Illness can easily redefine love and Karlton shares how the effect may be different from what you would expect.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
When I see silly people who think that love is just an emotional high to ride upon, a mere feeling like a drug to cheer you up, or has something to do with little fat cherubs shooting arrows–I groan inside.
Love is not pretty, it is not easy, it has nothing to do with romance novels. True love is hard as steel, as yielding as a young sapling in a storm, and is overflowing with a goodness that can come only from God.
When the feelings are gone, when things get rough, and when expectations are not met, many marriage partners leave. It takes God, commitment, and a love from above to hold two people together in marriage when one of them is very ill.
And we should not be ignorant of the costs to the spouse who is well. When they are faithful in spite of the hardships and challenges and difficulties involved in a disabled marriage, they deserve much credit for their faithfulness. God must smile as He sees such true love at work.
My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones that could not or would not bear the strain of illness in their marriage. Unrealistic expectation can produce such results. Yet a deep, abiding love from God that seals two people in the covenant of marriage can create an unbreakable bond. But a foundation of married love that is not built rock solid upon Christ will not be strong enough to hold in hard times.
Maybe you have lost a marriage partner because of your disability. Ask the Lord to help you let go of any bitterness or resentment, and to fill that void instead with His abiding, everlasting love.
Prayer: Dear Lord, bless those who have remained faithful in sickness, and give them strength to continue being faithful in true love. Amen.
About the Author:
Karlton Douglas lives in Ohio with his lovely wife. He believes there is a special place in heaven for spouses who have been faithful in sickness and in health.
Have you lost love due to disability? Has illness taken more than your health? You will need the Lord’s help in recovering from such a loss.
I love this song by Plumb, “Beautiful,” as it describes the joy behind a marriage that is based on true love, not appearances or what our bodies are or are not capable. If you are a man reading this, know that I think every woman wants to hear that she is beautiful to you–especially those of us who have few things to celebrate about our bodies. It can make all the difference to feel like we are beautiful to our spouse.
If you do not have someone special in your life, the amazing thing is that God feels we are beautiful to Him! I know there are days when this doesn’t seem like enough, but it is something we all should be striving for–the belief that God truly does see us as beautiful. I hope it blesses you. -Lisa
I lost my husband to multiple chronic illnesses. He thought he could handle it. I was pretty sure I educated him and my entire family to the best of my ability, but it didn’t matter. He was done. He couldn’t take it anymore after 8 1/2 years…on our Anniversary Cruise, he confessed that he was tired of being with a sick woman. He said just because MY life is over shouldn’t mean that HIS life should be over. He basically told me that he wanted a thinner, younger, prettier healthier version of ME. I moved out when we got back home and didn’t look back. I honestly don’t think that there is someone out there who can handle or live with my multiple chronic illnesses. I am doing better on my own but I can admit that I DO dream about having that partner to share my life with. But if it doesn’t happen for me, I’m okay with that too. Thank you for keeping my dream alive Karlton.
Thanks for sharing Felicia. I once had a woman confess to me at a support group meeting for CFS that if she did not have CFS just like her husband, she would not have had sympathy and support for his illness. There are some people who are healthy that just cannot survive an unhealthy spouse. This is something beyond our control. There is a point in such marriages where the healthy partner must decide if they are in or out, and it tests the character of the healthy person to the core of their beliefs and commitment. I know my wife has been terribly tested at times. And such faithfulness is amazing to see because it is not all that common.
I don’t know what I would do if my wife had not stood by me these almost 29 years. But I would not give up on the hope that God can bring someone into your life, there are people out there who ‘have thicker skin’ so to speak, when it comes to illness. Praying God will give you guidance and peace.
Blessings.
Karlton – wise words.
Felicia – I feel sad you have endured a deep emotional loss but I’d say your are the strong one in this scenario for who needs the added weakness of a spouse who adds to the burden.
I live alone and have always been single. I have longed ( and still do ) for marriage. As my condition continues to wear me down, I am letting that dream dim for the time has passed when I feel i could be the kind of companion I’d want to be for another.
