Fireproof – A Good Valentine’s Rental Movie

Fireproof is an amazing movie that was out in 2008 that set records for any independent film. Starring actor Kirk Cameron, heplays a fire chief and a man who is well-respected by those in his community. But his marriage is nearing the end. It’s not because of an affair with another person, or some dramatic event that takes place; but rather because, day by day, both spouses take one another a little more for granted and move away from each other than toward each other. Both are searching for validation of their emotions and even simple appreciation.

Despite the fact that the movie was at the theaters two years ago the ministry of this movie continues to impact lives and change marriages. They have set up a Fireproof website specifically for Valentine’s Day review can hear the author made some of the love dares that were completed in the film, send a Fireproof e-card, or listen to one of their hit songs from the film and download it–John Waller’s song “While I’m Waiting” from the FIREPROOF Soundtrack CD.

Here are 8 reasons I believe every married couple who copes with chronic illness should see this movie:

1. The dialogue is real, as if the writers were hiding behind the furniture of living rooms around the world and eves-dropping on actual conversations, arguments and threats. Let’s face it… real fights are most often about who has done the dishes. You won’t find the typical Hollywood lingo in this film like, “You had me at hello.”

2. The burden of care-giving is addressed. The “wife” in the relationship has a mother who has recently had a stroke. The expense of the medical equipment she needs, like a wheelchair and a bed, is shown in this film, something nearly always overlooked in your typical movie. Though this situation may be dissimilar to yours, it’s helpful to see illness and its impact on a marriage acknowledged as a stressor in a marriage relationship.

3. It will make you laugh. Just because the emotions run deep enough to bring on many tears in this movie, doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself laughing through those tears at times. Even if your marriage is “perfect” and you think you don’t need a boost, it’s a move night to share with your spouse just for fun. The firehouse crew is and the little things the actors do, where you see yourself, will bring smiles to your face.

4. It tells both sides of the story. Whether you are the spouse who is trying to make your marriage work, or the one who just wants out, you’ll find many of your emotions and fears represented. Though the husband in this film is made out in some cases to have been the one with some “problems” the wife isn’t without room for improvement in how she treats her husband either. A surprise twist at the end will leave you with a reminder that no one is perfect, regardless of how they may appear to be.

5. It’s packed with real life scenarios, including those of a fireman. This isn’t a cheap flick with a strong message, but a strong film that happens to have a solid message. If you love those “edge of your seat” movie scenes when you are eating popcorn as fast as you can get your hand to your mouth, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re a woman, you can rest easy that there is plenty of “guy stuff” in this movie that won’t make your man feel like he’s at a chick flick.

6. Kirk Cameron yells. Okay, maybe not one of the top reasons to see this film, but watching him lose his temper and kick a trash can may just leave the men (or women) in the audience feeling like they aren’t being judged of silly behavior or lost tempers. Most of us have had a situation where we’ve wanted to please our spouse and their response made us want to go kick something, right?

7. It provides a tool to take along. The book “The Love Dare,” which the actor works through to win his wife’s heart back, may seem more like a way for the movie makers to make an extra buck. It’s not. In fact, all actors worked for free. The book is rather a way that you can take something tangible away from the film and literally start applying it to your own marriage. As my mom and I left the theater the guys beside us exchanged words. “I guess I have to go order my wife some flowers now… but it’s going to cost me a fortune!” “Hey, weren’t you listening. It doesn’t matter how much they cost.” The great thing is, if you’re on a budget, expensive flowers aren’t required; it’s the actions.

If I was a Christian counselor I would hand couples the DVD (when available) and tell them to go watch it together before our first appointment.

A nice plus is the “behind the scenes” honor that actor Kirk Cameron gives his wife by keeping his own promises: he vowed to her (despite being an actor) to never kiss another woman. So his wife was flown in for the kiss at the end of the film, where she stood in for the actress. He’s been married seventeen years, is the father of six children, and a strong believer in Christ who is not ashamed to proclaim it. That makes me want to listen up to what he has to say. He made the rounds before the film released, including spots on the Today Show, Dr Phil (9/25/08) and many more and he has done well. Despite some over-eager or even rude (names not mentioned) interviewers, he has represented Christ well. He’s come a long way from the posters on my little sister’s wall!

And on a side note, you may be interested to know he founded a camp over twenty years ago, Camp Firefly, for chronically ill children and their families. (Go, Kirk!)

As the founder of Rest Ministries which serves those who live with chronic illness, I firmly stand behind this movie as being one of the best to impact a marriage. It may be the two best hours you give your marriage since the day of your vows.

