Counting the Blessings Hidden in Illness

With the holidays nearing once again we are urged by everyone from Hallmark commercials to our local newspaper editor to take a moment to count our blessings. If you live with a chronic illness you may find that blessings are a bit more hidden in your life than they were previously.

Holidays past you may have easily sat around the table of relatives before the feast and play the “I’m Thankful For. . .” game. When it was your turn, without hesitation, you chose one of the many things you were grateful for to share: “I’m thankful for my job, my family, my financial security.” And–and, ah yes, there was that thing called “health.”

Now though, the ease of being able to list health on your thankful list has disappeared. And perhaps you are even struggling with some other things you’ve lost, in part, due to your loss of health. Maybe the lack of finances keeps you awake at night in addition to the physical pain. Or maybe it’s the empty side of the bed where your spouse once slept.

Can we still be thankful? Yes! In his book “You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective,” Richard Carlson (who was well known for his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” book series before passing in 2006), writes, “Most of us experience fleeting moments of happiness but then let them pass us by without due notice. . . We do this because we are always looking to find happiness somewhere else.”

So, what are some things that we can thank God for, despite our illness? Friends who care, a roof over our heads, and that we have hope and faith. All of these are important. But what are some of the unusual things that someone with a chronic illness may really be thankful for that a healthy person may not give a second thought?

• A drive-thru of any kind: for prescriptions, coffee, food and banks
• Parking spots, especially close ones that don’t require us to pull out our placard
• Sugar-free desserts and the people who bring them on special occasions, remembering we can’t eat sugar
• Being able to watch an amazing sunset without walking five feet from the car
• Unexpected clear freeways when we were expecting rush hour traffic
• The grocery clerk that says, “Can I help you to you car with that?” even though you are only twenty-seven and look perfectly healthy
• Shopping carts that have four working wheels that all go the direction they ought
• The ability to sleep well on a hotel bed instead of sitting in the bathroom reading all night so as not to wake our roommates
• People that smile at us for no apparent reason
  UPS delivery men who don’t give it a second thought that we are still in our pajamas at two-thirty in the afternoon
• The smile of our child when we’ve done everything in our power to make sure she has a good time–and she actually does
• Being able to get both shampoo and conditioner out of the bottles and hold your arms up long enough to use them
• Bottles and jars that open easily and don’t require us to try three different jar openers
• Products that have the word, “automatic” or “self-cleaning”
• Car keys that turn easily so the ignition starts
• The ability to request a wheelchair at the airport
• Doctors who actually give you a light hug on your way out of the office say, “I wish I could do more.”

In her book, “Have a Little Faith!” author Sherri Connell reminds those who have their health to be grateful for their abilities. “When was the last time you took the time to thank God for being able to sleep six hours straight or for giving you the strength to wash your hair? Have you ever praised Him for being able to scrub your toilet or being able to refill your soap dispensers? . . . Have you ever been elated to be able to dust a few pieces of furniture or for making a simple meal? People who have disabilities count blessings others never even stop to think about!”

If counting your own blessings feels a little dry, then have some fun with it like I did above and put a spin on what you’re thankful for. Start a “Funny-Gratitudes-that-Affect-My-Attitude” journal and see how quickly you will be able to–not only have the longest list at the family gathering–but create some giggles as well as personal reflection among those you love.

Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from the book “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen when you subscribe to HopeNotes at Rest Ministries.

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13 Gift Ideas for a Chronically Ill Gal

We women like to shop and there’s nothing better than seeing the face of a friend light up when we offer up our thoughtfulness and creativity wrapped in a box with home-made, hand-stamped paper bag wrapping paper, all tied up with a raffia ribbon and dried orange slices. Say what?

If you’re like me—since it’s the thought that counts—you basically try to stuff the gift into a dollar-store gift bag, rip the wrinkled tag off, and wrap a strip of shipping tape on the handle so it doesn’t burst. But I used to be the girl that did rafia with home-made dried orange slices.

Either way, shopping for a chronically ill friend can be both fun and intimidating. We want to give her something she’ll like (she can’t get enough of that American Indian blanket she brought back from Arizona last year) but we don’t want to add to the frustration of giving her a gift she won’t really use (like a matching leather jacket with fringe sleeves to wear out to those Christmas parties).

And how many bottles of scented lotion can a girl really use? And if she gets another “Be Happy Bouquet” or “Teddy Bear” she’ll run screaming from the room.

Here are 13 ideas to get you brainstorming for things she may enjoy:

1. Make her a wall collage. Even if you aren’t crafty, head on down to your craft store and buy a few scrapbooking embellishments. Spray paint a bulletin board and attach your photos, notes, special poems, and the little do-dads you bought. The less crafty you are the more she’ll love it, but don’t be offended if she puts it in her bedroom and not above the couch in the living room.

2. Okay, so you can’t afford the $3000 hot tub, but if she’s able to get into the tub (many people can’t, so double check) give her a bathtub jets spa. Amazon sells the Conair Thermal Bath Spa Mat for under $100.

3. Is she a movie buff? Treat her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service ($7-15 a month) for a year. This is one of those presents she will call you and thank you for again and again.

4. Buy her some cheery winter necessities. A fun umbrella, a colorful scarf and gloves, even a pair of ear muffs. And if she has to be places when her car windows are going to frost over be sure to stick in a can of spray defroster.

5. Get her a pretty gift box to keep all of her notes of encouragement. Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling down. Start to fill up the box yourself a few weeks before giving it to her. You can clip articles, comments, scriptures, funny photos. If you wish, put them in envelopes that say, “When you’re feeling like no one understands” or “When you need a good laugh.” Let her friends know that it would be encouraging if they would start sending her items or notes to add to it in the new year too!

6. Plant a rosebush or another hearty plant that require little maintenance that she can view from a window. Or get a bird feeder, a wind chime or a fun solar-powered patio decoration.

7. Give her a compilation CD of songs that will encourage her when she is feeling down. If you know someone who is 18 years or younger, there is an organization, Songs of Love, that will actually write a song for an ill child. See songsoflove.org . Also, consider buying books on CD if she loves to read but can’t always focus long. Or get her a shower CD player to help make the transition to the shower easier on those sore mornings.

8. Order some items from her favorite organization at their web site. For example, Rest Ministries has some darling items that say “Hope Endures” which don’t have the word “illness” on it. In black and white, the fleece jackets and little tote purses are cute and a reminder to her that you support the organizations she supports.

9. Short on time? Check out wellbaskets.com where you can order the perfect gift basket for a friend who has diabetes, a thyroid issue, cancer, depression or chronic pain. They fill them with appropriate food goodies, CDs, books, teas and more.

10. Heat! A heating pad, a blanket, warm socks, or a cozy neck wrap. If you’re creative, give her a hot water bottle and make a liner that will make her laugh. During those cold winter months this will be a nice reminder of your friendship. A few new throw pillows can live a place up too. Buy something soft and comfy to lie back on or prop a leg up on.

11. If she is bored and has a sense of humor, bring out the kid in her and bring some markers, coloring books, origami books, etc. Or find out if there is a new hobby she’d like to read more about whether it’s photography or gardening in pots and buy her current magazines and books on this topic.

12. A charm bracelet is a sentimental gift if you can make a habit of buying charms as future gifts that signify the strength and hope you see in her. You can find charms for nearly anything online if you’re unable to find them at the store. And some can be silly—just have a story behind each one that will make her smile. Remember to buy her charms celebrating anniversaries too—those dates no one else will remember.

13. One of the best gifts of all? A JOY Coupon! This is from Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend, but can easily be reproduced even in a handwritten note. JOY stands for “Just Offering You…” and then write out whatever you will do: Mow the law, do all the laundry (sheets included!), baby sit, drive her to appointments, or even just listen to her vent for thirty minutes without saying a word.

All gifts that come in boxes are fun, but the best gift of all you can give is your time and your unconditional love. When she is throwing up in your new car, when she is canceling plans for the third time, when she is calling you at midnight in tears, or when she is making you uncomfortable as she laughs about all her hair falling out. Being a true friend through all of this is a gift few will give and those who do will be treasured forever.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and author of Beyond Casseroles 505 Ways Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend

The Grinch & 2 Spa Prizes Next Week

It’s that time of the year again when we share our annual Grinch story! Only this year we want to hear a few sentences from you too!

Just post a couple Seuss-style sentences below in the common section that have anything to do with the holidays, illness, etc. and we will take pick our two favorites next week and send you a little spa just as our treat!

