Kerryn shares the day she realized that she needed to resign from her job, and all of the emotions and she heard God promise, “I will be with you.”
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze (Isaiah 43:1b-2).
My world, as I’d known it, was falling apart! It was only midday and I had collapsed on the principal’s office floor in pain. Shaking and in the fetal position, feeling beyond exhausted and nauseous, I was scared.
Lying on the floor, waiting for the principal, I was vividly aware that chronic fatigue syndrome had fully taken over my whole body and I needed to resign–now. Both my doctor and naturopath had warned me to stop months earlier, but typical of me, I thought I could beat it with sheer grit and determination. Laying there I wondered what to say to my principal, confessed my stubbornness to the Lord and prayed. . . lots.
Verses flooded in, including the one from Isaiah.
“. . . When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. . .
That wasn’t all that was flooding in. The school receptionist came racing in, looking very concerned to see the state I was in. She apologized and explained that things were a little chaotic. The principal was caught up in the boys bathrooms, which had flooded. A plumber had been called, meanwhile the principal was cleaning up. . . how shall I put it? Floating debris. In a whirl, the receptionist was out to answer the phone that rang, again.
What Lord? Where are you? I’m on the floor in tears, needing to give up my career and nobody is here for me!
What happened next caught me by surprise. I burst into giggles–out loud! I literally felt that the Lord and I were laughing together. Picturing our little principal cleaning up “debris” I felt the Lord was saying that He understood and that was a picture of just how yuck the day was. The lowest of the low! More laughter, between shaking and unbelievable pain.
God was with me and so very tangibly. He then made me aware of another bizarre timing. It was 19 years, to the day, since our eldest child started at the school where I was teaching. He had my attention again. While my body was screaming wildly in pain, God was comforting me. I knew He was with me and I felt His peace and His timing.
The Lord made it clear that day that He was taking me on a new journey of discovery. He was reminding me that He will be with me, no matter what I go through. His comfort was laughter amongst the tears, calm amongst the chaos, peace amongst the pain, and a deep reminder of His love for me.
Prayer: Lord, when life gets tough and no-one is there for me, please remind me to come to You. Thank You that You are always with me and know what I need most in those moments of desperation. Help me to trust You in every situation. Amen.
About the Author:
Kerryn Wright lives with her family amongst the gum trees in South Australia. She was a special education teacher prior to chronic illness. Her husband is carer for three of their family, who have chronic illnesses and disabilities. God has always guided them through life’s challenges, often in surprising ways.
How is the Lord calming you in the chaos? How does He get your attention when life is tough and tell you,”I will be with you”?
This is “Here I Am” with Shawn McDonald. The lyrics seemed applicable to moments like Kerryn’s above when we are there, just waiting to see what God will do next and surrendering it all over to Him. -Lisa
Kerryn, thanks for sharing. I also had to quit my job because of my chronic illness. I still miss teaching so much. I will meditate on Isaiah 43:1b-2 when I feel like the desert is too much to bear. Thanks for your encouragement.
Ah, this was just what I needed to hear today. I too understand what it means to give up a job when a life collapses due to chronic illness. Today when the waters began to sweep over me I read the rest ministries email and my heart gladdened 🙂 For the rest of today I shall take refuge in the scriptures you shared. Thanks for sharing!
Kerryn – I can totally relate to your sharing about the day you knew you had to give up your beloved teaching career.
I can see in my mind’s eye and feel the clarity that the Lord gave to me on a similar day when the option to retire came for me. I was overcome. I had been fighting my condition for 9 years at that time – 21 years ago.
In a split second, I felt the weariness, the toll it had been taking although all along watching the Lord work through me with His joy and my joy.
I heard him audibly tell me the door was being opened and I was to walk through it. A peace beyond my understanding flooded over me. I’d ( probably) still be sitting at my classroom desk on the see-saw of “should I/ shouldn’t I” and that was not needed. His peace came – He came – and made it all clear.
