It is the second week in January. According to the world, it is time to “get busy.” But I feel like molasses is a world of energy drinks. I still have much I want to give, but it is not bubbling just below the surface like it usually does.
Despite all the hype about doing, I am just concentrating on being. Well, the word “concentrating” is over-stating the reality. Honestly, I am just wandering around, resting in not having a to-do list of items that “must be done today or else,” and yet, still feeling like I am wasting time by just resting.
There is a long list of things I should be doing for this ministry. I feel my presence has not been what protocol dictates. Yet, I don’t like to fake it. I want to be real with you. I want to be authentic. And who says I all of these ideas should turn into more “should”–really? What shoulds have you put upon yourself and then felt the stress because you didn’t do it?
I am too depleted to give of myself, so I have just been hibernating for awhile. And waiting. Sometimes the waiting may come across to you as me being unorganized, uncaring, distracted. But it is just self-preservation. It is getting rid of the noise in my life, so if God speaks –I can hear Him.
Most ministries have many employees. While the founder takes a needed sabbatical, the program leaders start up a new Bible study. While the founder stays home to get over a cold, the web designer updates the site to reflect the new year. I am very blessed to have volunteers that help us in so many ways, and yet, I still feel as though I am dropping the ball. I am here. but, right now, I don’t have anything I can give.
There is much God wants to do with Rest Ministries. There is also much I want to do. But I need some time to determine what He wants to build–without my plans getting in the way.
I am soaking, marinating, spending time regrouping. I am not depressed. Discouraged perhaps, because I have stuff I want to do but no energy. I am discouraged because I know that the new year often feels this way to me and yet, for some reason, I am still surprised when I am not a ball of fire on January 1st like the rest of the world.
For now, I am just maintaining the coals beneath the surface. The fire is still there, but it is simmering, not producing flames.
So know this. . . I have not forgotten you, my precious friends of Rest Ministries. I have faith that you understand. And during times like this it is always amazing for me to sit back and watch you minister to each other in ways that I cannot even imagine. Out of your own pain comes so much unbelievable joy. And I know that there is no possible way joy can come from pain unless you are rooted in God’s loving hand.
These are the times that humble me. I am reminded that this ministry is not about me or what I can do. It is God’s ministry and I am leaving it in His hands as I rest.
Lisa Copen
Please Lisa, don’t be discouraged.
I too feel like this many times with my own ministry, and I don’t have any other support to carry me, but my load is far lighter than yours Lisa. But I rest in our Lord and let Him point me in the direction He would have me go.. If He has shown me to be in a place to rest, there is where I must rest.. Even Jesus needed time away and pray and be with His Farther, and I guess being human as He must have been, He must have had time to rest and sleep too..
“Rest in the Lord and again I say Rejoice”, has just come to me, so I say again Rejoice.!
This has never ever happened to me before now Lisa, so I guess it’s time for you to Rejoice… Mike
Lisa, this is one of the qualities I most love about you: your openness, your vulnerability. I truly believe this is an important part of our testimony as Christians. If people can’t see a glimpse of who we really are, weak, fallible, sometimes cranky and impatient human beings, can they relate, can we relate on a personal level?
I have no doubt that you care about us and God is using your compassion and vulnerability to affirm us and show us that we’re not alone in our pain and suffering.
Thank you for just being you, a tender, uplifting touch from Him. I may be quite a bit older than you, but I consider you a good example to follow.
So I say, come apart and rest, before you come apart altogether! 😉 I’m going to join you for awhile too.
Love, Beth
Dear Lisa, I applaud your courage to tell the truth! My spiritual director encourages me to be like a cat right now. Nap, gaze out the window, nibble, pray, play and repeat. This could be God’s invitation to rest like the name you bear RestMinistries. I think it models to the rest of us that sometimes God “makes us to lie down”.
It is a good thing. I feeling better these days and want to run before I can crawl but instead I am just going to celebrate that God is healing me slow by slow. I am learning to say what James recommends about future plans, “God willing”.
I am resting and praying alongside you! Peace, Comfort & Joy! Mona
Lisa, thank you so much for your authenticity and vulnerability. I, like you, don’t want to fake how I’m doing. I am in a time when I do not have much to give; I struggle with guilt about that. Your honesty regarding where you are at, though I hurt for you, was like a breath of fresh air to me. I hope that makes sense and that you are encouraged by the fact that, in just being, you are ministering to us.
You are in my prayers.
