Christian Financial Resources to Get Organized in the New Year

If tax season has you concerned about what is going on with your finances, help is here!

We found a web site that is packed full of the Top 50 Christian Business and Finance Blogs that will help you understand how to organize your own personal finances, get out of debt, set up college funds, save for retirement, invest, understand legalese of financial issues and much more.

Some of these resources include:

• ChristianPF.com: This site gives advice on everything from credit card tips, building personal wealth to banking tips. Also be sure to check out the “Money in the Bible” category to help you see your priorities more clearly.
• Gather by Little: Use simple Bible tips to help you increase your personal wealth, “little by little.”
• Why Religion is an Important Part of Personal Finance: Read articles about how to save money by cutting costs in unlikely places.
• Christian Finance Blog: Browse categories like taxes, retirement, emergency fund, and more. This blog gives great financial advice that is “relevant to today?s Christian.” Don?t forget to check out the verse of the day!
• Free Money Finance: Find tons of helpful resources on this blog inlcuding saving for your kids? college tuition, holiday spending trends, and Biblical investing.
• Fallible.com: Katy McKenna Raymond writes about her personal Christian experiences often touching on money and finance.
• Good Sense Ministry: Learn about the financial and spiritual benefits of stewardship.
• Crown Financial Ministries: This site gives valuable information on organizing and understanding your money.

This is one page you will want to bookmark and refer to often!

Fireproof – A Good Valentine’s Rental Movie

Fireproof is an amazing movie that was out in 2008 that set records for any independent film. Starring actor Kirk Cameron, heplays a fire chief and a man who is well-respected by those in his community. But his marriage is nearing the end. It’s not because of an affair with another person, or some dramatic event that takes place; but rather because, day by day, both spouses take one another a little more for granted and move away from each other than toward each other. Both are searching for validation of their emotions and even simple appreciation.

Despite the fact that the movie was at the theaters two years ago the ministry of this movie continues to impact lives and change marriages. They have set up a Fireproof website specifically for Valentine’s Day review can hear the author made some of the love dares that were completed in the film, send a Fireproof e-card, or listen to one of their hit songs from the film and download it–John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the FIREPROOF Soundtrack CD.

Here are 8 reasons I believe every married couple who copes with chronic illness should see this movie:

1. The dialogue is real, as if the writers were hiding behind the furniture of living rooms around the world and eves-dropping on actual conversations, arguments and threats. Let’s face it… real fights are most often about who has done the dishes. You won’t find the typical Hollywood lingo in this film like, “You had me at hello.”

2. The burden of care-giving is addressed. The “wife” in the relationship has a mother who has recently had a stroke. The expense of the medical equipment she needs, like a wheelchair and a bed, is shown in this film, something nearly always overlooked in your typical movie. Though this situation may be dissimilar to yours, it’s helpful to see illness and its impact on a marriage acknowledged as a stressor in a marriage relationship.

3. It will make you laugh. Just because the emotions run deep enough to bring on many tears in this movie, doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself laughing through those tears at times. Even if your marriage is “perfect” and you think you don’t need a boost, it’s a move night to share with your spouse just for fun. The firehouse crew is and the little things the actors do, where you see yourself, will bring smiles to your face.

4. It tells both sides of the story. Whether you are the spouse who is trying to make your marriage work, or the one who just wants out, you’ll find many of your emotions and fears represented. Though the husband in this film is made out in some cases to have been the one with some “problems” the wife isn’t without room for improvement in how she treats her husband either. A surprise twist at the end will leave you with a reminder that no one is perfect, regardless of how they may appear to be.

5. It’s packed with real life scenarios, including those of a fireman. This isn’t a cheap flick with a strong message, but a strong film that happens to have a solid message. If you love those “edge of your seat” movie scenes when you are eating popcorn as fast as you can get your hand to your mouth, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re a woman, you can rest easy that there is plenty of “guy stuff” in this movie that won’t make your man feel like he’s at a chick flick.

6. Kirk Cameron yells. Okay, maybe not one of the top reasons to see this film, but watching him lose his temper and kick a trash can may just leave the men (or women) in the audience feeling like they aren’t being judged of silly behavior or lost tempers. Most of us have had a situation where we’ve wanted to please our spouse and their response made us want to go kick something, right?

7. It provides a tool to take along. The book “The Love Dare,” which the actor works through to win his wife’s heart back, may seem more like a way for the movie makers to make an extra buck. It’s not. In fact, all actors worked for free. The book is rather a way that you can take something tangible away from the film and literally start applying it to your own marriage. As my mom and I left the theater the guys beside us exchanged words. “I guess I have to go order my wife some flowers now… but it’s going to cost me a fortune!” “Hey, weren’t you listening. It doesn’t matter how much they cost.” The great thing is, if you’re on a budget, expensive flowers aren’t required; it’s the actions.

If I was a Christian counselor I would hand couples the DVD (when available) and tell them to go watch it together before our first appointment.

A nice plus is the “behind the scenes” honor that actor Kirk Cameron gives his wife by keeping his own promises: he vowed to her (despite being an actor) to never kiss another woman. So his wife was flown in for the kiss at the end of the film, where she stood in for the actress. He’s been married seventeen years, is the father of six children, and a strong believer in Christ who is not ashamed to proclaim it. That makes me want to listen up to what he has to say. He made the rounds before the film released, including spots on the Today Show, Dr Phil (9/25/08) and many more and he has done well. Despite some over-eager or even rude (names not mentioned) interviewers, he has represented Christ well. He’s come a long way from the posters on my little sister’s wall!

And on a side note, you may be interested to know he founded a camp over twenty years ago, Camp Firefly, for chronically ill children and their families. (Go, Kirk!)

As the founder of Rest Ministries which serves those who live with chronic illness, I firmly stand behind this movie as being one of the best to impact a marriage. It may be the two best hours you give your marriage since the day of your vows.

Lisa Copen

PS: You may also be interested in this: Focus on the Family is putting together a “special marriage seminar on February 27 that your church can host. The Focus on Marriage simulcast conference is Saturday, February 27.” Stephen Kendrick, author of Fireproof and The Love Dare is one of the guest speakers. You can attend at a church near you that offers this event via satellite. Find a location near you here at FOTF’s web site.

 

Special Interview with Renee Bondi

Reprinted from HopeKeepers Magazine 2004

I was having a ball with wedding plans; my music program was a huge success; I was blessed to have had the opportunity to travel and see the world; I had friends and family to love. My life was full, and I saw nothing but blue skies above,” she writes in her book The Last Dance But Not the Last Song. But in May 1988, after a romantic weekend as a prom chaperone with her fiancé, her life would take a dramatic dive—literally.

She went to bed filled with innocent anticipation of life ahead, but awoke “diving” off the foot of her bed. She simply remembers being in mid- air and thinking, “Huh?” and then hitting the floor. Filled with searing pain in her neck and shoulders, she thought, “I’ve really done it now. . . I’ve got a real kink in my neck.”

Later at ICU, however, the doctor would tell her, “You’ll never walk again. . .” and he would be right. That night, Renée became a quadriplegic, having no feeling below the top of her chest. He also told her, however, “You’ll never be able to sing. . .” —and he would be wrong. He didn’t know Renée, her fierce determination and passionate spunk; nor did he understand her faith that would propel her forward through any challenges she would face. Today, Renée has sold over 100,000 albums and she travels throughout the United States singing and speaking for Christian conferences, church events, and youth rallies. But the closest thing to her heart right now is simply being a wife and a mother, miracles that she acknowledge astonish her daily.

I arrived at the church to meet with Renée a bit frazzled, as my directions were confusing. I had also read Renée’s book and I was experiencing a sense of nerves at meeting this inspiring woman. I no longer wanted to sit and just interview her; I wanted to have a relaxing cup of coffee and chat about how she had encouraged me through her honest and raw written words. I started out my conversation with her laughingly sharing how much I related with her frustration of not being able to wear cute, feminine shoes. It’s those little things that make one feel an instant bond.

Despite our surroundings of being in a cubby-hole behind the stage where she would perform in a few minutes when she spoke it was Holy Ground where I would sit with her. Renée’s deep faith and daily surrender were immediately evident.

HK: Many people find losing more abilities the hardest part of living with a chronic condition. How do you get through tough moments?

RB: I’ve often wondered what would it be like if I had something like MS where I wouldn’t really know where I’m going to be in a year. One may wake up tomorrow with some paralysis or dysfunction. At the beginning we felt that way, but after fifteen years, I know what I have is pretty much what I have. I know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don’t have the fear that you may, unless I don’t take care of myself. What has helped me over the years is knowing that with God I can handle anything.

