Fireproof – A Good Valentine’s Rental Movie

Fireproof is an amazing movie that was out in 2008 that set records for any independent film. Starring actor Kirk Cameron, heplays a fire chief and a man who is well-respected by those in his community. But his marriage is nearing the end. It’s not because of an affair with another person, or some dramatic event that takes place; but rather because, day by day, both spouses take one another a little more for granted and move away from each other than toward each other. Both are searching for validation of their emotions and even simple appreciation.

Despite the fact that the movie was at the theaters two years ago the ministry of this movie continues to impact lives and change marriages. They have set up a Fireproof website specifically for Valentine’s Day review can hear the author made some of the love dares that were completed in the film, send a Fireproof e-card, or listen to one of their hit songs from the film and download it–John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the FIREPROOF Soundtrack CD.

Here are 8 reasons I believe every married couple who copes with chronic illness should see this movie:

1. The dialogue is real, as if the writers were hiding behind the furniture of living rooms around the world and eves-dropping on actual conversations, arguments and threats. Let’s face it… real fights are most often about who has done the dishes. You won’t find the typical Hollywood lingo in this film like, “You had me at hello.”

2. The burden of care-giving is addressed. The “wife” in the relationship has a mother who has recently had a stroke. The expense of the medical equipment she needs, like a wheelchair and a bed, is shown in this film, something nearly always overlooked in your typical movie. Though this situation may be dissimilar to yours, it’s helpful to see illness and its impact on a marriage acknowledged as a stressor in a marriage relationship.

3. It will make you laugh. Just because the emotions run deep enough to bring on many tears in this movie, doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself laughing through those tears at times. Even if your marriage is “perfect” and you think you don’t need a boost, it’s a move night to share with your spouse just for fun. The firehouse crew is and the little things the actors do, where you see yourself, will bring smiles to your face.

4. It tells both sides of the story. Whether you are the spouse who is trying to make your marriage work, or the one who just wants out, you’ll find many of your emotions and fears represented. Though the husband in this film is made out in some cases to have been the one with some “problems” the wife isn’t without room for improvement in how she treats her husband either. A surprise twist at the end will leave you with a reminder that no one is perfect, regardless of how they may appear to be.

5. It’s packed with real life scenarios, including those of a fireman. This isn’t a cheap flick with a strong message, but a strong film that happens to have a solid message. If you love those “edge of your seat” movie scenes when you are eating popcorn as fast as you can get your hand to your mouth, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re a woman, you can rest easy that there is plenty of “guy stuff” in this movie that won’t make your man feel like he’s at a chick flick.

6. Kirk Cameron yells. Okay, maybe not one of the top reasons to see this film, but watching him lose his temper and kick a trash can may just leave the men (or women) in the audience feeling like they aren’t being judged of silly behavior or lost tempers. Most of us have had a situation where we’ve wanted to please our spouse and their response made us want to go kick something, right?

7. It provides a tool to take along. The book “The Love Dare,” which the actor works through to win his wife’s heart back, may seem more like a way for the movie makers to make an extra buck. It’s not. In fact, all actors worked for free. The book is rather a way that you can take something tangible away from the film and literally start applying it to your own marriage. As my mom and I left the theater the guys beside us exchanged words. “I guess I have to go order my wife some flowers now… but it’s going to cost me a fortune!” “Hey, weren’t you listening. It doesn’t matter how much they cost.” The great thing is, if you’re on a budget, expensive flowers aren’t required; it’s the actions.

If I was a Christian counselor I would hand couples the DVD (when available) and tell them to go watch it together before our first appointment.

A nice plus is the “behind the scenes” honor that actor Kirk Cameron gives his wife by keeping his own promises: he vowed to her (despite being an actor) to never kiss another woman. So his wife was flown in for the kiss at the end of the film, where she stood in for the actress. He’s been married seventeen years, is the father of six children, and a strong believer in Christ who is not ashamed to proclaim it. That makes me want to listen up to what he has to say. He made the rounds before the film released, including spots on the Today Show, Dr Phil (9/25/08) and many more and he has done well. Despite some over-eager or even rude (names not mentioned) interviewers, he has represented Christ well. He’s come a long way from the posters on my little sister’s wall!

And on a side note, you may be interested to know he founded a camp over twenty years ago, Camp Firefly, for chronically ill children and their families. (Go, Kirk!)

