Oh, how we long for sleep–real sleep. Lisa explains the struggle that comes in not getting enough.
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety,” (Psalm 4:8).
The reception desk at my doctor’s office has a plaque that says, “Don’t take your worries to bed. Give them to God. He’s up all night anyway!” How I long for sleep. My body craves peace, rest, and deep sleep. No matter how much time I spend in bed, however, I never seem to feel renewed, for sleep that does come does not provide extra energy the next morning.
One of the most difficult changes to adjust to when you have a chronic illness is the fatigue that accompanies it. It is a constant struggle to push through life. I never take for granted any energy I may have, for sleep is something I rarely experience as a tool for refreshment. I will see how many dishes I can put away while I wait for toast. I never leave a room without something in my hand that belongs in another room. But regardless, I am still tired.
“Exhaust” is from the Latin root word which means “to draw out.” Yes, I feel like everything has been drawn out of me. I feel used up. It used to scare me to think that I would never know the level of energy I once possessed, but now I have settled into the fact that fatigue is my new normal. Just this week I have been more tired than usual and part of it is because I have had physical therapy two mornings. Getting in the shower sooner than usual exhausts me and driving, then doing the therapy, and driving home. While some may think, “It is just an hour-long appointment! How tired can it make you?” it is the culmination of all of the requirements to get there and get home.
My eyes crave darkness and stillness, but then when I get it I cannot sleep. While my emotions may long for the warm comforts of my grandmother’s quilt the reality is that it’s too heavy. And perhaps it is hardest to accept that, even if these longings were fulfilled, I would still awake wishing for more sleep, never feeling refilled. I want to fall asleep and awake feeling like I did “before illness.”
Fortunately, God understands this desire for sleep and renewal. The Psalmist David says, “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety,” (Psalm 4:8). We have a God who will protect us, not only from harm, but from becoming spiritually exhausted and lacking renewal. Victor Hugo reminds us, “Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
God is always awake! Especially at 3 AM when I am awake again. No matter how tired I am, night comes and it is so hard to sleep. He understands the craving we have for peaceful sleep. I pray that He will provide that for you tonight. Regardless of how little sleep we may get, we can certainly feel a peace that takes away our heaviness of heart.
Prayer: Despite the pain, the insomnia, and the worries that come late at night, I can find peace in knowing that You will never leave my side, God. You are right there right beside me, wanting to encompass me in Your arms. Amen.
About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.
What do you think of when you hear the word sleep? Frustration or refreshment? Weariness or renewal? Do you long for sleep and yet when night comes you struggle to get to sleep or stay asleep? What do you do at 3 AM when everyone is sleeping but you?
Wishing for sleep? Here is over 50 minutes of relaxing Christian instrumentals on an album called “Experience Rest.” You may want to listen to a snippet of it now, and turn it on your computer to play tonight when you can’t get to sleep. In the comments section it tells you how to download the audio file to your MP3 player too!
Oh Lisa, you have read my mind, or my heart. I have had 2 weeks of a few hours of sleep at best. Like you said, I never feel rested either, I don’t think I have for the 23 years of this illness. But these past few weeks I crave sleep. Crave quiet. I want to crawl into a fleece cloud where nothing touches me, and I can sleep. Isn’t it strange how a comfy quilt feels like a heavy weight?
I have a cassette tape like yours, it is called the Peace tape. I will have to dig it out tonight.
By the way, yes, physical therapy exhausted me also. I was glad when I was done with mine in the spring.
Soft hugs and Prayers,
Sandy
Why is it comforting to read my story through someone else’s pen?! Thank you, Lisa, for causing my heart to smile. Somehow it gives me energy for today. You are loved!
How amazing is God? I’m a new freshman in college and was just diagnosed with Crohn’s disease over the summer, even though I’ve been sick for the past few years of my life. Sleep is nonexistent for me. When I get the opportunity to come home some weekends all I do is sleep to try and catch up on it, but I never feel refreshed. Last night when I got home I was having a bad flare up on top of an emotional breakdown. I was crying to my wonderful and understanding mother about how I just can’t do it anymore. I’m so physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained and exhausted all the time. After finally getting to sleep, I woke up to an e-mail about today’s post. All about sleep. God hears our cries and cares for us. Even if we feel no one does. Thank you so much for sharing this because God has without a doubt blessed me from it.
Refreshing sleep…..what is that? Yep…hearing you Lisa. So well written.
Just having a shower exhausts me for the day, so I have that the day before the appointment! What do I do at 3am when everyone else is asleep? Come onto RM & “chat” to my friends here! I praise God for RM…..it’s saved my sanity at night. Counting my blessings as I go to sleep helps me. I have also learnt to “zone out”…..I’m not asleep, but lose track of time with my eyes shut & resting. Hugs to all. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Oh, Lisa, How I can identify with you. Glad to know I’m not alone. Somebody understands because you experience it too. I’m out of touch with so much of life and very little social life because of health issues lack of sleep contributing to the cause of them for many years. Or probably the health issues are a cause of the insomnia. It’s a vicious circle. One only God understands because few people I know do and I so love that verse of scripture in Psalms 4:8. I pray God will strengthen and encourage you and give you a good night’s sleep tonight.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. With heart failure I am get increasing periods of exhaustion and breathlessness. The latter combined with sleep apnea sometimes cause difficulties with coping and can make me feel panicky in the night . Though prayer helps, my doctor encourages me to take a diazepam tablet and I find even a half one enables me to cope with the problem, but I don’t suffer pain like you, and I try not to rely on the tabs all the time as i don’t want to be hooked on them.
There are few other people in our church who have sleep problems so if we can’t sleep we pray for each other
God bless you in all you do, in Him , Stuart from UK
I really needed this devotional today. It’s been one of those weeks of falling asleep some nights, but waking up a few hours later – then comes the tossing and turning. Two nights I’m not sure if I fell asleep at all. Nonetheless, I like the rest of you put our best foot forward to see what God will in us and through us that day. Thank you for the devotional because it reminds me that God is laying there next to me in the darkness when my mind won’t shut off and I can’t go to sleep.
Ah, Mary Beth, I am so glad it as you needed to hear at this moment, I can imagine how hard it must be. I went back to college soon after my diagnosis with RA and it was sooo hard. fortunately, I had professors that understood, but I felt like I was just in a fog all the time, either from pain or lack of sleep. My heart goes out to you.
lisa, you hit the nail on the head! i used to feel sad when i saw people rushing around, doing errands, having fun without regard for pain etc. i long ago accepted that would never be me again, as long as i have illness. a few months ago, i had a very energetic day and remembered why some people find it hard to keep still!
when i can’t sleep late at night, i might get up and do stretches, clean out a drawer or scrapbook. if i can’t do any of those things, i talk to God and count my blessings, and remember people who have been in my life who made a difference for me.
thank you for writing this, and for everything you do!
Lisa, I am just now catching up on all of the wonderful bible verses and articles that you keep sending each and every day. You are a savior to my crazy world each day. I need to slow down and make sure that I get on the computer each day and read what you have sent. I know it would help to reduce my stress if I did that. But oh every day even without a list I feel like I have to do do do and the next day I don’t have a clue what was so important that it had to be done then. I have trigeminal neuralgia which is stress makes it flair more than when I do rest. I fall asleep instantly at night but a couple hours later I can be wide awake. I am going to start just getting up and reading some of these wonderful people’s stories and I know it will help to relax me and get me back to sleep. NOT that they are boring at all-just speaking about Jesus, God, Our Savior is so relaxing. Thank you so much for all you do with this ministry! I have told many people at work about it and given them your site address so they can go on and enjoy all of this too. Hope you are feeling better soon! Can’t wait to get my copy of the Invisible Illness Week since I work during the times that it was on. I plan to share it with my coworkers after I have listened to it AND hopefully use it with my Support Group. Thank you again for EVERYTHING you are doing!