I didn’t have that confidence when I was young, but now I know that I can get through anything–including being confined to the wheelchair– because tomorrow is another day and it could be better. I don’t want to sound like a Pollyanna at all, but I know I’m not going to stay this way forever. I can even have this outlook with the worst case scenario: let’s say I get a pressure wound that gets horrible and infected and I get a staph infection and die. . . Still, it’s not horrible. I will go to Heaven where I get to dance again and run and play and be able to use my body. What most people would call the very worst scenario isn’t bad.

HK: I think that describes the “joy of the Lord is my strength” because a lot of people would say tomorrow could be worse.

RB: And it could be, but you’re not doing yourself any favors.

HK: You’ve had some time where you’ve been bedridden for months. What kinds of things get you through these lonely times?

RB: I think what you can do when you’re having a bad day, rather than being depressed about it, is to go ask yourself, “What can I do to make this better? Am I taking care of myself? Do I have the right medical care and attendant care? Have I made good amends with my family? Do I have a relationship with family members or are they estranged? What changes can I make myself?” Rather than dwell and woe about my life, I need to really ask myself, “What can I do?”

HK: You’ve found a certain peace by having a ministry from your experience. How would you encourage someone who is in deep pain, but still waiting for God to reveal His purpose?

RB: I think it’s really important to know that God does not waste our suffering or pain. I had been through junk, pain and suffering, but others wanted to know, “How do you smile in that wheelchair?” It allowed me to share and question, “How do I?” I was able to realize that God was using everything I had been through for a larger purpose. So I would encourage people to help others in their pain because (a) it helps you get out of your own and put your focus on somebody else; and (b) it gives you purpose to live with the pain.

HK: What’s been the most surprising thing about being a mom with disability?

RB: How quickly my son adapted to my disability. He was only about 12 or 18 months old. . . He needed to get out of the crib and I would calmly say, “Daniel, I’m going to help you get out of the crib. Be very careful and listen to mommy. Grab around my head and hold on tight. Do not let go because mommy cannot catch you. Mommy cannot catch you.” And he’d grab around my neck and climb out and crawl into my lap. How he got out of that crib and onto my lap was amazing. I was so surprised.

HK: I think that’s very encouraging for us moms to hear. Many of us are even more nervous than an average mom about how our child will adapt to different abilities we have.

RB: Oh good. Yes! I was very nervous about the infant stage. Very nervous.

HK: If you could reshape how a church reaches out to the disabled community, what would be your vision or your dream?

RB: Some churches are doing an excellent job, but I think they are far and few between. I think that’s something we as disabled people should take on. We ask ourselves, “What do I have to offer to society?” and this is a huge job —to come to our pastor or parish advisory board and say, “What are we doing really to minister to the disabled? Can I help? Can I start a Bible study for the disabled? Can I make sure we have an accessible church? Where can we sit comfortably? Not all together, for example. If I’m disabled, how can I sit with my family?”

It’s absolutely important not to go in with a hardened heart and with an attitude of, “You owe it to me, you’re my church!” But rather offer yourself to be part of the solution. Don’t be an angry, bitter, demanding person.

I would love to see everything accessible, Bible studies that speak specifically to suffering, and signers for hearing impaired at all services, and my absolute dream would be to have a disabled person on staff. I love the fact that many churches have disability Sunday. Sunday school for children. That’s so hard and I understand why it doesn’t happen because it takes the right people. It’s a big job description—for people to have special education skills and also a relationship with Christ. But it’s a dream.

HK: What dreams do you have for your ministry and how God will continue to work in you and your family’s life?

RB: When I was laying in the ICU, I never dreamed I’d now be a wife and a mom—well. . .yes, I did, because I was in denial: “Of course I will be!” But later . . . after denial, I realized this is real, this is my “thing.” Now, to be a wife and a mom and be able to reach out to others is just more than I deserve.

I am in a very, very, very serious place of being a wife and a mom. If I was in my 20’s and single, I’d want to travel and be a recording artist and speak and minister to others on a grand scale, get a record deal, that sort of thing. But I just have no desire; it’s exhausting to parent this way, there is no doubt about it. I’ve had to get very creative at times—very creative. But more importantly, I want to be a good wife; It’s really about being a good wife in order to be a good mom. That’s the gift we’re going to give our son—mom and dad being okay.