Feeling Grinchy?

Every person around
The country it seemed
Liked Christmas a lot…
All was joy, red and green.
But the Grinch,
Who lived with illness,
And had a heart of the blues,
Did not like Christmas!
The Grinch dreaded Christmas!
The whole Christmas season!
So much to do, so little energy,
there were all kinds of reasons.

It could be said that the medicines
were making her mind feel like putty,
She went shopping at last,
and forgot why she had gone—how nutty.
But we think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that her heart was hurting,
trying to find her place in it all.

But, whatever the reason,
Her heart or her head,
She laid there on Christmas morning,
with a feeling of dread.
Staring up at the ceiling from the bed, feeling very down,
She wondered how to make it through this day,
without even the hint of a frown.
For she knew every friend and family member around,
Would be arriving soon,
ready to open the gifts and paint the town.
“I just want to feel decent!” she snarled with a sneer.
“Today is Christmas! It’s actually here!”
Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I must find a way to keep the pain from coming!”

For, later she knew…
…All the relatives would arrive
They would bring with them her nieces and nephews who would make a
mess
and tons of noise.
They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing she hated!
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the family, young and old,
would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on pudding, and rare roast beef,
With her irritable bowel,
the Grinch couldn’t eat these in the least!

And then they’d do something she liked least of all!
Every family member, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, and say, “You look so great!”
They’d all tell her she needed to get back to work,
Stop lazing around in her pajamas so late!
They’d talk! And they’d advise.
And they’d think they were so wise.
And the more the Grinch thought of the Christmas-Nice
The more the Grinch thought,
“I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for over five years I’ve put up with it now!
I must either deal with it or convince them somehow!”
…But HOW?”
Then she got an idea!
An awful idea!
The Grinch got a wonderful awful idea!

“I know just what to do!”
The Grinch laughed in her throat.
And she made a quick run to the closet
for her lounging coat.
And she chuckled, and clucked,
“What a great Grinchy trick!
“With this robe and my slippers,
I’ll look just like I’m sick!”
“All I need is a sniffle, a cough, maybe a cane…”
The Grinch looked around.
But since canes are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch…?
No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a cane, I’ll just look sick instead!”
So she got out her pale makeup
and tried not to use anything pink,
She made sure the circles under her eyes,
were not covered up, but seen.

Then she threw on some sweats
And put her hair up in a twist
It didn’t look fancy,
It looked like you do when you’re sick.
Then the Grinch said, “I’m ready”
They can start to arrive,
I’ll be nice to everyone,
But I’m not going to lie.”
The family members arrived
and saw the Grinch arrive at the door.
“What’s happened to her?” They whispered and more.
The Grinch said, “Hello, come in, how are you?”
And when they asked her she just said, “Today’s not a good day.
It may be Christmas but I still feel a droop.”

Then little Cindy-Lou arrived
dragging her noisy toy behind her.
This was more than the Grinch could take!
She couldn’t allow that noise to batter.
The Grinch reached out and took the toy,
“let me have that, hon..”
She stared up at the Grinch as asked,
“Auntie, why are you taking away my toy? Why?”

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the Grinch lied,
“There’s a better one under the tree,
we have even more to surprise!
“So I’m taking this one away for now, my dear.
“I’ll put it away for now, and later, bring it back here.”
And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted her head
And sent her to the tree to open up a quiet puzzle instead.

The Grinch thought she had it all figured out,
At least people understood. There was no more doubt.
She expected to hear people talking about her,
In the kitchen they surely must all be worrying about.
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch,
“That I simply must hear!”
So she paused. And the Grinch put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising through the wall,
It was joy and fun, at first it wasn’t concern at all!
The sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

She stared into the kitchen,
The Grinch popped her eyes!
Then she shook!
What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Cindy Lou sat in her mom’s lap and said,
“What’s wrong with Auntie?”
Her mom told her quietly, “She’s a very special lady.
When we visit her, she often tries to look nice,
But she still hurts inside,
She just acts like she’s fine.”
“I love Auntie, I don’t want her to hurt,” said Cindy Lou.
“I know,” said her mom, “We love her too.”

Family members were still having a great time,
They weren’t worried about her,
or even of her appearance surprised.
She hadn’t made them concerned,
because they already were,
She just didn’t know
that they didn’t know what to say to her.
And the Grinch, with her Grinch-feet ice-cold on the floor,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could I be adored?
I look so awful, I’m in such a bad mood.
I’ve been such a fake hostess, I even took away a gift from sweet
Cindy Lou!”

“I thought no one understood,
but I never thought to ask.
I listened to what they said,
and didn’t try to explain.
I assumed they should just know how I felt
I let them pull my chain.”
And she puzzled three hours,
`till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something
she hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” she thought,
“doesn’t come from feeling great.
Maybe Christmas…perhaps….
“comes from communicating straight!
Maybe Christmas comes from accepting the love
Of those all around us, friends, and God from above.”

And what happened then…?
Well…in some parts they say
That the Grinch’s small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn’t feel quite so slow,
She whizzed through the house, with a spirit that was no longer low.
The body still had aches, the pain didn’t go away.
But the rest of the afternoon, her spirit felt at play.

Lisa Copen lives with rheumatoid arthritis is the founder of Rest Ministries, a Christian organization that serves the chronically ill. She had a little help from Dr. Seuss on this! Visit her web site at www.restministries.org and sign up for web site updates!

Talking to Our Spouse About Our Illness: How Much is Too Much?

It feels like I’m laying on thumb tacks,” I tell my husband as he crawls into bed beside me. “But there is nothing there! I feel so bruised.”

“I’m sorry,” he offers with a sympathetic voice, but there is little else he can do.

“I feel kind of nauseous too,” I say. “I wonder if I should get something to eat. . . But then that might upset my stomach. It’s must be the drugs. I’m sure it will pass.” As I finish my sentence he’s snoring away.

For many of us, our spouse is our best friend. If our relationship is good, we want to share our feelings with them. Even if our relationship is hurting, we feel that by explaining our pain, they may sympathize and be more loving towards us. Although we don’t want to burden them by constantly sharing about our aches and pains, when we are hurting there is a desire to be heard and have our feelings validated. By talking out loud about what we are feeling, it somehow makes the pain real— it’s no longer “all in our head.”

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ,” says Galatians 6:2. But at some point we need to carry these burdens to the Lord, and even a close friend, rather than just our spouse.

Despite our spouse’s lack of physical pain, he or she is grieving many losses too: the loss of watching us lose our abilities, the loss of all of the “couple outings without limits” we were to share over the years, and even the loss of being able to make it all better with a hug. Counselors agree that the top three marriage problems are money, time and physical intimacy.

Chronic illness adds a weighty burden to each of these. How can we learn how to “share our burdens” within our marriage, yet also know when to not dish out our burdens one after the other onto our spouse?

Be a team with your spouse

It’s you and your spouse “up against” the illness. You may feel like your spouse is merely a spectator, but make him or her a part of your team fighting the battle of pain. Gently educate your spouse on your illness. Allow his or her presence at doctor’s visits and provide answers to his or her questions about your illness. Acknowledge that your roles may be changing.

Connie Kennemer who lives with multiple sclerosis shares, “I am not as mobile as I used to be and often ask more of my husband. ‘Can you work at home this afternoon? Why do you have to go to another meeting?’ etc. How much should he accommodate me because my body is changing? He doesn’t always know when to stop and encourage me to try things myself. This is a constant challenge.”

Have reasonable expectations

We often marry someone who has our opposite personality style. If you need to read every article about your illness, but your spouse doesn’t, it may simply be because your spouse has a more laissez faire attitude, not because he doesn’t care.

Or perhaps you take things as they come and put off digging up information. Your spouse may accuse you of being in denial and not caring about your health because you don’t research the illness with the same passion he does. An excellent book to smooth out your communication is Personality Plus for Couples: Understanding Yourself and the One You Love by Florence Littauer.

Have information available

If your spouse is a book-worm he may want to read books on your condition; perhaps the most effective way to share something is to place sticky notes on pages of a book you’d like him to review with comments about topics you’d like to discuss. Shares Connie, “After ten years of living with MS, I am past the whiney stage, but Rex sometimes holds back; that’s when I need to ask him more questions about his feelings.”

Find ways to share about embarrassing parts of the illness, but try to keep a bit of romance alive

If your illness is going to cause you to be in the bathroom during eighty percent of the functions you attend together, you need to let your spouse know that this is part of the disease. Health organizations have brochures on symptoms; you can say, “I’m dealing with some personal matters of this illness right now; I don’t really want to talk about them yet, but they’re in this brochure if you’re wondering.” Avoid sharing every details if you can.

Find other effective outlets for when you need to vent

“I realized that I banked my frustrations of pain throughout the day and then ‘threw’ them at my husband when he walked through the door,” shares Cheryl, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome. “I was setting the tone for our entire evening. I felt better getting it off my chest, but he felt worse, and it lasted all night. I could tell he was beginning to dread walking through the door.”

Cheryl began to put aside the last two hours of her day to spend time writing in her journal, praying and doing something she enjoyed that calmed her. “Writing in my journal gave me the chance to express my frustrations, and then prayer really began to minimize the negativity too. My husband quickly noticed a difference and it’s made our relationship so much stronger.”

Develop interests and hobbies

Too often we talk about our illness because it’s the only thing going on in our lives. Volunteer to be on a prayer chain, write that book you’ve been meaning to write, or get involved in a scrapbook club and start putting together albums for your grandchildren. You’ll find even you aren’t as interested in talking about your illness when you have more interesting things to share.

So. . . How much is too much? It’s different for each person, but learn to be objective—how many times are you bringing up your illness? How are you benefiting from talking about it more than necessary? Regardless of whether it is attention, acknowledgment or understanding, how can you get this from God instead? How is it negatively affecting your life or those around you?

Is there a better, more creative way that you can create intimacy with your spouse, other than just sharing your aches and pains? Send up a prayer to the Lord before sharing your pain

Lord, I don’t want to burden anyone else with something they can’t fix, and I really need a hug from you right now. I know how much my spouse cares about me; please give me the wisdom to know when to ask for help and comfort from him/her and when to come only to You and ask you to fulfill all of my emotional needs.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. She is the author of Why Can’t I Make People Understand: Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why.

Can a “Good Mom” Celebrate Back to School?

A popular office supply store commercial shows mothers and fathers riding shopping carts around the store to the tune of “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” (typically heard at Christmas time.) For decades mothers have been made to feel that we should all be crying as the bus stopped at the corner and our little ones (and not so little ones) climbed on and drove off for hours of “edu-tainment.” Only “bad moms” rushed inside the house, called their friends, and relished being able to finish an entire cup of coffee.

The first day my then three-year-old son rode the school bus off to some school district occupational therapy (where he learned to hold a pair of scissors and cut so well he could take on Edward Scissorhands), I buckled him into the bus seat and then followed behind in the car. The bus drove over five miles to pick up a couple other children and go to the school. I wanted to make sure that he arrived safely. Translation: that the adventure was trauma and tear-free. But when he started kindergarten last year, a full day from 8 a.m. to 2:20 p.m., I quietly celebrated.

As a mom with a chronic illness, rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia, I had reached my goal of getting him into school before my body crumbled and required many episodes of surgical repair. I used my first few weeks as I had planned, organizing National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, which my ministry sponsors. I had surgery scheduled the first of October, following my fortieth birthday. God had other plans.

Instead I ended up with edema in my legs, then cellulitis, then a staph infection in my ankle, which required many trips to the wound care center. By November, my wound had developed the flesh eating bacteria, and my hospital stay –my first one ever— ended up being seven days. It was February before I was back to about fifty percent of my self and abilities and then I was playing catch up, trying to figure out where my son’s academics needed help and trying to become his advocate.

For the parent with a chronic illness, school is a place where the children can be themselves. They are not defined by what our abilities are or are not. (“Don’t run ahead, mommy can’t keep up with you.” “Yes, we’re going to ride the rides at the fair, but first mommy has to get a wheelchair.”) They can run and play and learn about spider webs, or struggle over those mathematical story problems like we did at their age.

Their days are no longer filled with our doctor’s appointments, lab work, phone calls to the insurance company, or even our tears when it all gets to be too much. The selfish side of us may want to hold them close and not let them go out into the world. But we have to admit that our world isn’t all that terrific sometimes, right?

Our children should not live with the burden of having to take care of us, hear us describe in detail our latest symptoms with four different nurses, or accompany us to all of the doctor’s appointment and pharmacy lines.

We can raise our children to become sensitive and compassionate adults and this comes from a well-balanced amount of exposure to our symptoms and our struggles.

So if you are a mom or dad with a chronic illness and you want to jump up and down with joy that your child is heading back to school, you have my understanding and you don’t need to feel guilty about it. All any of us really want is what is best for our children. Sometimes, that means bumping them out of the nest so they can fly—especially the days when we need the nest to lay down and take a nap.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries, www.restministries.org, a Christian organization that serves the needs of the chronically ill.

When You Are Ill: How Pretending Can Be a Constructive Tool

Have you ever been tempted to just pretend that the life you are living is different than the reality? If you have, you can quickly imagine a new life by just hanging out for a few minutes with a 6-year-old. Since my son seems to want loads of interaction around any scenario that is different than the one he is having. Each sentence seems to start with “Mom, let’s pretend…”

• In just the last few weeks I have pretended to be a chef, mailman, grocery store clerk, librarian, waitress, and a clerk at a DVD rental place.
• He’s been a stranger knocking on our front door with the 3D glasses from a movie (that he wouldn’t even wear during the film.)


Josh as Batman (in NYC?)

• He’s been Indiana Jones while I’ve been his cute side-kick.
• I’ve pretended I am a gardener who comes to shape his shrubs into topiaries.
• We’ve leaned in over a pretend microphone imagining ourselves starring on American Idol singing songs of those Beach “Guys” (His cute description).
• And over and over I’ve been asked to “pretend I am scared.” I’ve pretended to be frightened by fake roaches, rubber lizards, and a giant squid. Thankfully all items were plastic or my reaction would not have had to have been forced.

It is always interesting to see what scenario he will envision next and he is not shy about claiming the roles of director, producer, and of course, the leading man. If he can learn to write music we’ll have a little Clint Eastwood on our hands. (But of course, he’d prefer to be Harrison Ford. You can’t beat the man who is the star in both Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

Each scene we act out he seems to think I can improve upon, and so the director in him makes us do it over and over. I try to be creative, but sometimes I just want to toss aside the Indy and go buy myself a Barbie. At least I could brush her hair.

A few times after we’ve done “Take 7,” creatively fatigued and I’ve told him, “Mommy is tired of pretending to be scared. I just want to rest. Go get Daddy.”

What does all of this have to do with chronic illness? Are you asking yourself, “How does this story impact me dealing with chronic illness?” I think living with a chronic illness involves a certain balance of having the ability to pretend.

A pharmaceutical company has a new commercial on television for a medication that treats rheumatoid arthritis, the illness I have. And I can say it is finally a commercial that makes sense to me. It shows a split screen with the woman on the left side, before taking her medication and she is not able to participate in activities she once did. After taking her medication, she slides over to the right side of the screen, where her family is having dinner. Now she is able to participate. It’s nice to see the right side of the screen having an every day activity too; no sky diving or water-skiing, just dinner with people she loves.

Sometimes we aren’t able to find any medication or treatment that can help us cross over to the side of life that we’d like to be living, but we can pretend. What do I mean?

There are moments when I don’t FEEL like participating in anything. I don’t want to “go do something fun.” I don’t want to get out of the house. I feel terrible. I am aching and just want quiet. But we still have to take the step forward sometimes and just “pretend” we do. We have to choose to go through the motions. And guess what? The results may actually come as a surprise!

Take for example an outing to go fishing. When my parents visited this summer we wanted to make sure Papa got to take my son down to the little local lake and fish off the dock. During the last visit they had bought all the gear and so were completely prepared. We joyfully packed a picnic lunch and all the fishing paraphernalia and got to the lake to find that it was “closed for fishing Mondays.” I didn’t realize the fish had a Sabbath too!

Before they left for their visit, we were determined to fit it into the schedule and so one night we planned to rush over before dusk and let Josh throw his line in the water. My husband walked in the door from work and we said, “Get in the other car. We’re going to the lake.”

I was sore. I would have “preferred” to have just stayed home. I had already seen the lake that week and I couldn’t walk down to the fishing dock to watch them anyway, but I knew my son wanted “the whole family” to go and so I went.

And you know what? The lake was beautiful. It was peaceful. It was rejuvenating to just get out of the house. I will be back soon. The table we sat at overlooking the lake from the patio at the tackle shop was the perfect place to sit and work on writing a book.

When we are dealing with a chronic illness we are given a body that seems to have a voice of its own and it is not afraid to use it, telling us things like, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, stop, it’s not safe, you really shouldn’t, just get some rest, this is not a good idea, skip it this time at least.”

It’s shrewd to know when to heed this guidance, for example you never want to push yourself during chronic post-surgical pain. But if you try to do it all, you will make your illness even worse and never learn the art of boundaries and energy conservation. And this is something you need to know to live a successful life with a chronic illness.

But you also need to know when to turn off that little voice. Too often chronic pain, especially fibromyalgia, is treated with depression medication. So make the choice to say, “Yes, why not? Go for it; It’s okay; I will be careful;” and of course, “I’ll just pretend.”

While I am not promoting denial of your emotions, especially if you are enduring a deep depression, many studies done around the world have shown that having an optimistic attitude can increase your health and even you life span. One study discovered that pessimists were actually 3 times more likely to have heart attacks or repeat surgical heart procedures within 6 months. So how you think does make a difference.

There are formal books with many steps toward chronic illness management, but really, with a few choices, you may realize that you are moving over to the right side of the “screen.” Step by step, you are coming closer to the life that you wanted to live.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week held each year in Sept and featuring a free 5-day virtual conference online. Follow II Week on Twitter for cool prizes and info. Blog about invisible illness on your site, be a featured guest blogger, meet others, read articles and lots more. Make a impact today!

5 Tips to Relieve Joint and Back Pain Without Medication

If you are feeling down and out because of the daily chronic pain don’t let that be an emotional state you choose to live in indefinitely. Just a few little changes in your daily life can assist you to form clear positive thoughts to help relieve pain.

1) Before you head home from the doctor’s office appointment, make a detour and stop at the pet store for a few minutes. Watching the puppies, kittens and even hamsters spinning on their wheels for just twenty minute will give you a fresh outlook on the day. Studies have given us lots of reasons to spend time with pets; they help our overall well-being, decreasing our stress level, improving our quality of health, and even facilitating our healing of surgeries more rapidly. Success has brought about a lot of pet therapy for handicapped people and the elderly and pet owners with chronic and terminal illness become individuals when there is a Fido in the house.

2) Start a collection of our favorite tunes. The new ipod is the size of a cracker and only $50 and holds 250 songs. Research has shown that listening to music for 20 minutes a day can reduce pain levels among older people suffering from chronic conditions. Studies have also proven beneficial effects of music listening on healing in children. Choose all your favorite songs that give you energy, inspiration, hope and the desire to get up and dance, even if it’s just as you mop the floor.

3) Tell your kids to move on over, you want to play video games with them. Video games are no longer just for entertainment purposes. Wheeling Jesuit University had a study that found video games can distract someone from their pain drastically enough to give them an authentic reprieve from their chronic pain. The organization Games for Health recently was developed to network researchers, medical professionals, and game developers so they can share information. There is a lot of talk about impact games and game technologies are having and will have on health care and health care policy. Don’t be surprised if following a surgery your occupational therapist pulls out a Wii and tell you to bowl for fifteen minutes.

4) Pick up a coloring book and a one of those huge boxes of crayons with the sharpener in the back. If you haven’t had children in your home, it’s easy to assume that it’s been years since you’ve experienced the delight of a newly sharpened crayon in your fingers. They have coloring books for everything now, or even free downloads online. Some of these include: wedding coloring books, leprechaun coloring book, and even monkey coloring books.

5) Cut some fresh flowers from outside and bring them in your home. Act like royalty and put them in all the rooms, even a stem in your bathroom in a small bud vase. If no flowers are blooming grab a dandelion. Yellow has been known to provide relief from “burnout,” panic, depression, and exhaustion. Fresh flowers blended with fruit and musk can quickly enhance your mood to being new and improved.

Living with chronic pain is conceivably one of the most demanding trials most people will face in their lifetime. But with a few simple changes and being aware of what you can do to relieve a bit of pain, you can revitalize the joy in your every day life. Though you may not have control over the illness, you can control your environment. Make it a happy one.

Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen when you signup for HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the coordinator of Invisible Illness Awareness

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