I am lying in bed trying to get comfortable. I’ve flipped my pillow over a dozen times. Covers off, covers on. Heating pad. Ice pack.
I am sick. And I am grumpy.
I had the week planned. Fun times with son before school starts, play date with kids and movie on Wednesday. I am to get my first 5-hour infusion of a new drug Friday with babysitter all arranged, husband driving me there and getting off work early to bring me home. Plans with friends on Saturday night if I feel up to it after the infusion.
Instead I find myself trying to decide between nibbling on a saltine or a Ritz.
What would be more likely for me to keep down?
I have nothing positive to find in this I say to myself. People would be so disappointed in me. Sometimes I am such a fraud.
The negative thoughts keep going through my head. This will mess up my plans to get my medication. I spent so much time getting it all arranged. . . for a drug I don’t even want, a drug that is going to cost me a fortune. This isn’t fair to my son! I just had one day between my knee going out and getting sick. He is so tired of mommy not feeling well.
At last I decide to try to make it to the kitchen. I will go for the Ritz. And just as I get there, I step in something. Evidently I am not the only one sick. The cat is sick too.
The words of Philippians 4:8 taunt me “. . .whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”
As I get back into bed, I realize even I am tired of my own laments. I need to think of what I am grateful for.
Is there anything that is excellent or praiseworthy in this situation, Lord?
“Of course, daughter,” He says. “You have a bed. You even have a choice between two crackers. You have hot water. You have people who love you. . .”
Okay, You’re right, Lord. I am sorry. Forgive me for being so sour. Here it goes, I am blessed to have a bed. I am thankful I have my family. Lord, thank you that I don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. Thank you for my husband getting me a wash clothe for my head. Thank you for us having crackers. I am grateful my son is being so understanding. Thank you that my husband has a job so we have insurance. . .”
Somewhere in there I fall asleep.
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.