This year I was in bed for seven months on my stomach 24 hours a day, seven days a week, while a pressure wound healed; after that I finally got back up in the chair and had other health problems. It was very taxing on our marriage, very difficult. But we finally survived it. We really started praying for joy. We wanted to be joyful. We were whining and cranky. It was very ugly and so we prayed for God to return our joy.

This year Mike and I went through what everyone expected us to go through fifteen years ago, like when everyone was saying, “What is Mike doing marrying a quadriplegic. Does he realize what he’s giving up?” He realized it this year. But now, we’re much, much better.

Again, I had to step back and look at it without being emotional and ask, “What can I do to help the situation?” I started meditating on Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true…” and so while I was stuck in bed I’d go through that verse. Okay, what is true? God loves me. What is true? I’m a quadriplegic and I need to find a way to be joyful. What is noble? Mike being married to me. What is pure? Daniel’s smile. What is lovely? I can see the sky outside.

Once I started meditating on this my attitude and heart started to change and I became someone my husband wanted to be around. Mike said, “Okay, that’s the woman I married. She left for awhile, but she’s back now.”

I taped Scriptures on 3 x 5 cards and put them by my bed, and I’d say them over and over, sometimes putting melodies to them. It really helped pass the day in a good way. I also watched every romantic comedy on video, but I got to where I needed more. I called Joni Eareckson Tada and said, “What can I do? I’ve prayed. I need some new ideas! I’m going down for the count!” She said that it was during these times that she began memorizing the second, third and fourth verses of hymns.

Sometimes it’s hard to pray. I remember soon after the accident when I was in the hospital and a chaplain came to pray with me. She said, “Let’s pray,” and I said, “I don’t feel like it. . .” She told me to breath in and say “Jesus.” Then slowly breath out and say “Mercy. . .” “Jesus. . . Mercy. . .” and soon my heart began to soften.

HK: Thanks so much for sharing with us, Renée. I know you will encourage many.

Visit Renee Bondi’s web site for more information on her ministry, her speaking, music and more, including her latest book and CD (where you can hear samples.)

Lisa Copen had the honor of interviewing Renee Bondi.

How Do You Get Romantic with an Ill Wife?

When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think “romance.” She may be in a great deal of physical pain or also suffer from side effects of the illness or medications, such as weight gain or loss, a “puffy prednisone,” or even feeling sick to her stomach. She may also be dealing with the loss of her career and dealing with grief.

Be assured that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA live with a chronic illness and so many marriages are impacted. Unfortunately, nearly seventy-five percent of them end in divorce when an illness is that “third party” in the marriage.

So, how can you encourage her and maybe even get some of that romance back into your marriage? Here are some ideas to add some romance into your marriage.

• Chocolate. Yes, it really can be that simple. But buy her some sugar-free chocolate that she can splurge on without the guilt. It’s amazing how good it tastes! Chocolate has a chemical called phenyl ethylamine that actually produces the feeling of “being in love.” Check out your local Wal-Mart or Target for their Russell Stover’s chocolates that come in bags. Coconut, caramels, and pecans hmmmm you get the idea.
• Women with a chronic illness are the same as most women. They want their man to hold their hand. Give affection generously, but also carefully to not cause more pain. Rub her back, call her a pet name you haven’t used in five years, and don’t pressure her for more. Cuddle, snuggle, and cuddle some more like you will never let her go.
• Tell her all the things you love about her: how strong she is, how much you admire her strength in coping with illness, how you’re sticking around no matter what. Who needs romantic poetry? Speak from the heart!
• Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn’t splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn’t feeling well.
• Schedule a day of rest for her. Get the kids out of the house, give her a new pair of pjs, and let her know she has he day to do whatever she wants.
• Hide romantic notes in places she will find them. Stick a note in the fridge that says, “I know it’s hard for you to go grocery shopping. Please know how much it means to me that you keep this box stocked just for me!”
• Get romantic at home. Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy an electric fondue pot and pledge to dip something in candlelight one evening a week and just talk.
• Are you having troubles starting up some romantic conversations? Buy a book about conversation starters or fill a jar with topics. Do a search online for “romantic conversation starters.”
• Don’t forget to make a few changes in the bedroom to spark some romance. As silly as it sounds, candles, roses, and a great play list on your ipod tells her that you cared enough to set the mood for her.
• It’s no surprise that women are complicated beings and rarely can you read her mind to know exactly what she needs and when she needs it. So be sure to just ask her outright. “What is on your mind most these days? How can I help you around the house more? What can I do to communicate just how much I love you?”