And in these ensuing years, He has helped me to keep on, no relief from the condition but HIm ever close and leading me through the next steps.
He meets us where we are – always. He is ever faithful.
Thanks for sharing with us in your delightful style while getting across some good solid messages!
Love,
Lynn
I have left work early and come home and done the same thing, but I can’t seem to find what else I can do to support myself.
I had a similar experience back in June last year. What at the moment seemed so tragic for me turned out to have been the best thing that I could have done for my health. I still miss the daily interaction though. I’m waiting now to hear about my Long Term Disability which I put in God’s hands. He is more able than I. When I begin to want to take it back or get anxious about it I go to restministries and it gives me strength and understanding that nothing is too big for our God!
Thank you Kerryn for sharing this.
Susan, I’m sorry to hear that you too have had to leave a teaching career through illness. Teaching seems to be a career that has strong heart strings doesn’t it! I’m thankful that those verses have encouraged you too. Take care. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Mark, you have so encouraged me too today! Thank you. 🙂 I’m sorry to hear that you too have experienced giving up a job due to illness…..seems to be a familiar story on RM. I’m thankful that the scriptures are a “refuge” for you. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Dear Lynn, how you got through 9 years of teaching young children with chronic illness astounds me! God obviously helped you through those 9 years, as well as the decision to leave & times since! Thanks for sharing your story…..WOW! Love how God does special things for each of us. Sooooooo true what you wrote: “He meets us where we are – always. He is ever faithful.” This has been my experience too. My part is to allow Him to meet me in the midst of things…..sometimes I can be stubborn, but that day I so desperately needed God to help me. Thanks for your encouragement into writing Lynn. I’m so very thankful. 🙂 You’re a blessing! Lotsoluv Kerryn
Oh Staci, sorry to hear that you’ve had to do this also. I pray that God will guide you in how you’re to support yourself, even if it’s to go onto a disability support pension, like I’ve had to. I am praying now for you. Take care & thanks for sharing. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Dear iamwoman, what a beautiful testimony you have of God turning the tragic situation into a blessing for your health! Thanks! 🙂 I understand the challenge of going for disability support, as I was told that I wouldn’t get it, as they don’t look favourably upon CFS! Like you, I had to pray & leave it with God. The impossible was made possible & I did receive it, not immediately, but it did happen! I pray that will encourage you in this waiting time. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Kerryn, As I re-read your experience, it reminds me to laugh more. Just as God met you right where you are and gave you that precious gift! Thank you for giving us a chuckle in the midst of your circumstances! He really is so good to us even when we are struggling. I’ve been trying to pray every day for Him to enlighten me (and He does!) because I know His Spirit is there, we just sometimes forget how much!
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to share this, it put a smile on my face!
PS! I have time and again tried to decide if I should give up my part time business. I “was” a top beauty salesperson, but have lost a lot of business because the pain of sitting as I delivered products got to be too much. But, there are still days when I think about quitting altogether and then I think, my kids are grown, what am I going to do with myself? But, so far God has enabled me to keep it up. I’m very grateful for your perspective on this, however. I especially loved, “He was taking me on a new journey of discovery”.
Sherry, I’m glad this gave you a chuckle! 🙂 It really was a time of having a heightened awareness of God’s very odd sense of humour, which continues to give me a smile when I think back. I now look for that, knowing that there are giggles to be found amongst our struggles. How wonderful that you are experiencing “enlightening” by the Lord…..a special gift from Him indeed. Great that you’ve asking Him for that. I’m thankful that you have been enabled by God to keep up your part time business. I was about to go part time the week after I collapsed at school, but it wasn’t to be for me. We each have a different & individual journey to take. I pray that God will guide you clearly in your journey. Thanks for sharing. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Kerryn,
I truly appreciate you sharing this story of how the Lord loved and encouraged you in the midst of such a broken place. Doesn’t that just give Him such glory! My heart weaved with you through the pain, fears, laughter, sadness, flooding with verses, comfort, and tears.
