“But I liked my plans!” What happens when God’s plans are different than your plans? Christy shares her story.
“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” (Hebrews 13:5)
For years, I had grand plans for a successful life. I married my husband at the age of 19 and was at a place where I was going to finish up my doctorate in marriage and family therapy and have a private practice helping people. Life was moving right along–personally and professionally–until the day I was told I may have a rare brain disorder.
My entire world was yanked out from under me as I tried to process what the doctor had said. I had always heard life can change in an instant, but never thought it would happen to me. As tears trickled down my face, the thoughts that ran through my heart were overwhelming.
I am now over 3 years into the diagnosis and have finally come to terms, for the most part, with the life God has for me–which means letting go of my plans. I had to give up school, teaching Sunday school, and my job. I have had 5 brain surgeries and enough tests that I probably glow fluorescent yellow. I continue to have spinal taps frequently.
It is often during my most difficult moments God reminds He will never leave me. Precious person, today is the day for you to take a step back, inhale deeply, focus on God, and remember He has been here since the very beginning. God understands what we are facing and knows perfectly how to handle every situation.
Take today for what it is and remain faithful to our Creator who promises never to leave or forsake us. There will be days you feel like you are at the end of your rope, but it is on those days you will be able to look back and see your best spiritual lessons have been learned.
Dear Heavenly Father, We come to the Throne of Grace and thank You for Your promises. Sometimes our ability to remember them become overshadowed by the circumstances we are facing in the moment. Please help us to hold on to the promises You have given us and to look for a miracle in each day. In Jesus Name, Amen.
About the author:
Christy Sparks lives in Northeast Florida with her husband, Billy. She worked for a non-profit social services agency for several years prior to her diagnosis. She has chronic idiopathic intracranial hypertension and fibromyalgia. Christy has had 7 surgeries, countless tests, and ongoing spinal taps to control the spinal fluid in her body. Her focus since diagnosis has evolved from one of “I must be successful” to “Lord, I pray for the grace to get through this life and to learn all you would have for me.”
Have you ever had a situation where you felt your world was knocked out from under you? If so, what was your immediate response to it? Did you wonder, “what will happen to my plans?” Or you hold on to the promises of God? Which promises do you hold closest during your most difficult life moments?
This is a video of the group Blue Tree singing, “God’s Plan.” It has a beat to it and though some people may think of it as less of a worship song, this is the kind of music we like to put on when we have to clean the kitchen or take a walk. What do you think?
Christy, you write such a clear message for us today – clear because you have lived and are living what you share.
I know that many of us struggle with the life altering plans – our own plans – that changed so quickly. That God is our one constant is what I cling to.
I remember the shock when given a cancer diagnosis. It took a time but when I turned inward to the flicker of God’s Spirit ( I was in too much shock to see or feel more ), He was faithful. He literally “talked’ me through 2 Chronicles 20 and assured me that the battle was not mine, but His and that He’d be doing the fighting if I but stood firm in Him and let Him work. The same message and promise has applied to many other areas of my life. I know that same can be said for you and what you are facing and also for our other readers as they face their challenges, as well.
Bless you and thank you for all that you shared!
Lynn
When I was about the same age as you were when you got diagnosed, I was in my last year or two of college, I was planning to go on and get at least a Master’s degree, and become a science teacher. I also figured I would be married and would be well on my way to starting a family by the time I turned 30. Well, God had different plans. I wound up having hundreds of epileptic seizures over the next 15 years or so, and eventually had to give up driving and working because I couldn’t rely on my brain to be stable.
Now that I am in my 40′s and my health has gotten much better, I can look back and see how all that did make me stronger. The interesting thing is that when I moved out to the area I live in now, I joined the choir at the church that I attend, and a praise band that has formed there as well. It’s enough of a miracle that I am even able be up there at all, the fact that I have those opportunities to stand up in front of people and help carry the message to them through music is just incredible. I liked the video, incidentally, it’s like a lot of the songs we have done in the praise band I was talking about. People in the audience really seem to respond to things like that. There is a perception that worship music has to be quiet, contemplative, and dull, and Christians are like the church lady that Dana Carvey used to portray on Saturday Night Live. Remember King David in the Psalms? He writes about leaping and dancing for joy in the Lord’s presence, and celebrating with drums, cymbals, and all kinds of musical instruments.
thanks for your encouragement Christy. It is a blessing to know other people feel the same with illness.
rhon.from australia
Christy – thank you so much for your words of encouragement and strength. It amazes me when God uses Rest Ministries or other blogs/virtual communities to connect me with others who “get it”. I spent my life a performance-oriented uber-perfectionist. A mystery illness derailed my plans of a PsyD in pediatric psychology when three years into my program I was just too sick to go on. It’s been 12 years since I first got sick and 8 since I had to put aside my plans and accept God’s. He has been good and transformed me in a way no “Dr.” title ever could. Ironically I too have CSF pressure issues and part of my connective tissue disease involves chronic csf leaks. My blog is surrendertheday.com if you ever want to connect. Haven’t posted much recently due to a flare up of symptoms but I hope to put some new posts up soon! Thank you for sharing a bit of your journey with us – it makes a difference.
Stephanie – thanks for the link to your blog site.
It is always good to have another spot to share thoughts.
Lynn
Christy: It wasn’t so much a diagnosis that altered my hopes and plans for my life, although I’ve had several of those. But when I had completed 6 of my 7 years of post secondary education, I had an emotional crisis and knew I needed help desperately. I went to my family doctor, who gave me some medication. Then, after my marriage about a year later, my condition deteriorated and I began seeing a Christian counselor. For decades the medical profession thought I was suffering from anxiety and depression (which was true), but finally a psychiatrist discovered I had attention deficit disorder. Because of a common side effect, I can’t take medication for this.
(I chuckled when I saw the picture above. I feel like I’m a slow person in a fast-paced world.)
God has given me the opportunity to get excellent Christian counseling and I have been able, by His grace, to cope much better in recent years. And that’s despite the fact that chronic physical illness has been added to the ADD. Every day is still very difficult.
Knowing the Lord is with me is one truth that keeps me going. Also, that He’s at work in and through my life, using His plans and my suffering to do that.
I thank you for writing this and sharing it with us. It’s such a blessing to know we’re not alone, even if our illnesses may be different.
May God bring blessings, day by day, into your life.
Lynn: As usual, your comments are encouraging and helpful.
Luv ya,
Beth
i can so relate to this! i had big plans for my life but i was diagnosed with a severe kidney disease at 22, a year after i was married. it took me several years before i could let go of my plans but God has always been faithful and created a new plan for my life (which was probably His plan all along). i encourage you to stay strong in Him and to keep sharing your experiences thru writing. God bless you always!
Thanks Christy! Hugs to you & all who’ve shared here & understand.
I can honestly say God is amazing in His support of me through my changed plans through illness. With tears streaming down, & in honesty, I can cope with me & my illness, but I often ache for my middle son. He had his life altered dramatically through illness at age 17……no more school…..no more elite level sport…..no more lead role in his jazz band…..no more Youth Group leadership. Now 6 years on, we are very close through our illnesses & understand one another well. I continue to pray for the “normal” things a Mum would want for their son…..including health!! Lotsoluv Kerryn