Love,
Lynn
Lisa, most often my most depleted time is the first of the year. Being a Pastor’s wife brings an absolutely busy time during all of Advent. Once the season is over, I have come to know that I will always be in a flare. It has happened so many times in the past 20 years, that I have come to plan on being absolutely empty for a while. At first I have times of great pain with the flare up, then just times when I am trying to walk in a molasses swamp.
Maybe this is what is happening to you. You are right in just letting yourself rest. If you don’t, you will stay in a depleted mode, I have learned that. Well, this is my time of great pain. Soon, I hope, I will graduate to what I call my “beached whale mode.” I will come apart and rest, right alongside of you, and my dear Beth and Lynn.
I will keep you in my prayers,
Sandy
Lisa, sweetie! You are such a inspiration for me and others. Don’t ever feel guilty. You can only do so much and the body start saying enough. I appreciate your honesty. You are real!
Everyday is a struggle for me – CFS/ME/fibro, severe complex migraines, PTSD……
The best Christmas present I gave to my kids/family was that I was able to be with them for Christmas. Not present that I can run to a store to buy.
We know your heart is in the ministry. Love your smile! Love you! Best wishes for you in the New Year!
Praying for you, Hanne
Sweet Lisa ~
You may be feeling disappointed that you aren’t able to do what you feel you “should” be doing as the Rest Ministries founder. First of all, Hun, please remember that you have given so many who struggle with the same feelings a place to verbalize those feelings and be understood. God has and is using you to help many. We are all thankful for what you’ve made available for us with your hard work, where we can meet, pray for, and encourage each other.
When I first started being disabled with Lupus about 20 years ago, I went through some grieving with every loss as I had to pull back from so much of who I was in ministry and in “being there” for all of my family and friends. I was the “go too” person… the strong one. It’s been quite a journey having to adjust to being on the receiving end of that.
Then, God taught me something very important. He showed me that “I” can’t always be the one who fixes other people’s problems. I cannot be their savior, HE is!. He has shown me that often He has others He plans to bless by using them for the task and sometimes He doesn’t provide human help for those who are struggling because He wants them to depend solely on Him to help them through.
I agree with your view of the Lord “making me lie down in green pastures”. I’ve been going through an extended time such as this for over a year now. Would you believe that the blanket on my bed is a sage “green”? ***smile*** Granted, it’s not always where we want to be at the moment, but this is what we need to be doing. God’s way of helping us to care for ourselves, I believe. A time for us to get “quiet” so that we can hear Him more clearly. It’s been my experience this year, in which The Lord has been helping me put to use the many things He has been teaching me over the past several years on “Trust” – “Surrender”- “Courage” – and “Acceptance”. My illness has progressed significantly and I was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. I’ve experienced that “peace that surpasses all understanding” that Paul spoke of while I was hemorrhaging due to a mishap during a lung biopsy. I felt such a peace during the whole thing and it gave me the courage to undergo the removal of a third of my lung without fear.
Enough about me. I just wanted to let you know, Lisa, that you don’t have to be doing as much as you were doing right now. This is God’s baby and he has graciously chosen you to birth it for Him.
Please rest without guilt feelings, Sweety. The Ministry is growing well. The Lord will take care of it because we all need it and each other. We understand what it’s like just not being able to keep up for a time.
I loved the surfing sheep video and devotional that came with it.
We all love you, thank God for you and will be praying for you. A gentle hug, Rita Eno ~
Rest rest my fear Lisa. We are all resting and hibernating as well.i have been in bed 3 days just RESTING. We love you and are praying for you. Rest and take all the time you need God is in control and understands and so do we. God bless you Lisa. I am praying! Now REST! Kendra in arkansas
Yes, Lisa, I understand completely. But I was also reminded the other day by someone that January is not the time to make resolutions or start major new programs or changes in one’s life. Very few people who make resoultions or have all this hype and energy in January quit by the end of the month or are burnt out.
You are doing the right thing by resting and waiting. I don’t feel let down. I am encouraged by your honesty and your willingess to do what God leads you to do in His time. Even if I have the energy, I find that if I start what I want to do without waiting for confirmation from God, it will fall through and it is more discouraging as I feel I failed–myself, God and everyone else.
Also, this gives theose volunteers a chance to grow and serve. You are in my prayers and I pray that your spirit can rest as well as your body and that you not be anxious for anything.
God bless you and keep you.
Happy New Year Lisa and Everyone,
Lisa, I pray for restoration for you and the many others. In Mark 6 Jesus told His disciples to, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” So please don’t feel ashamed of where the Lord has you.
I had an “agenda” lined up for the New Year to learn and do incredible things — even bought fancy new notebooks for all of the brilliant ideas I was expecting to have. But instead it began with serious health problems which, so far, have left me bedridden, hardly able to feed myself at times. I struggled to know God’s meaning for all of this, but He keeps telling me to just be still, to accept His rest and let Him restore my body and hope.
So I’m thankful for your candor, Lisa, and for your “realness” with us. This ministry would not work if we had a “founder” who tried to look like Superwoman all of the time while we struggled with debilitating conditions. We appreciate that you know where we are, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and physically. As hard as it is to accept, if we didn’t know pain, we would not understand your pain, and you wouldn’t be able to understand ours. So we lift you in prayer for God’s healing, rest, and even relaxation during this time.
Our hope is that God is working all of this for a far greater blessing in eternity. God Bless you.
Sweet Lisa, you beautifully expressed what many of us feel. I love your description of feeling like molasses in a world of energy drinks. What an appropriate metaphor for us who live daily within the confines of chronic illness. I share your desire to be doing more but also recognize, like you, that I need to work on just “being.” It is so hard!
At times like these I know it is difficult for you to realize the impact of what the Lord has accomplished through Rest Ministries. It continues to be a blessing to me every day as I receive the daily devotions. I share many of them with the ladies in the HopeKeepers Bible study that I teach. I know many, many people rely on Rest Ministries for daily support and encouragement. If you did nothing else with this ministry, it would be enough because it is a huge blessing to so many.
Rest well. I am praying for you, and I’m sure many others are as well.
Connie
Oh Lisa, you needn’t worry that we feel you’ve left us. This group, of all groups, KNOWS exactly what you are talking about! You put it so eloquently, and frankly, it’s always the way I’ve felt about new year’s. I look forward, hoping things will change but the reality is I need to rest and recharge after the hub-bub and sometimes all out chaos from the Holidays! Take a lesson from Animal Planet:) HIBERNATE! When you are empty and have nothing left to give, you need to be filled again to be of any use, so rest, knowing we will be praying that God fills you again, with love, joy, peace, hope-for YOUR sake, not ours! (I would say Rest In Peace, but that’s a little too close to the edge for comfort…LOL!) Anyway , enjoy your sabbatical<3~TK
Dear Lisa,
Just before I opened up today’s Rest Ministries devotion, I was re-reading some of the devotions that I had saved from the last four months of 2011. Some of them were written by you. It reminded me that you were struggling with many aspects of your illness. You wrote very creatively about that with such depth. I am not at all surprised that you are where you are. Bask in the Son until you can move outward.
Peace and Blessings,
Margaret Shearman
thank you, everyone, so so much for your grace and understanding!
I can relate to so much of what Lisa says. The only family member who truly understood and believed I was sick was my mom and she has passed away leaving me alone to deal with this chronic daily unexplainable illness. I give up!!
IPlease don’t! I am in a similar situation…that would mean I would have to consider giving up again…What keeps me? Knowing that God loves me, He beleives me…I am certain that you are a proof of strentgh and determination…and the ones around you are lucky to have you AND the people in your future need you maybe even to find out more about your illness! You Jane are important and precious…please don t give up!
@Jane Farmer and Nancy Bujold Vallee. Please don’t give up. Keep fighting. @ Lisa Copen Take the time, we all have too, God has everything under control. I have to fight this fight every day. People don’t understand even though I am now having to use a wheelchair. Because I look okay they think nothing could possibly be wrong. RA destroys lives, but we can’t give up the fight.
As far as I’m concerned, you hit it right on the head, Lisa! <
I feel some fear. I am havinf air hunger and waking up to that is difficult when i get it then especially. Its getting worse. Not asthma. Talked to god about it and decided if i died, ok, but these bouts are not comfortable. I suffer severe chronic pain that cant b treated adequately due to this. No medical answers yet. 3 years now, worse over last 2 month. Im happy that my pain better today that i was comfortable for first time in months. Breathing bad,but pain good. Thank u god also for netflix show on birds mating styles. Awesome rituals. Made me smile
Jane & Nancy, there’s no question that when others don’t understand our conditions at all, or misunderstand, it adds to our suffering. In fact, this is probably the worst part of my chronic illnesses. When I had a good understanding of the fact that God totally understands, as Jane said, and that He grieves along with me, it lifted my load considerably. After all, I reasoned, it’s what He thinks that really matters.
It still does get to me at times, but I pray that you both will trust Him and ask Him for someone to come into your life who will “get it’ at least in part.
Rest Ministries is a wonderful place to come to be encouraged. I urge you to get involved here. Ask for prayer support, check out the Sunroom, read articles and devotionals.
God bless and strengthen you both.
I feel drugged most of the time and the rest of the time just tired…