I can’t seem to find my voice. I usually have so much to say, thoughts that must get down on paper. But I cannot think in complete sentences. Nothing seems worth saying.
A ten-day trip rejuvenated me. . . and exhausted me. I want to cocoon into my own world for a few days.
Oddly, I can. My son is at day camp. I have nothing I must do. My husband works late. No need for dinners.
Mac and cheese. Peanut butter. Popcorn.
I know. Not the best meals. But sometimes every mother just says, “Why not? What harm will it do to have popcorn for dinner?”
My email program is broken. I am running a “restore feature.” It’s been running two days. I can’t go through the normal routine of “back to work.”
It’s seems foreign to not have multiple responsibilities. With my life comes a to-do list. Days are usually about getting through, not pondering my plans. I have come to expect chaos, and it feels normal.
I wander around, I watch the news, I see what friends are doing on Facebook. It all seems pointless. I hardly looked at news or social networks for 10 days and it made. . . no. . . difference.
I feel cleansed somehow. Unable to get back into the motion of doing.
What was it like to just be?
God tells us He will “refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” (Jeremiah 31:25). I am open to the refreshment but I have forgotten how to ask.
I curl up with my Bible. What is God’s plan for my time this week? I read. I search. I pray.
Usually I am overwhelmed with God’s voice. Instead I just hear, “Rest. . . Just rest. It’s okay. Don’t make the idea of resting one more thing to do.”
Laundry needs folding. Unpacking needs completed. I don’t care.
My body needs to rest. My soul needs to rest.
It will wait.
I can wait.
I am learning to be satisfied without the chaos.
Calmness is not just a lack of chaos. It is peace in finding the quietness.
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.
Having been very poorly, both physically and mentally, with a number of emergency hospital admissions with asthma I have become absolutely exhausted. I got rather excited when God told me He wanted to take me out of my comfort zone. I was ready for something perhaps a little bit ‘radical’, but instead He told me He wanted me to rest. A hard concept to take in but the right one. Psalm 23 talks of making me lie down in green pastures, leading besides quiet waters and restoring my soul. Sometimes we need to “be” with God (Be still and know that I am God) rather than “do”. Thank you Lisa for another great article.
Re: “Don’t make the idea of resting one more thing to do” – Amen and amen. Preach it, sister.
It’s hard to “be still” if we’re not used to being still long enough to figure out what being still feels like. What’s that old line about how we are supposed to be “human beings, not human doings”?
There is a song by Jeffrey Ames titled “In Remembrance” – it was written to express inconsolable grief, and he asks the Lord at the end to “grant us rest”. Our music minister wanted us to say “grant us peace” instead… but I think Dr. Ames had it right… we get so tied up in knots we don’t know HOW to rest, and especially in times of extremity, we need Him to grant it to us as a gift. (Google the song… I know there are versions on YouTube… it’s worth a listen.)
I love this one. I am guilty of making resting one more thing to do. There is always something to do and it seems never enough time to do it.
Reading your words hit me like a sharp slap in the face. I wear my self down and always pay for it because I think it can’t wait until tomorrow.
Thank you for making me see that the world won’t stop if I don’t dust or prepare a balanced meal. No housework for me today, and dinner will be something simple and not necessarily the healthiest. I am going to rest and do a whole lot of nothing. Today I put aside chaos and relax and listen to what is being said.
What a great eye opening article.
Thanks again. 🙂
Wow, Thank You for this one. I am having a crummy day and have been wandering listlessly around the apartment in between going back to bed for stretches of several hours. It is already 3:15 p.m. and I haven’t “done” anything today. I had been feeling guilty and worthless.
It is interesting that God is speaking to me through e-mail, but I suppose He will use any method He can to reach people. Taking care of myself by giving my body rest when it needs it is doing something. I also just remembered that I fed my cat this morning and then I watered the plants, so I also took care of others that I could help. So what if they aren’t human, God told me they are still His creations.
It’s always hardest for we women, to go from ‘server’ to ‘servee’. Afterall, WE are the ones in charge of all the details of the households occupents lives. (Does that make sense?:) -and not only OUR household, but but after a while, our parents or grandparents household-not to mention our jobs, the PTA, classroom assistant, church Sunday school board, etc, etc… Then slowly, one by one, these responsibilities go away-or sometimes suddenly go away-and we are left feeling worthless, useless. No longer an asset-now a liability! Guilt creeps in. You lose your health, job, credibility, dignity, and sense of worth. It’s the guilt and the shame that Satan uses to tell us that we are nothing to anyone anymore, and we buy into this so easily because in most cases-people/society are telling us the same thing! Lots of times it’s the people closest to us, who are to love us the most, that hammer that message home! And it goes DEEP, into our hearts, piercing our very core. A wound that may never heal fully, this side of the veil.
But, this is where our God reaches down to pull us from the pit, if we will but let Him! HE values us because He MADE us, ON PURPOSE-just the way we are-knowing what was coming. Remember the blind man that Jesus healed? He was born blind, and spent his days begging at the city gate. When Jesus came along and healed him, the disciples asked who had sinned that this man should be born blind. Remember how Jesus answered? He said no one had sinned-but this man had been afflicted that GOD may be glorified through him! He was MADE that way-ON PURPOSE-so when Jesus came along He could heal him-to the glory of the FATHER! This man had value in just BEING!-because his life glorified God. See John 9:1-3+ We need to dump our guilt and shame by the wayside, and trust Him that we too have a purpose. A purpose that often we ourselves cannot understand-so how can we blame others who do not see it?
TRUST that He loves us and can use us-just the way we are! We have been given a great gift, because through our illness’ we are more open to Him:)-and He has given us EACHOTHER, to help us walk this often difficult road. I thank God for all of you<3