Lisa Copen

PS: You may also be interested in this: Focus on the Family is putting together a “special marriage seminar on February 27 that your church can host. The Focus on Marriage simulcast conference is Saturday, February 27.” Stephen Kendrick, author of Fireproof and The Love Dare is one of the guest speakers. You can attend at a church near you that offers this event via satellite. Find a location near you here at FOTF’s web site.

 

Even Minimal Activity Decreases Depression

If you are stuck in a rut right now and feeling the blues of winter you likely have heard how exercise can boost your mood and decrease levels of depression. However, when your body is sore and you are feeling depressed, who actually feels like exercising? Personally, we’d much rather grab a bowl of macaroni and cheese and watch a Lifetime movie.

The good news is that although lots of studies may have shown that exercise can decrease depression, a new health survey done in Britain with 20,000 people, has revealed that it actually takes very little physical activity to lift your spirits. Just 1-3 twenty-minute sessions a week of activity reduced people’s suffering of depression.

In fact, they found that the biggest impact on one’s mood, came from doing anything — even mopping the floor — for at least 20 minutes a day. Mark Hamer, PhD of the University College of London, says “Daily activity knocks down the distress score by more than half.”

Though you may not want to run and grab a mop to chase those blues away, these findings are good to keep in mind when you are debating about whether you should go for that short walk, get up and play tennis with your Wii, or throw a ball with your dog for a few minutes. It’s encouraging to find that even minimal exercise in short intervals can significantly impact our mental health.

Is Your Loved One Depressed?

By Dena Dyer

Is your loved one or friend depressed? If you’re fairly certain they are, you are in the position to help. You’re also in the uncomfortable place of trying to help someone who may not be able to (or want to) help themselves.

I’m not a medical professional, and I’m not a counselor. But I am a layperson who has experienced both short-term and long-term depression, and I’ve been able (with God’s help) to live for several years now in a mostly-sustained place of good mental health. Life isn’t perfect, of course, and neither am I. Some days are better than others, and I’m not “cured,” but my life is so much better–and my faith is so much stronger–than it was just a few years ago.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that God is doing a new thing in my life and in my family, and I’m excited about what the future holds. It hasn’t always been that way.

One of the words I’m concentrating on this year is HOPE. I long for 2010 to be a year when I gave hope in tangible, practical, and inspiring ways. . . to many more people than ever before (if God wills, of course). He has been so good to me, and I want to share His grace and mercy as much as possible, in as many ways as He makes available.

So, to start the new year, here are a few do’s and don’ts from someone who has gone through the nightmare of depression and lived to tell about it:

DO:

• Listen without judgment. Despite what some Christians mistakenly believe, depression itself is not a sin. Many, many Bible characters and faithful Christians have suffered with depression. It’s a complex, often debilitating disease…and so many well-meaning believers (and even some successful Christian leaders) make depressed people feel as if it’s all spiritual and all their fault. PLEASE don’t make this mistake.
• Pray, pray, pray. Remember that prayer (and scripture) are our most powerful allies in the battle for mental health.
• Encourage your friend/loved one to get the right kind of help–whether it’s medical, emotional, spiritual and/or psychological assistance. Find a godly Christian counselor and physician who will work together, if that’s what healing takes. And be prepared to help with paperwork, transportation, and follow-up. Depressed people often feel “foggy” mentally, and may find it hard to keep track of their appointments.
• And keep after your friend/loved one until they do get some kind of relief. Remember, depression can lead to suicide.
• Provide rides, babysitting, housecleaning, cooking and/or groceries–anything that will help lighten their load. But ask them what would help first (don’t assume)!
• Try to think about what they’re going through and put yourself in their shoes.
• Give them space to cry, read, pray, be alone, and sleep more if they need to. That being said, look for signs that their depression isn’t lifting, and be prepared to intervene, if necessary.
• Try to get them out of the house, but don’t be offended if you can’t persuade them to go.

DON’T:

• Say “just snap out of it”, “why don’t you try —” or “I was depressed once and — worked for me” or similar things. Of course, give an answer if they ask for your opinion or advice. Just try to be careful with prescriptions and pronouncements.
• Try to cheer them up. Instead, ask them what they need, and be prepared to follow through.
• Don’t say “let me know what I can do to help” and leave it at that. Give them specific ideas and questions to answer.
• Avoid them, if at all possible. They might not be great company, but they need your presence, even if they can’t articulate it.
• Pressure them to get better too quickly. Coming back from depression can be a painstakingly slow process, with many ups and downs. If they’re making progress, try to be content. Know that they’re doing the hardest work they’ve ever done.
• Give up hope. Depression is a disease, but there are treatment options–and many, many people who have suffered from it have gone on to lead wonderful, fulfilling lives.

