Lord with the voice He gave me. People told me it was a gift from God. I used it to serve and to give people the Word through song. I can’t even walk now. I can’t praise now. I can’t go anywhere – I don’t shop, cook, clean, go to anything but doctors appointments. Sometimes I wonder what the plan is – what His plan is – how can I be used if I can’t sing for Him, if I can’t get out of bed.
        But I remember simply that this is *just* this world. We are travellers passing through. As believers we have the promise of heaven. Where there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more shame. There will be a day… it’s a lovely song if you’ve not heard it. I listen to contemporary Christian music. klove.com is my favorite – you can go to the webpage and listen. It uplifts the spirit. The message put to music is amazing. But my point is that sometimes I just need to remember that we are just on a journey here on Earth, and we just need to make it through this life, we have to hold on to the promises to get to the prize of heaven. When we will will meet Him face to face and have all of our questions answered and see true love and have our tears wiped away.
        Much love to you. He does love you (and me, and all the others who have posted)…. and He is walking this journey with us, He is the God who sees. El Roa. He never leaves us and is waiting for us on the other side of the bridge that Jesus built.

      • Barb, your kind words… through all this suffering… Can only come from the Holy Spirit. But you have made the very difficult choice to listen to the Holy Spirit’s promptings and CHOOSE to resist the temptations to push God away or give up completely. Thank you for your wisdom, determination and encouragement–to us all.

    • Michele. Anyone that suffers physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually will have moments of doubt that God cares, that He hears and that He will answer. Most likely all that visit this site have been there. At moments like these all we can do is stand on Gods words. I often have prayed the scriptures back to God. Those are the prayers that will never return void. I challenge you to pray scriptures! Something like….God you promised in Psalms 30:5 that weeping would endure for a night but that joy would come in the morning. 2 Cor 2 Corinthians 4:8
      We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair….(boy have I prayed this one) Something like….God I’m troubled but im not supposed to be distressed….your Word says im not to be in despair….I need some help here!
      Remember….this life is just for a season….we are living now with eternity in Heaven as our goal. Up there, no more sickness, tears, pain, frustration…..
      2 Corinthians 4:8 From the Message bible
      If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. As it is, there’s not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we’re not much to look at. We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus’ sake, which makes Jesus’ life all the more evident in us. While we’re going through the worst, you’re getting in on the best!

      Hope this helps someone. It was a good reminder for myself!

      God bless you. You have not surprised God….you have not said anything to or about Him that takes away his unfailing love for you. I will be praying for you.

      Anita

    • Michelle,
      I am so sorry that life has been so terribly hard for you for so long. I can understand how you feel about God right now. And you know what ? You can tell Him exactly how you feel, He can handle it.
      I am going to pray for you every day. One thing that comes to mind is that I am going to pray that God would bring one or two people into your life to help you out some. You really need a break.
      Michelle my heart really breaks for you. I am glad you wrote in. Now you have these people here who care about you.
      Have you thought about going into the Sunroom here and getting your own page (it is kind of like facebook) there are groups you can join and you can post prayer requests. I will send Lisa a message about that and she can tell you how you can do that easily.
      My name on my Sunroom account is Carol Adams.
      Praying for you,
      Carol

      • Thank you for your prayers..I feel a lot better knowing that there are people who understand how I feel and do care…Thanks for the info about the Sun Room….

  56. Oh Michelle! You sure have suffered a HEAP over your life. I’m soooooo sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of that.

    I don’t have much I can say, particularly with no energy left in the tank, but I’m praying for you now as I go off to bed. (It’s nearly 5am & I haven’t slept yet).

    As I wrote to William above: “Jesus suffered horrendous rejection, hatred, abuse and hurt on the cross for us. So He knows how you feel. May you have some comfort in knowing that someone in Australia is praying for you now.” Lotsoluv Kerryn

  57. Thank you for praying for me!!!

    • You’re so very welcome Michelle. :-)

      I was sooooo excited & encouraged to see so many responses to your cry for help. Special to know that people from all over the world are praying for you! I was also delighted to hear a spark of hope in your responses. May that hope grow each day as Jesus helps you through onto a new path for your life. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn ♥

  58. Michelle,
    I’m so sorry to read of your hardships and great discouragement. I don’t know what to say except that right now I am, as Lisa is, lifting you up in prayer… That God will give you a peace which passes all understanding and circumstances. And that He will remind you in a real and tangible way that you are truly what your beautiful name ‘Michelle’ means… Gift of God.

    • Thank you sooo much…Wow! I didn’t know my name was so special…Your prayers mean the world to me…

  59. Hi, Michelle
    I’ve been in this situation in which I felt abandoned by God. There are times even now in which I feel deep depression. My prayer is that what I have to share doesn’t sound trite. Here is what this experience taught me. We know satan prowls like a hungry lion seeking whom he might devour. Studying the book of Job taught me that there is so much going on around us in the unseen realm that we are never aware of. Could Job have known thousands of years later that his testimony would encourage individuals like you n me? The angels were watching. That is not intended to imply that the things that happen to us are for celestial entertainment. Job’s faith also encouraged angels. His faith proved to satan that love is stronger than anything he could do to us. See Job 1:11. Only God’s love can see us through these situations. We may never know why things happen the way they do but faith, hope, and love remain forever according to 1 Corinthians 13:13 . Paul received 39 lashes on five different occasions according to 2 Corinthians 11, when he worked for the Lord but his living testimony today encourages me to run the race of life as to win the prize. 1 Corinthians 9. Paul got his beatings from his own people , the very ones he was called to preach to. These were members of his community. His comrades and family likely knew about this. No one intervened for him. Hagar, servant of Sarah was forced to bear a child then punished for it and then she was abandoned. God didn’t love these people less. He was present at every tear and lash. Hagar is the only woman in the Bible to give God a name. Each of these people are foundations of God’s kingdom. Jesus, Himself suffered terribly at the hands of human beings he loved enough to die for, which is the entire human race. satan is angry Michelle, he’s rebellious evil and hungry. he has a venomous plan of destruction for every human on this planet. Jesus defeated that but we still suffer the brokenness of a sinful world.Please don’t let satan win. Get righteously angry with him but cling to God. I have lived a very hard life, rejected by my parents, raped by my own father, suffered untold misery and now life threatening bone marrow failure. There were times when I lost faith. I wanted to give up and quit and the only way I gained strenght for one more day was Jesus. I deal with frustration after frustration all the time and I feel so trapped but I know that satan attacks when I am feeling weak, when hurt by life, when hurt by betrayals, when I’m battling the ravages of illness along with medication side effects, when I’m tired and especially after rest. Please hold on to Jesus and don’t give up. Its the only way to get away from this evil predator. You children need your prayers, your love and although you can’t be with them they need you. Praying for each involved now and that you find peace that supasses all understanding , that only God can give. Remember that you are not less, not abandoned, not forgotten. Our enemy will pay dearly in eternity. Hang on. Wrap yourself in prayer and scripture. You have influence. Satan wants to destroy it, wants to keep you from sharing the light, truth and freedom of God. We are at war, spiritual war.

    • I thank you much..Thank you for the words of encouragement…

      • Hi Michelle – I read your reply and immediately thought you know what that is just how it is sometimes in life with things and how do we feel as a result? lousy! You are having a tough time of it. You don’t have to pretend otherwise. I just want to share that you’re not alone in your struggles. There are a lot of us going through them. I personally have got very angry with God myself at times and I even said to Him recently that I can’t even pray anymore without pain (I’m dealing with voice problems as well). I have been suicidal, especially in 2012 when I was getting a lot of brick walls… and I’ve questioned “God where are you?” and “God do you even care? “What is my life about God?” I even went as far as having a conversation with a family member about how not only am I sick of struggling with things but I’m sick of living this life alone and I want to be in a loving marriage… it’s always been my hearts desire since I was little and I’ve never seen it come to pass. I said to my family member from my perspective everyone else gets what they want and I seem to be a glutton for punishment for some reason. Well would you believe the exact same week I’d had this conversation and I was in turmoil inside and really spitting my dummy about everything I was invited by a friend to visit her church. I haven’t been regularly attending church since 2009. I went along on a Saturday night. There was a call for if we wanted prayer. I went up and he didn’t pray for me at all… instead this pastor just said a word over me and every single thing he said reduced me to tears. Absolutely nothing he said was irrelevant to me… it pierced my soul. The reason is that God basically answered me that night with everything I’ve put to Him in my anger and frustration…. he even told me to stop apologising to Him (I apologised every time I swore). I was in awe because I certainly had never been to this church before and my friend didn’t really know how bad I had got with my thoughts either as I hadn’t seen her for some time. She just thought that she’d ask me to join her and her hubby that night so we could catch up afterwards for dinner. So yes it seemed like an insignificant thing at first, but it turned out to be a major blessing. You know what it gave me hope again as God has been listening to me the entire time and he responded. So now I’m still having a hard time myself and I still haven’t seen what was said come to pass…. but you know what I have hope now. I have hope that God knows the perfect time for everything. I have hope that He has never left me or forsaken me even when I thought it looked that way. I hope this is encouraging for you to hear…. I will keep you in my prayers Michelle as things may not look good now but this is a season and God knows that your life is a living testimony. I also have found that from my hardships I’m in a position to understand others so much better than I ever would have previously… and I can share from my experiences. I think you will find this too. If you were here I’d give you a hug… so it’s a cyber hug from me.

  60. Michelle
    I just wanted to say I understand. I have been in the place, and still am, where the things people say don’t matter, it is just me and God and me yelling!

    I have arthritis, and I had bulimia. I had an emotionally abusive childhood – but quietly abusive – no one, still, believes me because my family are Christian and ‘pillars of the community’, my brother preaches and is married to the pastors daughters, etc. I was just getting better from bulimia and I was diagnosed with diabetes.

    I married my husband and moved to America – a Sunday School director – after waiting, doing it the ‘Christian’ way and he turned out to be a paedophile. I left after 2 years of hell (8 years married but 2 years since I knew) Because I left, the church – both churches, in England and America, turned on me and I am still getting abuse from them. I then had a stroke and lost the ability to sing and play my instruments (I played three) which had been the thing which got me through. Losing my voice – I would rather my legs didn’t come back than that.

    I am living at my Dads house now, at 40, with no hope of being able to afford to get out. My family do not acknowledge my health conditions and call me a benefit scrounger.

    Basically, whenever I tell people the whole story, I get the same trite things spouted at me. They don’t understand that I used to be them. I know the ‘answers’ backwards. I didn’t ‘lose my faith’ – I didn’t move, God did. I actually lost my faith in people, not God, though I don’t understand God.

    So heres where I am….I think God is there, and I think what we believe about Jesus is true. I think that God is so much bigger than we think, and we can’t always make sense of it because its so mixed up with what people or our experience have said. I think you have to find how you express it, your truth, and not just accept that you are not good enough because you don’t do it their way! I’m, like you, tired. So I am trying to start from what I have – the mustard seed if you like! I will post a poem which I wrote (I do that lol)

    This might not be greatly positive but I get the feeling you want real, not positive.

    Ruth x

    • That is definitely what I am looking for: The Real…I thank you for being real with me..I now know that it okay to get mad at the Lord sometimes…These “christians” where I live make it seem if you get mad at God you are going to hell for it! But the devil is a liar!!
      I look forward to reading your poem…

      Michelle

    • Thank you for sharing, Ruth. For opening up the wounds and allowing us to be encouraged knowing we are not alone. Appreciate you taking the time to encourage us all.

  61. PS. I forgot to mention to you Michelle….. & anyone else…. if you want to join the “Sunroom” then go to the top of the page & click that word & it will give you instructions of how to join. Hope to see you there. Lotsoluv Kerryn

  62. I’m not sure what more I could add to this conversation. I feel for Michelle and for everyone who has shared their stories. I’m in tears. THIS is what Christian sister-ship is about. THIS is how the Holy Spirit, indwelling in each of us, works. THIS is what it means to be honest and transparent and ready in a time of need. That we might never feel alone (because we are not), that we might not walk through the hardships of life feeling desolate, and like no one else can understand. THIS. I’m so blessed to be part of this group of sufferers. Because we can share in a small part with Jesus…and in a big part with one another.

    Michelle. Don’t you dare give up the fight. Print this stuff out, read it tomorrow and again and again. The Father works through others in submission to Him and through you. I wrote a blog post just yesterday ….if you feel like going to look at it (click my website link if interested)…often God teaches me through my writing. Yesterday I needed to remember that He’s not done with me yet. And with each thing He strips away, I’m becoming more the person He needs me to be and more reliant on Him and the more I am…the more He’s lifting me. Carrying me. I need that hourly.

    You are in my prayers.

  63. God must of being trying talk to me last night in my room i could not sleep right I felt something in my heart was warn around me i was watching a christian video on youtube this man was preaching about something it just came to my mind i was still holding on to something in this world that i should not have in my room other things as well its like if he tell me go out and preach the in to the world telling me were to go to give out Gospel tracts you cant serve two masters at the same time and i understand why Jesus died on the cross for me i am going to change my mind to turn to Jesus and live for him whatever what he wants me to do he has in his plans for me i just want to walk with him in the light every day with my hold faith in him its better not have anger around me i must show the lost How God can change parson i do belive in that i used to attend a programme called friday addictions programme its run by layton kelly they are born again christians its in their church its called lifegate baptist church in Dublin i come and go its hard to stay in groups i just to talk to one to one to a parson but they are really caring people that i came cross they are so bizzy helping other people to get off drugs taking them in to a home i feel from the start God was maybe tell me 2012 this is the place for you, the other baptist church i used to attend he tried to help me but kept falling to Satan hands with women and lust in my heart and anger as well the pastor was nice but i couldnt get on well with him i dont know why he did look out for me one day i seen him with tears coming out of his eyes i seen him praying for me i had i fall out with him one day just came back to make peace with him now i struggle with my faith in God i would well and couple of weeks i would fall back in to sin and going back to my own ways again but this i am going to change becouse Jesus is coming back very soon i dont want to be left behind and there is fear in me a lot and i dont want to going to hell thats why when you Replyed to me i read it over and over again what you said why jesus died for me on the cross for me Thank you Kerryn Wright for ur Reply to me and for ur help to me i wish all the in the future i hope see you in heaven.
    God bless you and your family as well.

