Special Interview with Renee Bondi

Reprinted from HopeKeepers Magazine 2004

I was having a ball with wedding plans; my music program was a huge success; I was blessed to have had the opportunity to travel and see the world; I had friends and family to love. My life was full, and I saw nothing but blue skies above,” she writes in her book The Last Dance But Not the Last Song. But in May 1988, after a romantic weekend as a prom chaperone with her fiancé, her life would take a dramatic dive—literally.

She went to bed filled with innocent anticipation of life ahead, but awoke “diving” off the foot of her bed. She simply remembers being in mid- air and thinking, “Huh?” and then hitting the floor. Filled with searing pain in her neck and shoulders, she thought, “I’ve really done it now. . . I’ve got a real kink in my neck.”

Later at ICU, however, the doctor would tell her, “You’ll never walk again. . .” and he would be right. That night, Renée became a quadriplegic, having no feeling below the top of her chest. He also told her, however, “You’ll never be able to sing. . .” —and he would be wrong. He didn’t know Renée, her fierce determination and passionate spunk; nor did he understand her faith that would propel her forward through any challenges she would face. Today, Renée has sold over 100,000 albums and she travels throughout the United States singing and speaking for Christian conferences, church events, and youth rallies. But the closest thing to her heart right now is simply being a wife and a mother, miracles that she acknowledge astonish her daily.

I arrived at the church to meet with Renée a bit frazzled, as my directions were confusing. I had also read Renée’s book and I was experiencing a sense of nerves at meeting this inspiring woman. I no longer wanted to sit and just interview her; I wanted to have a relaxing cup of coffee and chat about how she had encouraged me through her honest and raw written words. I started out my conversation with her laughingly sharing how much I related with her frustration of not being able to wear cute, feminine shoes. It’s those little things that make one feel an instant bond.

Despite our surroundings of being in a cubby-hole behind the stage where she would perform in a few minutes when she spoke it was Holy Ground where I would sit with her. Renée’s deep faith and daily surrender were immediately evident.

HK: Many people find losing more abilities the hardest part of living with a chronic condition. How do you get through tough moments?

RB: I’ve often wondered what would it be like if I had something like MS where I wouldn’t really know where I’m going to be in a year. One may wake up tomorrow with some paralysis or dysfunction. At the beginning we felt that way, but after fifteen years, I know what I have is pretty much what I have. I know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don’t have the fear that you may, unless I don’t take care of myself. What has helped me over the years is knowing that with God I can handle anything.

I didn’t have that confidence when I was young, but now I know that I can get through anything–including being confined to the wheelchair– because tomorrow is another day and it could be better. I don’t want to sound like a Pollyanna at all, but I know I’m not going to stay this way forever. I can even have this outlook with the worst case scenario: let’s say I get a pressure wound that gets horrible and infected and I get a staph infection and die. . . Still, it’s not horrible. I will go to Heaven where I get to dance again and run and play and be able to use my body. What most people would call the very worst scenario isn’t bad.

HK: I think that describes the “joy of the Lord is my strength” because a lot of people would say tomorrow could be worse.

RB: And it could be, but you’re not doing yourself any favors.

HK: You’ve had some time where you’ve been bedridden for months. What kinds of things get you through these lonely times?

RB: I think what you can do when you’re having a bad day, rather than being depressed about it, is to go ask yourself, “What can I do to make this better? Am I taking care of myself? Do I have the right medical care and attendant care? Have I made good amends with my family? Do I have a relationship with family members or are they estranged? What changes can I make myself?” Rather than dwell and woe about my life, I need to really ask myself, “What can I do?”

HK: You’ve found a certain peace by having a ministry from your experience. How would you encourage someone who is in deep pain, but still waiting for God to reveal His purpose?

RB: I think it’s really important to know that God does not waste our suffering or pain. I had been through junk, pain and suffering, but others wanted to know, “How do you smile in that wheelchair?” It allowed me to share and question, “How do I?” I was able to realize that God was using everything I had been through for a larger purpose. So I would encourage people to help others in their pain because (a) it helps you get out of your own and put your focus on somebody else; and (b) it gives you purpose to live with the pain.