You don’t have to be perfect. By making an effort to create some romance in the relationship, it will bring some romance to your marriage! If she sees you reading a book on marriage or romancing your wife, she may just toss the book aside and grab you. Whoever said the most romantic thing a man can do are the dishes understood women perfectly.

Free 40 pages of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend by Lisa Copen when you subscribe HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week

Related articles by Zemanta

• In Sickness and in Health…or Just in Sickness? (invisibleillnessweek.com)
• 56% of Americans Using the Web for Health Info Say Search “Changed Their Overall Approach” (healthmgmtrx.blogspot.com)

Is Your Loved One Depressed?

By Dena Dyer

Is your loved one or friend depressed? If you’re fairly certain they are, you are in the position to help. You’re also in the uncomfortable place of trying to help someone who may not be able to (or want to) help themselves.

I’m not a medical professional, and I’m not a counselor. But I am a layperson who has experienced both short-term and long-term depression, and I’ve been able (with God’s help) to live for several years now in a mostly-sustained place of good mental health. Life isn’t perfect, of course, and neither am I. Some days are better than others, and I’m not “cured,” but my life is so much better–and my faith is so much stronger–than it was just a few years ago.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that God is doing a new thing in my life and in my family, and I’m excited about what the future holds. It hasn’t always been that way.

One of the words I’m concentrating on this year is HOPE. I long for 2010 to be a year when I gave hope in tangible, practical, and inspiring ways. . . to many more people than ever before (if God wills, of course). He has been so good to me, and I want to share His grace and mercy as much as possible, in as many ways as He makes available.

So, to start the new year, here are a few do’s and don’ts from someone who has gone through the nightmare of depression and lived to tell about it:

DO:

• Listen without judgment. Despite what some Christians mistakenly believe, depression itself is not a sin. Many, many Bible characters and faithful Christians have suffered with depression. It’s a complex, often debilitating disease…and so many well-meaning believers (and even some successful Christian leaders) make depressed people feel as if it’s all spiritual and all their fault. PLEASE don’t make this mistake.
• Pray, pray, pray. Remember that prayer (and scripture) are our most powerful allies in the battle for mental health.
• Encourage your friend/loved one to get the right kind of help–whether it’s medical, emotional, spiritual and/or psychological assistance. Find a godly Christian counselor and physician who will work together, if that’s what healing takes. And be prepared to help with paperwork, transportation, and follow-up. Depressed people often feel “foggy” mentally, and may find it hard to keep track of their appointments.
• And keep after your friend/loved one until they do get some kind of relief. Remember, depression can lead to suicide.
• Provide rides, babysitting, housecleaning, cooking and/or groceries–anything that will help lighten their load. But ask them what would help first (don’t assume)!
• Try to think about what they’re going through and put yourself in their shoes.
• Give them space to cry, read, pray, be alone, and sleep more if they need to. That being said, look for signs that their depression isn’t lifting, and be prepared to intervene, if necessary.
• Try to get them out of the house, but don’t be offended if you can’t persuade them to go.

DON’T:

• Say “just snap out of it”, “why don’t you try —” or “I was depressed once and — worked for me” or similar things. Of course, give an answer if they ask for your opinion or advice. Just try to be careful with prescriptions and pronouncements.
• Try to cheer them up. Instead, ask them what they need, and be prepared to follow through.
• Don’t say “let me know what I can do to help” and leave it at that. Give them specific ideas and questions to answer.
• Avoid them, if at all possible. They might not be great company, but they need your presence, even if they can’t articulate it.
• Pressure them to get better too quickly. Coming back from depression can be a painstakingly slow process, with many ups and downs. If they’re making progress, try to be content. Know that they’re doing the hardest work they’ve ever done.
• Give up hope. Depression is a disease, but there are treatment options–and many, many people who have suffered from it have gone on to lead wonderful, fulfilling lives.

That’s it for now. Do you have do’s and don’ts to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

Dena Dyer is a mom and wife who lives with her two boys (three, if you count her husband!) in the beautiful Texas hill country. Her passions are my loving, laughing, and encouraging others–whether that’s through writing, speaking, or singing. She is a Christian author and speaker and if you’d like to receive a handout she gives when she speaks on depression, which includes Bible verses, books, and other helpful resources, send her an email at denadyer@austin.rr.com and she’ll send you one. Visit her web site here.

Finding Hope Despite Depression – Mini-Bible Study

Depression is a difficult trial to endure. God has promised to carry us through each trial. In this Bible study below on depression, God’s Bible promises will shine a light of hope to carry you through.

God is here for you in the present

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.” (Psalm 130:1-2, NIV)

God hears our cries for help in the midst of depression.

1. Have you been depressed?
2. Describe a trial of depression you have experienced.
3. How has God answered your cries for help?

Journaling can be used as a form of prayer

You can address it to God. You can then release all of your concerns to God. You can then end it on a positive note with at least one thing you are thankful for.

1. Have you found journaling helpful in communicating with God?

God is here for you when you are feeling weak

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, NIV)

1. What heavy burdens are you carrying that you need to give to God?
2. How has depression affected your life?
3. Make a list of good things that you enjoy doing. Can you see how these things could help you when you are depressed?

God has hope for you in the future

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

1. How do you see hope in your future?
2. How would you like your life to be?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

1. How does this verse make you feel?
2. Can you see how God will bring any of this all together for good? If so, how?

God will carry you through the depression, never leaving your side (even when it feels like it)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

One hope we can cling to during depression is that God will comfort us and carry us through the depression. When we get through to the other side, or even in the midst of it, we can comfort others struggling with depression. One way to help others is to join a support group.

1. Is there a depression support group you can join in your town or local church?
2. How would your experience of depression help you in the group to help others?

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27, NIV)

May God bless you and grant you peace of mind from depression.

Jodi Wheeler is a freelance Christian writer who has dealt with depression in her own life.  In doing so, she hopes to help others dealing with depression as God pulled her through her own.  It’s her desire that God would use the words she writes to help others grow in their Christian walk.

A Talk Over Tea – A Lord-Willing Attitude

A friend of mine is fond of saying, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”  This quaint little saying seems to be not only an outline of the recent turn of events in my life, but also words of wisdom.

How much I like a plan, a clear set of expectations, something solid that I can look forward to.  God, however, wants us to trust him, not our plans.  And that should be enough.  My struggle is often over letting go of searching “God’s will” (ie. my action plan approved by God) and rather just seeking God.  For what God desires is not to be my consultant of my business partner, but my friend.

Celebrating today and being content with what we have been given is not only a wise suggestion but a commandment from God.  “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?… Instead you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will we will live and do this or that’” (James 4: 14,15).

My great-grandmother used to add the words “Lord-willing” to the end of every plan she made.  She never said, “We’ll have a picnic” without adding the words “Lord-willing” to the end of the sentence.  What a wonderful, comforting perspective for life, for it assures us if it does not happen it is because it was not in God’s will!

Living just for today can be difficult when we have an illness, because we are put in the position of trying to predict what a medication may do to us, positively or negatively.  We must plan for our financial stability and we have concerns about who will care for our children or aging parents, if we are unable to assist.

Chronic illness is often degenerative, which can throw us into a lifetime of going through the grief cycle every time that we lose another ability.  Just as we must not look too far forward, however, we also must not dwell on the past.  This is why we are told “Do not say, ‘Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions’” (Ecc. 7:10).

God did not simply tell us not to worry about tomorrow and then let us be, however.  He promised his strength for all of the days of our life.  As the hymn says, “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives, all fear is gone…”

Although we may feel as though our bones are growing weak and the affliction is overwhelming (Psalms 31:10), “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (2 Samuel 22:33).

Lastly, we must remember that God is always in control.  Everything we encounter in life has been “Father-filtered.”  “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other…”

Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future” (Ecc. 7:13,14).  When God is in control, we can surrender our plans and know that He has promised us his best for our lives.

Your friend on this journey,

Lisa Copen

How Being “Tolerant” Can Ruin Your Health

Start Your New Year Right by Eliminating These Common Energy-Drainers

by Mary Yerkes

My desk is messy. My clothes don’t fit. The dog needs grooming. Life coaches agree that people zap their energy and increase their stress by putting up with a multitude of things that bug them, what life coaches call “tolerations.” And for the chronically ill, lingering stress can translate into increased pain. So, why not start your New Year right by identifying—and then eliminating—those things that deplete your energy and dampen your spirit.

