Have you ever been angry with God? Laura shares her journey through anger and how she dealt with it rather than deny it.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. (Matthew 7:7-8)
Really, God, is this the answer you are giving me? I don’t have a clue why you are telling me this, can you be a little clearer?
This is the conversation God and I had recently in my frustrated state. I know that God’s answers often don’t come when I want them to and may be different than the ones I’m seeking. I have explained this to people who scoff at the idea that God answers our prayers. They are struggling with their faith and I try to help.
Recently, however, my faith was tested while dealing with serious stressors regarding one of my children. In a weak state, I cried out to the Lord and in anger decided I had given up–was done praying and listening. And then I talked to two Christian friends who kindly listened and didn’t judge when I told them my decision–rather they both prayed for me through my tears.
How could God, the person who claims to love His children, throw another stressor on my family in addition to my chronic illness? Didn’t He know we had had enough and needed a break? C’mon, we prayed, we followed the rules, we were good people. Couldn’t He solve this problem–it had gone on for months–it was time for it to end?
But no, it wasn’t that easy–and I was mad–at God.
But here is the amazing thing. I stayed angry. Who am I kidding? I was frustrated and sad for several days. I still prayed because honestly I could not give up on prayer. I needed the Lord as much as I needed oxygen, fluids, and my medications. But they were quick standard prayers, nothing too personal because I did not have the energy for anything else.
A few days later while driving around on errands I began talking to God. And the most remarkable thing happened–He was there, listening. And then peace overcame me. It was not total peace, because the situation still existed but peace because the initial crises had subsided. And I looked back and saw that God had a hand in it.
He gave me strength to attend to the situation; gave my body the stamina to do what was needed; and allowed my mind to be clear to make decisions and seek the help necessary. He also placed people in my life that I would never had known had I not been diagnosed with a chronic illness–people who have been invaluable to me both as friends and spiritual advisers.
God never leaves no matter how angry we get. We just need to seek and He will come and assist. That in itself is remarkable and comforting.
Prayer: Dear Lord, thank you for never leaving me even when I try to push you away. I am amazed and comforting in the fact that you are always there. Thank you for helping me to grow in my faith through the trials that I have been through. Amen.
About the author:
Laura Seil Ruszczyk lives in New York with her husband and three kids. She retired from her job as an elementary school counselor in 2012. She is writing a book about her struggles with dysautonomia–a neurological condition in which the autonomic nervous system malfunctions, affected such things as blood pressure, heart rate, breathing and temperature regulation.
When do you seek out the Lord in your life?
We all go through seasons in our life when we turn from God instead of to Him. But He is always there waiting. This video is a lovely illustrated video of the dance of the prodigal by Sovereign Grace Music. -Lisa