Fireproof – A Good Valentine’s Rental Movie

Fireproof is an amazing movie that was out in 2008 that set records for any independent film. Starring actor Kirk Cameron, heplays a fire chief and a man who is well-respected by those in his community. But his marriage is nearing the end. It’s not because of an affair with another person, or some dramatic event that takes place; but rather because, day by day, both spouses take one another a little more for granted and move away from each other than toward each other. Both are searching for validation of their emotions and even simple appreciation.

Despite the fact that the movie was at the theaters two years ago the ministry of this movie continues to impact lives and change marriages. They have set up a Fireproof website specifically for Valentine’s Day review can hear the author made some of the love dares that were completed in the film, send a Fireproof e-card, or listen to one of their hit songs from the film and download it–John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the FIREPROOF Soundtrack CD.

Here are 8 reasons I believe every married couple who copes with chronic illness should see this movie:

1. The dialogue is real, as if the writers were hiding behind the furniture of living rooms around the world and eves-dropping on actual conversations, arguments and threats. Let’s face it… real fights are most often about who has done the dishes. You won’t find the typical Hollywood lingo in this film like, “You had me at hello.”

2. The burden of care-giving is addressed. The “wife” in the relationship has a mother who has recently had a stroke. The expense of the medical equipment she needs, like a wheelchair and a bed, is shown in this film, something nearly always overlooked in your typical movie. Though this situation may be dissimilar to yours, it’s helpful to see illness and its impact on a marriage acknowledged as a stressor in a marriage relationship.

3. It will make you laugh. Just because the emotions run deep enough to bring on many tears in this movie, doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself laughing through those tears at times. Even if your marriage is “perfect” and you think you don’t need a boost, it’s a move night to share with your spouse just for fun. The firehouse crew is and the little things the actors do, where you see yourself, will bring smiles to your face.

4. It tells both sides of the story. Whether you are the spouse who is trying to make your marriage work, or the one who just wants out, you’ll find many of your emotions and fears represented. Though the husband in this film is made out in some cases to have been the one with some “problems” the wife isn’t without room for improvement in how she treats her husband either. A surprise twist at the end will leave you with a reminder that no one is perfect, regardless of how they may appear to be.

5. It’s packed with real life scenarios, including those of a fireman. This isn’t a cheap flick with a strong message, but a strong film that happens to have a solid message. If you love those “edge of your seat” movie scenes when you are eating popcorn as fast as you can get your hand to your mouth, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re a woman, you can rest easy that there is plenty of “guy stuff” in this movie that won’t make your man feel like he’s at a chick flick.

6. Kirk Cameron yells. Okay, maybe not one of the top reasons to see this film, but watching him lose his temper and kick a trash can may just leave the men (or women) in the audience feeling like they aren’t being judged of silly behavior or lost tempers. Most of us have had a situation where we’ve wanted to please our spouse and their response made us want to go kick something, right?

7. It provides a tool to take along. The book “The Love Dare,” which the actor works through to win his wife’s heart back, may seem more like a way for the movie makers to make an extra buck. It’s not. In fact, all actors worked for free. The book is rather a way that you can take something tangible away from the film and literally start applying it to your own marriage. As my mom and I left the theater the guys beside us exchanged words. “I guess I have to go order my wife some flowers now… but it’s going to cost me a fortune!” “Hey, weren’t you listening. It doesn’t matter how much they cost.” The great thing is, if you’re on a budget, expensive flowers aren’t required; it’s the actions.

If I was a Christian counselor I would hand couples the DVD (when available) and tell them to go watch it together before our first appointment.

A nice plus is the “behind the scenes” honor that actor Kirk Cameron gives his wife by keeping his own promises: he vowed to her (despite being an actor) to never kiss another woman. So his wife was flown in for the kiss at the end of the film, where she stood in for the actress. He’s been married seventeen years, is the father of six children, and a strong believer in Christ who is not ashamed to proclaim it. That makes me want to listen up to what he has to say. He made the rounds before the film released, including spots on the Today Show, Dr Phil (9/25/08) and many more and he has done well. Despite some over-eager or even rude (names not mentioned) interviewers, he has represented Christ well. He’s come a long way from the posters on my little sister’s wall!

And on a side note, you may be interested to know he founded a camp over twenty years ago, Camp Firefly, for chronically ill children and their families. (Go, Kirk!)

As the founder of Rest Ministries which serves those who live with chronic illness, I firmly stand behind this movie as being one of the best to impact a marriage. It may be the two best hours you give your marriage since the day of your vows.

Lisa Copen

PS: You may also be interested in this: Focus on the Family is putting together a “special marriage seminar on February 27 that your church can host. The Focus on Marriage simulcast conference is Saturday, February 27.” Stephen Kendrick, author of Fireproof and The Love Dare is one of the guest speakers. You can attend at a church near you that offers this event via satellite. Find a location near you here at FOTF’s web site.

 

Is Your Loved One Depressed?

By Dena Dyer

Is your loved one or friend depressed? If you’re fairly certain they are, you are in the position to help. You’re also in the uncomfortable place of trying to help someone who may not be able to (or want to) help themselves.

I’m not a medical professional, and I’m not a counselor. But I am a layperson who has experienced both short-term and long-term depression, and I’ve been able (with God’s help) to live for several years now in a mostly-sustained place of good mental health. Life isn’t perfect, of course, and neither am I. Some days are better than others, and I’m not “cured,” but my life is so much better–and my faith is so much stronger–than it was just a few years ago.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that God is doing a new thing in my life and in my family, and I’m excited about what the future holds. It hasn’t always been that way.

One of the words I’m concentrating on this year is HOPE. I long for 2010 to be a year when I gave hope in tangible, practical, and inspiring ways. . . to many more people than ever before (if God wills, of course). He has been so good to me, and I want to share His grace and mercy as much as possible, in as many ways as He makes available.

So, to start the new year, here are a few do’s and don’ts from someone who has gone through the nightmare of depression and lived to tell about it:

DO:

• Listen without judgment. Despite what some Christians mistakenly believe, depression itself is not a sin. Many, many Bible characters and faithful Christians have suffered with depression. It’s a complex, often debilitating disease…and so many well-meaning believers (and even some successful Christian leaders) make depressed people feel as if it’s all spiritual and all their fault. PLEASE don’t make this mistake.
• Pray, pray, pray. Remember that prayer (and scripture) are our most powerful allies in the battle for mental health.
• Encourage your friend/loved one to get the right kind of help–whether it’s medical, emotional, spiritual and/or psychological assistance. Find a godly Christian counselor and physician who will work together, if that’s what healing takes. And be prepared to help with paperwork, transportation, and follow-up. Depressed people often feel “foggy” mentally, and may find it hard to keep track of their appointments.
• And keep after your friend/loved one until they do get some kind of relief. Remember, depression can lead to suicide.
• Provide rides, babysitting, housecleaning, cooking and/or groceries–anything that will help lighten their load. But ask them what would help first (don’t assume)!
• Try to think about what they’re going through and put yourself in their shoes.
• Give them space to cry, read, pray, be alone, and sleep more if they need to. That being said, look for signs that their depression isn’t lifting, and be prepared to intervene, if necessary.
• Try to get them out of the house, but don’t be offended if you can’t persuade them to go.

DON’T:

• Say “just snap out of it”, “why don’t you try —” or “I was depressed once and — worked for me” or similar things. Of course, give an answer if they ask for your opinion or advice. Just try to be careful with prescriptions and pronouncements.
• Try to cheer them up. Instead, ask them what they need, and be prepared to follow through.
• Don’t say “let me know what I can do to help” and leave it at that. Give them specific ideas and questions to answer.
• Avoid them, if at all possible. They might not be great company, but they need your presence, even if they can’t articulate it.
• Pressure them to get better too quickly. Coming back from depression can be a painstakingly slow process, with many ups and downs. If they’re making progress, try to be content. Know that they’re doing the hardest work they’ve ever done.
• Give up hope. Depression is a disease, but there are treatment options–and many, many people who have suffered from it have gone on to lead wonderful, fulfilling lives.

That’s it for now. Do you have do’s and don’ts to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

Dena Dyer is a mom and wife who lives with her two boys (three, if you count her husband!) in the beautiful Texas hill country. Her passions are my loving, laughing, and encouraging others–whether that’s through writing, speaking, or singing. She is a Christian author and speaker and if you’d like to receive a handout she gives when she speaks on depression, which includes Bible verses, books, and other helpful resources, send her an email at denadyer@austin.rr.com and she’ll send you one. Visit her web site here.

Find Health Answers at Your Fingertips

Have you ever gone to an internet search engine website like Google to look up information on health? A survey conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, 61 percent of adults say they look online for health information. There’s a new term for this: e-patients.

E- patients take internet searches a step further. Not only do they occasionally conduct internet searches about health; but they become involved in online groups and organizations dedicated to a particular aspect of their health.

The upside? We can find people out there who know what we are going through. We can become involved in discussions with other patients like ourselves who have experienced the same side effects, the same pain, and most importantly, some of the same emotional aspects of dealing with an illness.

The downside? The internet makes everything accessible instantaneously. This may be feeding our fast paced society where our questions are never answered fast enough, especially in relation to our health. The internet is creating a shift in the health world, and this fast pace may be hard for hospitals and doctors to catch up with.

As far as generic information and moral support, the internet is a great tool. However, there is still a need to rely on traditional healthcare and to have a team of professionals around you. Not all patients are the same, and not all of our health related questions can be answered on Google.

Naomi Kingery, twenty year old brittle diabetic and author of The Sugar Free Series available at www.livetolovediabetes.com.

13 Gift Ideas for a Chronically Ill Gal

We women like to shop and there’s nothing better than seeing the face of a friend light up when we offer up our thoughtfulness and creativity wrapped in a box with home-made, hand-stamped paper bag wrapping paper, all tied up with a raffia ribbon and dried orange slices. Say what?

If you’re like me—since it’s the thought that counts—you basically try to stuff the gift into a dollar-store gift bag, rip the wrinkled tag off, and wrap a strip of shipping tape on the handle so it doesn’t burst. But I used to be the girl that did rafia with home-made dried orange slices.

Either way, shopping for a chronically ill friend can be both fun and intimidating. We want to give her something she’ll like (she can’t get enough of that American Indian blanket she brought back from Arizona last year) but we don’t want to add to the frustration of giving her a gift she won’t really use (like a matching leather jacket with fringe sleeves to wear out to those Christmas parties).

And how many bottles of scented lotion can a girl really use? And if she gets another “Be Happy Bouquet” or “Teddy Bear” she’ll run screaming from the room.

Here are 13 ideas to get you brainstorming for things she may enjoy:

1. Make her a wall collage. Even if you aren’t crafty, head on down to your craft store and buy a few scrapbooking embellishments. Spray paint a bulletin board and attach your photos, notes, special poems, and the little do-dads you bought. The less crafty you are the more she’ll love it, but don’t be offended if she puts it in her bedroom and not above the couch in the living room.

2. Okay, so you can’t afford the $3000 hot tub, but if she’s able to get into the tub (many people can’t, so double check) give her a bathtub jets spa. Amazon sells the Conair Thermal Bath Spa Mat for under $100.

3. Is she a movie buff? Treat her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service ($7-15 a month) for a year. This is one of those presents she will call you and thank you for again and again.

4. Buy her some cheery winter necessities. A fun umbrella, a colorful scarf and gloves, even a pair of ear muffs. And if she has to be places when her car windows are going to frost over be sure to stick in a can of spray defroster.

5. Get her a pretty gift box to keep all of her notes of encouragement. Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling down. Start to fill up the box yourself a few weeks before giving it to her. You can clip articles, comments, scriptures, funny photos. If you wish, put them in envelopes that say, “When you’re feeling like no one understands” or “When you need a good laugh.” Let her friends know that it would be encouraging if they would start sending her items or notes to add to it in the new year too!

6. Plant a rosebush or another hearty plant that require little maintenance that she can view from a window. Or get a bird feeder, a wind chime or a fun solar-powered patio decoration.

7. Give her a compilation CD of songs that will encourage her when she is feeling down. If you know someone who is 18 years or younger, there is an organization, Songs of Love, that will actually write a song for an ill child. See songsoflove.org . Also, consider buying books on CD if she loves to read but can’t always focus long. Or get her a shower CD player to help make the transition to the shower easier on those sore mornings.

8. Order some items from her favorite organization at their web site. For example, Rest Ministries has some darling items that say “Hope Endures” which don’t have the word “illness” on it. In black and white, the fleece jackets and little tote purses are cute and a reminder to her that you support the organizations she supports.

9. Short on time? Check out wellbaskets.com where you can order the perfect gift basket for a friend who has diabetes, a thyroid issue, cancer, depression or chronic pain. They fill them with appropriate food goodies, CDs, books, teas and more.

10. Heat! A heating pad, a blanket, warm socks, or a cozy neck wrap. If you’re creative, give her a hot water bottle and make a liner that will make her laugh. During those cold winter months this will be a nice reminder of your friendship. A few new throw pillows can live a place up too. Buy something soft and comfy to lie back on or prop a leg up on.

11. If she is bored and has a sense of humor, bring out the kid in her and bring some markers, coloring books, origami books, etc. Or find out if there is a new hobby she’d like to read more about whether it’s photography or gardening in pots and buy her current magazines and books on this topic.

12. A charm bracelet is a sentimental gift if you can make a habit of buying charms as future gifts that signify the strength and hope you see in her. You can find charms for nearly anything online if you’re unable to find them at the store. And some can be silly—just have a story behind each one that will make her smile. Remember to buy her charms celebrating anniversaries too—those dates no one else will remember.

13. One of the best gifts of all? A JOY Coupon! This is from Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend, but can easily be reproduced even in a handwritten note. JOY stands for “Just Offering You…” and then write out whatever you will do: Mow the law, do all the laundry (sheets included!), baby sit, drive her to appointments, or even just listen to her vent for thirty minutes without saying a word.

All gifts that come in boxes are fun, but the best gift of all you can give is your time and your unconditional love. When she is throwing up in your new car, when she is canceling plans for the third time, when she is calling you at midnight in tears, or when she is making you uncomfortable as she laughs about all her hair falling out. Being a true friend through all of this is a gift few will give and those who do will be treasured forever.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and author of Beyond Casseroles 505 Ways Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend

The Grinch & 2 Spa Prizes Next Week

It’s that time of the year again when we share our annual Grinch story! Only this year we want to hear a few sentences from you too!

Just post a couple Seuss-style sentences below in the common section that have anything to do with the holidays, illness, etc. and we will take pick our two favorites next week and send you a little spa just as our treat!

Feeling Grinchy?

Every person around
The country it seemed
Liked Christmas a lot…
All was joy, red and green.
But the Grinch,
Who lived with illness,
And had a heart of the blues,
Did not like Christmas!
The Grinch dreaded Christmas!
The whole Christmas season!
So much to do, so little energy,
there were all kinds of reasons.

It could be said that the medicines
were making her mind feel like putty,
She went shopping at last,
and forgot why she had gone—how nutty.
But we think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that her heart was hurting,
trying to find her place in it all.

But, whatever the reason,
Her heart or her head,
She laid there on Christmas morning,
with a feeling of dread.
Staring up at the ceiling from the bed, feeling very down,
She wondered how to make it through this day,
without even the hint of a frown.
For she knew every friend and family member around,
Would be arriving soon,
ready to open the gifts and paint the town.
“I just want to feel decent!” she snarled with a sneer.
“Today is Christmas! It’s actually here!”
Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I must find a way to keep the pain from coming!”

For, later she knew…
…All the relatives would arrive
They would bring with them her nieces and nephews who would make a
mess
and tons of noise.
They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing she hated!
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the family, young and old,
would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on pudding, and rare roast beef,
With her irritable bowel,
the Grinch couldn’t eat these in the least!

And then they’d do something she liked least of all!
Every family member, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, and say, “You look so great!”
They’d all tell her she needed to get back to work,
Stop lazing around in her pajamas so late!
They’d talk! And they’d advise.
And they’d think they were so wise.
And the more the Grinch thought of the Christmas-Nice
The more the Grinch thought,
“I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for over five years I’ve put up with it now!
I must either deal with it or convince them somehow!”
…But HOW?”
Then she got an idea!
An awful idea!
The Grinch got a wonderful awful idea!

“I know just what to do!”
The Grinch laughed in her throat.
And she made a quick run to the closet
for her lounging coat.
And she chuckled, and clucked,
“What a great Grinchy trick!
“With this robe and my slippers,
I’ll look just like I’m sick!”
“All I need is a sniffle, a cough, maybe a cane…”
The Grinch looked around.
But since canes are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch…?
No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a cane, I’ll just look sick instead!”
So she got out her pale makeup
and tried not to use anything pink,
She made sure the circles under her eyes,
were not covered up, but seen.

Then she threw on some sweats
And put her hair up in a twist
It didn’t look fancy,
It looked like you do when you’re sick.
Then the Grinch said, “I’m ready”
They can start to arrive,
I’ll be nice to everyone,
But I’m not going to lie.”
The family members arrived
and saw the Grinch arrive at the door.
“What’s happened to her?” They whispered and more.
The Grinch said, “Hello, come in, how are you?”
And when they asked her she just said, “Today’s not a good day.
It may be Christmas but I still feel a droop.”

Then little Cindy-Lou arrived
dragging her noisy toy behind her.
This was more than the Grinch could take!
She couldn’t allow that noise to batter.
The Grinch reached out and took the toy,
“let me have that, hon..”
She stared up at the Grinch as asked,
“Auntie, why are you taking away my toy? Why?”

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the Grinch lied,
“There’s a better one under the tree,
we have even more to surprise!
“So I’m taking this one away for now, my dear.
“I’ll put it away for now, and later, bring it back here.”
And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted her head
And sent her to the tree to open up a quiet puzzle instead.

The Grinch thought she had it all figured out,
At least people understood. There was no more doubt.
She expected to hear people talking about her,
In the kitchen they surely must all be worrying about.
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch,
“That I simply must hear!”
So she paused. And the Grinch put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising through the wall,
It was joy and fun, at first it wasn’t concern at all!
The sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

She stared into the kitchen,
The Grinch popped her eyes!
Then she shook!
What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Cindy Lou sat in her mom’s lap and said,
“What’s wrong with Auntie?”
Her mom told her quietly, “She’s a very special lady.
When we visit her, she often tries to look nice,
But she still hurts inside,
She just acts like she’s fine.”
“I love Auntie, I don’t want her to hurt,” said Cindy Lou.
“I know,” said her mom, “We love her too.”

Family members were still having a great time,
They weren’t worried about her,
or even of her appearance surprised.
She hadn’t made them concerned,
because they already were,
She just didn’t know
that they didn’t know what to say to her.
And the Grinch, with her Grinch-feet ice-cold on the floor,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could I be adored?
I look so awful, I’m in such a bad mood.
I’ve been such a fake hostess, I even took away a gift from sweet
Cindy Lou!”