I attended a memorial service last weekend for a dear friend who had lived with MS for 30 years and had been wheelchair bound for most of that time and during these last 12 years that I knew her, was paralyzed from her neck area downward. She was the most joyful and hospitable woman who had not let her MS destroy the person she was. Her husband was the most devoted and loving spouse and the MS had deepened the love that brought them together and they truly echoed how God had been the one to bring them together. They had the means for her to be able to stay in their home, have health care aids present when her husband was working. She continued to run her home: made the menus for the week, supervised how she wanted the Christmas tree decorated and hosted our monthly prayer group fellowship more often than not. EVERYONE loved her, including her health care team for she did not let her afflictions rob her of who she was. AND, she had a spouse who would not let her MS rob them of as full a life as they could have. He gave the eulogy at her service.
What an example of love. I wonder if most marriages with two able bodied people reflect as deep a commitment. How can any of us know how deep our commitment is until we are tested – and that goes for our relationship with the Lord – our main covenant commitment.
Whew – for one who is single I seemed to spill out a lot about this devotional of yours, Karlton , on marriage! 🙂
Lynn
Thanks for telling us about that lovely woman Lynn. And for your great testimony about the single life. I can imagine it is not easy, but it would be more difficult to be married to an uncaring person.
Karlton, our marriage has certainly had its ups and a lot of downs, but God has kept us together and committed to each other. My chronic illnesses have made it hard and sometimes I don’t know how my hubby has continued to hang in there. I guess I actually answered my own question in my first sentence. “But God” – what powerful words. My hubby has also had health issues the last few years so we’re quite the pair.
The verses you quoted about love seem impossible, especially when we’re both in a lot of pain and down. But again, if we allow Him to, the Lord can give us the grace to comfort and help our partner. In fact, sometimes those are the times when we can share more deeply and become closer.
Thanks for tackling this difficult but very relevant subject.
Felicia, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also amazed at your healthy attitude.
You and Lynn both have natural human longings, and God understands that because He made you that way.
Perhaps one or both of you will still be blessed with married love. Yet He says in His Word that we are to be content whatever our situation. He is with us to meet our deepest needs and we can count on Him to give what is best for our maturing as Christians and for His glory.
Praying for you right now.
Karlton, thank you for your reply and positive motivating encouragement of hope for the future. I have been trying to focus on happiness and joy, it’s hard but I’m working on it. You have helped more than you realize. God Bless You.
Felicia
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Beth. It is indeed God who keeps us together through such trying circumstances.
Blessings.
Thanks Felicia.
God Bless You.
Beth, thank you for giving me hope that I may find what YOU have as well. Ironically, since I’ve posted, my ex husband, who I wrote about, has slowly been coming back into my life, changed from classes he attended at church and I pray the rest of his change is because he realized “what he lost.” I just got through spending the holiday “Memorial” weekend with my family, children and grandchildren TOGETHER for the first time in over a year. I’ve been praying for God to strengthen my relationship with him in a way that glorifies Him. I take any and all problems to God 1st, then my ex…it’s working. Wish us luck!
Karlton, such an excellent devotional that had sooooo many great thoughts. Thanks. 🙂
It made me quite teary, as I KNOW it’s only God that has got us through these tough times since illnesses. It really is challenging & when I’m really low I can become fearful of losing my hubby. I know that it’s the enemy getting in at those times, but I hear of soooo many in that situation that it can really impact on me.
I praise God for my hubby’s deep faith that continues to bless me. We’ve had to do more giving, forgiving, communicating & caring of each other than any other time in our lives! So your description is perfect! “True love is hard as steel, as yielding as a young sapling in a storm, and is overflowing with a goodness that can come only from God.” YEP….. it can ONLY come from God. Thanks again Karlton. May God bless your marriage abundantly. Lotsoluv Kerryn
WOW Felicia!
What a special testimony you have of God’s grace in getting the attention of your ex & him changing through “classes he attended at church.” May God continue to grow his faith & make him a strong man of God.
Sounds like special things are happening for you both. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Thanks Kerryn 🙂 And I pray God blesses your marriage as well.
Beth & Kerryn, thanks for your kind words to Felicia.
Felicia, praying God will heal your marriage. God can do amazing things even in difficult circumstances.
Blessings.