Fireproof – A Good Valentine’s Rental Movie

Fireproof is an amazing movie that was out in 2008 that set records for any independent film. Starring actor Kirk Cameron, heplays a fire chief and a man who is well-respected by those in his community. But his marriage is nearing the end. It’s not because of an affair with another person, or some dramatic event that takes place; but rather because, day by day, both spouses take one another a little more for granted and move away from each other than toward each other. Both are searching for validation of their emotions and even simple appreciation.

Despite the fact that the movie was at the theaters two years ago the ministry of this movie continues to impact lives and change marriages. They have set up a Fireproof website specifically for Valentine’s Day review can hear the author made some of the love dares that were completed in the film, send a Fireproof e-card, or listen to one of their hit songs from the film and download it–John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the FIREPROOF Soundtrack CD.

Here are 8 reasons I believe every married couple who copes with chronic illness should see this movie:

1. The dialogue is real, as if the writers were hiding behind the furniture of living rooms around the world and eves-dropping on actual conversations, arguments and threats. Let’s face it… real fights are most often about who has done the dishes. You won’t find the typical Hollywood lingo in this film like, “You had me at hello.”

2. The burden of care-giving is addressed. The “wife” in the relationship has a mother who has recently had a stroke. The expense of the medical equipment she needs, like a wheelchair and a bed, is shown in this film, something nearly always overlooked in your typical movie. Though this situation may be dissimilar to yours, it’s helpful to see illness and its impact on a marriage acknowledged as a stressor in a marriage relationship.

3. It will make you laugh. Just because the emotions run deep enough to bring on many tears in this movie, doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself laughing through those tears at times. Even if your marriage is “perfect” and you think you don’t need a boost, it’s a move night to share with your spouse just for fun. The firehouse crew is and the little things the actors do, where you see yourself, will bring smiles to your face.

4. It tells both sides of the story. Whether you are the spouse who is trying to make your marriage work, or the one who just wants out, you’ll find many of your emotions and fears represented. Though the husband in this film is made out in some cases to have been the one with some “problems” the wife isn’t without room for improvement in how she treats her husband either. A surprise twist at the end will leave you with a reminder that no one is perfect, regardless of how they may appear to be.

5. It’s packed with real life scenarios, including those of a fireman. This isn’t a cheap flick with a strong message, but a strong film that happens to have a solid message. If you love those “edge of your seat” movie scenes when you are eating popcorn as fast as you can get your hand to your mouth, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re a woman, you can rest easy that there is plenty of “guy stuff” in this movie that won’t make your man feel like he’s at a chick flick.

6. Kirk Cameron yells. Okay, maybe not one of the top reasons to see this film, but watching him lose his temper and kick a trash can may just leave the men (or women) in the audience feeling like they aren’t being judged of silly behavior or lost tempers. Most of us have had a situation where we’ve wanted to please our spouse and their response made us want to go kick something, right?

7. It provides a tool to take along. The book “The Love Dare,” which the actor works through to win his wife’s heart back, may seem more like a way for the movie makers to make an extra buck. It’s not. In fact, all actors worked for free. The book is rather a way that you can take something tangible away from the film and literally start applying it to your own marriage. As my mom and I left the theater the guys beside us exchanged words. “I guess I have to go order my wife some flowers now… but it’s going to cost me a fortune!” “Hey, weren’t you listening. It doesn’t matter how much they cost.” The great thing is, if you’re on a budget, expensive flowers aren’t required; it’s the actions.

If I was a Christian counselor I would hand couples the DVD (when available) and tell them to go watch it together before our first appointment.

A nice plus is the “behind the scenes” honor that actor Kirk Cameron gives his wife by keeping his own promises: he vowed to her (despite being an actor) to never kiss another woman. So his wife was flown in for the kiss at the end of the film, where she stood in for the actress. He’s been married seventeen years, is the father of six children, and a strong believer in Christ who is not ashamed to proclaim it. That makes me want to listen up to what he has to say. He made the rounds before the film released, including spots on the Today Show, Dr Phil (9/25/08) and many more and he has done well. Despite some over-eager or even rude (names not mentioned) interviewers, he has represented Christ well. He’s come a long way from the posters on my little sister’s wall!

