Do your before-illness memories ever haunt you? Shelly shares.
“Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:2).
I’m haunted by my past. Not in the way you might think. Jesus has done a marvelous job of assuring me of my salvation and the cleansing power of His blood.
It’s the specter of my feet pounding against the earth as I run; of effortlessly joining in a song of praise; of pulling fresh cookies out of the oven to share with my children.
It’s the ghost of hiking that haunts my steps–mocking me.
The memories take phantom form–dancing, driving, dressing, doodling.
Sometimes it seems as if every room is filled with chimera–worse than emptiness.
Worse than darkness. Worse than quiet.
The illusion of what once was spooks us into utter despair.
Break this haunting with Your grace, Father. No more specters. No more ghosts. No such thing as spook or chimera.
Reality of who You are . . . and who we are to You. It’s the only thing that saves us.
May the solid form of Your hopeful plans chase every phantom run it into the ground where it will remain. May the unshifting light of Your blinding faithfulness shatter every transparent longing, leaving no corner untouched, no safe haven for the enemy.
No more looking back. The past holds nothing for us. Make tomorrow shatter all–the illusion of power these ghosts hold over us as You remind us that You make rivers.
As You assure us that it is possible–everything is possible and . . . the best?
The best is yet to come.
Prayer: Father God, help us not to remain haunted by our past. Help us to look forward to how You can use us in the future. And help us to relish the blessings You bestow today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
About the author:
Shelly Hendricks is a wife and mother of 2 amazing kids. They live the good life in South Louisiana. She is a writer for God’s glory. She also suffers from Intracranial Hypertension and a yet-unnamed neuro degenerative disease, among a myriad of other issues mostly stemming from these two. She had brain surgery in 2012, to install a VP Shunt, and had a revision in January 2014. Though her condition continues to deteriorate, her spirit is constantly focused on eternity. Disability has been hard to deal with, but she depends on God for all strength and hopes to encourage others on this journey, through her blog at http://reneweddaily.com
What solid things can you hold to when the ghosts of your past abilities and adventures seem to hang around and mock you?
Shelly, as sooooo often happens with your devotionals…. I dissolved into tears!!
With each new grief, it seems to dredge up the old griefs anew! I know that each layer of renewed grief that’s brought to the surface allows Jesus to do a deeper healing in me, but it’s painful…… & yes, the enemy uses it to mock me, if I don’t hand it over fast enough. So this bit of your devotional jumped out at me! “May the unshifting light of Your blinding faithfulness shatter every transparent longing, leaving no corner untouched, no safe haven for the enemy.”….. amen & amen!
Yay that “The best is yet to come.” Woo hoo!! 🙂 Thanks for speaking deeply to me through your devotional message Shelly! God bless. LOTSoluv Kerryn
Kerryn, you are SUCH a treasure to me! I wish I could hug you in real life, and I can’t wait to hug you in Heaven! <3
It really does help to know that we are not alone, that others know how we feel. Thank you for doing that for me, too. I love you. Sending lots of warm, gentle heart hugs… <3 Shelly
I struggle with this love you Shelly
Shelly, this is so beautifully expressed and thoughts we must all be able to, or have been able to relate to at times.
Surely focusing on the “reality of who You are . . . and who we are to You” can be the balm for the grief and loss that seems so overwhelming at times. Thanks for your honesty and the hope you share and shine into our lives 🙂
Blessings,
Fiona
Thank you, Fiona, for the blessing you always are to me! Love you, sister! <3 Heart Hugs, Shelly
Wow…brilliantly written, so touching. I’ve been struggling with this very thing. Thank you for sharing! 🙂
I love how God meets us where we are, Elisabeth, and always manages to get His word to us when we need it most. You are not alone. Praying for you. <3 Heart Hugs, Shelly
Shelly, your devotional rings so true. For me, its memories of long walks, long bike rides, swimming, diving off boards, breezing through housework, gardening. The days when it takes all my effort, these are only a shadow of how life used to be. But, because of Jesus, because we know what is ahead for us in eternity and because we know that we can bring all our concern to our Abba in heaven, we lay aside every weight that does so easily beset us, and run with patience this race to heaven.
In our spirit, we triumph, we sing to the Lord, we speak past time and space to our Father in heaven through prayer. I haven’t written any comments in a very long time, but this morning please accept my thanks for your post.
Regina, your comment touched me so deeply. I SO relate, and empathy is powerful in our lives, isn’t it? I love the scripture you referenced, too; it’s perfect for this post. Please know that I am praying for you, and you are loved. <3 Heart Hugs, Shelly
Oh Shelly you nailed me today, and I burst into tears. Remembering the Bible Studies, Scouts, Sunday School parties we have had through the years at our parsonages. I agree with Karen, it is painful! It is! But that was then, and this is now. I am ever so much closer to my Saviour! I am so dependent upon Him and He rests me.
And you are so right Shelly, the best is yet to come!
heart hugs, Sandy
Hi, my sweet Big Sis! <3 You are so right when you say that He uses our infirmities and our losses to draw us ever closer to Him. I'd never have it any other way, and I know you wouldn't either. I love you so. <3 Heart Hugs, Shelly
Shelly, I know I am able to “do” more than you are able to at this time ( and others here in our RM community ) and I see what I still can do as a gift for I live alone and there are the basic needs to tend to. But there are other joys that have had to be let go: my teaching career, all craft work, playing my guitar, and as Regina said, so many of the things we took for granted when they were so simple to do.
One reality I come to is that back when all was so easy – it really was God’s strength then that had us so involved. ALL has been gift along our life journey. That we now are in a position through our various chronic illnesses or conditions only helps us to REALLY know that the Strength we have to do anything – or accept what we cannot do – is still HIM. He carries us as we now cannot run. He sings to us when the songs no longer can come from our fingertips through playing an instrument. He brings others (hopefully) to bake the cookies or care for needs where now our limitations prevent us from the simple everyday acts.
Perhaps our “haunting” could metaphorically be in not realizing sooner just how much He has been with us throughout all of our lives.
GREAT posting and message – I love how your language sings right into our hearts.
Love, Love – Lynn
Lynn, I always enjoy your insights!! It is SO true that we never realize how dependent we are until we are more physically dependent. I lovehow He never grows tired of drawing us nearer, over and over again. Love you, sweet friend! <3 Heart Hugs, Shelly