As the founder of Rest Ministries which serves those who live with chronic illness, I firmly stand behind this movie as being one of the best to impact a marriage. It may be the two best hours you give your marriage since the day of your vows.

Lisa Copen

PS: You may also be interested in this: Focus on the Family is putting together a “special marriage seminar on February 27 that your church can host. The Focus on Marriage simulcast conference is Saturday, February 27.” Stephen Kendrick, author of Fireproof and The Love Dare is one of the guest speakers. You can attend at a church near you that offers this event via satellite. Find a location near you here at FOTF’s web site.

 

Special Interview with Renee Bondi

Reprinted from HopeKeepers Magazine 2004

I was having a ball with wedding plans; my music program was a huge success; I was blessed to have had the opportunity to travel and see the world; I had friends and family to love. My life was full, and I saw nothing but blue skies above,” she writes in her book The Last Dance But Not the Last Song. But in May 1988, after a romantic weekend as a prom chaperone with her fiancé, her life would take a dramatic dive—literally.

She went to bed filled with innocent anticipation of life ahead, but awoke “diving” off the foot of her bed. She simply remembers being in mid- air and thinking, “Huh?” and then hitting the floor. Filled with searing pain in her neck and shoulders, she thought, “I’ve really done it now. . . I’ve got a real kink in my neck.”

Later at ICU, however, the doctor would tell her, “You’ll never walk again. . .” and he would be right. That night, Renée became a quadriplegic, having no feeling below the top of her chest. He also told her, however, “You’ll never be able to sing. . .” —and he would be wrong. He didn’t know Renée, her fierce determination and passionate spunk; nor did he understand her faith that would propel her forward through any challenges she would face. Today, Renée has sold over 100,000 albums and she travels throughout the United States singing and speaking for Christian conferences, church events, and youth rallies. But the closest thing to her heart right now is simply being a wife and a mother, miracles that she acknowledge astonish her daily.

I arrived at the church to meet with Renée a bit frazzled, as my directions were confusing. I had also read Renée’s book and I was experiencing a sense of nerves at meeting this inspiring woman. I no longer wanted to sit and just interview her; I wanted to have a relaxing cup of coffee and chat about how she had encouraged me through her honest and raw written words. I started out my conversation with her laughingly sharing how much I related with her frustration of not being able to wear cute, feminine shoes. It’s those little things that make one feel an instant bond.

Despite our surroundings of being in a cubby-hole behind the stage where she would perform in a few minutes when she spoke it was Holy Ground where I would sit with her. Renée’s deep faith and daily surrender were immediately evident.

HK: Many people find losing more abilities the hardest part of living with a chronic condition. How do you get through tough moments?

RB: I’ve often wondered what would it be like if I had something like MS where I wouldn’t really know where I’m going to be in a year. One may wake up tomorrow with some paralysis or dysfunction. At the beginning we felt that way, but after fifteen years, I know what I have is pretty much what I have. I know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don’t have the fear that you may, unless I don’t take care of myself. What has helped me over the years is knowing that with God I can handle anything.

I didn’t have that confidence when I was young, but now I know that I can get through anything–including being confined to the wheelchair– because tomorrow is another day and it could be better. I don’t want to sound like a Pollyanna at all, but I know I’m not going to stay this way forever. I can even have this outlook with the worst case scenario: let’s say I get a pressure wound that gets horrible and infected and I get a staph infection and die. . . Still, it’s not horrible. I will go to Heaven where I get to dance again and run and play and be able to use my body. What most people would call the very worst scenario isn’t bad.

HK: I think that describes the “joy of the Lord is my strength” because a lot of people would say tomorrow could be worse.

RB: And it could be, but you’re not doing yourself any favors.

HK: You’ve had some time where you’ve been bedridden for months. What kinds of things get you through these lonely times?

RB: I think what you can do when you’re having a bad day, rather than being depressed about it, is to go ask yourself, “What can I do to make this better? Am I taking care of myself? Do I have the right medical care and attendant care? Have I made good amends with my family? Do I have a relationship with family members or are they estranged? What changes can I make myself?” Rather than dwell and woe about my life, I need to really ask myself, “What can I do?”

HK: You’ve found a certain peace by having a ministry from your experience. How would you encourage someone who is in deep pain, but still waiting for God to reveal His purpose?