Here are four common tolerations, along with practical suggestions for addressing them or eliminating them from your life:

Health Tolerations

If you live with chronic illness, you probably realize there are some things you just can’t control. But what about the things you can? Why add to your distress by eating too much junk food, not taking your prescribed medication, or failing to do your exercises, designed to increase your range of motion or reduce your pain?

Take a few minutes and write down your health goals. Just make sure they’re realistic. Don’t set a goal of jogging three miles a day when you struggle to walk to the curb each day to pick up the day’s mail. When making your list, make sure your goals are SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. A goal of eating healthier this year is too vague, but eating five serving of vegetables a day is SMART.

Environmental Tolerations

It’s hard to keep on top of housework and home repairs when you’re in constant pain and struggling to make it on one income. But, let’s be honest. If you feel well enough to sit at your desk and work, couldn’t you take a few extra minutes to clear that pile of papers from your desk so you could actually see your computer screen?

But what about bigger projects around the house that you can’t do yourself?

If finances are tight and you can’t afford to hire someone to tackle larger projects, barter your services instead. For example, if you’re a graphic designer, offer to create a brochure for your neighbor’s new business in exchange for shoveling the snow off your walk.

You get the idea.

People Tolerations

Face it. Some people are just toxic. They consistently say hurtful things like, “But you look so good!” or “You really should try harder to get to church on Sunday.” They chide you for canceling at the last minute and raise their eyebrows when you serve a store bought cake for your child’s birthday party instead of making one yourself. If you’re chronically ill, limit your contact with people like this.

It’s a little more difficult if you’re dealing with toxic family members. To maintain your sanity and preserve your health, learn to maintain appropriate boundaries. To better understand how to set healthy boundaries, I recommend reading, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Spiritual Tolerations

Are there areas in your spiritual life you need to address? Do you struggle with unforgiveness or harbor resentment or bitterness toward your spouse or children for failing to understand your pain, help with the housework, or give you the emotional support you need?

Nothing will rob your joy or sap your strength more quickly than unforgiveness. Don’t tolerate sin in your life for one more day. God’s Word tells us, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).” Help is just a prayer away.

The benefits you’ll gain from identifying and removing tolerations from your life are significant. You’ll be amazed at what a difference it will make.

So, start the New Year right by making room in your life for what matters most.

Life Coach Mary Yerkes specializes in helping the chronically ill live abundant lives in Christ. Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, psoriatic arthritis, and ankylosing spondylitis in 1997, Mary understands the challenges of living with chronic pain and illness. Her greatest joy is seeing people set free to love and serve God with all their heart, mind, and soul. Mary is also an author, speaker, and contributor to popular Christian print and online magazines, including Focus on the Family, The Journal of Biblical Counseling, and On Mission Magazine. Visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com and www.maryyerkes.com to learn more.

How Our Personalities Impact Us

“The trait of extroversion-introversion is a central dimension of human personality. Extroverts tend to be sociable, assertive, and interested in seeking out excitement. Introverts, in contrast, tend to be more reserved, less outgoing, but are typically marked by a richer inner world and a stimulating imagination.”

Thus begins an explanation of extroverts and introverts per the online encyclopedia, WIKIPEDIA. Most resources on the subject allow that many people are a combination of the two personality traits–or at least fluctuate between them at different stages of life. Yet, upon analysis, each of us can see how we lean especially toward one trait.

The introvert can be sociable and enjoy being with people–thereby appearing to be extroverted. But the introvert draws profound inner strength and joy from solitude, and the creative pursuits therein. He or she will become fragmented if space for solitude and reflection are not an integral part of life.

Conversely, the extrovert gets his or her inner strength and sustenance from people contact, and is frequently miserable during prolonged periods of solitude.

I’ve come to realize that understanding my personality is of prime importance in managing chronic illness and pain. As much as I love people and enjoy planning and attending pleasant social gatherings, my strength comes from quietness and solitude. Thus I am basically an introvert. I stoke up during my “alone” times, so that I have something to give during the enjoyable “people occasions”.

A quiet cup of tea and reciprocal conversation shared with a good friend will always leave me refreshed rather than depleted. And many larger social occasions inspire and uplift me even though I need the balance of solitude tucked in amongst people activities.

However there are some extroverts who, in relying on other people for their strength and sustenance, consistently suck the very life energy from whomever will listen to them. These are the extreme extroverts. Their conversation is mainly centered on sad news about themselves and their family members (often disguised as “prayer requests”), laced with dissertations on how they are feeling.

