“The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5b)
I had to set my alarm for 6 AM this morning! You might think that is a funny thing to be excited about but when you’re unemployed a purpose-filled day is a blessing.
Today I attended an orientation at our local pregnancy crises center. Listening to the nurse discuss her role, I was enthralled. Performing ultrasounds on pregnant young women in an effort to decrease the number of abortions was a worthwhile ministry.
And it would give me a chance to use my nursing license again. Forced to go on disability due to a chronic illness, I still grieved the loss of my career. Volunteering at the center seemed to be the perfect solution.
But then it happened. About one hour into the orientation symptoms of my illness began to flare up. By the end of the next hour I was miserable and knew that I was not physically able to do this job.
After the session I made a hasty exit to the safety of my car. Tears of disappointment and frustration threatened to fall. But I determinedly refused to cry. “Lord” I sighed: “I really wanted to volunteer here.”
That is when I remembered reading Philippians during my morning devotions. At the time one particular sentence seemed to leap off of the page: “The Lord is near.”
Thinking about the nearness of my Father comforted me. Slowly the hurt began to subside and peace filled my soul.
Prayer: Holy Father, Today I was sad and disappointed. Thank You for reminding me that You are always with me. I can draw on Your comfort as I let go of one more little dream. Amen.
About the Author:
Ramona Bracker is a retired nurse who lives in Iowa with her husband. She has three grown sons and one lovely daughter-in-law. She has lived with a chronic illness for 25 years.
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What “little dream” have you had to give up recently? Have you been able to grieve it without obsessing over your loss?
This one hits so close to home, like reliving something i’d already lived through!-because i have!. I live in SD Ramona, in the SE corner. I had 20+ yrs with the same ’employer’ and when the chronic illness struck i was dropped like I had the plague. Like you, I had hoped to be able tp pour out my ministry volunteering to do counseling, ultra-sounds, pregnancy teaching etc… And like you, found it too taxing. Seems like just another loss to deal with, all over again! Still wanting my ‘niche’ back. Losing friends like flies-even family and alone ALL the time now. Waiting, just waiting on the Lord. He has given me such good gifts, I know! I praise Him for it. Sometumes it seems the waiting has been an eternity already. But I’ve learned to wait in trust and praise, in obedience-even if NO ONE ELSE ever unerstands, i know HE does and that’s enough for me.
I am an earthquake survivor. I was a missionary in Haiti for 29 years. My husband lost his right arm in the quake and I lost my right leg. My life is taken on new avenues. Now I live state-side working the mission office from here, but am also a grandma, and a caretaker for 2 of my grandchildren (also a ministry) while our son goes to school.
For me, contentment has been a key word. My comfort comes in knowing that God knows all about me, and allowed this to happen. I have learned so much through this experience. God makes no mistakes, He is right all the time and He is Good all the time.
Has it been easy? No. I don’t drive now, my husband is in Haiti a lot. I have only 1 friend in the area where I live now. In spite of all this, I know that I am a blessed person.
I am encouraged with your testimonies…knowing that you too are waiting, waiting on the Lord.
I resonated with this article by Ramona and the comments posted so much. I have had a chronic illness for twelve years. I, too, lost jobs or had to quit jobs because of this illness. I have bouts that last for months and keep me from working a normal job. I started working for myself ( I am a musician ) so I could pick and choose the gigs I thought I could handle. Even that is proving difficult as I never know when my illness will give me problems. I also don’t know if I’ll have the energy to do the marketing work that needs to be done. It is a tough road and I also wait upon the Lord for guidance. I believe that if I ask, I will receive. God has led me in the right direction several times, if I pay attention and heed His advice. Sometimes I listen to the wrong voice and make the wrong choices. Or I’m just not listening at all. All I hear sometimes is fear and despair. I’ve been in that space this week as I’m in the middle of a flare up and have had to cancel my life for a while. Your article is helping me remember that it is my choice what I believe. If I believe in the fear, I will receive more fear. If I believe I will be answered and allow the answer to come, then it will. It’s up to me. What will I choose today? I know this is true, but sometimes challenging. Love to all of you.
I cannot relate to this experience as well. I loved my career and I lost that when my illness came. It hurts when you lose your career, your friends and even some family. But even with all of that, I feel extremely frustrated about attending church as well. My chronic illness keeps me from attending almost all church activities except Sunday School and Sunday morning worship. It’s very difficult to make friends at church when you can’t make events that build friendships. No one understands chronic illness so I appear a loner like I don’t want to get involved. Little do they know the guilt that comes with not being able to be involved in a church the way you’d like. Really struggling with that issue these days.
Thank you so much! I, too, am a disappointed, unemployed nurse with cronic pain. I have tried a number of jobs to keep my liscense also – part time, seasonal, volunteer, but none of them have worked with my illness. The more things I let go of, the more disabled I seem to become. This results in a total pitty party for myself. I do have family and friends who try to understand and will listen to me, but I’ tired of listening to myself!
Rest Ministries has been so wonderful and helpful for me. The passages, devotionals and other’s stories have helped me to keep things in God’s perspective. I am trying to thank God for the illness by saying and believing I would rather have him with me through it then to not have the illness without him. May God bless you all for helping me to do this. “God is near.”
Ramona – I can relate to all you have shared here.
When I had to take an early retirement from my teaching career, I had hoped that I could work ( cautiously ) as a volunteer in the school from which I retired. I kept all of my favorite lesson plans and activities that were fun to do. They were things that any teacher would love to have a volunteer come in and do with students.
Alas – my first venture out ( and a simple one of helping – not doing more ), just was awful. I could not stand up nor function near anything normal.
It gave me a deeper appreciation of how God had help me steady ( literally ) for the years I had worked with my physical afflictions. That was 20 years ago and I simply had to accept that when God pulled me out of that profession, He really closed the door.
Eventually, He gives us time to recognize that there are new ways to serve Him. We will always miss what used to be – the “us” who was a part of a profession or a group. But His plans for each of us remain intact – and often yet for us to discover if we linger too long in longing for the past.
Great devotional – thanks for sharing from your heart!
God bless,
Lynn
Ramona, thanks so much for writing about yourself, because I’m sure many of us are at the same place. Our employers drop us as soon as we start racking up sick days, outpatient procedures, hospital stays, prescription costs, and doctor bills. The way I was dropped by a well-known “religious” charity was so abusive, I am still traumatized years later. In addition to that post-traumatic stress disorder, I have the chronic illnesses/disabilities of fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, depression and panic attacks. And also, I have two very dear stroke survivors to keep an eye on: my 88-year-old widowed dad, and my 54-year-old husband, who has just filed for disability. Right now, we are living on my disability paycheck and $63 per month in food stamps.
While it seems we are buried alive in terrible pain and emotional upheaval, God has not forgotten us! Read and enjoy Psalm 121 and 2 Corinthians 12:9. Let’s hold up each other in prayer.
Thank you Lisa for your very encouraging video and also for all the recent blogs. Particularly as I am struggling recently with repeat chest infections and rather painful episodes of gout on top of the osteo arthritis and heart failure. It is sometimes difficult remaining positive, but your ministry really helps me get my focus away from the problems and on to Jesus.
Bless you and all your contributors