RB: I think it’s really important to know that God does not waste our suffering or pain. I had been through junk, pain and suffering, but others wanted to know, “How do you smile in that wheelchair?” It allowed me to share and question, “How do I?” I was able to realize that God was using everything I had been through for a larger purpose. So I would encourage people to help others in their pain because (a) it helps you get out of your own and put your focus on somebody else; and (b) it gives you purpose to live with the pain.

HK: What’s been the most surprising thing about being a mom with disability?

RB: How quickly my son adapted to my disability. He was only about 12 or 18 months old. . . He needed to get out of the crib and I would calmly say, “Daniel, I’m going to help you get out of the crib. Be very careful and listen to mommy. Grab around my head and hold on tight. Do not let go because mommy cannot catch you. Mommy cannot catch you.” And he’d grab around my neck and climb out and crawl into my lap. How he got out of that crib and onto my lap was amazing. I was so surprised.

HK: I think that’s very encouraging for us moms to hear. Many of us are even more nervous than an average mom about how our child will adapt to different abilities we have.

RB: Oh good. Yes! I was very nervous about the infant stage. Very nervous.

HK: If you could reshape how a church reaches out to the disabled community, what would be your vision or your dream?

RB: Some churches are doing an excellent job, but I think they are far and few between. I think that’s something we as disabled people should take on. We ask ourselves, “What do I have to offer to society?” and this is a huge job —to come to our pastor or parish advisory board and say, “What are we doing really to minister to the disabled? Can I help? Can I start a Bible study for the disabled? Can I make sure we have an accessible church? Where can we sit comfortably? Not all together, for example. If I’m disabled, how can I sit with my family?”

It’s absolutely important not to go in with a hardened heart and with an attitude of, “You owe it to me, you’re my church!” But rather offer yourself to be part of the solution. Don’t be an angry, bitter, demanding person.

I would love to see everything accessible, Bible studies that speak specifically to suffering, and signers for hearing impaired at all services, and my absolute dream would be to have a disabled person on staff. I love the fact that many churches have disability Sunday. Sunday school for children. That’s so hard and I understand why it doesn’t happen because it takes the right people. It’s a big job description—for people to have special education skills and also a relationship with Christ. But it’s a dream.

HK: What dreams do you have for your ministry and how God will continue to work in you and your family’s life?

RB: When I was laying in the ICU, I never dreamed I’d now be a wife and a mom—well. . .yes, I did, because I was in denial: “Of course I will be!” But later . . . after denial, I realized this is real, this is my “thing.” Now, to be a wife and a mom and be able to reach out to others is just more than I deserve.

I am in a very, very, very serious place of being a wife and a mom. If I was in my 20’s and single, I’d want to travel and be a recording artist and speak and minister to others on a grand scale, get a record deal, that sort of thing. But I just have no desire; it’s exhausting to parent this way, there is no doubt about it. I’ve had to get very creative at times—very creative. But more importantly, I want to be a good wife; It’s really about being a good wife in order to be a good mom. That’s the gift we’re going to give our son—mom and dad being okay.

This year I was in bed for seven months on my stomach 24 hours a day, seven days a week, while a pressure wound healed; after that I finally got back up in the chair and had other health problems. It was very taxing on our marriage, very difficult. But we finally survived it. We really started praying for joy. We wanted to be joyful. We were whining and cranky. It was very ugly and so we prayed for God to return our joy.

This year Mike and I went through what everyone expected us to go through fifteen years ago, like when everyone was saying, “What is Mike doing marrying a quadriplegic. Does he realize what he’s giving up?” He realized it this year. But now, we’re much, much better.

Again, I had to step back and look at it without being emotional and ask, “What can I do to help the situation?” I started meditating on Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true…” and so while I was stuck in bed I’d go through that verse. Okay, what is true? God loves me. What is true? I’m a quadriplegic and I need to find a way to be joyful. What is noble? Mike being married to me. What is pure? Daniel’s smile. What is lovely? I can see the sky outside.

Once I started meditating on this my attitude and heart started to change and I became someone my husband wanted to be around. Mike said, “Okay, that’s the woman I married. She left for awhile, but she’s back now.”

I taped Scriptures on 3 x 5 cards and put them by my bed, and I’d say them over and over, sometimes putting melodies to them. It really helped pass the day in a good way. I also watched every romantic comedy on video, but I got to where I needed more. I called Joni Eareckson Tada and said, “What can I do? I’ve prayed. I need some new ideas! I’m going down for the count!” She said that it was during these times that she began memorizing the second, third and fourth verses of hymns.