And on a side note, you may be interested to know he founded a camp over twenty years ago, Camp Firefly, for chronically ill children and their families. (Go, Kirk!)

As the founder of Rest Ministries which serves those who live with chronic illness, I firmly stand behind this movie as being one of the best to impact a marriage. It may be the two best hours you give your marriage since the day of your vows.

Lisa Copen

PS: You may also be interested in this: Focus on the Family is putting together a “special marriage seminar on February 27 that your church can host. The Focus on Marriage simulcast conference is Saturday, February 27.” Stephen Kendrick, author of Fireproof and The Love Dare is one of the guest speakers. You can attend at a church near you that offers this event via satellite. Find a location near you here at FOTF’s web site.

 

Ever Feel Like You are Herding Cats?

When this commercial played during a “Best Super Bowl Commercials” TV show Lisa laughed out loud and replayed it a few times for her family. Now you too can enjoy this moment thanks to YouTube.

Whether you have cats, dogs, children, or grandchildren, we’re sure you’ve had moments where it felt like you were herding cats!

See below or click here to play.

www.youtube.com/v/Pk7yqlTMvp8&hl=en

Special Interview with Renee Bondi

Reprinted from HopeKeepers Magazine 2004

I was having a ball with wedding plans; my music program was a huge success; I was blessed to have had the opportunity to travel and see the world; I had friends and family to love. My life was full, and I saw nothing but blue skies above,” she writes in her book The Last Dance But Not the Last Song. But in May 1988, after a romantic weekend as a prom chaperone with her fiancé, her life would take a dramatic dive—literally.

She went to bed filled with innocent anticipation of life ahead, but awoke “diving” off the foot of her bed. She simply remembers being in mid- air and thinking, “Huh?” and then hitting the floor. Filled with searing pain in her neck and shoulders, she thought, “I’ve really done it now. . . I’ve got a real kink in my neck.”

Later at ICU, however, the doctor would tell her, “You’ll never walk again. . .” and he would be right. That night, Renée became a quadriplegic, having no feeling below the top of her chest. He also told her, however, “You’ll never be able to sing. . .” —and he would be wrong. He didn’t know Renée, her fierce determination and passionate spunk; nor did he understand her faith that would propel her forward through any challenges she would face. Today, Renée has sold over 100,000 albums and she travels throughout the United States singing and speaking for Christian conferences, church events, and youth rallies. But the closest thing to her heart right now is simply being a wife and a mother, miracles that she acknowledge astonish her daily.

I arrived at the church to meet with Renée a bit frazzled, as my directions were confusing. I had also read Renée’s book and I was experiencing a sense of nerves at meeting this inspiring woman. I no longer wanted to sit and just interview her; I wanted to have a relaxing cup of coffee and chat about how she had encouraged me through her honest and raw written words. I started out my conversation with her laughingly sharing how much I related with her frustration of not being able to wear cute, feminine shoes. It’s those little things that make one feel an instant bond.

Despite our surroundings of being in a cubby-hole behind the stage where she would perform in a few minutes when she spoke it was Holy Ground where I would sit with her. Renée’s deep faith and daily surrender were immediately evident.

HK: Many people find losing more abilities the hardest part of living with a chronic condition. How do you get through tough moments?

RB: I’ve often wondered what would it be like if I had something like MS where I wouldn’t really know where I’m going to be in a year. One may wake up tomorrow with some paralysis or dysfunction. At the beginning we felt that way, but after fifteen years, I know what I have is pretty much what I have. I know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don’t have the fear that you may, unless I don’t take care of myself. What has helped me over the years is knowing that with God I can handle anything.

I didn’t have that confidence when I was young, but now I know that I can get through anything–including being confined to the wheelchair– because tomorrow is another day and it could be better. I don’t want to sound like a Pollyanna at all, but I know I’m not going to stay this way forever. I can even have this outlook with the worst case scenario: let’s say I get a pressure wound that gets horrible and infected and I get a staph infection and die. . . Still, it’s not horrible. I will go to Heaven where I get to dance again and run and play and be able to use my body. What most people would call the very worst scenario isn’t bad.

HK: I think that describes the “joy of the Lord is my strength” because a lot of people would say tomorrow could be worse.

RB: And it could be, but you’re not doing yourself any favors.

HK: You’ve had some time where you’ve been bedridden for months. What kinds of things get you through these lonely times?

RB: I think what you can do when you’re having a bad day, rather than being depressed about it, is to go ask yourself, “What can I do to make this better? Am I taking care of myself? Do I have the right medical care and attendant care? Have I made good amends with my family? Do I have a relationship with family members or are they estranged? What changes can I make myself?” Rather than dwell and woe about my life, I need to really ask myself, “What can I do?”

HK: You’ve found a certain peace by having a ministry from your experience. How would you encourage someone who is in deep pain, but still waiting for God to reveal His purpose?

RB: I think it’s really important to know that God does not waste our suffering or pain. I had been through junk, pain and suffering, but others wanted to know, “How do you smile in that wheelchair?” It allowed me to share and question, “How do I?” I was able to realize that God was using everything I had been through for a larger purpose. So I would encourage people to help others in their pain because (a) it helps you get out of your own and put your focus on somebody else; and (b) it gives you purpose to live with the pain.

HK: What’s been the most surprising thing about being a mom with disability?

RB: How quickly my son adapted to my disability. He was only about 12 or 18 months old. . . He needed to get out of the crib and I would calmly say, “Daniel, I’m going to help you get out of the crib. Be very careful and listen to mommy. Grab around my head and hold on tight. Do not let go because mommy cannot catch you. Mommy cannot catch you.” And he’d grab around my neck and climb out and crawl into my lap. How he got out of that crib and onto my lap was amazing. I was so surprised.

HK: I think that’s very encouraging for us moms to hear. Many of us are even more nervous than an average mom about how our child will adapt to different abilities we have.

RB: Oh good. Yes! I was very nervous about the infant stage. Very nervous.

HK: If you could reshape how a church reaches out to the disabled community, what would be your vision or your dream?

RB: Some churches are doing an excellent job, but I think they are far and few between. I think that’s something we as disabled people should take on. We ask ourselves, “What do I have to offer to society?” and this is a huge job —to come to our pastor or parish advisory board and say, “What are we doing really to minister to the disabled? Can I help? Can I start a Bible study for the disabled? Can I make sure we have an accessible church? Where can we sit comfortably? Not all together, for example. If I’m disabled, how can I sit with my family?”

It’s absolutely important not to go in with a hardened heart and with an attitude of, “You owe it to me, you’re my church!” But rather offer yourself to be part of the solution. Don’t be an angry, bitter, demanding person.

I would love to see everything accessible, Bible studies that speak specifically to suffering, and signers for hearing impaired at all services, and my absolute dream would be to have a disabled person on staff. I love the fact that many churches have disability Sunday. Sunday school for children. That’s so hard and I understand why it doesn’t happen because it takes the right people. It’s a big job description—for people to have special education skills and also a relationship with Christ. But it’s a dream.

HK: What dreams do you have for your ministry and how God will continue to work in you and your family’s life?

RB: When I was laying in the ICU, I never dreamed I’d now be a wife and a mom—well. . .yes, I did, because I was in denial: “Of course I will be!” But later . . . after denial, I realized this is real, this is my “thing.” Now, to be a wife and a mom and be able to reach out to others is just more than I deserve.

I am in a very, very, very serious place of being a wife and a mom. If I was in my 20’s and single, I’d want to travel and be a recording artist and speak and minister to others on a grand scale, get a record deal, that sort of thing. But I just have no desire; it’s exhausting to parent this way, there is no doubt about it. I’ve had to get very creative at times—very creative. But more importantly, I want to be a good wife; It’s really about being a good wife in order to be a good mom. That’s the gift we’re going to give our son—mom and dad being okay.

This year I was in bed for seven months on my stomach 24 hours a day, seven days a week, while a pressure wound healed; after that I finally got back up in the chair and had other health problems. It was very taxing on our marriage, very difficult. But we finally survived it. We really started praying for joy. We wanted to be joyful. We were whining and cranky. It was very ugly and so we prayed for God to return our joy.

This year Mike and I went through what everyone expected us to go through fifteen years ago, like when everyone was saying, “What is Mike doing marrying a quadriplegic. Does he realize what he’s giving up?” He realized it this year. But now, we’re much, much better.

Again, I had to step back and look at it without being emotional and ask, “What can I do to help the situation?” I started meditating on Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true…” and so while I was stuck in bed I’d go through that verse. Okay, what is true? God loves me. What is true? I’m a quadriplegic and I need to find a way to be joyful. What is noble? Mike being married to me. What is pure? Daniel’s smile. What is lovely? I can see the sky outside.

Once I started meditating on this my attitude and heart started to change and I became someone my husband wanted to be around. Mike said, “Okay, that’s the woman I married. She left for awhile, but she’s back now.”

I taped Scriptures on 3 x 5 cards and put them by my bed, and I’d say them over and over, sometimes putting melodies to them. It really helped pass the day in a good way. I also watched every romantic comedy on video, but I got to where I needed more. I called Joni Eareckson Tada and said, “What can I do? I’ve prayed. I need some new ideas! I’m going down for the count!” She said that it was during these times that she began memorizing the second, third and fourth verses of hymns.

Sometimes it’s hard to pray. I remember soon after the accident when I was in the hospital and a chaplain came to pray with me. She said, “Let’s pray,” and I said, “I don’t feel like it. . .” She told me to breath in and say “Jesus.” Then slowly breath out and say “Mercy. . .” “Jesus. . . Mercy. . .” and soon my heart began to soften.

HK: Thanks so much for sharing with us, Renée. I know you will encourage many.

Visit Renee Bondi’s web site for more information on her ministry, her speaking, music and more, including her latest book and CD (where you can hear samples.)

Lisa Copen had the honor of interviewing Renee Bondi.

Love Letter Contest by Focus on the Family

Focus on the Family has announced that they are having their first “Love Letters Contest.” If you’d like to tell your spouse how much you love them, this is a great way to do it and possibly even win a prize. Just visit the Focus on the Family website and explain to them “why you want to grow old with your spouse.”

Each day from Feb. 1-11 they will choose their 4 favorite love letters and each couple will win a prize. February 12 they will choose the Grand Prize recipient from all of the daily winners. This will be a “unforgettable trip to the live ccn.tv/focusonmarriage/” target=”_blank”>Focus on Marriage™ simulcast on Feb. 27 in Colorado Springs, CO.”

Click here to enter the Love Letters Contest!

Grand Prize Includes:
- Round-trip transportation to Colorado Springs, CO
- Two nights at The Broadmoor Hotel and Resort
- Tickets to the live Focus on Marriage™ simulcast event
- An exclusive dinner with the speakers
- Autographed books
- Essentials of Marriage™ products

Audio Bible is Exceptional When You Don’t Feel Well

Can’t concentrate to read? Missing reading The Word?

Lisa saw the promotional video for The Bible Experience at a Christian retail show and was blown away! She bought it for herself for Christmas a couple of years ago. Now YOU can watch this video below, thanks to Zondervan and YouTube.

onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview('/outbound/article/www.youtube.com');" title=" class="autohyperlink" target="_blank">www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_OCovT8Y68

It truly brings the story to life and features voices from Denzel Washington, Angela Bassett, Cuba Gooding Jr., Samuel L. Jackson, Bishop T.D. Jakes, Blair Underwood, Yolanda Adams, Shirley Ceasar, Faith Evans, Kirk Franklin, and more.

Do yourself a favor watch the video. It was originally priced at $50 so this is a great deal and you can listen to it in bed! Get it here.

Longing for Someone to Say… “I’m Proud of You”?

When was the last time you heard these words? A touching book that Lisa recently read and gives 5 stars is I’m Proud of You: My Friendship with Fred Rogers by reporter Tim Madigan.

And if you really do have a hankering to hear someone say those words, drop by Mister Roger’s web site where he will sing “I’m Proud of You” as well as other classics like “You are Special” and “I’m Still Myself Inside.”

And we thought this Presbyterian minister was ministering just to kids! Here at Rest Ministries we think most of us can relate with his messages.

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Even Minimal Activity Decreases Depression

If you are stuck in a rut right now and feeling the blues of winter you likely have heard how exercise can boost your mood and decrease levels of depression. However, when your body is sore and you are feeling depressed, who actually feels like exercising? Personally, we’d much rather grab a bowl of macaroni and cheese and watch a Lifetime movie.

The good news is that although lots of studies may have shown that exercise can decrease depression, a new health survey done in Britain with 20,000 people, has revealed that it actually takes very little physical activity to lift your spirits. Just 1-3 twenty-minute sessions a week of activity reduced people’s suffering of depression.

In fact, they found that the biggest impact on one’s mood, came from doing anything — even mopping the floor — for at least 20 minutes a day. Mark Hamer, PhD of the University College of London, says “Daily activity knocks down the distress score by more than half.”

Though you may not want to run and grab a mop to chase those blues away, these findings are good to keep in mind when you are debating about whether you should go for that short walk, get up and play tennis with your Wii, or throw a ball with your dog for a few minutes. It’s encouraging to find that even minimal exercise in short intervals can significantly impact our mental health.

Is Your Loved One Depressed?

By Dena Dyer

Is your loved one or friend depressed? If you’re fairly certain they are, you are in the position to help. You’re also in the uncomfortable place of trying to help someone who may not be able to (or want to) help themselves.

I’m not a medical professional, and I’m not a counselor. But I am a layperson who has experienced both short-term and long-term depression, and I’ve been able (with God’s help) to live for several years now in a mostly-sustained place of good mental health. Life isn’t perfect, of course, and neither am I. Some days are better than others, and I’m not “cured,” but my life is so much better–and my faith is so much stronger–than it was just a few years ago.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that God is doing a new thing in my life and in my family, and I’m excited about what the future holds. It hasn’t always been that way.

One of the words I’m concentrating on this year is HOPE. I long for 2010 to be a year when I gave hope in tangible, practical, and inspiring ways. . . to many more people than ever before (if God wills, of course). He has been so good to me, and I want to share His grace and mercy as much as possible, in as many ways as He makes available.

So, to start the new year, here are a few do’s and don’ts from someone who has gone through the nightmare of depression and lived to tell about it:

DO:

• Listen without judgment. Despite what some Christians mistakenly believe, depression itself is not a sin. Many, many Bible characters and faithful Christians have suffered with depression. It’s a complex, often debilitating disease…and so many well-meaning believers (and even some successful Christian leaders) make depressed people feel as if it’s all spiritual and all their fault. PLEASE don’t make this mistake.
• Pray, pray, pray. Remember that prayer (and scripture) are our most powerful allies in the battle for mental health.
• Encourage your friend/loved one to get the right kind of help–whether it’s medical, emotional, spiritual and/or psychological assistance. Find a godly Christian counselor and physician who will work together, if that’s what healing takes. And be prepared to help with paperwork, transportation, and follow-up. Depressed people often feel “foggy” mentally, and may find it hard to keep track of their appointments.
• And keep after your friend/loved one until they do get some kind of relief. Remember, depression can lead to suicide.
• Provide rides, babysitting, housecleaning, cooking and/or groceries–anything that will help lighten their load. But ask them what would help first (don’t assume)!
• Try to think about what they’re going through and put yourself in their shoes.
• Give them space to cry, read, pray, be alone, and sleep more if they need to. That being said, look for signs that their depression isn’t lifting, and be prepared to intervene, if necessary.
• Try to get them out of the house, but don’t be offended if you can’t persuade them to go.