“I thought no one understood,
but I never thought to ask.
I listened to what they said,
and didn’t try to explain.
I assumed they should just know how I felt
I let them pull my chain.”
And she puzzled three hours,
`till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something
she hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” she thought,
“doesn’t come from feeling great.
Maybe Christmas…perhaps….
“comes from communicating straight!
Maybe Christmas comes from accepting the love
Of those all around us, friends, and God from above.”

And what happened then…?
Well…in some parts they say
That the Grinch’s small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn’t feel quite so slow,
She whizzed through the house, with a spirit that was no longer low.
The body still had aches, the pain didn’t go away.
But the rest of the afternoon, her spirit felt at play.

Lisa Copen lives with rheumatoid arthritis is the founder of Rest Ministries, a Christian organization that serves the chronically ill. She had a little help from Dr. Seuss on this! Visit her web site at www.restministries.org and sign up for web site updates!

Caregiver Perspective on Doubt

Doubt is a great hindrance to those who care for a chronically ill person. Doubt prevents us from believing that God will answer our prayers. Some of us have lived so long in the shadows of illness that we have little hope.

Our heads speak to God, but His comfort never reaches our hearts. Even as we pray we believe that tomorrow we will face the same situation all over again. We know that God can change our lives, but we doubt that He will.

My husband has an intra-thecal pump installed in his body that administers pain medication directly into his spinal column. This device makes his pain bearable. Because of pain in all other joints of his body, he must take other medications as well; and we know that drugs will always be part of our lives.

He begins some days with a minimum of pain. On these days, he optimistically says he is going to ask the doctor to decrease the medicine in his pump. Even as I praise God for this improvement, I wonder how long it will be before he says that he hurts worse than ever.

It is an emotional roller-coaster for me; casting me from positive encouragement to negative pessimism in a matter of a few hours.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could command our troubles to “go jump in the lake!” and rid ourselves of doubt? The good news is that we can! Jesus said in Matthew 21:21 “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.”

This mountain is a specific mountain which for us is chronic illness. When you pray, believe that— though you may wake up and face the same situation again tomorrow—God will give you the strength to do that.

Think about it. The simple fact that you have a willing heart and are able to do the same things over and over again is clear evidence that God is answering your prayers. Have faith and do not doubt. Your mountain can become beach sand when you trust in God’s love.

Lora Chandler has been in a care giving role since 1982 when her husband began his life-long struggle with pain due to a bone disease. Lora welcomes your comments at lorac@yucca.net.

Photos Can Give Pain Relief

Most of us would say it’s common sense that our loved one or pet will reduce the pain we are in. They can talk to us, give us compassion, distract us from pain and more. But a new study has some surprising results!

You don’t actually need the person there! In fact, a photo of your loved one may bring you more comfort than the person being there holding your hand!

Scientists at the University of California at Los Angeles applied pain (heat), to the forearms of 28 women who had all been in relationships for at least six months.

Each woman had the heat/pain applied while:

• holding the hand of their partner who was sitting behind a curtain;
• holding the hand of a stranger sitting behind a curtain;
• holding a squeeze ball; viewing a photo of their partner;
• viewing a photo of a male stranger;
• viewing the letter x, which was meant to be a neutral image

Then they then rated the level of pain they felt in each circumstance.

The study found that the most powerful pain reducer turned out to be the picture of their significant other. And that “images of their romantic partners lowered levels of pain even more than holding their hands. ”

Related articles by Zemanta

• A Loved One’s Photo Helps Reduce Your Pain (psychcentral.com)

Adoption Resource for Those with Illness or Disability

You May Be Able to Adopt! A Guide to the Adoption Option for Prospective Mothers with Disabilities and Their Partners

This is a great book by by Megan Kirshbaum, et. al. and Linda Toms Baker, et. al. It’s a guidebook for people with disabilities who are considering adoption as a means of building a family.

This is a good supplemental resource to other publications about adoption, because it deals specifically with issues that prospective parents with disabilities may face. For more information about this publication, visit the Through the Looking Glass web site or give them a call at 1-800-644-2666.

Tools for Caregivers or Families to Share the Caregiving

Asking for help is so hard! But if you live with a chronic illness there will come a time when you or you and your family needs to ask for help from others. When you or a loved one becomes ill, it impacts the entire family… but it can also feel like it “takes a village.”

These are some of the resources we have found. Some are to help caregivers organize care for an ill person (such as getting the neighborhood together on who is bringing meals what day). Others are to help a person who is ill communicate with others, such as posting your hospital visiting hours, updates on your condition, or simply sharing. Here are some suggestions on ways to organize the help.

Assist Guide Information Services Care Groups
Organize help to provide care for your loved one so that you can take time to care for yourself. Your AGIS Family CareGroup can be created in minutes. It’s
a free, simple way for friends and family to assist loved ones in need.

Care Pages
CarePages are free, easy-to-use Web pages, brought to you by Revolution Health, that help family and friends communicate when a loved one is receiving care. CarePages help Families create a virtual meeting place on the web, share news and photos as often as needed, receive emotional support during a time of need.

Care Place
CarePlace was founded to help people and their caregivers connect with one another, to share their experiences, concerns, passions, triumphs, and difficulties, and to support one another through trying times

Caring Bridge
A CaringBridge site is personal, private and available 24/7. It has free, personalized websites for anyone facing critical illness, going through cancer treatment or in recovery,helping ease the burden of keeping family and friends informed.

Lotsa Helping Hands
This is a simple, immediate way for friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors to assist loved ones in need. It’s an easy-to-use, private group calendar, specifically designed for organizing helpers, where everyone can pitch in with meals delivery, rides, and other tasks necessary for life to run smoothly during times of medical crisis, end-of-life caring, or family caregiver exhaustion. It’s also a place to keep these ‘circles of community’ informed with status updates, photo galleries, message boards, and more.

Share the Care
This is a detailed step-by-step model that shows you how to: (1) Create a unique caregiver “family” from friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and
acquaintances; (2) Answer the question all your concerned neighbors and friends have asked. “How can I help?”; (3) Hold a meeting that will turn a
group of ordinary people into a powerful caregiver team; and more! Based on the book, Share the Care.

Strength for Caring
An online resource and community for family caregivers. Strength for Caring helps family caregivers take care of their loved ones and themselves. Strength for Caring is part of The Caregiver Initiative, created by Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Company, Division of Johnson & Johnson Consumer Companies, Inc.

Beyond Casseorles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend
This book is by Rest Ministries author, Lisa Copen, and it has 505 ways to help out someone who is going through a rough time, as well as their family.

How to Organize a Care Group
This is an article with step by step instructions on how Ellen’s Angels organized their care group. Based on the book Share The Care

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How is Faith Related to Pain Tolerance?

How is faith related to pain tolerance? Can a person with great faith endure more than a person with little or no faith? What can we learn from people of great faith that will help us live with chronic illness?

In the early years of my husband’s illness, pain made him angry. He fought against his pain, often lashing out. To suggest he give it to God only frustrated him. He was the one with an uncooperative body. How could I know how he felt or what he suffered? Yes, he believed in God and in Jesus Christ, but that belief was not faith. It was head knowledge, not heart knowledge

In our thirty years together, my husband and I have “grown up” in the Lord. Our faith has changed and deepened. Dependence on God has replaced resentment with hope. Faith enables us to say, “this world is not my home” and live based on a healthy spirit rather than a healthy body.

Hebrews 11 names and praises many great people of faith. Verses 13-16 states, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.

If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.”

When faith is strong enough to assure you of eternal life with God, it is strong enough to see you through the pain in your physical life. My husband has greater physical pain now than ever before, but he knows God has prepared a place for him where pain does not exist.

Just today he said to me, “I can hardly wait for the day when I’ll never have pain again.” He is looking for that city where his real home lies and because of this, he can endure today.

Lora Chandler has been in a care giving role since 1982 when her husband began his life-long struggle with pain due to a bone disease. Lora welcomes your comments at lorac@yucca.net.

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