That’s it for now. Do you have do’s and don’ts to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

Dena Dyer is a mom and wife who lives with her two boys (three, if you count her husband!) in the beautiful Texas hill country. Her passions are my loving, laughing, and encouraging others–whether that’s through writing, speaking, or singing. She is a Christian author and speaker and if you’d like to receive a handout she gives when she speaks on depression, which includes Bible verses, books, and other helpful resources, send her an email at denadyer@austin.rr.com and she’ll send you one. Visit her web site here.

Finding Hope Despite Depression – Mini-Bible Study

Depression is a difficult trial to endure. God has promised to carry us through each trial. In this Bible study below on depression, God’s Bible promises will shine a light of hope to carry you through.

God is here for you in the present

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.” (Psalm 130:1-2, NIV)

God hears our cries for help in the midst of depression.

1. Have you been depressed?
2. Describe a trial of depression you have experienced.
3. How has God answered your cries for help?

Journaling can be used as a form of prayer

You can address it to God. You can then release all of your concerns to God. You can then end it on a positive note with at least one thing you are thankful for.

1. Have you found journaling helpful in communicating with God?

God is here for you when you are feeling weak

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, NIV)

1. What heavy burdens are you carrying that you need to give to God?
2. How has depression affected your life?
3. Make a list of good things that you enjoy doing. Can you see how these things could help you when you are depressed?

God has hope for you in the future

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

1. How do you see hope in your future?
2. How would you like your life to be?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

1. How does this verse make you feel?
2. Can you see how God will bring any of this all together for good? If so, how?

God will carry you through the depression, never leaving your side (even when it feels like it)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

One hope we can cling to during depression is that God will comfort us and carry us through the depression. When we get through to the other side, or even in the midst of it, we can comfort others struggling with depression. One way to help others is to join a support group.

1. Is there a depression support group you can join in your town or local church?
2. How would your experience of depression help you in the group to help others?

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27, NIV)

May God bless you and grant you peace of mind from depression.

Jodi Wheeler is a freelance Christian writer who has dealt with depression in her own life.  In doing so, she hopes to help others dealing with depression as God pulled her through her own.  It’s her desire that God would use the words she writes to help others grow in their Christian walk.

Childhood Abuse Can Impact Health of Adult Life

A recent study has revealed that stress in one’s life that can be explained by the abuse one may have suffered as a child abuse, can cause a “long lasting mental disturbance.” This can in turn make people feel more  vulnerable to chronic pain from such conditions as irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis and arthritis.

The findings are revealed in the January issue of Headache: The Journal of Head and Face Pain. More of the article about this topic can be found here.

While we never like one to feel as though he or she is “responsible” for an illness that there was no control over, it may also be assuring to find that other people who have chronic conditions, may have experienced some of the same situations or history in their lives as others who also suffer.

You can find other abuse resources at our site here and in the Sunroom we have a group called, “Domestic Violence and Chronic Illness Support.”

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• Childhood Abuse May Lead to Migraines (blisstree.com)

Carved Dove is Perfect Comfort Gift

This beautiful hand-carved dove is one of the newest items we have added to our Comfort Zone Bookstore.

It is the design of Kathy Myers Nave who has lived with multiple sclerosis.

The dove is similar to the much-loved Clinging Cross. One holds it in his or her hand; even for those who have hands that are somewhat deformed (like our director Lisa Copen) it still works with ease. It’s a wonderful way to feel God’s peace when praying or for those times one does not know when to pray.

It comes packaged in a sheer lavender gift bag and then that is in a clear plastic triangle-shaped box, ready to give as a gift. It would be a great item for those who are support group leaders, elders, parish nurses, etc. to have on hand. It would be a nice gift to leave behind with someone when doing a hospital visitation or home visit to someone who is chronically ill.

Artist Kathy Myers Nave has carved over 450 originals since she began her work in 1989. Her studio is located in the hills of southern Indiana, where her husband and three children don’t seem to mind the wood chips.

When It is Tempting to Quit We Need Jesus More Than Ever

I was using a saltshaker when I first noticed that the right side of my body was staging a mutiny. Inexplicably, my hand had forgotten how to move up and down. Other everyday activities became difficult. Brushing my teeth was a challenge. Playing piano was impossible and typing was clumsy. And then there were these weird, involuntary tremors on my right side. What was going on here?

After a batch of expensive tests, the doctors couldn’t — and still don’t — agree. While they are scratching their heads, the elders anointed me and prayed for my healing — twice — and I am trying everything in my power while the problem persists.

