If you have ever been hurt by people or staff within your church, Karen’s reminders may help begin to heal those hurts as we remember everyone has w battle and we all feel a little bit helpless in helping another with theirs.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up bones” (Proverbs 17:22).
Sometimes the loneliest place you can be is sitting in the pew of a crowded church sanctuary.
When I first started to have health problems, people were always asking me how I was doing. They asked about doctor’s appointments, test results, or how they could pray. As the months passed with no diagnosis, people gradually stopped asking.
My health kept me from attending many services and that only distanced me further from everyone. My heart was in turmoil with all the emotions I was going through as my life was being turned upside down. I was even paranoid that people thought I must be having mental issues because I certainly didn’t “look sick.”
Being in your church is supposed to make you feel safe, loved, and accepted. I didn’t feel any of that–I just felt alone.
After living with chronic illness for over 20 years, I now have a wiser perspective. I realize that people simply didn’t know what to do and that made it much easier to do nothing.
I also realize that at any given church, there are many that are hurting and feeling alone in the midst of a sea of people.
There are those that are secretly stuck in an abusive marriage. There are those who can’t sleep at night because they are worried about their family member who is struggling.
Pastors and church members are not perfect. They don’t have some special gift to know what to do in all circumstances just because they are Christians.
People can’t read minds and we shouldn’t be upset when they don’t know what we need. If you are in need of something, ask.
People will disappoint you. They are human, just like you. Be forgiving of those who have hurt you. You have enough to deal with.
Prayer: Lord, help me to forgive those who have hurt me. Give me the strength to ask for help when I need it. Help me to develop friendships with your people. Amen.
About the author:
Karen Weber has dealt with several autoimmune diseases for over 20 years. She has a passion for encouraging others with the hope of God through the path of illness. She has led a support group and has taught classes for the community on “Living Well with Chronic Illness”.
Have you ever felt “alone” in church?
Thank you for this, Karen! I felt that I could have written every word. I have been afflicted for almost 30 years (pastors wife) but my suffering is old news and not on their radar – although it is my constant companion. We must learn to let go of expectations… and look to meet other’s needs when able.
I couldn’t have said it better Barbara – “we need to let go of expectations and meet others needs when able”. That is the key to healing the hurt. We are so far from being perfect and we have to stop expecting others to be perfect. We are all on this life journey together and most people are just doing the best we can!
Thank you for this article…it hit painfully close to home. I’ve stopped attending church because of health. My mom has spent the last couple months in the hospital and in the nursing home after a long period of illness….She has been deluged by flower, cards and visitors.
I can’t remember the last time I had any one of those three things.
I recently put out a plea for a ride to a surgeon’s office to schedule much needed ankle surgery, I can’t get the surgery until I can get to her office. Not one person responded….which basically means that because no one could be bothered to drive me, I will soon be in a wheelchair. This hurts me deeply—as distressing as the ankle pain itself.
I need to work not to become bitter and to forgive them for this wound. I very much related to your article. Thank you
Cynthia – thank you for your honesty! I don’t know where you live but my first instinct was to say “I’ll take you to your doctor!” We probably live thousands of miles apart! 🙂 I am so sorry no one responded to your need. It is so painful and it’s a deep kind of hurt. Even though no one responded, I would still call your pastor or someone on your pastoral staff directly and ask them directly. You have a need and there is no time to waste. It’s much harder to turn someone down when you are speaking to them. I pray for someone to help you!
Oh Cynthia! Hearing that breaks my heart!! 🙁
I agree with Karen…. it’s worth contacting your pastor to let him know that there have been no responses & that without the surgery you’ll be heading for a wheelchair! Pastors are really busy people & if they don’t hear any more they would probably assume that the need was filled! I’m sure that the pastor would be deeply saddened to hear that there has been no response & will try to get you the help you need. PLEASE reach out & ask for this help, Cynthia!! I pray that God would guide you in this quest & that some dear person would respond to bless you. Praying for abundant blessings. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Karen such a insightful commentary on the inner workings of those in the church!
So so true! In the past 10 hrs I’ve definitely seen how much suffering is there, hidden, done in secret. Often because there just is not that comfort level to share, or be heard. But I’ve learned that we, who are struggling have the best gift of all, we can understand what others can’t, that same loneliness, or pain can be an asset. God gives us the uniqueness of a listening ear that can understand when someone else needs to speak. Often that has truly helped me, not to focus so much on my own struggles. Now I’ve stopped looking for someone to listen to me or do for me, but who God wants ME to be the comforting ear and smile for.
A perspective that I’ve grown to love, and thank Him for.
Thank you! For your words if kindness and generosity towards all!
Hugs di
Well said Diane!
An excellent message Karen. Thanks 🙂
It was incredibly difficult when I first became ill. I’m truly thankful that our church was wonderfully supportive, even supplying meals to assist my husband. Now that 5 years have passed, the physical support has been waning, but there are a few faithful people cheering us on with meals & messages. What I value most are the prayers of some dear church friends who pray regularly for me & my family. What a gift!
It’s so very true that there are a myriad of problems that people suffer silently with at church. How sad that is! I pray that God would raise up pastors, who can sensitively open people up to share their needs & have others come alongside them with Godly love, practical support & prayer. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn