My Family Doesn’t See The Benefit of Me Doing Online Ministry When Bed-Bound

I spend a great deal of time in bed due to my illness and have made some amazing friendships and really feel like God has given me a ministry on the Internet reaching out to other people who are hurting and encouraging them. I am on Facebook, twitter, and other social networks. But my family sees this as an aimless waste of time and tells me that I don’t have real relationships with these people so I can’t truly make a difference. Do you think they are right? And if not, how can I convince them that people online need the Lord too and I may be someone they reach out to? -Renee (real name withheld)

Renee, I disagree with your family. God has given us a wonderful tool to use to glorify Him. I have been a support group leader for people who suffer from dysautonomia, a rare/chronic illness for over a decade. One person in particular I finally got to meet in person after chatting and supporting them on the internet for a whole decade. And I can say that it was not a waste of time, she was and is a real person who God lead me to help time and time again.

I just had a book come out nationwide on living with dysautonomia. There is an article on the book and they interviewed Floy my internet friend. She stated how I was always there for her, when her husband walked out, when her son went to college, when she had to go to the hospital and when she was depressed. So, yes I made a difference in her life. That is living proof that you can make a huge impact through the internet.

What is important to remember is that we are here on earth for God and not ourselves. So we need to answer to God. I have found that serving other dysautonomia sufferers is what God has called me to do. I actually work for God, and although I suffer greatly from my illness it gives me great joy, hope and love when I help others for our Lord Jesus Christ.

The fact is the only one you need to answer to is God. Your family members are human, the bible clearly says not to lean on men for strength, but on God.

When I first became ill in 1997 I searched daily for someone who suffered from the same illness. One day I signed on the computer and I had a message from a girl who was suffering just like me. I sobbed with joy that there was someone else like me. That is when I knew God wanted me to reach out to others and help them. I feel Renee you are right in Gods path and that by helping others you are working for God and I consider the best job in the whole world.

Lynn Fox Adams, author of “God Needs ME: Living with Dysautonomia,” has been bed ridden for the past 15 years with a rare chronic condition called dysautonomia. When she lost her job, family members, savings and all of her physical abilities she turned to God and has found that He is all she needs. She has had the honor of being featured in a variety of newspaper articles and magazines and has spoken on Capitol Hill in front of house and senate. You can contact Lynn at lynnfoxadams@charter.net .

What Exercise Can I Do While Stuck in Bed?

Got any good ideas for workouts for when you are bed-bound once in a while? Cynthia Jean

The most effective exercises to do while bedfast, are called isometrics. These exercises do not involve movement, yet they challenge the muscle tissues. Isometric exercises can be used on every muscle in the body.

An example of an isometric exercise is to tighten your stomach. Do this by pulling the belly button towards the spine. It’s the same feeling as if you were trying to squeeze into a tight pair of pants. Hold this contraction for a count of two, then release and tighten again. Repeat for eight to ten repetitions.

To strengthen the glutes, while lying on your back, tighten the muscles in your behind as if you were trying to lift your hips off the bed. Hold this contraction for a count of two, then release and tighten again. Repeat for repetitions.

Begin strengthening the arms by holding both hands in a fist. Tighten these fists while also tightening the muscles in the arms. Hold for a count of two, then release and tighten again. Repeat for repetitions.
To strengthen the upper legs, straighten the legs out onto the bed. Tighten the muscles in your upper legs as if you were trying to pull your kneecaps towards your hips. Hold this contraction for a count of two, then release and tighten again. Repeat for repetitions.

An exercise for the lower legs involves tightening the muscles in the calves. If you need help identifying that muscle, point your toes. The muscle on the back of the lower leg that tightens when you point your toes is the one that you’re going to tighten on your own. Hold the contraction for a count of two, then release and tighten again. Repeat for repetitions.

The muscles of the back can be strengthened by tightening the area between the shoulder blades. Contract those muscles as if you were trying to touch your shoulder blades to each other. Hold for a count of two, release and then tighten again. Repeat for repetitions.