Like Paul, I have asked the Lord that this “thorn in my flesh” be taken from me. As He told Paul, He has answered me, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Humph! Hardly the answer I want to hear!

Here is where the rubber meets the road for every leader and me:  Who is REALLY in control of my life, ministry, and gifts? And who is in charge of yours?

It is when we are are painfully and continually poked by thorns in the flesh that our determination to be obedient to God’s call is tested and displayed. When we have an uncooperative person on our ministry board tying every meeting into knots; when no one will watch the nursery; when we are criticized for bringing less-than-desirable people into the church; when our budget is stymied by the shortsighted; when we can’t get anything done because we’ve lost control, it is tempting — oh, so tempting! — to yank out the thorn and quit.

But if we are called to a task, we are called to it, regardless of who or what stands in the way — even if it is our own physical limitations.

“My grace is sufficient” — It’s a lovely piece of prose, but it’s meaning is so large that it is a slippery life preserver for the desperate.

However, here’s a handle I’ve found through my own storm:

A can-do attitude is a wonderful thing. But it also masks arrogance, especially when the battle we are fighting is a spiritual one and we are more proficient with our natural talents.

• Spiritual battles require much different weapons, leadership, attitudes, vision, talents, and gifts.
• Spiritual confrontation requires practice but you won’t get it if you are relying on your own natural talent.

When the Lord gives us as leaders a thorn in the flesh, He is reminding us that we are to develop spiritual weaponry skill by knowledge of and connection to Him. He’s made it a little easier for us to do this because we not only won’t rely on our unreliable selves, we no longer can.

In the midst of the hopeless, drowning feeling associated with loss, we have His promise: His grace — or Divine endorsement — will make up for our personal deficits.

And that’s a handle we can all hang on to no matter what our limitations may be.

Rebekah Montgomery, author/speaker/teacher, is a gifted, dynamic communicator. She is the author of more than five books and has penned 1,100 articles. She shares tough real-life topics and biblical application in a simple easy to grasp manner. To book Rebekah for your next event visit www.rebekahmontgomery.com. Rebekah is also the editor of Right to the Heart of Women and a publisher at Jubilant Press.© Rebekah Montgomery 2009.

The Will of God

As we begin our new year it can be tempting to wonder if God really understands that our bodies cannot keep up with our dreams of all we’d like to do – for Him, ourselves, our family, those we care about.

But He does know exactly how you are feeling today. . . and how you will feel tomorrow. He knows you lack energy, even on days you may have enthusiasm and you feel like the day was wasted. Remember that God never wastes anything. Your time and your experiences are all a part of His greater plan.

The Will of God

The will of God will never take you,
Where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

Everything happens for a purpose. We may not see the wisdom of it all now, but trust and believe in God that everything is for the best.

~Author unknown

Lisa Copen submitted this devotional. She is the founder of Rest Ministries and live with rheumatoid arthritis.

Video: Elvis’ Blue Christmas

In my house it’s not Christmas until Elvis is playing! And if you are without someone you love today you may just feel like humming along with him as he sings about being blue. Another favorite I grew up with from my mom’s Christmas album was “Mama Liked The Roses.” Hope you like them too.

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Every Day Is Christmas

A friend recently sent me this and this year, more than any other, I can relate to it since I have been dependent on friends and strangers to help drive me around from place to place as I continue to recover from joint replacement surgery in my hand.

I hope it encourages you to continue to reach out to those in your life who are strangers or friends. While we may assume that the people around us are well taken as, emotionally provided for, and without needs, it is rarely the case and our helpfulness or even smile can make all the difference in their life.

Lisa Copen, Rest Ministries Director

__________________________________________________

Every Day is Christmas

Every day is Christmas when you have the kind of mind,
That stores up all the goodness and the sweetness it can find.
When you don’t need an occasion, to spread a bit of cheer,
But just keep on a-giving, of yourself throughout the year.

Every day is Christmas, with a gaily wrapped surprise,
When you’ve learned to see the friendship, in someone else’s eyes.
When you try a little harder, and complain a little less,
Holding fast to all the fervor of the faith that you possess.

Every day is Christmas, when you’ve found that you can be
More concerned with words like “you” and less with “I” and “me.”
When it’s fun to do a favor, and to lend a helping hand,
When being understood means less, than when you understand.

Every day is Christmas, with a beauty deeply cast,
When you find it doesn’t matter, if you’re first or if you’re last.
When you can face your conscience, and be glad of what you are,
Then every day is Christmas, with a stable and a star.

– Author Unknown

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