HK: What’s been the most surprising thing about being a mom with disability?

RB: How quickly my son adapted to my disability. He was only about 12 or 18 months old. . . He needed to get out of the crib and I would calmly say, “Daniel, I’m going to help you get out of the crib. Be very careful and listen to mommy. Grab around my head and hold on tight. Do not let go because mommy cannot catch you. Mommy cannot catch you.” And he’d grab around my neck and climb out and crawl into my lap. How he got out of that crib and onto my lap was amazing. I was so surprised.

HK: I think that’s very encouraging for us moms to hear. Many of us are even more nervous than an average mom about how our child will adapt to different abilities we have.

RB: Oh good. Yes! I was very nervous about the infant stage. Very nervous.

HK: If you could reshape how a church reaches out to the disabled community, what would be your vision or your dream?

RB: Some churches are doing an excellent job, but I think they are far and few between. I think that’s something we as disabled people should take on. We ask ourselves, “What do I have to offer to society?” and this is a huge job —to come to our pastor or parish advisory board and say, “What are we doing really to minister to the disabled? Can I help? Can I start a Bible study for the disabled? Can I make sure we have an accessible church? Where can we sit comfortably? Not all together, for example. If I’m disabled, how can I sit with my family?”

It’s absolutely important not to go in with a hardened heart and with an attitude of, “You owe it to me, you’re my church!” But rather offer yourself to be part of the solution. Don’t be an angry, bitter, demanding person.

I would love to see everything accessible, Bible studies that speak specifically to suffering, and signers for hearing impaired at all services, and my absolute dream would be to have a disabled person on staff. I love the fact that many churches have disability Sunday. Sunday school for children. That’s so hard and I understand why it doesn’t happen because it takes the right people. It’s a big job description—for people to have special education skills and also a relationship with Christ. But it’s a dream.

HK: What dreams do you have for your ministry and how God will continue to work in you and your family’s life?

RB: When I was laying in the ICU, I never dreamed I’d now be a wife and a mom—well. . .yes, I did, because I was in denial: “Of course I will be!” But later . . . after denial, I realized this is real, this is my “thing.” Now, to be a wife and a mom and be able to reach out to others is just more than I deserve.

I am in a very, very, very serious place of being a wife and a mom. If I was in my 20’s and single, I’d want to travel and be a recording artist and speak and minister to others on a grand scale, get a record deal, that sort of thing. But I just have no desire; it’s exhausting to parent this way, there is no doubt about it. I’ve had to get very creative at times—very creative. But more importantly, I want to be a good wife; It’s really about being a good wife in order to be a good mom. That’s the gift we’re going to give our son—mom and dad being okay.

This year I was in bed for seven months on my stomach 24 hours a day, seven days a week, while a pressure wound healed; after that I finally got back up in the chair and had other health problems. It was very taxing on our marriage, very difficult. But we finally survived it. We really started praying for joy. We wanted to be joyful. We were whining and cranky. It was very ugly and so we prayed for God to return our joy.

This year Mike and I went through what everyone expected us to go through fifteen years ago, like when everyone was saying, “What is Mike doing marrying a quadriplegic. Does he realize what he’s giving up?” He realized it this year. But now, we’re much, much better.

Again, I had to step back and look at it without being emotional and ask, “What can I do to help the situation?” I started meditating on Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true…” and so while I was stuck in bed I’d go through that verse. Okay, what is true? God loves me. What is true? I’m a quadriplegic and I need to find a way to be joyful. What is noble? Mike being married to me. What is pure? Daniel’s smile. What is lovely? I can see the sky outside.

Once I started meditating on this my attitude and heart started to change and I became someone my husband wanted to be around. Mike said, “Okay, that’s the woman I married. She left for awhile, but she’s back now.”

I taped Scriptures on 3 x 5 cards and put them by my bed, and I’d say them over and over, sometimes putting melodies to them. It really helped pass the day in a good way. I also watched every romantic comedy on video, but I got to where I needed more. I called Joni Eareckson Tada and said, “What can I do? I’ve prayed. I need some new ideas! I’m going down for the count!” She said that it was during these times that she began memorizing the second, third and fourth verses of hymns.

