“The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.” (Isaiah 50:4)
One of the strange and paradoxical things about illness is how it can bring out jealousy and envy in others. It is more than I can wrap my mind around that there are those who appear to be jealous and envious of our illnesses.
Perhaps some people enjoy getting a lot of attention, or are starved for attention, and they see everything with that mindset. I would be happy to be rid of my illnesses and am willing to give them to anyone who wants them. I don’t need or want the attention.
Then there are those days when we are doing a bit better, perhaps our illness has not completely stopped us in our tracks and we are able to do some activity normally denied us, we expect everyone else to be as happy about this as we are, but sadly, some people will not be happy about it. Some people may even label you as a malingerer because they have seen you do an activity on one day that you could not do on the many other days of your life with illness.
When you cannot work, and are stuck at home with your illness, you may sometimes hear: “I wish I was able to stay home instead of work.”
Those who are well may only comprehend not working through the eyes of their health. Not working for them means doing some other enjoyable activity, or resting from their labors. They do not see the pain, fatigue, and general misery you endure irregardless of activity, and that there are no enjoyable activities, and perhaps not even any rest from your not working because of illness.
In a perfect world people would better understand chronic illnesses and those suffering from them, but the truth is that sometimes we must deal with petty people, with small-souled people who have not suffered greatly if at all, and cannot fathom illnesses that can stop you in you tracks, or that illness can be tolerable one day, and earth-shattering for you the next day. Often in our insane situations with illness we must deal with less-than-sane healthy people.
It comforts me that God sees beyond mere outward appearances. He knows how much we suffer in body and mind even when others don’t see it. He knows the depth of our illness when others see mere inactivity, or foolishly think that a day off with illness is just another “holiday.”
We sometimes must comfort ourselves with the fact that God knows the truth while others are blinded by their limited perspective.
There are times it is hard not to be frustrated by the ineptitude of others towards illness and our particular brand of it. We sometimes cannot comprehend their incomprehension of what we are going through.
Just as it is difficult for us to imagine what it feels like to be healthy after being ill for so long, they find our illnesses and disabilities incomprehensible. We will need God’s grace to keep us sane and patient when we have to deal with the ignorance of others regarding our illnesses.
Thankfully, those who know us best, and those who are our true friends either understand our difficulties with illness or make the effort to try and understand our challenges. Their kindness and words of wisdom help to offset the ignorance and foolish comments and bad attitudes of others.
Prayer: Dear Lord, we need patience when we come up against the ignorance of others regarding our illness. Help us to stay sane in this insane world. Amen.
About the Author:
Karlton Douglas lives in Ohio with his lovely wife. He needs God’s patience and grace with his illnesses.
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Have you ever been shocked by the incomprehension of others regarding your illness? Have you ever come across people who have been jealous or envious of your illness?
very good! thank you!
What a wonderful devotion, Karlton!! Just yesterday, I was at my son’s shop and people were having coffee, talking about the Health Care Reform that is in front of the Supreme Court right now. I just listened and was amazed to hear how people viewed the people who have Medicare and Medicaid. They compared their insurance coverage at the shop to what people on Medicare and Medicaid have and most felt these beneficiaries get more coverage that they get. My son gave me as an example as I am on Medicare and Medicaid. I tried to explain that I would rather have better health and be able to work than to have the disabling conditions that I have. I understood how they felt, but I could not let go of the feeling of how misunderstood this health insurance issue is. Farmer’s come into the business and of course they are eager to attack the health care reform and medicaid because they feel people are not working hard enough for what they need. Perhaps there is some truth to that in certain circumstances, but it is interesting to watch how everything/everyone is put into one pot and labeled “soup” and the individual ingredients are forgotten. I do understand the hard working people of America, like farmers, as I live around them every day, but I can say I would rather be out on a tractor, out in the barn milking cows etc., than having to deal with my invisible illnesses that aren’t always seen or understood. Thanks to Rest Ministries for providing a place where I do feel at home and understood and thanks again, Karlton, for providing such an isightful devotion for today.
Oh, Lord, is this one ever true! I’ve had a few relationships fall apart because the other party couldn’t handle me being a healthy person one minute and a person having a seizure and needing help the next. So, here I am, 48, single, and without children. The plus side of all that is, I get to do whatever I want to, including taking a nap, leaving the dishes for later, or anything else that I don’t feel up to doing at the moment. Interesting read about Medicare and Medicaid in the above comment, too. I have learned that you are pretty much assumed to be a felon and addicted to some kind of substance, lazy, have several kids, and are divorced if you were even married in the first place. I live in a HUD-subsidized apartment complex, and while there are some individuals that might fall into that category, most everybody just wants peace and quiet. Some of us are elderly, some of us are handicapped or disabled adults, and some are low-income families.
You are so right, we need to pray for patience and tolerance when we are dealing with people who seem ignorant of our struggles and don’t understand.
Oh, dear. Just Monday a close friend was saying how jealous she was that I had been staying in bed till noon. If she only understand that I would rather be up and productive. I also understand that, since she is beyond retirement age and continues to work because she couldn’t maintain her lifestyle if she stopped, she is very tired of working. So I temper my tongue.
A couple of years ago, I confronted her about something she said, and she complained that all I do is talk about my pain. What an eye-opener! I thought I was 1) safe in letting her know how I felt, and 2) pretty mild in that I only spoke up when my pain was particularly bad. So now I don’t say anything to her. I have come to realize she will never have compassion toward me for my illness, and that makes me sad because it removes an important issue in my life from our relationship.
Wow, thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and feedback!
Blessings.
Karlton
Absolutely on point and right on time! Amen, amen, amen! I couldn’t have said any better. Thank you for writing this as it will definitely open up the eyes of those oblivious to chronic illness and helps validate those of us who live with it.
God bless
Thanks Jaime 🙂
Thanks for this one Karlton<3! Talk about timely. But God knows what we need to hear and exactly when we need to hear it! COME Lord Jesus, come! Why sorrow assails me when I hear truth I do not know, but it does Great post!~TK
Thanks Teresa 🙂
I still hurt when I think of some of the insensitive things friends have said to me, some many years ago. God has graciously given me someone, most of the time, who has at least some understanding and cares deeply about me. In the times of great loneliness, especially after a move to a new town, I feel He has wanted me to get to know Him better, and depend on Him more to meet this deep longing for a true friend.
He is truly the only One who can meet our deepest needs. But, at the same time, He has created us for relationship and it’s very sad that many are so caught up with their own lives to get involved with the truly needy. It’s especially tragic when this happens in a church setting. Both the more needy one and the ones who could be friends with him or her would be blessed greatly were this to change.
Thanks brother.
Beth
Thanks Beth! It is very challenging to deal with people who through callous words, misunderstanding, or indifference disregard our health challenges and disabilities. How refreshing it is to find true friends who understand and are compassionate.
Blessings.
Karlton
Thank you so much for this devotion, Karlton! I appreciate very much the comments by Peggy and Beth, too.
It has been so beautiful outside the past few weeks, and I see all the spring projects that I’d love to do….that others are able to do. On a rare good day, I may be able to start a project, but never able to finish or see it through. How I miss physical labor that brings that satisfaction to your soul and blessed sleep. If only those with health could see and understand.
Thank you, thank you!
Becky
Thanks Becky 🙂
It is actually my husband who is terribly jealouse of my condition I have kidney failure. which will in all likelyhood eventually take me from this world. I had breast cancer in 2004. He actually said to me You’re the one getting all the attention. Sometimes I feel if I could give him my illness I would. He takes care of me. He takes care of the household chores that I used to do. But with a tone of resentment in his voice. why do people who love each other say hurtful things to each other? If not for having God in my life I don’t know what I would do. We do my dialysis at home. He has been very understanding about my treatments. I pray alot.
Adrienne, I think when one partner is ill that’s one of the hardest challenges in a marriage. Sometimes there is a lot of frustration and resentment going both ways. I often think such unreal expectations exist for marriage partners that without a bit of compassion, patience, and just some realistic common sense, much hardship will follow. I believe God can guide us through these hard spots in our marriages, and like you, I pray often.
Blessings.
Karlton
Amen Karlton, and Adrienne, this is a too common problem. My husband ignored and was FURIOUS with me for not being able to work anymore. He had a GREAT paying job, got to travel alot, while I was left at home with toddler’s, a demanding RN job, and NO help. It’s so complicated. For years I worked sick, at a job I loved-ministering to the sick and dying-a Hospice nurse. It was and is ironic that they dropped me like the plague when I got sick. I went through a period of panic attacks with my illness. My husband would lock me in our bedroom alone.NOBODY believed me-from the Drs I worked with, to the staff I worked with, to my parents, to my husband, then kids. It took YEARS to diagnose, and then?now, many Drs STILL do not believe in Fibromyalgia and the host of things that go with it. God is faithful though-He ALONE, (as in JOB) was always there-even when I was screaming fury at Him! He’s taught me a LOT-especially during those hardest of times. HE IS FAITHFUL-even when those around us who should love us the most, abandon us. WE are not equipped to judge others. We only see the outside, God looks on the heart. Karlton’s post is so good because we’ve ALL experienced the thoughtless things people say about us, or our illness’. Sometimes WE are the thoughtless ones! God forgives-even though we seldom deserve it. He is showing us the way, the way to abundant life despite our circumstances! God Bless <3~TK
Well said Teresa 🙂
Teresa: My heart goes out to you for what you’ve gone through. I’m glad, though, that you’ve found God faithful in seeing you through the darkest hours and teaching you so much. As Karlton said, chronic illness is a big challenge for a marriage. I agree with him that frustration and resentment come to both healthy and unwell parties.
There are things about my health issues that i don’t think my husband will ever really understand, even though I’ve tried so may times over decades to explain what it’s like. But I”m so thankful that the Lord has given us both a strong commitment to our relationship, which is getting closer after a lot of difficult years.
Hang in there! Like Job, continue to maintain your integrity and keep trusting that God’s purpose in all this really is a loving one, with a wonderful ending.
Your sister in suffering and in Christ,
Beth
Yes! I lost a lot of weight due to my illness and had several people enviously ‘wish they could be as skinny as me!’ I asked them if they wanted the chronic illness that came with it – that soon kept them quiet!
I can totally relate…. it’s sad that people don’t think before they speak. A common comment I get is “you need a good holiday”…. what they forget is that my symptoms go with me on my holiday. And to go on a holiday for me can add some stress as I’m away from my doctors and family, etc. So I often reply back “yeah if only my symptoms would go on a permanent holiday and then I’d enjoy a real holiday so much better.”… I then get odd looks. lol. I think people just think I’m tired and that is all. But I know God is with me and protects me… but I still think some comments are a bit silly.
Pamela, it would be so nice if our illnesses would take a holiday 🙂
Thanks for commenting.
Blessings.
Karlton