DON’T:

• Say “just snap out of it”, “why don’t you try —” or “I was depressed once and — worked for me” or similar things. Of course, give an answer if they ask for your opinion or advice. Just try to be careful with prescriptions and pronouncements.
• Try to cheer them up. Instead, ask them what they need, and be prepared to follow through.
• Don’t say “let me know what I can do to help” and leave it at that. Give them specific ideas and questions to answer.
• Avoid them, if at all possible. They might not be great company, but they need your presence, even if they can’t articulate it.
• Pressure them to get better too quickly. Coming back from depression can be a painstakingly slow process, with many ups and downs. If they’re making progress, try to be content. Know that they’re doing the hardest work they’ve ever done.
• Give up hope. Depression is a disease, but there are treatment options–and many, many people who have suffered from it have gone on to lead wonderful, fulfilling lives.

That’s it for now. Do you have do’s and don’ts to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

Dena Dyer is a mom and wife who lives with her two boys (three, if you count her husband!) in the beautiful Texas hill country. Her passions are my loving, laughing, and encouraging others–whether that’s through writing, speaking, or singing. She is a Christian author and speaker and if you’d like to receive a handout she gives when she speaks on depression, which includes Bible verses, books, and other helpful resources, send her an email at denadyer@austin.rr.com and she’ll send you one. Visit her web site here.

Finding Hope Despite Depression – Mini-Bible Study

Depression is a difficult trial to endure. God has promised to carry us through each trial. In this Bible study below on depression, God’s Bible promises will shine a light of hope to carry you through.

God is here for you in the present

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.” (Psalm 130:1-2, NIV)

God hears our cries for help in the midst of depression.

1. Have you been depressed?
2. Describe a trial of depression you have experienced.
3. How has God answered your cries for help?

Journaling can be used as a form of prayer

You can address it to God. You can then release all of your concerns to God. You can then end it on a positive note with at least one thing you are thankful for.

1. Have you found journaling helpful in communicating with God?

God is here for you when you are feeling weak

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, NIV)

1. What heavy burdens are you carrying that you need to give to God?
2. How has depression affected your life?
3. Make a list of good things that you enjoy doing. Can you see how these things could help you when you are depressed?

God has hope for you in the future

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

1. How do you see hope in your future?
2. How would you like your life to be?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

1. How does this verse make you feel?
2. Can you see how God will bring any of this all together for good? If so, how?

God will carry you through the depression, never leaving your side (even when it feels like it)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

One hope we can cling to during depression is that God will comfort us and carry us through the depression. When we get through to the other side, or even in the midst of it, we can comfort others struggling with depression. One way to help others is to join a support group.

1. Is there a depression support group you can join in your town or local church?
2. How would your experience of depression help you in the group to help others?

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27, NIV)

May God bless you and grant you peace of mind from depression.

Jodi Wheeler is a freelance Christian writer who has dealt with depression in her own life.  In doing so, she hopes to help others dealing with depression as God pulled her through her own.  It’s her desire that God would use the words she writes to help others grow in their Christian walk.

Childhood Abuse Can Impact Health of Adult Life

A recent study has revealed that stress in one’s life that can be explained by the abuse one may have suffered as a child abuse, can cause a “long lasting mental disturbance.” This can in turn make people feel more  vulnerable to chronic pain from such conditions as irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis and arthritis.

The findings are revealed in the January issue of Headache: The Journal of Head and Face Pain. More of the article about this topic can be found here.

While we never like one to feel as though he or she is “responsible” for an illness that there was no control over, it may also be assuring to find that other people who have chronic conditions, may have experienced some of the same situations or history in their lives as others who also suffer.

You can find other abuse resources at our site here and in the Sunroom we have a group called, “Domestic Violence and Chronic Illness Support.”

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