Sometimes it’s hard to pray. I remember soon after the accident when I was in the hospital and a chaplain came to pray with me. She said, “Let’s pray,” and I said, “I don’t feel like it. . .” She told me to breath in and say “Jesus.” Then slowly breath out and say “Mercy. . .” “Jesus. . . Mercy. . .” and soon my heart began to soften.

HK: Thanks so much for sharing with us, Renée. I know you will encourage many.

Visit Renee Bondi’s web site for more information on her ministry, her speaking, music and more, including her latest book and CD (where you can hear samples.)

Lisa Copen had the honor of interviewing Renee Bondi.

Eat Out w/ Kids and Save Money

If your family likes to go out for the occasional meal but you don’t want to spend $10 for your child to have a hamburger and fries you may want to log on first to this web site, www.KidsEatFor.

In just a few minutes you can locate all the restaurants in your city where kids eat free on certain days.

Just type in your address or zip code and click the search button and you’ll find all of the nearby restaurants that offer specials where kids can eat a meal for free, often times when an adult meal is also purchased.

KidsEatFor is available on the iPhone and iPod Touch.
Another site to check out is kidsmealdeals.com

View The Whole Shebang! 64-Page HopeKeepers Magazine

Merry Christmas! If you haven’t yet had a chance to check out our current issue of HopeKeepers magazine, now is the time.  Our December issue is completely free and available to read online in its digital format, or you can out up to 15 pages at one sitting.

Please help us spread the word by posting this to your Twitter, Facebook, etc. We would love for others to know about HopeKeepers magazine!

Adoption Resource for Those with Illness or Disability

You May Be Able to Adopt! A Guide to the Adoption Option for Prospective Mothers with Disabilities and Their Partners

This is a great book by by Megan Kirshbaum, et. al. and Linda Toms Baker, et. al. It’s a guidebook for people with disabilities who are considering adoption as a means of building a family.

This is a good supplemental resource to other publications about adoption, because it deals specifically with issues that prospective parents with disabilities may face. For more information about this publication, visit the Through the Looking Glass web site or give them a call at 1-800-644-2666.

I’m unemployed and wondering if you have any suggestions?

I’m unemployed and wondering if you have any suggestions for a mom with an illness who is interested in legitimate work at home ideas?

We’ve all seen the figures. Right now in our country we’re facing a 10.2% unemployment rate.

That number speaks volumes. What happens when income that you had coming in every week suddenly stops? Sure, we all know we should have saved for such an event, but many Americans are barely making by. And experts say that the 10.2% is really just the icing on the cake. Many more have faced having their hours cut, having to take more days off, etc. So, what are your options? Can working from home somehow help?

First, consider if this is the time to start a home-based business. Perhaps you have been thinking about this for a while and just never had the opportunity. God might just be opening the door for you and telling you the time is right. Explore the options available to you. Remember the key to success: Match your skills, experience and passion with a business that allows you to use these. Do something that you enjoy doing and feel that you can be good at.

Second, think through what can you do to earn a second income. Remember this can just be a temporary thing. Yes, you might have to work harder now, but the peace of mind of paying the bills will far outweigh having to put in those extra hours.

Both of these options can be done with many types of businesses. For example, look into virtual assisting. If you excel at administrative tasks, web design, bookkeeping, publicity, social networking, etc., this could be a fabulous business for you or a great second income. How about direct sales? Especially with the holidays approaching consider contacting some companies and seeing what they offer. How about an online shop?

So You Want to Be a Work-At-Home Mom: A Christian’s Guide to Starting a Home-Based Business details all the basics of starting a business in a spiritual, motivational, and comprehensive manner. From deciding what type of business to start to keeping your family and faith first, this helpful tool details every aspect of establishing a business. With proven success tips utilized by the authors and others who own work-at-home businesses, this inspiration approach will provide you with the resources you need to start your own home-based business.

JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, the co-host of the live internet radio show, The CWAHM Network, and the publisher of RadiantLit.com. She resides in Nebraska with her husband and their two children. DIANA ENNEN has been a leader and mentor in the work-at-home industry since starting her business in 1985. She is the author of many books, including Words from Home: Start, Run, and Profit from a Home-Based Word Processing Business. She resides in Margate, Florida, with her husband and their three children.

Lisa is New Columnist at CWAHM

Lisa is excited to become a monthly columnist over a the web site for The Christian Work at Home Moms.

Jill Hart is one amazing woman who is the founder of this ministry. She has a brand new book out called, So You Want to Be a Work-At-Home Mom: A Christian’s Guide to Starting a Home-Based Business .

You can see her on the Harvest television show that she was on this fall here. And guess what? She deals with chronic illness herself and will soon be sharing her story with us.

Even if you aren’t a mom you will find some helpful information at this ministry’s web site and also discover what is legitimate work at home opportunities and what to beware of.

ADHD Versus Sensory Processing Disorder

ADHD? Maybe not. It could be Sensory Processing Disorder. Since RM founder’s son has SPD, she is an advocate for letting other people know about the existence of this condition. If your child, grandchild, etc. has some of the symptoms below, you may just want to read more!

Today, October 31st, is National Sensory Awareness Day.

Our son was the child who was unable to sit still at circle time. He was the one who got so focused on a project he would melt down when torn away from it. His social skills were way behind his peers at times and other times he was adored by his classmates. The opinions of the educators did not match our opinions of him. He was always fixated on details of mechanical workings, recited information as if he was reading a script, yet I said his name more times each day then I had hairs on my head!

>> Read More

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• Myths About ADHD (parenting-success.com)

Adoption Magazines

Adoptive Families Magazine
An award-winning national adoption magazine, is the leading adoption information source for families before, during, and after adoption.

Adoption Today

Your guide to the issues and answers surrounding International and domestic adoption. Written by adoptive parents, adoptees and professionals in the fields of medicine, law, education, social work, child development and International and domestic adoption.

Fostering Families TODAY

This magazine explores the issues that profoundly affect families and children through articles and stories reflecting professional expertise and the experienced perspective of dedicated parents.

Resources for Kids with Disabilities or Illness

If you have a child who may need some special services, it’s hard to know where to even start to figure out exactly who to turn to. Oftentimes, if you have a good pediatrician, he or she can narrow it down to a few resources that may be the most helpful at the current time. But as with any health situation, circumstances change, the condition may change and even your financial situation, which can cause you to go looking for new resources.

Here is THE web site you need to know about: The Yellow Pages for Kids with Disabilities.

There are thousands of resources at this web site, as it truly is a clearing house of information. You will find all of the following, broken down according to which state you live in.

• educational consultants
• psychologists
• educational diagnosticians
• health care providers
• academic therapists
• tutors
• speech language therapists
• occupational therapists
• coaches, advocates
• attorneys for children with disabilities
• special education schools
• learning centers
• treatment programs
• parent groups
• respite care
• community centers
• grassroots organizations
• government programs for children with disabilities

Their web site states,

The Yellow Pages for Kids User Guide will teach you how to be a more effective advocate. Learn how to build your team, get educated about your child’s disability, find special education advocacy training, locate a parent group, and get legal and advocacy help.

They also have a free online newsletter called, “The Special Ed Advocate.”

Is Adoption an Option for Those with Illness?

It can be emotionally devastating to not only have to deal with a chronic illness but then be dealt the hand of infertility on top of it. Sometimes the infertility can be a natural state that would have happened regardless of your illness or not; other times, it can be related. Perhaps your illness prevents you from carrying a child, or you are unable to go off of the medications which could be harmful for a unborn child.

Rest Ministries founder, Lisa Copen, has rheumatoid arthritis and despite the doctor’s assurance that she was able to become pregnant, she still stopped trying when her body wore down and she decided to not going any further
with infertility treatments.

After two years of waiting to adopt, Lisa and her husband were blessed with a child through adoption and Joshua has blessed their family since 2003.

So much so that Lisa began Scrapbook My Adoption to make sure her son knows his whole story.

We hope that you will help us add to our resources and articles, as well as participate in our Sunroom Groups for Adoption and Infertility.

We will be posting some of our favorite adoption resources in coming weeks, so stay tuned!

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