“Mom, I want to go fishing. It’s free!”
I pick up my son from day camp. It’s 4 PM. It’s 95 degrees. Today they fished at the lake during camp.
He has his pole his Grandpa got him 2 years ago. He’s used it twice. Now he wants to fish more.
I could barely walk down the paved trail to sign him out of camp. My feet are swollen, sore. I am faint from the heat. I hope to make it back to the car.
I joke about that, but sometimes I wonder.
He stops. He sticks his chest out. His lip curls up.
“You aren’t seriously going to have a tantrum over this, are you?” I ask. . . calmly of course. I am not one for unplanned battles.
Walking down a boat landing and onto the dock is non-negotiable. I have no need to feel guilty.
Grandpa wanted to take him fishing two weeks ago when he visited. He said no.
“Mommy just can’t do that, honey.” I say. “I can’t walk down there. Maybe Daddy can bring you on Saturday.”
I turn and walk to the car.
“You’re so mean!” he yells.
Am I bad mother for not having this affect me whatsoever?
I wonder to myself, Would a healthy mother have said yes? Perhaps, yes. I have friends who would. But is this reasonable? No. Fishing in 95 degree weather is not reasonable.
We get in the car. The pole barely fits. It pokes me in the arm from the back seat. I tell him that is dangerous. I change the subject to the plans for the next day at camp.
He tells me he caught a fish. I ask how big and he holds up his hands of 2 feet. A fish story. He’s learned early.
I look in my rear view mirror and see him smiling. And the tip of the fishing pole. It’s cliche, but I pray, Lord, please let him always want to fish for You. Maybe he will be a fisher of men someday.
Smile, I remind myself. This is one of those moments you will want to remember.
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.
Lisa,
I am a grandmother, and you had me in a state of suspense as I read your article day. Years ago, when I was healthy, I had those same moments you wrote about with my two sons. They happen even with healthy moms.
For the past year, I have been struggling with these moments with my grandchildren. I have been experiencing a lot of body pain and fatigue. The other day, my doctor called me with the results of blood work and I have rheumatoid arthritis. At least I know I wasn’t crazy when I told my sons I couldn’t babysit because I was so tired or I hurt too much. So often they would look at me as if I wasn’t being honest. But I was, and it was the best thing you could do for your son was to be honest with him and not push yourself to do something you just couldn’t do.
Blessings,
Margaret
Lisa, How many times have I asked myself the same? I couldn’t count them! It must be something all we moms who live with chronic illness have asked ourselves and sometimes asked others. Now that I’m a grandma too (ie old LOL) I’ve come to know that “no” is a much needed thing for growing ears to hear as it prepares them so much better for life down the road. Seems a lot of kids today (observing those who are barely kids anymore) didn’t hear enough of… And with these trying days economically even many young adults (and older ones too) didn’t experience enough to enable them well to deal with these problems we’re having today, economic and otherwise.
BTW as someone who misses fishing myself I have to add that fishies generally don’t like heat either 🙂
Zona
Lisa,
What I was intrigued by in this post were the questions that you asked yourself (and presented to us). A couple of days ago I read a devotion entitled “You Cannot Have Faith Without Questions”. The article was based upon, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children.” Deuteronomy 29:29
We need to ask the questions to gain the revelation that only the Lord can bring to us so that we grow in faith and trust in the Lord. I can see how through the process of you asking the questions, the Lord brought you to a revelation of truth about motherhood that any Christian mother would struggle with whether sick or “healthy”. Do we who are “sick” and “weak” have more likelihood of a awareness for our need to ask the questions by turning to the Lord? Our questions that bring us to our knees humbly before the Lord may have a way of making more “healthy” individuals take a deeper look themselves?
May the Lord reveal as He deems best! I’m encouraged and blessed by this post.
Diana