How do you trust in God and His plans when you are losing all you have worked for? What you love? Laura explains. . . one moment at a time.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to You. You will seek me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’” (Jeremiah 29:11-14)
My career has ended, the retirement parties are completed and the gifts and well wishes received.
I was fearful this day would come after leaving my job several months earlier on a medical leave. I barely made it out of the school on my own that day–so wobbly and weak. I had hoped I would be able to return to work, but in my heart knew I probably couldn’t. My plan was to work many more years, but as I have recently learned God has other plans for me.
That day was surreal. I remember almost every moment–from driving to school while listening to my favorite band on a CD; to walking in the door to get my key. I remember sitting in my office with tears streaming down my face as my principal edited my goodbye note to tell parents I was going on leave; to the last two boys I counseled who were having friendship issues.
I remember specifically asking God out loud, while talking to my friend, why He would take me away from a career I had dearly loved; where I had the opportunity to help so many children; a career I was good at and had enjoyed and thrived in for 23 years? I’ve received no answer to this question and perhaps have no right to ask, but I believe I must trust in God, that God is compassionate and knows that in our trials we strive for understanding.
He and I have had several challenging conversations throughout my illness. When my body first began to fail, I was pretty angry with Him. I never stopped believing, but I walked around for about five months mad. I think that is alright, and I believe it is part of this process of grieving what we have lost and accepting what is to be.
There are times where some of the anger resurfaces. We are human after all and the Lord knows this and loves us despite our flaws.
I am starting a new chapter of my life. It is a bit odd to say I am retired at my age, and I’m not totally comfortable with this yet. But I admit, I know it is the right stage for me as I was unable to continue in my career. I am unsure where this new journey will take me and am not always patient, but I try. I do know, however, that regardless of what happens, I will trust in God and that He is with me on this ride.
Prayer: Dear God, thank you for helping me to accept the changes in my life. I know there will be challenges that arise as I become accustomed to being retired. Please, Father, help those who have to leave careers or make other changes they are not ready for find peace and direction in their new future. Amen.
About the author:
Laura Seil Ruszczyk lives in New York with her husband and three kids. She recently retired from her job as an elementary school counselor. She is writing a book about her struggles with dysautonomia _ a neurological condition in which the autonomic nervous system breaks, affected such things as blood pressure, heart rate, breathing and temperature regulation.
How have you learned to trust in God in times where you have had to make life changes that you really did not expect, but had to do as a result of your chronic illness?
Yolanda Adams always touches us. We hope this song “Still I Stand” touches you today as she sings about pressing on through it all, including the tears. We hope it is a nice reminder that you can trust in God.
Laura, my heart aches with you as I read your story. Sometimes things really ARE hard to understand. I want to encourage you, that yes, as you said…He IS with you. I pray He makes that very real to you somehow day by day. It’s my prayer that with each new morning, He showers you with the strong assurance that His mercies for you are new with each sunrise. That is a great comfort to me in my life.I certainly have not arrived in this, not by a long-shot. I often struggle with it as many of us do. I often don’t “feel” it, I just have to throw myself on faith that ultimately He won’t fail, even in the things that don’t make sense.
May the seeds you planted into young hearts in your years of service grow into beautiful flowering lives. Your touch on their lives in that special season will not go in vain in God’s plan and purposes. I really believe that!
May blessings and a strong sense of His purposes at work in you be poured out in ways that you never would have dreamed possible, dear one. Gentle hugs, BeBe <3
BeBe, Thank you for taking the time to write. I love what you wrote about the children I worked with. And yes you are correct, sometimes we have no idea or don’t “feel” where God is taking us but have to trust in Him that things will work out. God Bless You. Laura
Laura:
My situation is a little different in that, after training as an R.N. (and graduating from Bible College), I had only a short time to actually work as a nurse. I worked part-time during the school year and full time in the summers to get through college. Then I enjoyed nursing newborns for the three years my hubby had left of his post secondary education.
Since we took on our first pastorate, I have not worked, for health reasons. I’m thankful to have had the knowledge to do some health teaching informally through the years since, but I still miss the “hands on” patient contact.
One of my greatest joys now is to write devotionals for Rest Ministries and to encourage women with chronic illnesses online or in person. I’ve come to know and be encouraged BY many beautiful people through this.
God bless you as you continue with your transition. I’m sure the Lord will show you ways to use your life experiences and faith in Him to touch the lives of many. As you are with your devotionals.
Laura – I can relate to almost all that you share. I, too found myself taking an early retirement from my teaching career which I loved with all that is in me I had worked for 9 years with my challenges ( different from yours ) and an early retirement option was offered state employees by our governor. I had 27 years in and felt I’d teach forever. God gave me immediate peace to take the option which could only have been from Him. I was 49. That was 20 years ago and the adjustment was hard at first. I really hit a brick wall and for months was in a state of dismay. That was when I had to return to the place where God’s peace had filled me. Like you – I was facing the grieving process but I remember the moment when my thinking turned a corner – when I realized that God had a wide garden and He was only changing the place where I was to serve. I know that He will do that for you, too. I don’t know exactly where God will have you but the skills you used as a counselor are certainly ones that will transfer well and He will direct you. It appears that He already has with your working on a book!
I am grateful your wrote this post. The feelings you express are ones that many who find their lives changed dramatically because of health reasons have faced or are facing. Many will relate to your words.
With care,
Lynn
so glad you shared about your illness/experience. (mom of 2, possibly 3 with dysautonomia)
Beth _ how wonderful that you could use your nursing background to help others and now write for RM. Thank you for your encouraging words.
Lynn_ I love how you write God has a wide garden and only changing the place where you serve. I am finding that true in this short time.
Sue Anne _ God Bless you as you raise the two _ and possible three _ children while dealing with the challenges we face with dysautonomia.
Laura, THANK YOU for sharing from your experiences & your heart.
My experience is all too similar to yours (& Lynn’s). 19 years in Special Ed teaching in a primary school (ages 5-13 here in South Australia). Gradual decline to the point of collapse, necessitating leaving my career. I’d been told many times that I had a “gift” for assisting children & parents through the maze of education, in ways that these special children could manage & enjoy. The whys, the anger, the grief, the shock……it all happened……still does at times! Amongst it all the Lord whispers his words of love, carries me gently, rocks me calmly & patiently listens…..sometimes for hours!!! LOL! Who else would do that?! What a loving, gracious & merciful Heavenly Father we have.
Thanks again sweet Laura. Bless you in your new journey…..a new chapter in your book of life. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Thank you for this reminder, Laura.
Jer 29:11 is such a verse to treasure; 5 separate friends quoted this to me within 48 hours of recently being suddenly told my mission career had ended.
I’m so grateful for the knowledge that God is in this – even when it doesn’t make sense to me – and that He has even greater plans than I could dream of. He has proved that already when I was first hit with illness, so I know I can trust Him even as health issues appear to again thwart my plans and steal my dreams.
It’s encouraging to know others travel a similar road and face the same obstacles.
Anne – I was just doing some writing re: Jeremiah and the ending of this oft quoted ( and so helpful ) section of Scripture.
“. . .14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back) from captivity, I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
God does not cause our afflictions but we surely can feel in exile as we get used to living in the “new land” but nothing will thwart His plans. Our own? Yes but then He gets the joy of bringing new dreams to us – if we can keep our eyes and hearts open!
And yes, we are great traveling companions – that is for sure!