You felt awful the entire day but you decided to get in the car and go to the support group anyway. You thought it would be good for you. It took forever to find the building at the hospital and then you ended up parking what seemed like a mile from the suite number. You found a chair that smelled like old sweat and smoke and hoped somehow you would find some encouragement.

But an hour later you’re ready to make dash for the door. Everyone seems to be so depressed! And too many people want to either sell you a juicer that is sure to cure your problems, or tell you about every surgery they’ve had since 1977.

Aren’t support groups supposed to be a valuable coping tool?

Yes, they are! Studies done on support groups by David Spiegel, MD, have found that support groups do improve the quality of life for their attendees. Recently studies have concluded, however, that the lifespan of a patient with cancer may not increase because of a support group environment (CANCER, Sept 2007). However, we cannot deny the fact that the validation of one’s feelings about their illness definitely makes a difference in how they cope with chronic illness.

You may attend a support group, or perhaps even lead one, but regardless of how long you have (or have not) participated in one, it’s likely that you’ve seen the slippery slope of how quickly people can go from sharing honest, vulnerable feelings to a session of complaints and even quarreling. Looking for fresh and fun icebreaker games for small groups to perk things up?

Here are 10 ideas to help create some humor and joy in your support group. You can evade some of those bitter moments that can so easily come out in conversation about illness. Some simple planning can make you feel enthused about your next get together. These ideas will work for any groups, from a Rhode Island support group for CFS to a diabetes support group for those in Marion County, Florida. And they a great tool to have when you are creating a proposal for starting up a support group.

1. Before your meeting, cut out some smiley faces and sad faces and glue them on each side of a stick or a plastic knife. When everyone goes around the room to share about their experiences or emotions of the week, ask people to make sure they are able to hold up both “faces’. For example, Beth may say, “I’m not looking forward to my joint replacement surgery and all the rehab afterwards” while holding up the sad side of the stick. And then she flips it to think of something positive to say “I feel blessed though, that the insurance is covering a lot of the expenses and my friends have volunteered to help take care of my children.”

2. Redefine your conception of what counts as indoor games for small groups. For example, start a JOY box and ask everyone to bring an item for it that someone else can take home with them. Have each person choose an item at the end of the meeting. It could be a silly toy, a cartoon, a rubber fish, or great book, a poem, a note someone sent that encouraged you, or even a funny DVD. Ask everyone to return them at the next meeting and exchange it for another item. Refresh the box up now and then.

3. Here’s a unique icebreaker for small groups. Make a silly theme song that you use to start the meeting. You can pick a song and make up new lyrics too. Check out comedian Anita Renfroe for some good ideas about how to make a song your own at her web site.

4. Bring some corny things to use during your meetings. Avoid making anyone feel pressured to use them. (If you force someone to wear a clown nose she may never come back) Have them available, however, and encourage goofiness before getting down to the real reasons you are there. Oriental Trading supply is the source of thousands of funny items guaranteed to spur a giggle.

5. Don’t allow the group to turn into a platform for any one member who talks incessantly about her illness, the treatment, the alternative treatments or even her complaints. If you have someone dominating the conversation, tell the group you are implementing a timer and set your own guidelines. (For example, can people vent for 60 seconds about anything they want? Can they share about an alternative treatment they want the group to try? Give them a time limit.)

6. Ask everyone to bring an encouraging item to include in a gift basket for someone in need who is either unable to attend the group or not even a member. Put your heads together about what kinds of items to include. You can find over five-hundred simple ideas in the book “Beyond Casseroles.” Remember personal notes mean a lot, even from people you don’t know, so ask people to write a sentence or two to include with the item.

7. Have a fun night out. You can act your age and go to a nice sit-down restaurant or head over to Chuck E. Cheese for some pin ball. It can definitely be a successful icebreaker for small groups because people who haven’t opened up much in the group may feel relieved to have this environment to get to know others.

8. Hand out articles and other resources that encourage people to thrive despite their illness. You can find fun items through the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week website like “My illness is invisible but my hope shines through.”

9. Invite guest speakers who you trust will speak positively. Inform your speakers that they can “tell it like it is” but that you always want people to leave the meeting feeling energized; not depressed. Let them know they can use props, tell a joke, or do whatever it takes to keep people paying attention.

10. Focus on things that your group can actually do that will change things, since they may feel so unable to control their illness. If you can’t physically participate in the local walk for charity, could you work at a table handing out snacks or doing registration? Find events your group can participate in to feel like they are doing more than just complaining about their predicament. Take advantage of the energy that teens with chronic illness often have to motivate support groups to get involved in outside projects.

Illness can be one of the most isolating experiences people have, and support groups provide a sense of belonging in the midst of this. The levels of relationship that form in the group, however, are significantly influenced by how uplifting the leader makes the group environment. None of us want to leave a meeting feeling worse than when we came, but rather refreshed and motivated to live the best life possible. With just a few changes, your support group can go from being a simple meeting, to becoming a lifeline for those involved.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and lives with rheumatoid arthritis. You can find more ideas for icebreakers for small groups with your free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen.