The extreme extrovert is the center of his or her own little universe. Extreme extroverts will talk constantly, and they’ve never learned how to really listen to others; in fact, they will bat their eyes back and forth when forced to be still–waiting impatiently to regain control of the conversation. Extreme extroverts are recognizable by the way they immediately wipe us out upon contact.

Even introverts who are perfectly healthy grow weary on a steady diet of social activities and people stuff. But for the introvert with illness and pain, the scale tips beyond mere weariness. If I do not have regular islands of solitude in my routine, I will wear out to the point of being desperately depleted.

Whereas some individuals might bounce back quickly after non-stop social occasions, I metaphorically turn to a jelly draped over a tree branch–like Salvador Dali’s clocks. Sometimes I’m exhausted for several days after a barrage of high energy social events, especially those where extreme extroverts dominate the conversations.

As sensitive and caring Christians we are too often misled into thinking we must continually accommodate everyone around us. But as obedient Christians we must be diligent stewards of our bodies and emotions, while acknowledging our limits.

In Psalm 90, Moses speaks of numbering our days and applying our hearts to wisdom. For the person whose health and body comfort are seriously compromised, wisdom amounts to planning very carefully how we will spend our time, and with whom!

Margaret Been is a born-again Christian, a wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, poet, free lance writer, aficionado of many creative crafts–and lover of life in beautiful Wisconsin. Visit her web site Mining Treasures in Illness and Pain .

Related articles by Zemanta

• Antidepressants may alter personality (gukurup.wordpress.com)
• The Big 5 Model of Personality (psychcentral.com)

When It is Tempting to Quit We Need Jesus More Than Ever

I was using a saltshaker when I first noticed that the right side of my body was staging a mutiny. Inexplicably, my hand had forgotten how to move up and down. Other everyday activities became difficult. Brushing my teeth was a challenge. Playing piano was impossible and typing was clumsy. And then there were these weird, involuntary tremors on my right side. What was going on here?

After a batch of expensive tests, the doctors couldn’t — and still don’t — agree. While they are scratching their heads, the elders anointed me and prayed for my healing — twice — and I am trying everything in my power while the problem persists.

Like Paul, I have asked the Lord that this “thorn in my flesh” be taken from me. As He told Paul, He has answered me, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Humph! Hardly the answer I want to hear!

Here is where the rubber meets the road for every leader and me:  Who is REALLY in control of my life, ministry, and gifts? And who is in charge of yours?

It is when we are are painfully and continually poked by thorns in the flesh that our determination to be obedient to God’s call is tested and displayed. When we have an uncooperative person on our ministry board tying every meeting into knots; when no one will watch the nursery; when we are criticized for bringing less-than-desirable people into the church; when our budget is stymied by the shortsighted; when we can’t get anything done because we’ve lost control, it is tempting — oh, so tempting! — to yank out the thorn and quit.

But if we are called to a task, we are called to it, regardless of who or what stands in the way — even if it is our own physical limitations.

“My grace is sufficient” — It’s a lovely piece of prose, but it’s meaning is so large that it is a slippery life preserver for the desperate.

However, here’s a handle I’ve found through my own storm:

A can-do attitude is a wonderful thing. But it also masks arrogance, especially when the battle we are fighting is a spiritual one and we are more proficient with our natural talents.

• Spiritual battles require much different weapons, leadership, attitudes, vision, talents, and gifts.
• Spiritual confrontation requires practice but you won’t get it if you are relying on your own natural talent.

When the Lord gives us as leaders a thorn in the flesh, He is reminding us that we are to develop spiritual weaponry skill by knowledge of and connection to Him. He’s made it a little easier for us to do this because we not only won’t rely on our unreliable selves, we no longer can.

In the midst of the hopeless, drowning feeling associated with loss, we have His promise: His grace — or Divine endorsement — will make up for our personal deficits.

And that’s a handle we can all hang on to no matter what our limitations may be.

Rebekah Montgomery, author/speaker/teacher, is a gifted, dynamic communicator. She is the author of more than five books and has penned 1,100 articles. She shares tough real-life topics and biblical application in a simple easy to grasp manner. To book Rebekah for your next event visit www.rebekahmontgomery.com. Rebekah is also the editor of Right to the Heart of Women and a publisher at Jubilant Press.© Rebekah Montgomery 2009.

Next Page »