Some decisions seem to be impossible to make.
I faced one of those this past week.
It may not sound like a difficult decision, but it was a choice that left me teetering on the fence, agonizing over what seemed to be an impossible choice.
As summer nears its end, the next school year looms large on the horizon. Yes, I should be past dealing with the school years, but having chosen to raise my deceased daughter’s children, we have been back in the parenting game for 7 years.
Based on numerous factors, we decided to homeschool. Yet, with all the new health issues I am facing, homeschooling has become more and more difficult. Difficult to the point I had to decide whether or not to utilize the public school system. Some folks may be fans of traditional schools, but I am not one. Dealing with learning disabilities and some emotional issues made keeping them home the logical choice. With my background and training, it just made sense. Beyond that, it was what I felt God wanted us to do.
I can do it no longer. Quite frankly, I can’t keep up. How awful to say that. So after weeks of teeter-tottering, praying, talking to others–the decision was made. Our nine-year-old is enrolled in a traditional school. Our fourteen-year-old is going to attend an online public school. That is the best I can do this year.
The best I can do. So often anymore, the best I can do doesn’t seem good enough. Feelings of failing others, failing myself, and failing God creep it. I have to admit to crying over this one. Even as we were signing her up, I felt the tears begin to well up inside.
Did I have to fail at this, too?
What was once a joy has become a demanding chore I can’t handle. I wasn’t up to the task.
I must view it as one more opportunity to rely on God. He knows, better than I, what the coming year will bring. In the past, I have looked back and realized how God had been working behind the scenes to bring about what was best for our family. Often at the time, it looked like anything but the best.
So, with a longing tug at my heart, I do not do what I want, but what the situation demands. And more importantly, what God asks. I entrust her to God’s care.
Prayer: Father God, I pray, that as we each face the challenges of our lives that we are able to entrust you with everything that comes into our life and with everything we need let go of. You knows better than we do, when we have done the best we can. Amen.
About the Author:
deni weber believes that the only true way to deal with chronic challenges is to bring them to the feet of her Lord and Savior. Her challenges have taught her many things about herself and her Christian walk. It is her fondest desire that her lessons may be helpful to others as they walk the path of chronic illness. Her website is TodaysEncouragingWordonline.com – deni can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org .
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Are there things in your life that you have agonized over letting go? How have you handled those challenges? Can you simply do the best you can, and leave the results to God?