Deanna Nichols
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” -Proverbs 12:18
Yesterday I had a great conversation with a health and fitness coach with whom I recently started working. Not only did she give me some great ideas to work toward my personal goals, but I also found myself leaving the conversation with a lot more hope than I’ve felt in a long time. It’s interesting I should be so hopeful because I’m really having a tough time physically right now. And we also spent a fair amount of time discussing my past history of chronic illness, a topic that usually drains me and makes me sad.
Instead, she was able to focus on the accomplishments I’ve made in the past two years toward a healthier me.
I later realized my coach did a simple yet powerful thing: she used her words to bring healing–healing to my spirit and even to my body. After we spoke I was more inspired to remain on the path of a healthy lifestyle, and I was so energized by hope that I went ahead and started my new exercise program that I’ve been putting off for months because I didn’t feel well enough to try. Which, in turn, inspired me to eat healthy and work out again today. And maybe I’m imagining things, but my current flaring health symptoms seem to be better too.
Recently I’ve had a lot of reckless words spoken into my life and my health situation. Well-meaning family members, friends, and doctors have said things that to some degree, robbed me of hope, faith, and joy. It’s been a fierce battle in my heart to fight off the constant barrage of negativity their words created. What a contrast with my experience yesterday!
This is a great lesson for all of us. Before we share that “helpful” idea or something “the Lord laid on our heart” that our loved one “needs” to hear, let’s ask ourselves if we are planting seeds of hope and healing or if we are truly piercing them with the sword of our reckless words.
“Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)
About the Author: Deanna Nichols is a woman of faith searching for purpose in the midst of a lifetime of physical illness and pain. She has been diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy, polycystic ovarian disease, Hashimoto’s thyroid disease, and many others. Her chronic illnesses make it impossible for her to work or even drive, so she is mostly home-bound. She is on the Board of Directors for her family’s commercial lawn maintenance business, is an avid reader and book reviewer, and uses social networking to encourage people with chronic illness, educate those without illness, as well as to share what she’s learned regarding natural health. She lives in Northeast Florida with her husband of 12 years and their 5 furry children. Read Deanna’s blog A Fragile Faith.
YIKES did you ever hit a chord. I have had to deal with this on both the giving end and the receiving end – trying to make sure I’m not causing more trouble than help when I open my mouth!
Yesterday some of us had the privilege of hearing one of our own unburden her heart regarding her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s and the struggles with her brother regarding proper care… of course it would be far too easy to chime in with stories of how other family have dealt with dementia. What I ended up saying – after we gathered around her to pray and she and I were going to fetch our kids – was that when my aunt had to deal with first my grandmother and then my uncle slipping to Alzheimer’s, she had some measure of support from the surrounding community because they had lived in the same area for decades and everyone knew them (so when my uncle hit the wandering stage, when friends found him they would bring him home). She was more encouraged than discouraged by that. We’re trying to find people that can check in on her mom, at least, until she can convince her brother that their mom really can’t live by herself anymore.
Sometimes the most comforting thing you can say is “I’m here with you”.
You’re right, Sharon! It’s so hard to know when to speak up and when to say silent. I struggle with this too. I guess that’s why it’s so important to ask for God’s wisdom before we we open our mouths. There’s so much power in our words – to heal or to destroy. I’m glad you were able to be an encouragement to your friend, and I’m blessed to hear you are working to find practical ways to help her with her situation as well.
Blessings! -Deanna
Deanna, Your message is so timely! I am preaching a sermon series right now called “Me and My Big Mouth” inspired by the book of the same title by Joyce Meyers. I don’t know if the book is still in print. I found it at a library sale. Your words about words are right on the money! One of the things Joyce discusses in her book is that we need also to be mindful of how we speak to non-believers. While we may indeed be “trusting God for a miracle” or claiming “joy in Christ” these phrases are not meaningful to a non-believer (or I would argue they may not be meaningful or helpful on a given day to someone in very real physical or emotional distress) and leave us sounding like aliens – out of touch and even callous, which is certainly not the way we want to appear. Another great verse from Proverbs: Proverbs 18:21 : The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Hang in there and best to you as you continue to work toward your goals!
Hey, Really proud of you Deanna. This is a a great blog. Love you Jon.
Robyn, thanks for the encouragement. And that sounds like an excellent sermon series! I agree about sharing words that would SEEM helpful but may not be timely – this is VERY true. I have been on the receiving end of a message that was given at the wrong time or delivered in the wrong way, and it ended up being very hurtful during a time when I was already struggling. This reminds me of Proverbs 25:11 “Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances.”
Jon, thank you! Your encouragement means so much. Love you too!