An antiseptic smell I couldn’t quite place permeated the air. Perhaps it was a combination of Pine Sol and Clorox. Industrial carpet woven in blues and reds needed a vacuum. A lone ant traveled by my foot. I took the damp tissue in my hand and squashed it. A few fluorescents created shadows which revealed the starkness of the room. The barren environment mimicked the fact that I was the only occupant waiting.

It was the middle of the night, and I lay curled on my side wondering if my husband was going to live through surgery.

I also–possibly selfishly, yet realistically–wondered if my body would allow me to make it through the ordeal. Having postural intolerance, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia severely limit how much time I can be out of bed each day. Normal, everyday activities for most people, like driving to a hospital and sitting for any length of time, are a challenge for me. Doing it for hours is virtually impossible.

My life had taken on a surreal quality since the midnight phone call. A stranger had informed me that Mike was being life flighted back home from Boy Scout Camp. Was I really lying on a hospital floor hoping my body would hold out until I could get information on Mike? Maybe I should call my sister to come sit with me, but we were arguing. What about, I couldn’t remember.

All I knew was I was alone—too alone. For moments I’d seem okay, like I was holding it together; then, the realness of the situation would come over me like the feeling you get when you jump into a pool on your first day of summer vacation. You know the water will be cold, but it’s still a shock. You can’t believe you’ve gone from dripping sweat to shivering violently in the space of seconds. I tried to make sense of the frigid water, but I couldn’t. I wanted back on dry land.

My bible lay open to Psalm 23, yet all I could do was scan the words as my mind flitted about. A bottle of Gatorade with salt packets I’d asked the E.R. nurse for sat beside it. I must have left my baggie of salt at home. My cell phone, a wad of tissues and purse surrounded me. The shawl I wore for writing was draped over my chest. It reminded me of home which helped to alleviate the uneasiness of my surroundings. How much longer would I have to wait? I was trying to keep from panicking; trying to keep it together. It was a battle I was beginning to lose.

I started flipping pages in my Bible. Okay, Lord, I need some help here. I’m scared. My eyes settled on Psalm 63:8 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”

I am clinging to you, God. Since I am doing that, I am going to trust Your Word that says You will uphold me. You know how I struggle with trusting You. I am weak, but You are strong. I need You, Lord. I can’t do this alone. I know that all power in heaven and earth is Yours. I’m asking You to allow Mike to stay with me. I need him. The kids need him. I’m begging You. I also know that Mike is Yours, not mine. So, for me to have peace, I surrender the love of my life into Your hands. If You take him home, I will be angry and grief stricken. But, if that is Your plan, help me to accept it. I can’t do any of this alone. I’m afraid, Jesus. Amen.

As I opened my eyes, I noticed that nothing around me had changed. The waiting room was still bathed in glowing light. Disinfectant hung heavy in the air. There was not another person in sight. And, yet, I felt different.

A tinge of peace subdued my fearful thoughts. The burden I’d been carrying on my own had eased. I felt a little freer, a little lighter. Talking with God had transferred the enormity of the situation from my limited, human hands to His powerful ones.

Honestly, I was still scared, still anxious. But, I didn’t feel alone anymore. I didn’t feel so overwhelmed. I knew God was in this with me, and that He would help me face whatever was to come. So, I did the next thing I could. I took a deep breath, gathered my soggy tissues, and went to find someone who could give me an update about Mike.

By the way, my story has a happy ending. I was able to stay at the hospital until Mike was admitted to a private room following surgery. Since that time, he has made a full recovery.

Dana Kennedy is a survivor, encourager, wife and mother. She writes a devotional column for Glory and Strength e-magazine. It has taken Dana the better part of 17 years to begin to understand the gifts God has hidden for her in chronic illness, especially Himself. Dana welcomes your contact at dtearosee@earthlink.net

Has your “healthy” spouse had a medical issue, such as a stroke, cancer, an accident, that left you reeling, wondering how things would “work out”? How did you handle the uncertainty?

A New DVD Offers Help and Hope for Parenting Children with Special Medical Needs

Parents who have a child with a chronic illness or special medical condition are faced with some very difficult and special challenges. The creators of the popular Love and Logic parenting program have just released a new DVD to help parents learn how to encourage their children to solve their own problems, become more confident, and accept responsibility for their own healthcare.

Lisa Greene, mother of two children with cystic fibrosis, spent many years learning how to deal with the special challenges of children who fight over food and medications. The new Parenting Children with Special Medical Needs DVD she created with Foster Cline, M.D., and Charles Fay, Ph. D. makes it easier for parents to learn how to cope with things like how to motivate children to make wise choices about food, medication, and therapy; promote responsibility without nagging, lecturing, yelling, or bribing; how to put an end to power struggles, arguing, whining and complaining; how to recognize and avoid common parenting pitfalls and traps, and much more.

The 3-hour long DVD offers up numerous powerful and effective insights into the special parenting skills needed to keep the peace when dealing with the needs of children with special medical issues.

The following is a quick sample illustration of how they make use of The Five Essential E’s: Example – Experience – Empathy – Expectations – Encouragement.

[Are you more of a visual learner? Love and Logic has a great page of videos that cover these Five Essential E's you can watch.]

1. Example

Kids learn far more from the examples we set than from the words and lectures we give them. The power of example is so simple yet so powerful once we know how to use it properly.

Don’t say: “I hate flu shots!”
Do say: “I don’t like flu shots myself but I know it’s important to protect me from dangerous diseases so I’m going to get one tomorrow afternoon.”

Don’t say: “Eat your vegetables!”
Do say: “I’m going to eat my vegetables because they make my body strong! Let’s race!”

2. Experience

How do most people learn from experience? Mistakes! Mistakes are the building blocks of learning, wisdom, and creativity. Think of Thomas Edison–he made thousands of mistakes before he figured out the electric light bulb. So as parents, we need to resist the urge to criticize or fix our kids’ mistakes. We need to encourage them to make mistakes and experience consequences when they are young and the price tag for mistakes is low. This is how they will learn to make better choices. Mistakes are good and often short term pain for long term gain.

Don’t say, “Don’t eat anymore candy. You’ve had enough and you are going to get sick.”

Do say, “Wow, you’ve been eating a lot of candy. Tell me if you’ve had enough.”

Don’t say: “No, you’re not going out with that cold.”

Do say: “You have a cold. Do you think it’s a good idea to go out?”

If the child says, “Yes, I want to go out” then you can problem solve together about how to stay warm and dry and what the consequences will be if the child gets sicker.

3. Empathy

Express sadness instead of anger when children make mistakes or misbehave. Don’t get mad or angry, don’t yell, lecture, or punish them when they blow it. Let them learn from their mistakes. Show empathy before delivering the consequences.

Don’t say: “You broke my lamp with your ball! I’ve told you time and time again not to throw the ball in the house. Now look what you’ve done. Get in your room, now!”

Do say: “Oh bummer. This is so sad. You broke the lamp with your ball. After you clean up this mess, why don’t you head into your room for a little while to figure out how you’ll pay for a new lamp.”

Don’t say: “You forgot your medicine again! How many times do I have to remind you? You need to be more responsible!”

Do say: “Oh boy. You forgot your medicine again. How are you planning to repay me for the time and money it took to drive it over to the school?”

4. Expectations

Set high but reasonable expectations. Match expectations to the child. When kids have special medical needs, this is especially difficult but critically important. Set the expectation so that the child has to reach but can still cope with challenges and succeed and not fail. See and treat the child as a winner and a victor and not as a patient or a victim. Remember – children will always rise to your expectations.

Don’t say: “You are always late with your medical treatments. When will you ever start doing things on time?!”

Do say: “I know you’ve had things other than your medical treatments on your mind. But I know you realize how important they are. I assume you’ll get to them right away. Thanks!

5. Encouragement

Maintain a positive “You can do it!” attitude. Be specific and positive with encouraging phrases when you speak to children. Don’t overdo praise or you risk turning a child into a praise junkie! Encourage your children to evaluate and think about their choices and the consequences of their actions. Encourage them with questions so that they are proud of themselves for making good choices. This motivates them to continue to take good care of themselves.

Don’t say, “I’m glad you listened to me and didn’t go camping with a cold.”
Do say: “Do feel good about your decision to stay home and take care of yourself?”

Don’t say: “I am proud of you for remembering to take your medication on time.”
Do say, “Wow! You must be proud of yourself for remembering to take your medication.”

Inspiring children and young adults to make wise decisions as they meet the challenges of managing chronic illness is particularly rewarding. It is a wonderful feeling transforming children from raving crazies into happy, willing and even cooperative supporters in their own health and wellbeing.

Interested in digging deeper?

There are a variety of wonderful resources, including a book, Parenting Children with Health Issues; a 3-hour DVD program, a CD “Winning with Diabetes”, and more, some even free! See the Parenting Children with Special Medical Needs shop to find resources that meet both your needs and budget.

For more information, visit www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com or www.LoveandLogic.com

What is the hardest part of living with a chronic illness? Well, it depends on who you are asking, what time of day you are asking, and a million other factors. Yet, we all have so much in common and we can understand the challenges of the friend beside us even if we don’t deal with it ourselves. We all feel “called” to certain things, and not being able to do them–from homeschooling to making dinner–is difficult when we don’t feel we can do what we, and others, expect from our self. And the fact that it is invisible . . . well, that makes many of the struggles even more painful as we feel we must justify a housekeeper or a parking placard.

We asked you, “What is the hardest part of living with illness?” and here are your responses. As you read through them, be sure to send up a prayer for our brave participants who shared their hearts.

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“One of the hardest parts is that chronic illness seems to present an opposite picture of my character. For example, I am fairly organized, love keeping my home running smoothly, making home cooked food, and having a reasonably tidy house. Because I do not have the capacity to keep my house very tidy at times and unable to clean very much, people have judged me as being lazy and unorganized and this really has hurt me very deeply.” Lee, chronic fatigue syndrome

“Missing out on so many activities because of my illness. Your healthy friends say to you ‘let me know what I can do for you,’ but you don’t hear from them. You make the most of the days that you have because you know it is a gift from God and it is to be treasured and you do not when it will be gone.” Carla, multiple sclerosis, chronic pain

“Having more dreams than I have physical ability. I’m learning how to chase my dreams in different ways.” Kathy, mixed connective tissue disease, diabetes, and more

“People forget and assume you should be doing more than you are. Or you have to explain over and over again why you need to space out the tasks you take on, over a longer period of time to allow for flare ups and to keep from really crashing. Also, lack of sleep associated with uncontrolled pain and neurological symptoms takes a heavy toll on my emotional state and relationships.” Sherri, lupus, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, Sjogren’s

“The hardest part of living with a chronic illness is not being able to do the same things other people your age are doing. I’m only 24 and have had this illness since I was born. I’ve never been able to run and play sports like the other kids my age. I always had to sit on the sidelines and watch, which wasn’t all bad. It was fun to sit there and cheer for my friends, but I can’t deny feeling a little left out.” Erin, multiple hereditary exotoses

“Friends and family think you are doing well cause you look good from the outside, but your body is hurting every day from the inside where no one can see.” Evelyn, chronic pancreatites

“Personally, I am not one to talk openly about my mental illness. Of course there is stigma surrounding mental illness and that impairs communication, but that is not why I “choose” to remain silent. I don’t want to call attention to my illness for fear I will be considered “weak” yet my greatest need is to be able to talk about it without fear of judgment. I could, however, explain any misconceptions about my particular illness and about chronic illness in general if I felt “safe” enough to express that which is kept hidden. I feel I only add to the misunderstanding of living with invisible illness because I am hesitant to talk about it. I want to help others better understand invisible chronic illness, and in doing so, I think that I will feel more secure with my own.” No name given

“There are many hard things about living with chronic illness. What I consider ‘the hardest’ changes from time to time, but one thing that’s really bothering me right now is the looks I get when I pull into a handicap parking spot with my state-issued PH plates and get out with my three kids and walk into a store. I do NOT LOOK SICK in any way and I feel like people are judging me, thinking I’m abusing the plates, maybe questioning if they are even mine. They have no clue about the pain I’m feeling with every step, the exhausted effort I’m putting forth simply to get through this trip to purchase groceries to feed my family. They don’t know that even if I can make it into the store alright, that by the time I’ve checked out I’ll be staggering back to my van, ever-so-greatful that it’s close enough to the door that I can make it there without throwing up from the nausea and fatigue I’m struggling under.” Jennifer, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, endometriosis, PCOS

“I am 70 years old and really want to enjoy my remaining years. I have a handicap emblem for my car which I use ‘as needed.’” Jerry, peripheral neuropathy

“When we go somewhere like Disney I can walk almost normally first thing on the morning; my wife is not handicapped. People look at us, and have often commented as to why we feel we deserve to park so close, when they have to walk so far. Of course they are not around later as I slowly make my way back to our van. But the hardest part goes beyond the invisible illness to the fact that I own my illnesses. Diabetes, neuropathy and the related depression which require large amount of medications, and still are incurable and limit my former active life style. I have found that volunteering my time and efforts to help others deal with like problems has helped me deal with my own.” Name withheld

“Working, I’m in so much pain all the time, but working at a job really makes the pain go way up.” Cindy, arthritis, neuropathy

“It is hard to pick just one thing that is the hardest part of living with a chronic illness. I think loss is the hardest part for me. Loss of health, loss of the ability to move about freely, loss of friends, loss of the ability to work, loss of self confidence, loss of financial security.” Ruth, young onset Parkinson’s, fibromyalgia, osteo arthritis

“The hardest part, hands down, is having to deal with family members who don’t believe, who doubt and test and constantly tell you what you are experiencing isn’t real and you’re faking it. Then if you have a good day – heaven forbid you should have a good day! – and can do anything you normally can’t, it is taken as ‘proof’ that your illnesses are fake. It’s a lose-lose situation.” Sharon, arthritis, asthma, fibromyalgia, allergies

“The up and down of daily living. It’s hard to plan anything. You take one day at a time. You can’t think about what others are thinking, when they see you do things one day and then are bedridden the next. They do not understand. I do not understand. I do know that God’s unfailing love is there for me and my family continues to stand there for me. Praise God!” Carla, multiple sclerosis

“The hardest part is the invisible part. I have people say I can’t be sick as they can’t see it or that it is different from others. And they can get really uptight about it all. They don’t understand when fatigue just overwhelms me, I should be able to keep doing everything! HELP!” Lee, arthritis, fibro, migraines, headaches, asthma, IBS, etc

“The hardest part of living with an invisible illness, isn’t the fact that its invisible. I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends. If you don’t believe me, I don’t care. You do not make an impact in my life, you do not live with me, and you do not help support me. Anything that is said hurts, but is soon forgotten.” Christine, reflex sympathetic dystrophy, complex regional pain syndrome

“What hurts the worse is when my invisible illness allows me a good moment, and my son shows so much joy in that moment, and then the next moment I can’t even get out of bed. No two moments are ever the same, and even though I look like I could go out and play at any moment, my son will never know if my invisible illness is so bad that just coming to ask me causes me to snap.” No name given

“Being judged for what can’t be seen. I am overweight, so the standard response I get from people is if I’d lose the weight, I’d feel better. That’s like asking ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?’” Doreen, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia

“I think it is seeing people you haven’t seen in a while and them expecting you to be your old self.” Nancy, rheumatoid arthritis and tendonitis

“Being ignored/insulted/neglected by medical world, which makes everyone else think your illness must not be real. I guess it’s other people’s doubt about your suffering, and the resulting loneliness.” Sheila, lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, diabetes, trigeminal neuralgia

“Having so many things that I would like to do and not enough energy to do them. The energy problem also affects my ability to be social and to have less isolation. I guess this is two things, not one, but the isolation is really hard.” Sherri, fibromyalgia, orthostatic hypotension, Hashimoto’s disease
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“The hardest part of living with a chronic illness is having to cut back on the amount of housework I can do. I had to cut back on activities that I used to such as church activities and not to mention being able to go on long trips and vacations with my family. But God has been good and He is helping to hang in there.” Vickie, fibromyalgia, panic and nerves eisorders

“Unrealistic expectations of me. My current family and extended family ‘angry’ that I can’t do the things I used to. ‘I want my Mother back,’ stated my daughter.” Bob and Mary Ellen, fibromyalgi, myofacial pain, arthritis, IBS, asthma, severe depression, anxiety, nerve pain from neuromas (feet), etc.

“I am 59 but look at least 10 years younger and I try to look my best at all times, so the hardest part of living with the invisible illnesses is my own perceptions of myself. Some days I feel almost normal and then I think maybe I am getting well. I look in the mirror and expect more of myself even though I am well aware of how I feel on many other days. I have a hard time balancing fighting for my health and leading as normal a life as possible, spending time with my husband, grandchildren, children, friends, run my home, wonder about having ministry influence, and yet accept where the Lord has me.” Sheryl, chronic myofascial pain, plantar fascitis, IBS, spinal curvatures

“I think the hardest part of living with an invisible chronic illness is that people don’t believe that you are as sick as you say you are. It took six years and many doctors and tests to finally get a diagnosis for my fibromyalgia. And just last year, I found a doctor that understands ALL of the issues that go along with having a headache all day every day. It’s bad enough when your family and friends don’t believe you. But, when the medical community turns their back on you and ignores you that really effects your self-worth.” Carrie, chronic saily headache, migraines, and fibromyalgia

“I have only been a Christian for seven years and I am glad that I have my firm foundation to support me during my rough times. I don’t know what plans God has for me, but I know that ‘He will use my pain to birth my passion’ as Beth Moore put it.” No name given

“I am 55, and older people actually tell me I look okay, even though I am walking poorly, or sometimes with a cane or walker. I get nasty comments when I park in disabled space, legally of course. Am a lot different person when I come out of store however–look and feel like someone else. Elderly don’t believe me when I say I collect SSDI for 5 years now, worked all my life, then disabilities much worse. Have bad days and worse, no one understands chronic pain, esp when you are under 60, have had juvenile RA since age 15, but only slowed me down a bit, always active until my late 40′s. Typical progression according to docs., not unusual to have other things added to bad bones and muscles. even church going do not understand my inability to go there, to drive much, or do simple things they can do. very frustrating. very lonely. I am a widow – have 4 grown kids and 5 grands. I see on and off.” Marjorie, juvenille rheumatoid arthritis, lupus other spinal probs, fibromyalgia, asthma, blood disorder, chronic pain

“I think the hardest part is probably that people don’t understand. You look fine, so they have expectations about how you should be able to behave, or what you should do, when they really have no idea how difficult things might be for you. If you try to explain, you look like you are making excuses.” Fiona, chronic back and neck pain

“The hardest part is to be left behind from my family. (Especially during the summer trips!). I am unable to travel or enjoy most activities, so my hubby takes the kids out to enjoy their summer. I’m left behind realizing how lonely it is to be so sick, a lot of the time! I can’t enjoy my beautiful children and see their smiles as they enjoy an amusement park, family reunion, etc.” Kelley, degenerative disk disease, endometriosis, severe joint pain, severe chemical and food allergies

“The hardest part for me is that my own adult daughter still thinks of me as being young and strong and I’m almost 57 years old; yet I feel like I’m 90. I’ve been a single parent since she was three years old and raised her without one penny of child support. She doesn’t understand the pain and exhaustion that I go through every day. I’ve had Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue since 1991 which were both brought on after I was in a car accident. However, eight months ago, I became extremely ill and lost 40 pounds in 1 1/2 months. I had to go to the emergency room 4 times in one month and had 5 IVs due to severe dehydration. I still don’t have a diagnosis as to what was wrong and I underwent numerous medical procedures. I’m still recovering from the illness that had me nearly bedridden for two weeks straight. It took me five months to finally get an appointment with my primary doctor (I had to see nurses prior to that).” Barbara, fibromyalgia, osteo-arthritis, asthma, herniated disks, migraines, IBS, chronic fatigue syndrome

“The hardest part of living with invisible illness is slowly watching the World go by, and see people leave your life. The L O N G sleepless nights filled with prayer and innermost moanings to a God you can’t feel right now. Your memories of able-bodied days Your knowledge that your loved ones are tired of dealing with your illness and knowing you’re a burden.” Jill, 3 spinal surgeries, diabetes, epilepsy, gastroparesis, degenerative disc disease, ostioparosis, nuropathies, etc.

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So, what can we do with all of the emotions? What do YOU do to get OVER those feelings of not getting everything on your list done, or frustrations of having to explain why your house isn’t clean? Remember Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” How can we turn these emotions from discouragement and fear into strength and courage?

By Debbi Farmer

This was a rough week for me. One of my close friends lost her battle with cancer. Shortly after this, I lost my beloved family pet after having her in my life for fourteen years. My business has been almost non-existent the past few weeks because of the bad economy, and my health has taken a serious turn for the worse lately.

I had so much I needed to say to the family of my friend. I had so much I needed to say to my family for losing their sweet pet. I needed to do more in my business, but my health would not allow it. I felt absolutely lost even knowing in my heart that the Lord was holding me and carrying me through.

When you find yourself needing to convey a message to a friend or family, but you need help with the words, well, this is where this wonderful website comes into play! I want everyone to meet a lovely lady named Nancy Beahm and I hope many will check out her website and find encouragement there for their unique situation.

Nancy offers a wonderful service by providing the words we want to say in a life changing situation to encourage another through her custom specialty greeting cards. The following is a clip or two from her website and more about Nancy and “Prayfully Yours”.

Welcome to “Prayfully Yours”!

We often think that we must go through difficult times alone. But that’s not true. Within God’s word is power and hope. It is the sustaining factor that still applies in life today.

No matter if you live with an illness or face a new life phase; have trouble asking for help or tried for a dream but failed, it all comes under the category of every day life, and no one is exempt.

We don’t have to just survive. By the power of God’s Words and Promise we can overcome anything; making no sorrow or trial ever be in vain.

Make a difference in someone’s life. Help spread the word and let people know that there are “Words of hope when life gets hard.”

~ In Christ, Nancy Beahm
Prayfully Yours is a Christian-owned and operated business

Nancy Beahm

Debbi: Please tell us a little about yourself and what inspired you to start this ministry.

Nancy:My name is Nancy Beahm and I am 55 years old, and celebrated 35 years of marriage this year to my high school sweetheart. Before my illness I had been a dental hygienist, both working in office settings and then teaching.

I then changed directions and found my way into the trucking industry where I spent the remainder of my working career before I started to become ill, which eventually led me to retire.

I accepted Jesus Christ into my life when I was in college, but didn’t fully surrender to Him for another twenty years or so. While I put God back on the shelf I attempted to heal myself of past wounds and mistakes. The more I was told to rely on God, the more I stood defiant and did the exact opposite.

Years of practicing this philosophy got me to suicide mode because I had used myself up. There was no joy, peace, nor laughter. I was empty. I ended up battling with God for my soul.

So it sounds like you were hitting bottom. What happened next?

After a very long and “messy” four days, I decided I couldn’t live my life on empty any more. I rededicated my life to Him, and for the first time in a long, long time, I felt compassion and empathy–pure joy and peace.
Nine months later I became ill and collapsed at home.

A combination of viral encephalitis, fibromyalgia, and arthritis, culminated into lack of brain and body function. For six years and eight months I couldn’t walk without using leg braces and crutches or an electric cart. My speech was so slurred few people could understand me. Reading and thought comprehension were nearly impossible. My body was in such overall agonizing pain I would vomit for days.

Medically there was nothing that could be done except for pain management.

I am so sorry about the suffering you have experienced. But I understand that God did something miraculous?

Yes! About a year before my total healing, I was woken up in the middle of the night because I felt something like “hot darts” piecing through the top of my skull. This happened at three different times throughout the year. In October of the following year, my brother and I were on the phone. During that conversation something incredible happened. To this day I cannot find the words to fully describe the sound of what we heard. It was like the the earth stood still for a second. The silence was deafening.

A week later my speech came back, I could walk and drive and think. I was healed by the power of God (and yes, a doctor has confirmed it!).

That is amazing. So often we are made to feel as though healing is dependent on our actions or how much faith we have. But you admit you aren’t perfect.

My decision to surrender my life to Christ has been one of the most important choices I’ve ever made. Following Jesus doesn’t mean that life hasn’t been hard at times, nor that I am without mistakes or failures. But it does mean that I’ve made a conscious decision to learn about, and to try as best as I am able, to follow His example. When I fail? God has taught me the importance about being brutally honest as I confess my shortcoming and then I start again.

God’s word is true and it is relevant. And when I earnestly seek Him, He heals everything that needs healing.

So, what happened next?

After my healing, I became a hospice volunteer, visiting patients and working with the family members. I became active at church and started to learn to play cello. Today, my husband and I retired to upstate Pennsylvania. I work part-time for a renewable energy/weatherization company, teach high school Sunday school, sing in choir, play cello, and I enjoy speaking to all types of groups.

Wow. Tell us about your ministry.

“Prayfully Yours” is a business that was developed in 2008 and it actually came to be because of the struggle to understand hope. I was such a driven person, but as my body began to fail me, and as I was unable to continue everything else that identified me as me (work, dance, hobbies) I found myself in a state of inability to control anything–and that I was not accustomed to. It seemed like every time I would dare to hope, the outcome of a situation, surgery, or doctor visit would not turn out the way I hoped for. So along with all the physical symptoms that were endured, I found myself getting angrier and more confused about hope. It was throughout this almost seven year journey of having everything I had and was as a person slowly stripped away from me that I eventually began to understand that hope has nothing to do with outcomes of any situation. It is the strength and motivation that gets you from Point A to Point B to Point C, etc.

What is it you most desire that others gain from your web site ministry?

One of the most difficult times during my disability was when I was out in public with people who didn’t know how to interact with me. I truly believe that most people really wanted to say the right thing, but out of either ignorance or fear, they just didn’t. I was always honest with people about what I was or was not capable of doing, but yet, they shied away or never attempted to accommodate my needs so that I could be apart of anything, even if in just a small way.

I cried often because of the hurt.

When I started writing the verses on the “Prayfully Yours” cards, I wanted to be able to give the general public a tool to help them be able to reach out to someone they knew with either a chronic or serious illness. The cards convey the reality of the difficult times, but always end up, hopefully encouraging and uplifting the person who receives it.

I have also tried to design a site where those who are ill and hurting can come and spend some time. Reading the verses, being uplifted, and finding encouragement that there are people out there who know what they are going through. That is just so important that people who are hurting know that there are people who understand and that they do not have to suffer alone. And that they know they can always reach out to someone who has not only been in their shoes, but can also keep the gift of hope for healing alive within them.

What made you chose your business name and how do you come up with some of the ideas for your card titles?

The website name was actually titled because of the “Prayfully Yours” Specialty line. I will write a card for just about any occasion or situation. After collecting information from the customer about the sentiment(s) they would like to convey, I take some time in prayer for God to lead me to write the words to touch the person who is receiving it. It is my intent that God gets all the recognition for any of the messages that are conveyed on a “Prayfully Yours” card.

Almost all of the original card topics came from my own experiences–either before, during, or after my illness. They convey how I felt at the time, and end up with the encouragement that I had wished I had received, but didn’t. I also love to get into conversations with people who are either dealing with illness and/or the caregivers so that I can keep abreast of topics that need to be written about.

Can you share a passage with our readers from one of your designs and let us know what makes them unique?

Definitions change when a person lives with chronic illness.
Getting out of bed every morning isn’t waking up,
it’s strength.
Accomplishing the necessary chores of the day isn’t housework,
it’s perseverance.
Needing rest isn’t taking it easy,
it’s recouping.
Doing this day after day isn’t a routine,
it’s overcoming
And because you prevail people see . . .
that God’s power is real.

I never liked the label of “survivor.” I truly believe that people diminish not only their strength, courage, and perseverance by using that word, I also believe that God’s healing power gets human confines put onto it. I understand that not everyone will be physically healed, and to this day I can’t even tell you for sure why I was and someone else wasn’t, but I now know that healing takes its shape in all forms; If not physical, then emotional, if not emotional then spiritual–and neither of these types of healing is any less because one may not be physically healed.

I needed to know that then, and didn’t, and my intent is to hopefully bring someone up from hating who they have become because of whatever chronic illness they now live with. People who are ill need to understand that although they may not do what everyone else can, it does not mean they are any less of a living testimony to those around them . . . and they need to be reminded of that.

The cards from “Prayfully Yours” are unique in the sense that they have a very specific niche. With intent, there is very little design and color to them so that the verse is the main thing. And it is also with intent that any major pop of color is on the inside of the card. It accompanies that last line that conveys and reminds people of God’s power and hand upon their lives. For most, these cards can be very intense.

But for those who live with chronic illness understand, that life is intent. I often say, “People either get them or they don’t.” But for those who do, they find such uplifting power in the fact that what they are feeling is actually printed right on a card.

Is there anything you would like our readers to know more about you and your site and/or why you feel your card ministry will help our readers at Rest Ministries?

There’s not too much more to say, except that the purpose of these cards is to pass on the Word of God and to encourage those who need the strength to get through very difficult days. For if I had gone through what I did and could not have found someway, some how to use that time in my life for God’s purpose and good, then my six years and eight months would have been in vain.

I hope those who visit the site, spend time reading all that is there. I hope that they return again and again whenever they find themselves needing a word of encouragement. I hope they lead others who are not ill to the site so that they can read what their loved ones are going through.

And of course, I would love for people to start spreading the Word through a “Prayfully Yours” card so that others can reconnect with their courage, their strength, their hope . . . and above all, God.

Thank you, Nancy. Your words of encouragement are such a blessing today. My prayer is that many will find encouragement from your website and your unique greeting cards.

Visit Nancy Beahm’s web site at www.prayerfullyours.com. You can find the illness-specific cards here. You can also find her on Facebook.

Part-time writer, Deborah (Debbi) Farmer is also a small business owner, wife and mom, and Christian Soldier, despite living with several chronic illnesses’. Debbi loves to find encouraging websites and “gems in the rough” that she can pass on to others.

It is the time of year when many people are setting fresh goals regarding their health. For one who is chronically ill, however, it can be discouraging and you can feel a bit helpless at the lack of options you have available. Well, due to technology, there may just be some new possibilities for you! Here are a few we have found below.

Many people do not want or cannot afford an ipad or an iphone to be able to use the apps in many new technological health advances. If these are something you are interested in, you may want to invest in an iTouch for less than $200. It has the ability to do everything an iphone does but make calls, and there is no monthly fee. You can only connect to wi-fi in a “hot spot” (like your home, McDonald’s, Starbucks, etc.). It is a great way to “get connected” to some useful tools without any monthly fees. Most health apps are free, others are $4.99 or less.

DailyBurn
This app is an exercise tracker but you can also use it to log what you are eating and track your sugar, fat, carbs, etc. This app will tell you how much exercise it will take to burn off those french fries you just ate.Free, as far as we can tell

Withings Body Scale or Blood Pressure Cuff
This is the first wi-fi-connected body scale. It records your daily weigh-ins and body fat percentages to a web site so you can track it, and the company also has a blood pressure and heart rate monitor added to their product line. You just plug the blood pressure cuff into your ipad or itouch and it uploads all the numbers.$159 for the scale, about $100 for blood pressure cuff.

iHealth Lab iHealth Blood Pressure Dock for iPod®/iPhone®/iPad®
Check and track your blood pressure on your Apple iPod Touch or iPhone with this unique dock from iHealth Lab. The armband connected to this dock allows you to check your pulse rate and take a diastolic reading. This item is on sale this week at Target for about $94.

UP
This is a “bracelet” by Jawbone® that you wear 24/7. It is the combination of a wristband and iPhone app that tracks your activity and sleep and inspires you to move more, sleep better and eat smarter. You snap a photo of your food and then a few hours later it asks you how you are feeling. It tracks how well you sleep, when you wake up, and will even wake you up when it thinks you have slept enough (is there such a thing? Enough sleep?) About $100

ReliefInsite.com
This is a pain management service operating on a web-based platform. It allows you to visually have a pain assessment and track it, showing your condition and pain level in real-time. It is like a pain diary and it organized your entries into reports that can be printed or emailed to your doctor. It also creates a history of your condition presented in charts and graphs that are easy to understand. Free

CureTogether
This is a great web site to hook in with if you have a chronic illnesses; CureTogether will assist you in tracking your symptoms, sharing your information, and finding what works to help you feel better. Free

Wii Fit
The Wii Fit is a great way to start an exercise program at home and just do what you can a little at a time. You can buy the Wii, including the Wii board and the Wii fit games for less than $150 on ebay. One woman has done a couple of videos that show how someone who cannot even stand can use the Wii Fit and the Wii Fit board to gain additional muscles and burn some calories, called A Guide to Wii Fit For Disabled People Less than $200 (Note: I purchased one a few months ago. So far I can do a few of the games for a few minutes, so am going to try to improve my balance and some muscle strength.)

Daytum
This app lets you track anything so you can set your own goals (and be reasonable) and then it will help you see your results visually. So if you just want to track if you take the dog for a walk or make your family dinner, you can see how consistent you are. Free

ShareCare.com
This is a new free interactive website that provides answers to visitors health-related questions This free website was created by Jeff Arnold, the founder of WebMD, and Dr. Mehmet Oz, a famous heart surgeon who hosts The Dr. Oz Show, who will personally answer some of your questions. It is quite extensive and a great first stop in looking for quality and trustworthy health information. Free

AskMeEvery
This is similar to Daytum. It will ask you whatever you want it to each day via text. For example, you can have it ask you, “How many minutes did you spend in prayer?” “How long did you read with your child?” If you are trying to start a new habit, knowing you will report in each day and can see your graphed results may just keep you motivated. Free

ViMi
Ever wonder what those different vitamins and minerals do for you? This app explains why you need them and where you can find them. It makes a nice addition of tools to one who is trying to eat healthier. Free

Moodscope
Feeling moody? Wondering what has gotten you down or if there is a pattern? This app will help you measure, track, and–if you want–share, your moods. You can see what causes those ups and downs by adding notes to your levels of moods. The site has a video that explains it well. Free

S2H Bracelet or Pedometer
I bought one of these for my son last summer and he loves it (as do it teachers and karate instructor) Last fall sales for the company’s new pedometer skyrocketed after being endorsed by Dr. Oz in . They are basically activity trackers. For every 60 minutes of activity (or 10,000 steps) you earn 60 points. Then you upload your point code to the web site and you can earn prizes or coupons (like $5 off $50 at Sears, etc.). The idea is fabulous, but they need better companies to join in and offer incentives for the points. They come in children’s sizes as well as adults. About $20

What are your favorite gadgets, tools, resources to help you get in the best shape possible, despite your illness and pain? Please share them with us in the comments below. For additional health and fitness apps see Health2Apps

About the Author:
Lisa Copen is an author, speaker, and the founder of Rest Ministries which serves the chronically ill. She lives in San Diego with her husband and 8-year-old son. She is currently writing a book for Christian moms who live with chronic illness. If you are interested in sharing your stories, feedback and confessions for the book, visit her Facebook page at http://MomWithIllness.com .