    • Oh William! That’s AWESOME!!! Praise God for this wonderful gift of faith for you.

      I’m quite teary reading about what happened for you!! Thank YOU for sharing about it. That is God’s beautiful blessing & joy that I prayed for you. Now you can see that God really answers prayer & wants to show you how much He loves you!

      Be encouraged. God will help you in this new turn around that you’re going through. There may be tough times along the way, but ask God to show you the paths to take and He will…. often in surprising ways.

      You have really encouraged me too William. I wrote those few words & prayed for you that day when I little energy & was feeling really ill. It goes to show that God’s strength is poured forth often when we are at our weakest, as we have to rely on Him more in those times.

      I pray that God will show you what church to attend & where to get your spiritual nourishment. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
      PS. The Rest Ministries Sunroom is a great place to find friendship, encouragement & prayer. There’s a button at the top of the page to help you join it. There are amazing men & women of faith there that you can connect with.

      • Thank you for the reply back i know some times i feel God wanted tell me something i but i couldnt be sure, last year i was out with drive with two friends when i got to the beach i walked looking around looking at people if he saying preach the gospel to people here who were lost so when i got home that night saying to my self i must do this i can feel the next day Satan did not want me to do this so i forgot all about it a pastor told me satan will do anything to stop any one from preach the gospel to people when you think of the lost they dont know were their going my heart goes out to the lost when they turn down a Gopel track chick publications. are my fav.
        I could just feel at the time God may have speaking to me saying this is the place for meto giving out Gospel tracks to people on the beach
        Kerryn Wright enjoy the rest of your day
        God bless you

  64. William, you clearly have a gift of evangelism. I pray that you can find a good Christian mentor who can pray with you & help you develop that gift in evangelism. Time for me to sleep now. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn

  65. I dont think i might not be in the book of life and place in his kingdom I read something about unpardonable sin in a book God will not forgive men who blasphemy in the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiving looks like i am doomed and i feel its over for me becouse i have blasphemy in the holy Ghost in the past so many times every day in my life true anger

    • Hi William,

      It’s worth doing some research on this before you decide that you are “doomed!” Satan would love to have you feel defeated & deflated with that idea, as he loves to destroy faith. Don’t let him do that to you!! Tell satan to “get behind me!”

      It’s worth researching on this subject William. Of course it’s really important not to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, but there’s a lot more to this than that. Here’s a link to get you started.
      http://www.apologeticspress.org/apcontent.aspx?category=11&article=1218

      There’s heaps about it that you could research. Ask God to guide you in this. I pray that these few words will be empowered by the Holy Spirit. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn

      • Hi Kerryn Wright i checked it out about this unpardonable sin i ask this pastor in my town i dont know him i just met him the street he said i could never get back in to Gods plans to much sin in the past and with blasphemy in the holy ghost other churches only try to make people confort and happy he said pastors and never up front and honsty its looks like its over for me with a Reationship with God i could be wrong about this whole thing its better if i did give up on my faith my head its melted so stressed out about

      • William, there is no such thing as “too much sin in the past” to get back to God’s plan. I know for certain there is never “too much sin” to get back to God. As far as His plan goes, we can certainly make choices that change our lives, but God can turn anything into a blessing and use it. It is Romans 8:28. Do you know of any good Bible-based churches in your area? You need a pastor with some sound theology. It’s okay to question someone’s opinion. And even if you don’t know the Bible inside and out yet, God can still provide discernment and wisdom.

  66. Hi William.

    You sound exhausted! It’s at those times that I simply rest in my Abba Daddy’s arms to let Him refresh me. Sometimes He wants us to stop striving & searching & rest with Him. “Be still & know that I am God.” It’s like in the story of Mary & Martha. The best thing we can do is be still with Him & listen to His words of Life.

    Remember that you are not God, so you can’t decide whether you’re
    going to heaven or not – that’s His job, not your pastor’s or your job!! I pray for the Holy Spirit to be poured afresh upon you with His peace. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn

  67. I was told this guy is from a Seventh-day Aventism i never heard of this church this young christian woman told me and she told me i should be growing in the seed of the lord not to be holding my faith back and the her partner the guy told me the book i was reading its from Judaism christian thats were i was confused if God was not so evil to me i would not be so angery at God in the past in the bible it said trust God thats what i was doing i am not perfect i feel sorry for people who walked away from God and went back to their own life maybe God is the blame for mess and thank you for all your replys back to me and Support and prayers i signed up to this site its hard to find friends on it i dont like adding people i dont know i just wait for if they want to add me as a friend.
    God bless you Kerryn and your family take care

    • William, it’s important to check out the background of churches & authors of books you read. Honestly, there are many out there that have some very warped ideas about God. My husband has researched the background of some churches that are of serious concern.

      I’ll leave a message on your page in the Rest Ministries Sunroom. I’ll suggest a group you might like to join there that has a fun section & a prayer section of the group. They are wonderful, loving Christians, who can help you with some of your questions. Some have been Christians for longer than I’ve been alive & there’s even a couple of pastors in the group. Hope that will help you. I won’t respond on here any more, but instead you can contact me in the RM Sunroom. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn

  68. William, I wrote something above to Michelle…. and I’m going to re-post it here for you to read.

    ……..
    I’m not nearly as versed in scripture as others who have responded. I read your post though, and felt led to respond. I had a cyst removed from my brain in 2010 and got fibromyalgia after that, my arthritis in multiple areas of my body got really bad. Bad to the point I had to stop working last September. I’ve been in bed practically since then. I have an 11yo with high functioning autism, a 14yo with depression and anxiety and my 25yo married a con man – she’s going thru an annulment so she and my 6yo granddaughter are living with us right now. She’s got a part time job, my husband works construction, and I am on long term disability through my last job and praying for Social security disability to allow me benefits.

    I have a spinal cord stimulator implant in my back. I’m in chronic pain 24/7 taking morphine and oxycodone and 5 other meds. Before this I was doing p90x for exercise, had lost 70lbs, worked full times and was supermom. I’ve been grieving the loss of my past life – my active, fun life where I sang every sunday with the worship team…leading worship and praise to the Lord with the voice He gave me. People told me it was a gift from God. I used it to serve and to give people the Word through song. I can’t even walk now. I can’t praise now. I can’t go anywhere – I don’t shop, cook, clean, go to anything but doctors appointments. Sometimes I wonder what the plan is – what His plan is – how can I be used if I can’t sing for Him, if I can’t get out of bed.
    But I remember simply that this is *just* this world. We are travellers passing through.

    As believers we have the promise of heaven. Where there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more shame. There will be a day… it’s a lovely song if you’ve not heard it. I listen to contemporary Christian music. klove.com is my favorite – you can go to the webpage and listen. It uplifts the spirit. The message put to music is amazing. But my point is that sometimes I just need to remember that we are just on a journey here on Earth, and we just need to make it through this life, we have to hold on to the promises to get to the prize of heaven. When we will will meet Him face to face and have all of our questions answered and see true love and have our tears wiped away.

    Much love to you. He does love you (and me, and all the others who have posted)…. and He is walking this journey with us, He is the God who sees. El Roa. He never leaves us and is waiting for us on the other side of the bridge that Jesus built.,

    God is not dead. I think you are reading the wrong books. Read the bible. Listen to praise music if you find the word too hard to read, again…. I hear the word better set to music. klove.com

    • I will only believe in God when he bring the Dogs back to my door step they were taken off me for no reason the dog warden conned my dad i was not their i was ranging that day my friend had to try and came me down he will pay for it i am going to hurt his family so bad were it will hurt them in their heart my friends know me what i am like even the police too if someone mess with me i dont let it go.this what dont understand if God is so loving wouldnt u think he would get them dogs back i was onece a christian not anymore i trusted God that he will take care of me in life i understand trials that he was loving i dont believe God if their is God i have no time for him no more i finised with him for good i will never let this go and me go out in to the world tell people that God is loving i would tell people the truth the pain he put me true i wont forget it as long i live if this nutter of God is real he is evil. some day i am going to burn the Bible fake. .

      • God is not a vending machine William. To say you will only believe if He does this or that…. that isn’t faith, it’s bargaining. If you’re not Christian anymore, may I ask why you are on this site? You are obviously not finished with God. How can you be angry at God if you don’t believe there is a God. He doesn’t put us through pain, He walks with us through the pain. And honestly, if the worst of your issues is losing your dogs…. I am not sure you’ve read other people’s posts here. People who have been molested, raped, homeless…. people who live in pain every single day from chronic illnesses and have not turned their backs on God. You can choose to do that – but posting here that the Lord is evil and the bible is fake and you’re going to burn it…what is the point of that? Do you expect people here to say yeah, we agree? No, you’re not going to get that here. If you want to play victim, that is your choice. I suggest you re-read the posts, go to klove.com and listen to some music, actually pray- and not ask for anything, but be grateful and thankful for what you do have, that others do not. If you truly believe the bible is fake, and God is not real, than I (and I’m sure others here) will pray for you and for your soul. But that is all we can do for you. The rest is up to you. I’m not sure why you would spew that garbage here other than to look for pity. You want to choose to be angry at God for what you believe He has done to you? I could do that too – I could kill myself over the pain I feel every day…. I take morphine and oxycodone to control the daily excruciating pain. But God didn’t cause it lol – He helps me get through it. If you believe in good, you have to believe in evil. God is good. Satan is evil. You might think about getting that straight in your head. I’m sorry, but your post makes me angry. It is selfish and self defeating and if you want to play victim you can do that on an atheist board. This is a place for encouragement and understanding that we can help each other to understand that this world is temporary and we as followers of Christ are promised heaven, where there will be no more pain. That Jesus suffering is the bridge that connects us back to God… He died for our sins. If you do not believe that, if you think it’s fake and God is punishing you then you are not reading the same book that I am. Or you’ve not read it at all. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but maybe someone needs to be harsh with you. Your post is childish – I won’t believe in God til He does something for me? What have you don’t for God lately? Are you reading the bible daily? Do you pray daily? Do you serve in a church or in some other way? Do you tithe? Do you help others? What are you doing to encourage others or be in some way of service to God? All I hear is you whining about what God has done to you – not thanking Him for what He has done FOR you. Like the fact that you are alive for starters. That you’ve had any good thing in your life. Any and all good things come from God. If you’ve had one good thing in your life it’s from God. If you’ve never had one good thing in your life I’d suggest it’s because you’re not following Gods word. That’s your choice and no one elses. If you live a Christ like life blessings come. I may be in pain all the time, but I am blessed with a family who cares for me. I may not be able to walk, but I have a husband who loves me. I may not be able to sing at church any more, but I have a computer so I can listen to worship music. It is up to us to see the blessings. If you can’t see them, then you are blind. And you are choosing to be. I’m done now, my hands hurt from arthritis. But I am tired of hearing God-bashing. He doesn’t deserve it. God is good, all the time. Stop being selfish.

  69. When will people do as Jesus said to do? Ask for the Spirit of Christ to be given? Do you realize that you are you, Jesus is Jesus… and that the Holy Spirit lives in you? Now, do you know the Holy Spirit is not JESUS? Jesus and the Holy Spirit are united… but Jesus is not the Holy Spirit… WE MUST ASK JESUS TO COME INTO OUR TEMPLE BODY AND IF YOU DO THIS AND SEEK HIM.. THE POWER OF GOD WILL REVEAL JESUS IN YOU AND TO YOU.

    HE WILL show HIMSELF TO YOU. YES HE WILL. READ JOHN 14:21

  70. Hello Kind People,
    I started my search yesterday with “Lord give me peace” I am not able to trace the links in the browser history that brought me to this site and discussion. So I can only conclude that God led me here?
    First off I want to say that you gentle Christians that have shared your stories here are some strong people – strong in the Lord and otherwise. I thought I had physical, financial and social problems when I started the search. I am astounded by what you, collectively and individually have endured. And still holding on to your faith that God gave you as well as giving to and trying to help
    other hurting souls.
    I try to remember that Jesus said “In this life you will have tribulations, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.” And Paul said “Let patience have her perfect work” These are just words to me at times. At other times I can find the truth and comfort in them.
    I want to share what I believe is the chief reason that we endure such misery in this life. — Satan (who does not know the Lord as we believers do) thinks that he can spoil our testimony if he can keep us down, poor, sick and depressed. In putting these troubles on us, it would seem that no one would want to accept the Lord and his salvation if things would remain bad in their lives or even become worse! Little does he know that these ‘tribulations’ bring us closer to our Saviour. We are daily, hourly in prayer for ourselves and others for our pain gives us compassion for them. If everything were rosy we might only think of and communicate with Him on Sunday. I want to stress here that this is NOT the Lord’s doing – the misery. However our relationship with Him is reinforced by our shared suffering as another person pointed out in an earlier post. He only tried to warn us. “They have hated me, they willl hate you also.” (paraphrased – find the ch&vs) later.
    My story: I am 68 and suffering from arthritis and badly in need of dental work. (That will be attended to after my husband finishes his medical treatments.) Praise Report — 10 years ago I had a heart attack. A shunt was implanted in my heart which I found out years later was defective. I recovered from this surgery virtually without meds after the ones the Hosp. donated to me were gone. A few years later, saw a Cardio Dr. who repaired the original shunt, implanted a second one in my heart and one in the carotid (sp) artery on left side of my neck. I am now not taking any meds for this condition. Couldn’t deal with the side effects and am doing fine without them.
    My husbands ‘medical treatments’ consist of chemo-therapy treatments which have been going on for over a year. They really knock him for a loop the next week after the dosage. Then he gets up and tries to go about his regular duties. He has lost a lot of weight & strenght, losing his hair for the second time and has gone through the gammut of emotions. The Drs are not giving him a very good percentage of survival rate. I keep telling him that there is a higher authority than the doctors. He feels that he may not be deemed by God to be worthy of healing. I know, I know. Jesus is our worthiness, but he has been taught by family members in a way that I do not believe.
    We have had problems with grown children. Just recently a blow up with my husbands son led us to seek the help of the court and local law inforcement to protect ourselves and our home. My sons — I have not seen in some time due to their drug problems and crimes which support these additions.
    We are raising the daughter of one of these sons. We have had her in our home since she was an infant. She is now turning 15. Has dyslexia, asthma, some minor ailments which is a miracle due to the fact that her mother did Meth. all during the pregancy. This girl is the JOY of our lives. Normal teen, but not rebellious. Sweet, active in Church, lots of friends & and most of the staff at
    school love her (The ones that don’t, we pray for.)
    Finances are tight. What’s different from many Americans today? Nada. I realize that this whole post has turned into a Praise Report and counting of my blessings. Thank you for having this forum. I now understand why our Lord led me here. I have been looking quite a while for a place to share with other like-minded Christians. However, didn’t think that was my search around 4pm
    yesterday.
    I will be praying for all of the lovely people who have posted here. I read them all – not archives yet. I see different needs. Lord knows the exact help that we need. That is how I pray, for what I see-perceive, then ask God, in the name of Jesus to give them what they Really Need. lol, Check to the Power as it were. Please pray that my husband is healed of the cancer.
    Has anyone investigated/researched the gate of Strife whereby we may let some evil into our lives. This is interesting to me.
    I will stop here. Thank you again, and God bless.

    • God bless you and your family young lady…I pray for your husband’s healing in The Name of Jesus! Before Jesus ascended back into heaven 40 days ofter His Resurrection, He told His disciples “All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.”
      Isiah 53:5 says “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon Him, and with His stripes we are HEALED!!”

      • Amen ! I agree and accept my husbands healing in the name of Jesus. Thank you Father and thank you Michelle for praying for us. Lord bless you.

  71. Margaret, I am so very sorry the suffering you have experienced and I don’t ever pretend to think I have had a difficult life and fully understand suffering. I don’t know why God has allowed you to go through all that you have. but I also choose to share what part of my sufferings I share online publicly.

    Just because people write things online, such as I do, does not mean this is the extent of difficulties they have gone through. I believe, through it all, life is hard, but God is still good.

    And I look forward to my future in heaven where there will be no suffering. If I did not have this hope, I don’t know how I would get through this life on earth.

    I always assume that each person is suffering. when someone is late for a get together, when someone speeds past me and swerves in front of me almost causing an accident, when someone like yourself shares your heart and reveals the pain they are in–I always assume there is much more to their story… And most of it is painful.

    Life has been far from even being “fair” to you and I don’t understand this, but know that I will send up a prayer for you today–even if you believe it will not do any good. And I thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and share the hurts in your life. When we bottle them up and put on a happy face, it can cause us to even experience more pain–since everyone assumes we are just fine. Thank you for your honesty.

  72. I can relate a bit of what you’re going through. All I’ve been wanting, longing and praying for is a 2nd job just to stay afloat financially but am barely lucky enough to get an interview, let alone a job. Apparently I’m too old and over qualified and too much job experience that would have to be paid for. I’m caring for my 85 yr old mother who is in frail health, my house is in need of repairs that are about to wipe me out financially and delinquent property taxes and liens that are going to put my mother and I out on the street. How am I of why should I have faith in a god who seems to want me living in my car that is on its las leg. I sometimes think that my mother is delusional because she remains having faith while we’re basically being dumped on in life but then my m grew up very poor so she thinks that we’re living well.
    Been having a very hard time feeling any love from god and am questioning if god exists for some but not for every one or does god have his faves. Have a lot of questions but not any real answers

  73. The word became flesh, God willingly came in the form of fully man, to become just like you and I to show the very people who He created that He was willing to suffer the most horrific death known to any other person on earth. He was marred more than any other has or will, after He was betrayed by His friend and disciple, denied with cursing by Peter who said he would die for his Lord, and the priest the men of God, plus the 70 people who were scholars in the word of God, the san hadron, plotted and lied and bribed the very same people who once were calling out Hosanna (the God who saves) were now calling out crucify Him. They beat Him, spit on Him, plucked out His beard, scourged Him with leather straps containing pieces of glass, nails, lead weights, that turned His back and legs into hamburger. Then they brought Him inside where a King was to rule, placed upon Him a purple robe which speaks or royalty, then drove a crown of thorns upon His head, mocked Him, bowed down on the knees and worshipped in mockery, placed a sackcloth over His head and told Him to prophesy who it was, as the took turn punching His head with the first. After all this they nailed His hands and feet with 9 inch nails, placed a sign above His head stating this ….is the King of the Jews, sent to save them. These unthinkable acts did not kill Him… Jesus the Son of God could have at anytime just spoke the word or motioned to the heavenly host to stop all of this, but He did not, why? Because there was more to come, at that moment every individual sin of every person that had ever lived, was currently living, and all those that would come after.. yes that’s right you and me, even the person who doesn’t know Him, He laid upon Him every individual sin, this is unspeakable, indescribable, He saw the depth every persons heart and removed all the evil, the hate, the painful things that hurt others, even the greed, all the way to us thinking that we don’t need Him in our lives. And yet this did not kill Jesus. Here is where His love is revealed to those the unreachable, His love is defined by His mercy. The only thing that Jesus could not endure was to separated from the only One He had always been with, His Father, and at this time, a holy and righteous God could not look at was sin, God is light and where there is light there can be no darkness, when Jesus willingly laid upon Himself every sin that has ever been done by all of humanity, it was then His Father had to turn away from His beloved Son, this is when Jesus heart exploded in His chest, This is when Christ died for you and for me, and when the roman guard pierced His side after death, blood and water came forth, thus is the same thing that happens when you were born, Jesus was birthing you and me out of His side, Just like Eve came from the side of Adam to become one flesh. He blood was shed so that you and me can enter into heaven and stand before and all loving creator, and a righteous and holy God, where no sin is allowed, Jesus takes off His robe of righteousness and wraps it around you, He takes off His Crown, and places it upon your head, and then He says to you, sit on My throne before My Father, and in front of all the angels and every heavenly host. This He did for you, the pain you feel, the suffering you go through, is gift giving to you to draw you to share in His suffering, as the enemy (Satan) and all the fallen angels, the daemons, that are constantly trying everything to lie to you concerning this present suffering that an all loving God could never allow suffering, if the very pain you feel draws you to the loving arms of your dear Savoir, so that you may know Him and believe on Him, so that you will spend eternity with Him, how do you view this, as love? Or would you want to find the savior of your soul on your own? When you share with your Savoir in this way, it is then you will see you have the same Father, because now you have been born from heaven, not Adam, this is the reason for the cross, His Grace reaching down to a hopeless soul in times of great difficulty so that His grace will find you, and you will then see, He reached down into your life and turned it upside down, and nothing in this world is attractive or fulfilling, the longing in your heart, is to hear your loving father say to you I sent My Son to suffer and die, and trade places for you, so that you would never taste death, but have everlasting life, now and throughout the ages to come. This is when Jesus will cry and marvel at your faith in Him, and this is when Satan is silenced, in your life, victory comes when we eyes to see this, yes you must die, die to self, and live, live unto Christ the One who already went to the grave so that you will live Eternally! Let Jesus become your life, every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess, for some it will be too late, for you His promise is, no greater love than to lie down your life for the life of another, by saving others, you will find you will save you own, it is His promise, Come to a fountain that will wash away every pain and heartache and suffering that you have ever experienced, and let your Father replace it with love, joy, and peace, you must be touched deeply by God to see the Lamb who gave Himself for you, no greater Love, its Love from heaven, not love that the world offers. Come and see…..

  74. Through suffering we are cleansed. Ask your self if you are embracing all or any of the 7 deadly sins- lust, pride, anger, greed, sloth, covetousness, envy. We suffer because it’s a reminder that we are committing these sins. Now try to delete these sins from your life. Cleanse yourself. Be a child of God. And when you did it, you’ll see, and realize how happy you can be. You’ll have peace, joy, kindness, love, gentleness, forbearance, self control. And you’ll be happy. Do your part as a child of God. God loves you. He doesn’t want you toembrace sinfulness.

  75. I’m sooooo sad to read of the tough times you’re going through William. That sounds really hard.
    There’s not much I can say, except that I’m praying for you now. Jesus suffered horrendous rejection, hatred, abuse and hurt on the cross for us. So He knows how you feel. May you have some comfort in knowing that someone in Australia is praying for you now. Lotsoluv Kerryn

  76. Thank you for keeping in your heart and prayers Kerryn Wright
    from R.Ireland

  77. You’re welcome William. Praying for moments of joy & blessing from God in your day today. Lotsoluv Kerryn …. from Australia.

  78. To Aaron Chase,
    Seems you have told the story very well. I commend you.

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