Having a healthy body image and self-esteem can be a challenge when you are chronically ill and your body seems out of your control. Lisa shares some of the hurdles in this new blog series this summer.
Lisa Copen
Who out there has something they would like to conceal? I’m not talking about a weapon, but a big old blackhead or a rash that won’t go away? Got something you want to highlight? Tone up? If all else fails, cover up? Most of us. According to Dove research only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful and just 11% of girls globally are comfortable using the word beautiful to describe themselves.
Summer is here, friends, and with it some of us start to wonder how we will get through the next few months of covering up our body because it’s not “beach worthy,” yet we are so hot we can feel the sweat rolling down our back.
Here are a few areas I see myself and others with chronic illness struggling with when it comes to our body image:
1. The battle of not buying into the hype
Body image and self-esteem is a big hurdle for those of us who are ill. We are in a constant battle with ourselves as we look at the magazines with covers explaining what to do, TV programs that tell us what diet fads to try.
Last week my mom called and told me about something Dr. Oz was talking about. I told her it was just another fad. And then I admitted it. “Ummm. Well, I know I said it was all a fad, but I confess, I just ordered Garcinia Cambogia that he had talked about on his program.”
2. Shhhh . . .I do want to feel pretty!
We all fall into the desire not to just be healthier, but look healthier. Well, who am I fooling? There is still a little bit of my thirteen-year-old self who would like to look beautiful–not just healthy
It can be hard to find the balance between wanting to look nice and yet also keep “beauty” in check. We can’t become vain. I even feel a bit weird when I upload a new profile photo to Facebook and then go back and read all the comments ooo-ing and ahh-ing and saying how nice I look. Am I searching for compliments?
And, yes, I appreciate when ya’ll say, “You are beautiful! Your spirit shines through” because one, I think, Oh, good. Even though it took a warehouse-sized bottle of hair conditioner and a lot of different makeups that say “anti-aging,” at least you can still see God in me. I hope.
Secondly, some days I feel like the sweat running off my brow from being overheated from medication is the only thing shining. And dripping. When the Bible says God can overcome anything–I am assuming that means sweat glands too, right?
3. Beauty requires more pain and we have enough pain
Beauty isn’t all it is cracked up to be. It can be painful, humiliating, and time-consuming. The last thing we, who live with chronic illness, have time for is more painful, humiliating, and time-consuming maintenance on our body. Am I right?
Then why wasn’t I happy about five years ago that I could save four hours a month and countless dollars, because I became allergic to the glue for my fake nails. Because it’s hard to get past the idea that beauty equals worth. So our world says. So–sometimes–our own mother says.
Our schedule is busy enough doing body maintenance for our illness without adding in waxing, plucking, gluing, trimming, tanning, and being worried about if the color of our toenails is the hot summer trend.
4. Fading beauty is emotional and we have enough to cry about.
For those of us fighting a chronic illness, the battle to find beauty in ourselves is even greater. We look down at our ugly shoes or we wonder what happened to our face that used to smile back at us in the mirror.
There are times when it can seem like our illness and its side effects, even the sadness and depression, have buried who we are. They may have even buried the joy we used to have.
I always knew the youth I had was fleeting. I knew it wouldn’t last. But I thought it would last a lot longer than this. Everything is out of order.
When you are calling your mother for beauty advice because she is fifteen years “younger” in her body than you are, since illness has caused you to age a bit quicker, it can be downright depressing. I love my mom. And she is beautiful. But still. I didn’t think we would share our anti-aging beauty secrets at the same time.
So what is the answer to our emotional body image dilemmas?
Scripture will save us from ourselves! Don’t you love it though when God’s Word gives us a foundation to measure all our worries against? From Cleopatra to Elizabeth Taylor, women have been trying to look beautiful (and I wonder if Eve ever smeared a little berry juice on her cheeks to glow for Adam?)
Check this out: 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
The heart. The Lord looks at the heart. And no, not the heart that is working overtime because of high blood pressure–but the heart–the real you. Your soul.
The you that prays in the shower–not about the sad state of your body, but about a loved one who is suffering.
. . . The you who can barely get from the car to the store, but are determined to bring a friend dinner because she just had surgery.
. . . . . . . The you who is laying in bed wondering what the point is of getting up. And yes, even the you who is far past caring about makeup but you still try to look nice to greet your husband at the end of the day.
This summer we will feature some articles and videos that have to do with our self esteem, as well as our body image, here at the Rest Ministries website. I thought with the hot summer months when we seem inundated with the “model body” this may be something on our minds.
It’s on my mind, because of my conscious reluctance refusal to wear anything sleeveless out my front door (the poor UPS man has to see my arms), my frustration over finding anything to wear that doesn’t either cut off my circulation or look like a tent, and I am not even going to talk about the word. . . swimming suit.
So I hope you will enjoy a bit of humor and fun while we all talk about something that many of us deal with and few of us discuss. You are among friends –who understand why you won’t be painting watermelons on your toenails this summer.
 |
And please, can you help us spread the word about our article series? Each article has those little “share” buttons at the top and all you have to do is click them to share. So “like” it, share on Facebook, pin it on Pinterest and help us encourage the many men and women who are feeling rather frustrated about their appearance. Let us remind them they are precious in His sight — and so are you! |
About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She thinks she is qualified to write about body image because she struggles with it herself! She is constantly trying to find the balance between desiring to look good (and be as healthy as possible) and knowing God loves her just the way she is. She has had a constant battle with her weight due to prednisone and pain of rheumatoid arthritis that makes even walking difficult and she thinks God should increase the calories burnt from fighting chronic pain.
You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.
View all posts in this series
- 4 Struggles A Chronically Ill Woman Has About Her Body Image - July 11, 2013
- Self-Esteem and Chronic Illness: Where Does Faith Come In? - July 17, 2013
- Do You Want to Be Beautiful? Video Reminder - July 18, 2013
- Are We Stylin’ Even Though We Are Ill? - July 19, 2013
- Am I Vain if I Am Stressed Out About My Appearance From Illness? - July 23, 2013
- Are You Able to Laugh at Your Own Body Image? - July 25, 2013
- Songs to Remind You That You are Beautiful! - July 29, 2013
No other words needed, but “Thank You” for your openness, honesty and willingness to delve into this topic.
Thank you for this! I get so tired of people telling me “well, you look good”.
Thank you Lisa for this. I am really looking forward to reading the whole series. I think it’s an important topic. We may not be able to be what we used to be, or what we want to be, but we can certainly still try to be as beautiful as we can be…especially spiritually.
One thing I would like to add is I have always wondered if it was possible for you to post pictures of more “normal” looking people (rather than models) when you post pictures that are associated with the devos. It’s just a thought.
Thank you for your honest encouragement!
Christine
Item 4 brought me to tears “For those of us fighting a chronic illness, the battle to find beauty in ourselves is even greater. … we wonder what happened to our face that used to smile back at us in the mirror.
There are times when it can seem like our illness and its side effects, even the sadness and depression, have buried who we are. They may have even buried the joy we used to have.”
I do feel oftentimes that I have lost my joy and sense of humor as well. I know all of it is not due to my illnesses, but rather challenging family circumstances, I feel that I’d have more energy to deal with these without my chronic health problems.
I definitely agree with the desire for body image and self esteem. I find myself comparing myself to others and I pale in comparison. I also have gained a significant amount of weight due to medication and possibly one of my illnesses. I have multiple visible tumors(benign) on my arms as well as most of the rest of my body. I’ve had many removed, mostly from my arms, so I have scarring.
The bathing suit issue is a paragraph unto itself but I’ll keep it short…camouflage. I honestly just ordered a suit this morning with a control panel-hah-and zebra print. Perhaps I’ll get lost in the herd!!!
I struggle with fatigue and irritability which impact my relationships particularly at home and causes me to question my faith. Christians shouldn’t feel/act like this. Right?!
I’m honestly not sure how to wrap this up, but I strongly desire to recover mostly my self esteem and with that mental strength and joy. There’s a scripture that comes to mind.
Nehemiah 8:10 The Joy of the Lord is My Strength which may of us know.
the back story- the people of Israel heard God’s Word and were moved to tears due to their sin. They repented and God filled them with joy. Hmm… sounds like a plan.
Thank you, Lisa, I was raised to believe that appearance was the most important thing about any woman (even Christians). The tapes play in my head as I look in the mirror, and see proof that I’m just a fraction of the woman that I once was. But how do I ask God for help with such vain concerns? Your post was like a talk with a caring, wise friend. I look forward to more of your thoughts on this subject.
You nailed it! No Pun Intended 🙂 From the pedicures to aging quicker than those older than ourselves. From no sleeveless shirts to what really matters, our soul. The love and support we can offer our family and friends. I’m not the same person on the outside, but I’m always a work in progress on the inside. Thank you for a wonderful article, Lisa. I identified with each area you addressed regarding body image and chronic illness.
Such an open & honest message about what we all suffer from at times…..or often! Thanks Lisa.
I have struggled with not even being able to wear make-up or perfume, scents, pretty smelling hand creams, nail polish etc as I have MCS. When well those simple things used to be a “mask” for me on tough days…..a cover to make me feel better. Now I’m unmasked & I need to keep reminding myself of how God sees me from 1 Samuel 16:7.
I forwarded this to a young 17 year old Christian woman that has multiple body issues & illnesses that stem from them. I pray it will support her in her battles with body image. You are blessing many Lisa & bearing fruit!! 🙂 Gentle hugs. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Dearest Lisa,
I too am so grateful for your honesty.
This is exactly where I am at, and it is very sad for me. I am once again greiving a loss associated with not being able to be physically strong and fit.Now that hormonal changes are off-the-hook, I seem to be aging more -much more- rapidly.
No one ever talked to me re. aging anyway, and now this.
I wonder what else I don’t know to expect, and what I might be glad that I don’t know to “look forward to” , Ha!
I am so looking forward to your articles.
From the men on here, I would be really interested in your feedback as you look at these articles.
Any insight from the male perspective would also be a huge gift.
This is just another area for insecurity that causes me to turn to God. I know that He will keep growing me in grace and the beauty that He desires.
I am so grateful that in the area that truly lasts and matters most, we have eternal assurance.
At the same time, being a physical being right now, I am currently quite dismayed at what I am experiencing.
MCS and no pennies for extra care- I don’t want to be shallow, but I really hate this whole struggle.
It is horrible to feel so unattractive AND unmarried!
I am struggling as I enjoy the attentions of a godly man & not running ahead of God either way.
I am literally praying for a way to get some moisturizer and a haircut before my drivers licence renewal next month (oh, and to pass the written and eye tests too)!
I will keep remembering how grateful I am to be able tto still drive- most of the time!
Does anyone else just want “to feel like a natural woman!” besides me!?
Lastly, I hope this isn’t too much ranting, the devotional just really comes at a good time, I guess it hit a nerve!
Blessings anyway,
Lesetta
P. S. Maybe Mandisa will bless us all, or Plum, and write a song about this whole mess!!!
=0 Lesetta
Tks Lisa this going to be a great summer series! Can’t wait for the next one. Blessings disne
Thank you for a very truthful article! I’ve been an oncology nurse for decades and seen classes and books and workshops to help cancer patients deal with body image issues; Appearance Centers are now part of local cancer centers. This is fantastic, and we need a similar resource for us with steroid hair/skin/buffalo humps/gnarled hands and all the other issues we cope with. I do make up artistry too, have taken a class in oncology skin care, and am trying to find answers to to the beauty/body image questions of women and me, with chronic illnesses. Thanks again!
Elizabeth taylor was considered one of the most beautiful women in history but she had 7 husbands i mean beauty is nice but overrated. I agree with the beauty is pain who has time or effort when you are dying. I mean everyone is dying so while i think its okay to be pretty you should care for your body but isnt it tge external going to leave anyway. Id rather live for whats eternal.
lisa, i can’t tell you how glad i am you wrote this! thank you!
@Christine, thanks for your comments about the images with our articles. Unfortunately, we only have available the clip art that we pay an annual fee to license. I do try to make a conscious effort to not use the “model” looking women frequently–although I personally know some beautiful friends with blond hair and blue eyes that are also in deep physical pain.
It is something I am conscious of–trying to represent all ages, women and men, as well as a variety of ethnicities, so that all our readers see someone who “looks like them” some of the time. Thank YOU for thinking about this as well. -Lisa
Very much needed. I have noticed the series so will be reading them. This is a struggle for me, as I do not want to look the way I feel! But I have many times. My husband leaves, and gets home that evening and nothing is changed! The toothbrush isn’t even wet…although I quickly change that. To think of simply brushing my teeth is kin to preparing to climb Mt Everest.
After months of not being able to move, I have changed the way I’m doing things (most of the time.) When I get up, I get ready for the day. #1 I have some energy and have time to nap afterwards. #2 My self esteem does not take a beating if someone comes by and #3 There is something that looks half way decent when my husband comes home.
I think we all agree, there isn’t much praise flying in our direction. This is a way to feel good about our self. I don’t think we need to be a walking Vogue magazine, but simple clothing, simple hair and a wet toothbrush goes a long way for us! We are told we “look good”, therefore we can’t be THAT sick, so might as well play the role.
Maybe we can just do the best we can, and remember it’s not what we look like that is the utmost importance in the big picture. When we can, then we do it. When we can’t, well, have you seen the movie stars that are caught a-la-natural? They look worse than we feel, at times!
We are beautiful in the eyes of someone who is more important than anyone in this world!