The chest is easier to focus on if the arms are extended towards the ceiling. Contract the chest as if you are trying to touch your elbows to each other. Hold this contraction for a count of two, release and then tighten again. Repeat for repetitions.

Begin with one set of the above exercises and gradually work up to three sets. These can be done all at once, or at separate times throughout the day. As you feel strength gains, add more repetitions or increase the intensity of your contractions.

Lisa M. Wolfe is a fitness trainer and author. Lisa has spent the past eighteen years in the fitness industry and has had the opportunity to work in various aspects of the field.  Her experience includes working with children, cardiac rehabilitation, group exercise; strength, kickboxing, yoga, water aerobics, circuit training, author of six fitness books, personal training, author of instructor’s courses, workout video personality, owning her own gym, and martial arts instruction. Visit her web site at  www.lisamwolfe.com.

Why Won’t My Doctor Treat Me?

What do you suggest to a patient who likely has a chronic illness but whose doctor refuses to treat her or refer her to a specialist? I have a friend whose doctor insists on treating her with antibiotics to treat the symptoms, but not the illness. It has been going on for over a year. She is suffering and getting depressed. —name withheld

Does your friend have an HMO that requires her primary physician to be a “gate keeper?” In this model, doctors must cut costs by limiting referrals. It may be necessary to contact the HMO administration to demand a second opinion. Read the fine print in the insurance packet before calling. Alternatively, she may request a new primary physician. These two processes will take time.

Unfortunately, your friend may need to spend money out of her own pocket to see the physician of her choice. Try to stick with a doctor covered by her plan because that doctor may end up being her advocate with the insurer. Explain the situation up front.

Many illnesses are difficult to diagnose. One example is a disease called “interstitial cystitis.” Doctors give antibiotics because they mistakenly think the symptoms of pain and frequent urination are due to infection. Another example is acid reflux. Doctors give antibiotics for a sore throat or cough that is not caused by strep bacteria, but by acid bubbling up from the stomach. If you “google” symptoms, you may find some clues.

I am embarrassed by doctors who give patients the brush off and HMOs that gouge. Your friend is blessed to have your concern.

Amy Fogelstrom Chai, MD, MS, is an Internal Medicine specialist with additional training in the area of medical research methods. Her experiences as a patient helped to redirect her priorities to home life and Christian ministry.

I’m unemployed and wondering if you have any suggestions?

I’m unemployed and wondering if you have any suggestions for a mom with an illness who is interested in legitimate work at home ideas?

We’ve all seen the figures. Right now in our country we’re facing a 10.2% unemployment rate.

That number speaks volumes. What happens when income that you had coming in every week suddenly stops? Sure, we all know we should have saved for such an event, but many Americans are barely making by. And experts say that the 10.2% is really just the icing on the cake. Many more have faced having their hours cut, having to take more days off, etc. So, what are your options? Can working from home somehow help?

First, consider if this is the time to start a home-based business. Perhaps you have been thinking about this for a while and just never had the opportunity. God might just be opening the door for you and telling you the time is right. Explore the options available to you. Remember the key to success: Match your skills, experience and passion with a business that allows you to use these. Do something that you enjoy doing and feel that you can be good at.

Second, think through what can you do to earn a second income. Remember this can just be a temporary thing. Yes, you might have to work harder now, but the peace of mind of paying the bills will far outweigh having to put in those extra hours.

Both of these options can be done with many types of businesses. For example, look into virtual assisting. If you excel at administrative tasks, web design, bookkeeping, publicity, social networking, etc., this could be a fabulous business for you or a great second income. How about direct sales? Especially with the holidays approaching consider contacting some companies and seeing what they offer. How about an online shop?

So You Want to Be a Work-At-Home Mom: A Christian’s Guide to Starting a Home-Based Business details all the basics of starting a business in a spiritual, motivational, and comprehensive manner. From deciding what type of business to start to keeping your family and faith first, this helpful tool details every aspect of establishing a business. With proven success tips utilized by the authors and others who own work-at-home businesses, this inspiration approach will provide you with the resources you need to start your own home-based business.

JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, the co-host of the live internet radio show, The CWAHM Network, and the publisher of RadiantLit.com. She resides in Nebraska with her husband and their two children. DIANA ENNEN has been a leader and mentor in the work-at-home industry since starting her business in 1985. She is the author of many books, including Words from Home: Start, Run, and Profit from a Home-Based Word Processing Business. She resides in Margate, Florida, with her husband and their three children.

My Aging Dad Needs Me as His Caregiver

I am feeling overwhelmed. I have multiple sclerosis and thankfully am still mobile, but I never know when a bad flare may occur and I suffer from fatigue all of the time. My Dad lives about 30 minutes away and is needing more full-time caregiving. (Mom died when I was young.)

I am not sure what to do. Just the drive alone is getting to be too much, and am I selfish to not want to give up all my weekends? He has no money except the house he is living in and he wants to live on his own as long as possible. The Bible says to honor my father and I want to. I just don’t know what is best for my own health too. What are my options? -Jill

Dearest Jill,

Overwhelmed is a feeling you’re more than justified in experiencing. My guess, from your description of your situation, is that you’re also feeling guilt and isolation along with fatigue and frustration.

Let me answer your key question first, NO! You’re not selfish. Just the fact you’re struggling with this and working through God’s command to honor your father demonstrates a selflessness. Clearly, you’re willing to put yourself on the line, if that’s what God requires of you. And that’s huge.

But, even though it doesn’t sound like there are other family members who can help you (if there are—your first task is to ask them for help), you’re not alone.

Here are a few quotes from my book, The Overwhelmed Woman’s Guide to … Caring for Aging Parents (Moody, 2008), that just might be helpful:

I found a line in a “Helping Yourself” brochure written by Charles A. Corr, Ph.D.:

“Caregivers must avoid becoming overburdened. If you do, you will be unable to take care of your loved one or yourself. . . . The aim should be to do all that we can—not more than we can—to take care of those we love.”

Not more than we can! (from Introduction)

Jill, for you that means seeing that your own health isn’t compromised as you seek the best for your dad’s care.

For the believer in Christ, this season of change in a family carries added weight because of a desire to honor our parents. In childhood honor usually meant obey. In young adulthood, it meant respect. But now as they age, how are we to honor them while balancing their needs with our other obligations? We can take a cue from the verb’s synonyms: to prize, to value, to hold precious, to revere. … [I]f we hold our parents as precious (despite their foibles), [we will] find ways to invest our limited emotional, physical, and financial resources in their care? (from Chapter 1)

Jill, here’s an important key: Caring for and honoring our parents doesn’t always require us to do the care ourselves, just to see that it is done—like an overseer or manager.

There are [many] options for in-home care. Some services offer paid helpers to come into a senior’s home for an hour or two, once or twice a week. … Nurses and other trained medical professionals can visit to monitor vital signs, administer medications, and provide wound care. Many of the services [visiting doctors or nurses] offer, if deemed medically necessary, are covered by a patient’s private insurance or Medicare/Medicaid plans, making it a viable option for many. (from Chapter 9)

There are services – often paid for by Medicare, Medicaid, and other insurance, or offered by a community organization – that can assist your dad in staying in his home safely. They may come in and provide vital service—shopping, skilled nurse care, medication dispensing, etc. Your task may be to help find services in his area (the Internet is a great source, as is a local senior center) and to see that he is linked with them.

Well, that’s the tip of the iceberg regarding some of the issues you raise. In my book, you’ll find more on all of these, as well as a list of sources where you can go to find help specific to your challenges.

My best counsel for you is:

1. Don’t compromise your own health as you honor God by helping your father locate the right care;
2. Ask for help from family, the community, the church, the medical team caring for your dad.

Blessings to you,

Julie-Allyson Ieron is author of eight books, including her latest: The Overwhelmed Woman’s Guide to … Caring for Aging Parents (Moody Publishers, 2008). Visit Julie’s website at: www.womencareforagingparents.com to read more on the subject.

My Parents Don’t Believe I am Really Ill

I am 36 and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year, but I’ve had the severe symptoms for about 3 years. My husband has been supportive, but my parents don’t believe I really have this illness and if I do I should just take the medicine they see on the commercials and get on with life.

I love them and want to still have some kind of relationship with them, but it is causing stress on my marriage too, because my husband can’t bear to see me hurt by them any more. -Sherry

Dear Sherry,

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Sometimes it can be very difficult for others to understand or to accept the reality of a chronic illness. Often times, they don’t realize that the debilitating affects of an illness like Fibromyalgia vary from patient to patient and that, for many, it just isn‘t as easy as “pushing ourselves“ or “taking a pill” in order to maintain the life we once led. And, unfortunately, ads from pharmaceutical companies are aimed at selling a product and don’t adequately present the varied symptoms of such a complex disorder.

I recommend a couple of resources that may help your parents gain a better understanding of how your illness affects you. One is a Fact Sheet from the National Fibromyalgia Association. And the other is an article titled, “What’s Going On? A Simple Explanation of Fibromyalgia- Making Sense of a Complex Disorder, For Those Who Don’t Have It”. The second is one of the best I’ve found and really describes how FM affects the body in simple, easy to understand terms. I hope it helps. J

Beyond that, it is important for you to do whatever is needed to reduce the stress your relationship with your parents is placing on both yourself and your marriage. I know it’s heart-breaking to consider limiting the amount of contact between you. And I, myself, understand how painful it can be not to have the support of those dearest to you, especially when facing an illness. It can feel like a dagger through the heart sometimes. But, in order to improve and maintain your health as much as possible, it is crucial to address both your physical and emotional needs. Since we know that stress exacerbates the symptoms of FM, it’s important to limit stressful situations as much as possible and to maintain positive, supportive relationships in your life.

I’m so happy to hear that your husband is understanding and supportive! That is truly a blessing! And it may be that, one day, your parents will come to be supportive, as well. I would encourage you to share these articles with them. If you haven’t already done so, you might also try writing them a letter, expressing your feelings. Explain to them what a typical day, living with your symptoms, is like for you. If you have done all you can do to try to help them understand, and they still fail to be supportive, then it may be necessary to distance yourself from them for a time. Focus on doing all you can to have a positive emotional outlook and this will help you immensely, both in managing your FM and in dealing with your parents.

Sherry, I encourage you to continue to pray for your parents’ understanding. And, at the same time, ask God to give you strength to change the things you can and peace to accept the things you can not. He can ease your hurt and help you learn to, once again, lead a joyful, productive life, even while managing the effects of your illness!

In Christian Love & Service,

Angela Dobbins, Founder
True Life Family Ministries
True Life Strategies – life coaching with hope & heart

Angela Dobbins is a Christian life coach in McKinney, TX. She lives daily with the effects of Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain Complex, and various sensitivities. Angela’s passion is to share God’s love with others and to assist them toward becoming all He created them to be, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.

How has the New Age Movement Affected the Medical Field?

The New Age Movement has a lot to say about spirituality, but it rejects Christ’s claim of absolute truth.  The idea that truth is a matter of personal preference has influenced our culture, our political system, and even our churches.  It comes as no surprise that New Age philosophy has affected the field of medicine.

Modern “conventional” medicine sprang from the uniquely Christian idea that truth never changes.  Shamanism and alchemy were utterly debunked in the intellectual wildfire sparked by the reformation of the Christian Church.  Science as we know it was born.

Now “alternative” medicine is gaining ground, offering a more spiritual approach to physical healing.  Unfortunately, the religious philosophy it is based upon is not Christianity.  Many new healers use methods based largely on eastern mysticism.

I know what it feels like to be told, “There is nothing we can do for you.”  It feels crushing, with hope leaving a vacuum where the heart should be.  I understand why people will try anything…anything.  If you are at that point, as I once was, your loved ones are probably urging you to try all sorts of alternatives.

The bottom line is this: alternative medicine is a multi-billion dollar industry.  It is largely unregulated by the federal government.  People pay in cash.  There is no malpractice liability.  There is no requirement to prove safety or efficacy.  If you choose an alternative therapy, make sure it is backed up by solid research, avoid the mystical, and be sure to inform your physician.

Amy Fogelstrom Chai, MD, MS, is an Internal Medicine specialist with additional training in the area of medical research methods.  Her experiences as a patient helped to redirect her priorities to home life and Christian ministry.

I’m a Chronically Ill Mom w/ Son w/ Autism

I am a mom of a 2-year-old who was just diagnosed with autism. I also have had fibromyalgia for 5 years. I don’t know how I am going to get through this.

I had assumed that, with husband’s help, I could be a pretty good mom despite my illness. But now with all of the extra attention he is going to need, as well as therapy, doctor’s appointments, and even the possibility of needing a caregiver the rest of his life, I feel completely overwhelmed and even a bit betrayed by the Lord. Where do I start to work my way through these emotions? -Name Withheld

Wow, your family has a lot to handle right now. First, you should know that the feeling of being overwhelmed is normal. The fact that you recognize and want to address those emotions shows that you are being realistic and proactive.

Now, to avoid feeling so overwhelmed, you need to stop worrying about being your son’s caregiver the rest of his life. The mother of a severely handicapped young adult says that when her daughter was little, it was easy to become overwhelmed. So she trained herself to ask, “Is there anything in this hour, just this one hour, I can’t handle?” She learned to live by the hour and by the day until she no longer felt overwhelmed.

Also, if you don’t already belong to a parent support group for autism, you should join one. Ask your doctor or local school district’s special education department for more information. If they can’t help you, the Autism Society of America can help you locate a local or state chapter. Even if there’s no chapter near you, their national website can advise you about how to get support from your school district and even social services, depending on the severity of your son’s autism. It also has daily, practical tips for parents.

If you don’t belong to a support group for fibromyalgia, find one and join it, too. The encouragement of others dealing with your struggles is a powerful thing. Other sufferers may have advice on how to make it through each day. You also should explain your situation to people in your church. Perhaps they could bring in meals a couple times a week, help with housework or mow your lawn so you have time to rest now and then.

Finally, your sense of betrayal is a normal, human emotion. The best way to handle it is to be completely honest. What did Jesus say in His darkest hour? “My God, my God, why have you forsaken Me?” If the Son of God asked such a question, you can ask it, too.

So be honest with God. Tell Him how you feel, and tell Him what you need. The darkness will not lift immediately, but it will lift as He brings people into your life to help your family.

Jolene Philo is the author of “A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children“. Visit her web site at www.jolenephilo.com

Be sure to listen to Jolene’s presentation from Invisible Illness Week, When Your Child is Chronically Ill

FAQ About HopeKeepers Groups

>send us your questions

What are your requirements to be called “HopeKeepers”?

We request that during your HopeKeepers meeting you do not discuss treatments, alternative medicines, etc. without letting everyone know in advance that this will be the topic for that particular meeting. As groups grow together people may want to discuss these subjects but oftentimes they become sessions of “you should try…” and people grow uncomfortable.

Trying to Find a Beginner Tai Chi DVD

I am trying to find a Beginner Tai Chi DVD that is specifically designed for those with chronic illness. Do you have any recommendations? Amy

Tai chi is an effective exercise that tailors to a variety of fitness levels and needs. It is commonly recommended for the elderly and people with chronic illness. It focuses on improving balance, strength and concentration. Because of its slow paced and gentle nature, you don’t need to do tai chi specifically designed for chronic illness.

I recommend choosing a beginners DVD but know that as with any exercise, it’s important to listen to your body and do only what you are physically capable of.

Naomi Kingery has been a certified yoga therapist since the age of thirteen, and fitness coach since sixteen. She has incorporated exercise into her life to treat the symptoms of chronic illness. Her viewpoint on yoga and Christianity is available to read at www.hopethroughyoga.com. Kingery is also the author of The Sugar Free Series, available at livetolovediabetes.com .

Listen to Naomia’s presnetation from Invisible Illness Week, Being a Teenager with a Chronic Illness with Naomi Kingery

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