So many emotions which I too can identify with in similar ways as I had to give up my position as a speech pathologist and was trying to hang on by my fingernails. I couldn’t hang on and had to let go. Then, a year later on a Sunday, I sat in in my car waiting for my daughter to be finished with her Sunday School class. I had been trying to keep going as a “buddy” to an autistic child in a Sunday School class, but was having increasing sensitivity to the Glad plug-ins that the church had begun to use. The pain and exhaustion was overwhelming me in the 15-20 minutes I had been in the church, so I left and took refuge in my car. I looked up at the steeple and prayed, “Lord, I feel like such an outsider. I am getting sicker and sicker. What do you want me to do?” In my heart, I heard, “Stop going”. I said, “Stop going? Why? I thought I needed to be in church.” Next, I heard, “Trust me.” All I could say at that moment, was “OK, I will.” So, I called the children’s ministry leader that week, and told her that I wouldn’t be able to come to church at least for awhile. I wanted to make sure that the child with autism would be taken care of. She said she would make sure that happened.
That’s been 6 years now and I’m still homebound, but I can join you with those moments when everything seems to be the “lowest of low” and in some way, the Lord will bring a thought or something that just makes me laugh. In the aloneness, I feel His presence laughing with me, too. I love that connection knowing another has experienced Him in this way!
Blessings to you, Kerryn,
Diana
WOW! Diana your story, & how the Lord has spoken to you & guided you, really touched me! I had to read it a couple of times to really soak it all in……beautiful!! 🙂 Like you, I was concerned for a child with autism that I was teaching at the time, but God made it clear that he would be fine!! How wonderful that ” In the aloneness, I feel His presence laughing with me, too.” God is good & knows when we need that most…..if we’re listening. I pray that you will continue to hear Him when you need Him most. You have truly encouraged & blessed me with your story & comments Diana. Thank you. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Hi, Kerryn!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have also been encouraged by the others leaving replies. I have collapsed on jobs and tried others. I am currently working at home writing articles as a freelancer, but the pay is low. Between the low pay, debts and persistant bad symptoms and very low energy, I feel like I am drowning every day. I may end up seeking a pension, but I must find I cannot run a “home business” in order to qualify. Slowly, I find myself coming to that point, but I work hard to prevent it. Thankfully studying the Bible promises and friends like you folks who show me I am not alone, my heart also feels joy every day.
Love,
Jackie
Jackie, praise God that you’ve been encouraged by my devotional & everyone’s comments. I would never have guessed back then, that my story would encourage so many!! God uses everything for good.
I’m sorry to hear of your challenging journey with jobs….not easy for sure. I pray that God leads you through your current quandery, as to what to do. My experience is that God really does lead us, though sometimes in the moment we wonder if it’s God. Looking back it’s oh so clear though. The RM community is such a great place for encouragement when the journey is bumpy or feels lonely. That you experience daily joy is such a blessing to thank God for. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Lotsoluv Kerryn
Kerryn,
Thank you for this devotional. I just hit ¨send¨ on an email telling my principal that I need to take a 6 month medical leave. It was hard to do and I feel like I am letting people down. But God has confirmed that this is the right thing to do. Looking for some encouragement that I had made the right decision, I searched Rest Ministries devotionals for ones on Work and came across this one. I had forgotten that you were a teacher and that fact was so encouraging when I read this devotional. I, too, have considered maybe disregarding my doctor´s advice and trying to stick it out without taking the leave. This devotional helped me see that I have made the right decision and that others have been in the same place before. Thank you for writing. I hope to get back in the Sunroom sometime soon. ~Macy
Dear Macy, I’ve just seen your reply now. I thank God that my life & God’s help shared here in my devotional has helped you!
I’m sooooo sorry that you need medical leave from teaching! I pray that you are experiencing some relief physically, emotionally & mentally now that you are on leave. I pray that taking leave BEFORE collapsing makes a massive difference to your health & recovery! I left work too late & it’s impacted negatively on my health. You are a wise woman heeding your Dr’s advice!! God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn