You felt awful the entire day but you decided to get in the car and go to the support group anyway. You thought it would be good for you. It took forever to find the building at the hospital and then you ended up parking what seemed like a mile from the suite number. You found a chair that smelled like old sweat and smoke and hoped somehow you would find some encouragement.

But an hour later you’re ready to make dash for the door. Everyone seems to be so depressed! And too many people want to either sell you a juicer that is sure to cure your problems, or tell you about every surgery they’ve had since 1977.

Aren’t support groups supposed to be a valuable coping tool?

Yes, they are! Studies done on support groups by David Spiegel, MD, have found that support groups do improve the quality of life for their attendees. Recently studies have concluded, however, that the lifespan of a patient with cancer may not increase because of a support group environment (CANCER, Sept 2007). However, we cannot deny the fact that the validation of one’s feelings about their illness definitely makes a difference in how they cope with chronic illness.

You may attend a support group, or perhaps even lead one, but regardless of how long you have (or have not) participated in one, it’s likely that you’ve seen the slippery slope of how quickly people can go from sharing honest, vulnerable feelings to a session of complaints and even quarreling. Looking for fresh and fun icebreaker games for small groups to perk things up?

Here are 10 ideas to help create some humor and joy in your support group. You can evade some of those bitter moments that can so easily come out in conversation about illness. Some simple planning can make you feel enthused about your next get together. These ideas will work for any groups, from a Rhode Island support group for CFS to a diabetes support group for those in Marion County, Florida. And they a great tool to have when you are creating a proposal for starting up a support group.

1. Before your meeting, cut out some smiley faces and sad faces and glue them on each side of a stick or a plastic knife. When everyone goes around the room to share about their experiences or emotions of the week, ask people to make sure they are able to hold up both “faces’. For example, Beth may say, “I’m not looking forward to my joint replacement surgery and all the rehab afterwards” while holding up the sad side of the stick. And then she flips it to think of something positive to say “I feel blessed though, that the insurance is covering a lot of the expenses and my friends have volunteered to help take care of my children.”

2. Redefine your conception of what counts as indoor games for small groups. For example, start a JOY box and ask everyone to bring an item for it that someone else can take home with them. Have each person choose an item at the end of the meeting. It could be a silly toy, a cartoon, a rubber fish, or great book, a poem, a note someone sent that encouraged you, or even a funny DVD. Ask everyone to return them at the next meeting and exchange it for another item. Refresh the box up now and then.

3. Here’s a unique icebreaker for small groups. Make a silly theme song that you use to start the meeting. You can pick a song and make up new lyrics too. Check out comedian Anita Renfroe for some good ideas about how to make a song your own at her web site.

4. Bring some corny things to use during your meetings. Avoid making anyone feel pressured to use them. (If you force someone to wear a clown nose she may never come back) Have them available, however, and encourage goofiness before getting down to the real reasons you are there. Oriental Trading supply is the source of thousands of funny items guaranteed to spur a giggle.

5. Don’t allow the group to turn into a platform for any one member who talks incessantly about her illness, the treatment, the alternative treatments or even her complaints. If you have someone dominating the conversation, tell the group you are implementing a timer and set your own guidelines. (For example, can people vent for 60 seconds about anything they want? Can they share about an alternative treatment they want the group to try? Give them a time limit.)

6. Ask everyone to bring an encouraging item to include in a gift basket for someone in need who is either unable to attend the group or not even a member. Put your heads together about what kinds of items to include. You can find over five-hundred simple ideas in the book “Beyond Casseroles.” Remember personal notes mean a lot, even from people you don’t know, so ask people to write a sentence or two to include with the item.

7. Have a fun night out. You can act your age and go to a nice sit-down restaurant or head over to Chuck E. Cheese for some pin ball. It can definitely be a successful icebreaker for small groups because people who haven’t opened up much in the group may feel relieved to have this environment to get to know others.

8. Hand out articles and other resources that encourage people to thrive despite their illness. You can find fun items through the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week website like “My illness is invisible but my hope shines through.”

9. Invite guest speakers who you trust will speak positively. Inform your speakers that they can “tell it like it is” but that you always want people to leave the meeting feeling energized; not depressed. Let them know they can use props, tell a joke, or do whatever it takes to keep people paying attention.

10. Focus on things that your group can actually do that will change things, since they may feel so unable to control their illness. If you can’t physically participate in the local walk for charity, could you work at a table handing out snacks or doing registration? Find events your group can participate in to feel like they are doing more than just complaining about their predicament. Take advantage of the energy that teens with chronic illness often have to motivate support groups to get involved in outside projects.

Illness can be one of the most isolating experiences people have, and support groups provide a sense of belonging in the midst of this. The levels of relationship that form in the group, however, are significantly influenced by how uplifting the leader makes the group environment. None of us want to leave a meeting feeling worse than when we came, but rather refreshed and motivated to live the best life possible. With just a few changes, your support group can go from being a simple meeting, to becoming a lifeline for those involved.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and lives with rheumatoid arthritis. You can find more ideas for icebreakers for small groups with your free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen.

This international Christian ministry has an updated list of churches around the USA who have shared their desire to create an environment that welcomes those who may be “differently-abled.”

To enter your zipcode into the search engine click here.

You may also want to visit our HopeKeepers map to see if there is a church near you who has a HopeKeepers group that serves the chronically ill.

One of my all-time favorite books is The Art of Helping: What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting by Lauren Littauer Briggs. In fact, I am very honored to have a section in it for those with chronic illness. But the whole book is helpful for those of us who, well, care. And it is one of the few books I believe should be on the desk of every pastor and church secretary! So much so that when it was first published we offered it as part of our HopeKeepers Start Up Kit! And I wrote a review for the book on Amazon in 2006 (see it under Lisa Copen “RestMinistries”)

I am so excited to see that the author, Lauren, is doing a blog tour to share about this book again, as it it never out of date! The Art of Helping—What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting addresses 30 of the most common heartaches people face and takes away your fear of involvement by helping you understand what people are feeling and going through. From over 100 interviews and her own life experiences, Author Lauren Briggs shares proven advice and offers practical help with a list of what to say— and do. There is even a section on how to comfort people who have suffered the loss of a pet.

Lauren gave us a few minutes of her time to explain why she believes this book is one that is practical in the hands of many.

Why should I read The Art of Helping?

Do you know someone who is facing a crisis and wondered what you could do to help? Have you ever faced a difficult time and wished your family and friends knew what you were going through and knew how to help you?

I found that during my darkest hours, no one knew how much I was hurting, what I was going through or how they might help.

This is a book you’ll want to read before you need it—so that you will have ideas of what you can do and how you can respond—when you first hear the news. We want to help our family and friends through the hard times, but the right words or actions just don’t come to mind. The Art of Helping will give you the tools and enable you to turn thoughts into action.

If I was to ask you, “How will The Art of Helping change me?” what would you say?

The Art of Helping is your go to book when life gets tough. It is a social Bible filled with concrete, tangible action items to empower you to make a difference at times when we would otherwise feel helpless. When people get this book in their hands, they always say, “How I wish I had this book when my friend needed help.”

Yes, I think all of us who are chronically ill have often wished that people had a better idea of how to reach out to us. Sometimes when we live with illness, we think of everything in terms of that as our definition of suffering. But there are so many kinds of suffering in life! I wonder if you could share with us some of the basic Do’s and Don’ts that could be helpful for anyone–not just those with a chronic condition?

Sure! Here are some of my best tips!

DON’T wait before you make contact.
DO Respond as soon as you hear the news.

DON’T SAY “If there’s anything you need, give me a call.”
DO Offer a specific thing you can do.

DON’T put pressure on yourself to do something you don’t like to do.
DO use your gifts and talents to help.

DON’T minimize what they are going through.
DO offer caring statements of acknowledgement.

DON’T ASK “When will you be your old self again? or Aren’t you over it yet?”
DO understand that once their life is touched by tragedy, they will never be their “old self” again. They will eventually reach a “new normal” but life will never be the same.

Wonderful! Yes, I think those apply to anyone going through a difficult time. You have so many specific examples in the book. That is one of my favorite parts because it really personalizes it. Can you share with us some of your favorite creative suggestions in The Art of Helping?

Yes, here are some of my favorites!

• A mother of two young children picked up a hurting family’s laundry on Mondays, took it home and returned it all laundered and folded on Thursdays.
• A man volunteered to come mow the lawn once a week and do some simple “honey do” chores.
• My sons brought their game boy to the hospital for a friend going through chemo therapy. Every few days they would bring a different game to swap.

Those all sound wonderful. I know sometimes it’s the little things that make a huge difference for those of us who are hurting–both physically or emotionally. I am so glad to see that after a few years this book is still reaching so many people. It truly it timeless, Lauren. Can you tell our readers how they can I learn more about The Art of Helping?

The Art of Helping is reshaping the way people reach out to others. You can find more information at my website: www.laurenbriggs.com. You can also follow me on Facebook as and on Twitter as @Laurenbrgs. The Art of Helping is available both as an ebook and hard copy through Amazon.com. See the Kindle version here. If you would like an autographed copy of The Art of Helping, email me.

Thank you, Lauren! Readers! Lauren has graciously donated a copy of her book to one of you! Please take a moment to share a way that either (1) you encouraged someone who was hurting; (2) someone encouraged you when you were hurting; (3) a creative way you would like to encourage someone who is hurting.

We will pick the one that is most CREATIVE. . . so think hard! Post your comment below in the comments section and if you are chosen we will email you to get your postal address and Lauren will send the book right out!

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is the author of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend, another great book to add to your “encouragement book shelf!” She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

Joni and Friends is the disability ministry of best-selling author Joni Eareckson Tada who was paralyzed following a diving accident in the 1970s.

Rest Ministries is an affiliate ministry of Joni and Friends and I (Lisa) have had the honor of speaking and exhibiting at various Joni and Friends events for years. It is an amazing ministry that has changed the lives of millions of people, from those in third world countries who have received a wheelchair through Joni’s Wheels of the World program, to the thousands of families who have attended family retreats all over the world.
What does a local office offer?

According to the Joni and Friends web site, local offices coordinate a number of outreaches, including:

1.Through the Roof: disability ministry training and support for churches.
2. Family Retreats: camp-style retreats for families that include a loved one with a disability.
3. Wheels for the World: mobilizing churches and volunteers to participate in international outreaches, delivering wheelchairs and the Gospel message.
4. Chair Corps: working with churches and individuals that volunteer to collect wheelchairs, walkers, and crutches, then deliver them for restoration and distribution through Wheels for the World.
5. Special Delivery: partnering with individuals, churches and other organizations to provide gift baskets and extend the love of Christ to those who live in rehabilitation or healthcare facilities.
6. Resource referrals: providing assistance and information to individuals and families affected by disability.
7. Community programs: support groups, disability ministry workshops, fun, fellowship and more.

If you live in San Diego county and would be interested in receiving more information on this opportunity, see this page at Joni and Friends which includes contact information.

We have a wonderful new tool! A DVD with 24 tips of 2-3 minutes each that are perfect for a church staff to watch. You could give a copy of this DVD to the women’s ministry director, perhaps the pastor’s wife who you heard is chronically ill. Encourage your congregational care team to watch a couple of tips each meeting. We would love to hear your ideas. This year let’s all go BEYOND CASSEROLES!

PRODUCT LINKS: Beyond Casseroles DVD Training Tool | Beyond Casseroles 505 Ways Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend | Beyond Casseroles – JOY Coupons – Pack of 20 | Bookmark-13 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend – Multi-Pack

In coming months I will be sharing more of your testimonies about your involvement in small groups, the Sunroom, on Facebook, daily devotionals–wherever Rest Ministries has touched your life. Print, audio, or videos are all welcome if you’re interested in sharing. Lisa

From a woman we will call Samantha, who has been a part of a HopeKeepers in Southern California that has met for over 10 years.

I was a young Christian woman, just starting my career, newly in love, and full of hopes for the future.

Then, one day, chronic pain entered my life and set up a long-term stay. Now, over 20 years later, I live in constant severe pain.

Do I have many moments of questioning, tears and frustration? If I said I didn’t, I’d be giving false testimony, and worse, making it harder for someone who is reading this to believe that there is such a thing as solid hope even when one is living through intense suffering.

No, I haven’t found an answer, medically, for my chronic pain, but I found these things, which are so valuable. . . a God who suffers alongside me and does not turn His back on me, a group called–of all things–HopeKeepers (R).

The group has co-suffering servant-hearted leaders who are incredibly accepting and inspire me to spiritual maturity, brave fellow seekers and believers who listen and care and pray and allow me–in my brokenness–to listen to, care, and pray for them in return.

I am now still a young Christian woman, still growing in love with the same devoted man, striving to understand the riches of God’s Word, still leaning hard into my Savior.

What have I learned through HopeKeepers? Simple–No one gets through life without pain. The blessed ones are not those who live without heartache, obstacles and pain, but the ones who, in pain, in struggle, have love, hope and support in their very soul because of the giver of hope.

I invite others with whom I cross paths who are suffering to join us in community as we endeavor to keep our hope, right where it needs to be–in Christ.

Are you interested in starting a HopeKeepers group?

HopeKeepers is the small group program of Rest Ministries that meets in churches and communities around the world. Rest Ministries provides help in starting your group, materials and resources, tools such as training DVD to help increase awareness of (mostly invisible) illness in your church, and opportunities for networking with other leaders.

To find out more visit the “Start a Group” section of our web site.

Related articles

• When Our Church Disappoints Us, Where Do We Put Those Emotions (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)
• The Journey of Life Is Not Meant to Be Done Alone (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)