Sometimes it’s hard to pray. I remember soon after the accident when I was in the hospital and a chaplain came to pray with me. She said, “Let’s pray,” and I said, “I don’t feel like it. . .” She told me to breath in and say “Jesus.” Then slowly breath out and say “Mercy. . .” “Jesus. . . Mercy. . .” and soon my heart began to soften.

HK: Thanks so much for sharing with us, Renée. I know you will encourage many.

Visit Renee Bondi’s web site for more information on her ministry, her speaking, music and more, including her latest book and CD (where you can hear samples.)

Lisa Copen had the honor of interviewing Renee Bondi.

Love Letter Contest by Focus on the Family

Focus on the Family has announced that they are having their first “Love Letters Contest.” If you’d like to tell your spouse how much you love them, this is a great way to do it and possibly even win a prize. Just visit the Focus on the Family website and explain to them “why you want to grow old with your spouse.”

Each day from Feb. 1-11 they will choose their 4 favorite love letters and each couple will win a prize. February 12 they will choose the Grand Prize recipient from all of the daily winners. This will be a “unforgettable trip to the live ccn.tv/focusonmarriage/” target=”_blank”>Focus on Marriage™ simulcast on Feb. 27 in Colorado Springs, CO.”

Click here to enter the Love Letters Contest!

Grand Prize Includes:
- Round-trip transportation to Colorado Springs, CO
- Two nights at The Broadmoor Hotel and Resort
- Tickets to the live Focus on Marriage™ simulcast event
- An exclusive dinner with the speakers
- Autographed books
- Essentials of Marriage™ products

Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce

The pains of divorce and separation are real, but they don’t have to last. For many, making a New Year’s resolution to attend a DivorceCare group has been the key to healing. This is an article we are passing on.

WAKE FOREST, NC, Dec 2009/Christian Newswire/ — For people facing the pain of divorce or separation, the New Year is a good time to commit to the healing process. A marital breakup can be devastating for the individuals going through it, as it affects emotions, self-esteem, children, finances and daily energy levels. With so much personal upheaval, most people going through divorce are unsure of how to find complete healing from the hurt, and hope for the future.

Many experience a breakthrough in this process by attending a DivorceCare divorce recovery support group. More than 12,000 churches across the country and around the world are equipped to offer DivorceCare programs.

Steve Grissom, founder and president of DivorceCare, believes the start of a New Year is a great time to put a plan in place to find healing: “A key step in healing is anticipating a brighter future, instead of focusing on the hurts of the past. Joining a DivorceCare group is a proactive step in that direction.”

The groups are made up of people who understand the depth of emotions, the questions “Why?” and the desperation often faced by those in a divorce or separation. Because they have this understanding, they won’t judge the decisions, emotions or actions of those who come.

“I came into the program with fear of rejection and was welcomed with open arms,” said Heidi, a participant in Warren, MI. “People totally understood what I was going through.”

These biblically based support groups are designed to be led by trained, mature facilitators who’ve experienced divorce or separation. They can help answer questions posed by group participants and point people to practical and spiritual help to aid the healing process.

A typical group meeting begins with a magazine-style video seminar featuring insights from top experts on divorce and recovery subjects, and profiles of people who’ve experienced healing after a divorce or separation. Featured experts include H. Norman Wright, Dr. Jim Talley, Dr. Tony Evans and Dr. Linda Mintle. After viewing the video, DivorceCare group members participate in a moderated small group time to discuss concepts learned on the video and to share personal struggles and victories (although some people choose not to share). Each person then receives a workbook with a short, daily devotional study and journaling section for reflection during the week.

Through DivorceCare, participants will learn to:

· Identify and cope with tough emotions, such as anger, loneliness and depression

· Manage their new financial situation

· Make wise choices regarding their children (if applicable)

· Carefully manage new relationships

· Find out more about forgiveness and reconciliation

· Lean on God for acceptance, comfort and healing

“I came to the group broken, and left with a restored faith in God,” said Dawn, a DivorceCare participant from Tacoma, WA. “I felt as if I was no longer alone in what was one of the deepest and darkest times of my life.”

The thought of taking that first step into a DivorceCare group can seem scary, and people often come up with all kinds of excuses not to go in. But these groups are filled with people who’ve felt exactly the same, and who did take that first step. They will be there to make newcomers feel welcome and comfortable.

“The first night I came to a DivorceCare group, I didn’t know a single person there,” shared Mike, who attended a group in Raleigh, NC. “I wasn’t sure what to anticipate. We watched the videos, had a time of fellowship and had a discussion time. For people hesitating to attend a group, I would encourage them to relate it to getting up to go to work–some days you don’t feel like it, but you know what’s best for you.”

To find a DivorceCare divorce recovery support group, visit www.divorcecare.org/findagroup and enter a zip code, city/state or country for a list of groups near you. Or call 800-489-7778 for assistance in locating a group.

View The Whole Shebang! 64-Page HopeKeepers Magazine

Merry Christmas! If you haven’t yet had a chance to check out our current issue of HopeKeepers magazine, now is the time.  Our December issue is completely free and available to read online in its digital format, or you can out up to 15 pages at one sitting.

Please help us spread the word by posting this to your Twitter, Facebook, etc. We would love for others to know about HopeKeepers magazine!

Photos Can Give Pain Relief

Most of us would say it’s common sense that our loved one or pet will reduce the pain we are in. They can talk to us, give us compassion, distract us from pain and more. But a new study has some surprising results!

You don’t actually need the person there! In fact, a photo of your loved one may bring you more comfort than the person being there holding your hand!

Scientists at the University of California at Los Angeles applied pain (heat), to the forearms of 28 women who had all been in relationships for at least six months.

Each woman had the heat/pain applied while:

• holding the hand of their partner who was sitting behind a curtain;
• holding the hand of a stranger sitting behind a curtain;
• holding a squeeze ball; viewing a photo of their partner;
• viewing a photo of a male stranger;
• viewing the letter x, which was meant to be a neutral image

Then they then rated the level of pain they felt in each circumstance.

The study found that the most powerful pain reducer turned out to be the picture of their significant other. And that “images of their romantic partners lowered levels of pain even more than holding their hands. ”

Related articles by Zemanta

• A Loved One’s Photo Helps Reduce Your Pain (psychcentral.com)

October is Caregivers Month

New Marriage Book “Cracks the Code”

I am honored to call Pam Farrel a friend. She is the author of many books such as Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti and Woman of Influence: Ten Traits of Those Who Want to Make a Difference. She was a recent guest on Invisible Illness Week, talking about Coping with Chronic Illness in Your Marriage.

Her newest book with her husband Bill is The Marriage Code and it is hot off the press!

Here is a bit about it. I can’t wait to read it as I know it will be a wonderful resource to add to my books on making marriage a blessing. (Or at least, how to understand why your spouse does what he does…)

Codes are all around us: access codes for banking accounts, to make reservations for travel, or to gain entry into buildings or our own computers. Do you want to know how to use a code to move your marriage “above the line of success and security” where everything is good, life is enjoyable and romance sizzles? In Bill and Pam Farrel’s newest book, The Marriage Code, couples will learn the secret code to unlock love.

The Farrels are relationship specialists, international speakers and authors of over 30 books including best selling Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti. With their characteristic humor, solid wisdom, and practical illustrations, the Farrels will help you use the marriage code to gain entry into your mate’s heart and life. If you want to trade in conflict for connection, use The Marriage Code.

Since I am a friend of Pam’s she’s offering our visitors to Rest Ministries web site some special discounts:

• The Marriage Code: $12 (a $2 savings)
• The Marriage Code Study Guide: $7 (a $2 savings)
• Code Breaker Couple’s special: $25 (3 book set!) (One Marriage Code and two study guides – one for him, one for her)

• Pam and Bill’s interview on The Marriage Code will be on Focus on the Family radio October 21, 22.
• Download a free chapter of THE MARRIAGE CODE today!
• For more information about Pam and Bill Farrel and their resources: www.farrelcommunications.com

Talking to Our Spouse About Our Illness: How Much is Too Much?

It feels like I’m laying on thumb tacks,” I tell my husband as he crawls into bed beside me. “But there is nothing there! I feel so bruised.”

“I’m sorry,” he offers with a sympathetic voice, but there is little else he can do.

“I feel kind of nauseous too,” I say. “I wonder if I should get something to eat. . . But then that might upset my stomach. It’s must be the drugs. I’m sure it will pass.” As I finish my sentence he’s snoring away.

For many of us, our spouse is our best friend. If our relationship is good, we want to share our feelings with them. Even if our relationship is hurting, we feel that by explaining our pain, they may sympathize and be more loving towards us. Although we don’t want to burden them by constantly sharing about our aches and pains, when we are hurting there is a desire to be heard and have our feelings validated. By talking out loud about what we are feeling, it somehow makes the pain real— it’s no longer “all in our head.”

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ,” says Galatians 6:2. But at some point we need to carry these burdens to the Lord, and even a close friend, rather than just our spouse.

Despite our spouse’s lack of physical pain, he or she is grieving many losses too: the loss of watching us lose our abilities, the loss of all of the “couple outings without limits” we were to share over the years, and even the loss of being able to make it all better with a hug. Counselors agree that the top three marriage problems are money, time and physical intimacy.

Chronic illness adds a weighty burden to each of these. How can we learn how to “share our burdens” within our marriage, yet also know when to not dish out our burdens one after the other onto our spouse?

Be a team with your spouse

It’s you and your spouse “up against” the illness. You may feel like your spouse is merely a spectator, but make him or her a part of your team fighting the battle of pain. Gently educate your spouse on your illness. Allow his or her presence at doctor’s visits and provide answers to his or her questions about your illness. Acknowledge that your roles may be changing.

Connie Kennemer who lives with multiple sclerosis shares, “I am not as mobile as I used to be and often ask more of my husband. ‘Can you work at home this afternoon? Why do you have to go to another meeting?’ etc. How much should he accommodate me because my body is changing? He doesn’t always know when to stop and encourage me to try things myself. This is a constant challenge.”

Have reasonable expectations

We often marry someone who has our opposite personality style. If you need to read every article about your illness, but your spouse doesn’t, it may simply be because your spouse has a more laissez faire attitude, not because he doesn’t care.

Or perhaps you take things as they come and put off digging up information. Your spouse may accuse you of being in denial and not caring about your health because you don’t research the illness with the same passion he does. An excellent book to smooth out your communication is Personality Plus for Couples: Understanding Yourself and the One You Love by Florence Littauer.

Have information available

If your spouse is a book-worm he may want to read books on your condition; perhaps the most effective way to share something is to place sticky notes on pages of a book you’d like him to review with comments about topics you’d like to discuss. Shares Connie, “After ten years of living with MS, I am past the whiney stage, but Rex sometimes holds back; that’s when I need to ask him more questions about his feelings.”

Find ways to share about embarrassing parts of the illness, but try to keep a bit of romance alive

If your illness is going to cause you to be in the bathroom during eighty percent of the functions you attend together, you need to let your spouse know that this is part of the disease. Health organizations have brochures on symptoms; you can say, “I’m dealing with some personal matters of this illness right now; I don’t really want to talk about them yet, but they’re in this brochure if you’re wondering.” Avoid sharing every details if you can.

Find other effective outlets for when you need to vent

“I realized that I banked my frustrations of pain throughout the day and then ‘threw’ them at my husband when he walked through the door,” shares Cheryl, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome. “I was setting the tone for our entire evening. I felt better getting it off my chest, but he felt worse, and it lasted all night. I could tell he was beginning to dread walking through the door.”

Cheryl began to put aside the last two hours of her day to spend time writing in her journal, praying and doing something she enjoyed that calmed her. “Writing in my journal gave me the chance to express my frustrations, and then prayer really began to minimize the negativity too. My husband quickly noticed a difference and it’s made our relationship so much stronger.”

Develop interests and hobbies

Too often we talk about our illness because it’s the only thing going on in our lives. Volunteer to be on a prayer chain, write that book you’ve been meaning to write, or get involved in a scrapbook club and start putting together albums for your grandchildren. You’ll find even you aren’t as interested in talking about your illness when you have more interesting things to share.

So. . . How much is too much? It’s different for each person, but learn to be objective—how many times are you bringing up your illness? How are you benefiting from talking about it more than necessary? Regardless of whether it is attention, acknowledgment or understanding, how can you get this from God instead? How is it negatively affecting your life or those around you?

Is there a better, more creative way that you can create intimacy with your spouse, other than just sharing your aches and pains? Send up a prayer to the Lord before sharing your pain

Lord, I don’t want to burden anyone else with something they can’t fix, and I really need a hug from you right now. I know how much my spouse cares about me; please give me the wisdom to know when to ask for help and comfort from him/her and when to come only to You and ask you to fulfill all of my emotional needs.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. She is the author of Why Can’t I Make People Understand: Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why.