Some of you may know the codes for using the fire extinguishers in the event of a fire. The acronym PASS means “Pull, Aim, Squeeze, and Spray.” Doing so will help you use the fire extinguisher properly so that you may fight whatever flames may be around you.

Yesterday, the Lord gave me a new idea for this. Have you ever thought about other ways we can use this code? In Ephesians 6:16, Paul talks about a vital piece to the Armor of God by saying, “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

The enemy is constantly trying to throw fiery darts and battles at us Christians, but we must stand tall and strong, fighting back at Him with the faith that God is always with us and will fight those battles for us.

This being said, the Lord gave me a new set of words for the code PASS: Pray, Ask, Seek, and Stand.

As I thought about this, it occurred to me that this would work in just about any situation. We must always pray about any situation, whether we are praising and thanking Him for a blessing or praying about a serious situation that needs to change, or simply talking with Him during the day.

Pray:

Prayer is our closest and best communication with God, as it is a direct line (Jesus on the mainline, tell Him what you want!) between you and Him. He gave us the manner of prayer that covers all things that we know as “The Lord’s Prayer.”

If you really study the Lord’s Prayer, it covers everything you could face throughout a day. It is something that my family says every morning before we even leave the house. 1 Thessalonians says to “pray without ceasing.”

Ask:

That leads us into the next word which is to ask. According to James 1:6, he says “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” I have been here before. I have doubted Him on my journey more times than I can even begin to count. Jesus says that when we ask, or ask in faith, we shall receive. He can answer our prayers the way that He knows is best for us and in His due time.

A lot of Christians in this world have not learned and do not practice patience, and sometimes expect Jesus to become their Santa Claus, of sorts, or a genie. I heard someone once refer to Jesus answering prayer as a McDonald’s drive-through, where one can ask for something and have it granted to them instantly. Not so! My, how they were steered in the wrong direction! He will answer our prayers; it may just not be in the way or the timing that we expect it to be.

Seek:

Next we come to seek. My family just went through a period of a time without having a car; because of the urgency of the situation and the fact that we had doctor’s appointments and such to get to, we began looking for a car immediately. We called everyone we knew for prayer and to see if they knew someone with a car in our price range. My mother and I were on Craigslist all day every day for a week and a half, and we posted all over Facebook looking for prayers and/or a car before we were finally blessed with one that was perfect for us.

After we had the car for a day or two, the Lord pressed this upon my spirit: If we search that hard for a vehicle, lost car keys, misplaced wallet, or anything else we may lose, why can we then not apply to the same level of seeking into His word and building a relationship with Him?

This started me on my newfound walk. I want to seek and search for Him and His word just as hard as I did for a vehicle. Imagine, if I apply the same level of seeking to Him as I did to this car, how much stronger can my relationship with Him get? Awesome stuff!

Stand:

Last is the word stand. We have talked about praying, asking, and seeking so far. 1 Corinthians 16:13 says to “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” God is our ever-present help and our light in the midst of the darkness. If we stand upon His word and trust in Him, we cannot go wrong. We will face trouble, but Jesus is the conqueror over all the evil in this world.

John 16:33, a favorite verse, says “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Some of us have heard this quoted before, but just as a reminder, Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

If this is true, can you imagine what God can do if we band together as one body in Him, as one group of believers and pray for our nation and the condition that our world is in today? The things that could change in the lives of our families and those around us if we stand strong in His name as believer? My, what a mighty move God can make! My, how many mountains will move! If we truly stand in agreement one with another, God can change things.

Pray, ask, seek and stand

Are you ready for the battle? Are you ready to fight the fire? Are you ready to be diligent in service and give it to God? I know I’m ready to go! May God bless and keep each and every one of you; I love you and may He keep a hedge of protection about you at all times.

Shelby Boughman is 21 years and currently resides in Canton, Ohio. She is a proud godmother to two boys ages 6 and 5. Shelby and her oldest godson Elijah are both cancer survivors of a rare and aggressive form of childhood lung cancer known as Pleuropulmonary Blastoma (PPB).

In the midst of other health issues and short-term memory loss, Shelby has rededicated and surrendered her life back to God. She is currently in the process of writing her autobiography about the journey she has come through during her lifetime and is starting a singing and testimony ministry in the local churches and nursing homes. If you would like to keep updated on Shelby’s whereabouts and her walk in faith, please feel free to visit her website at http://travelingapostle.webs.com and follow her on Twitter @sbough90. She is always looking to meet new people and bless them in any way she can!

You can see more of her amazing story on this video.

By Leslie Vernick

Do you ever find yourself saying “yes” when you want to (or should) say “no”? For example, several years back, a graduate student asked me if I thought she would make a good counselor. I knew her gifts weren’t strongest in that area, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She left our conversation believing I thought she was capable.

We all do it. We say “yes” when our honest response should be “no.” But let’s take a look at the cost of being too nice.

We Hurt People

It amazes me how unaware we are of how we injure people by being too nice. Isn’t that why we’re nice to begin with? We don’t want to hurt people? When I wasn’t completely honest with my intern, I unintentionally hurt her. She spent time, energy, and money pursuing a career that didn’t reflect her true calling.

In another example, Lydia worked hard to be a Proverbs 31 wife and mother. But the more she gave, the more her husband and children took, with little concern or even awareness of Lydia’s needs.

Lydia became exhausted caring for everyone with no one giving back to her. Over time, Lydia’s niceness enabled her family to become more and more self-centered, self-absorbed, and selfish. Lydia didn’t mean to, but she weakened her husband and children by not inviting them into a more reciprocal relationship.

Here’s another way we wound people by being too nice. Debbie was a new believer who attended Nancy’s Bible study at church. Debbie began phoning Nancy at home, asking a question or wanting to talk something through.

Debbie always took Nancy’s calls, but soon grew weary. She didn’t want to discourage her new friend, but found her neediness overwhelming. Instead of being more honest with Debbie and setting a better schedule for phone calls, Nancy started using her caller ID to screen her calls. Eventually Debbie caught on and felt hurt and abandoned. Nancy’s niceness gave Debbie the impression that she was always available any time night or day.

When we are too nice and fail to set appropriate boundaries, we may not mean to, but we hurt people. The only person who can be always available without getting crabby or tired is God. Don’t try to do his job. You will fail every time and the other person will get hurt.

We Hurt Ourselves

There is nothing unbiblical about being wise with who you give yourself to. While in college, Sharon took a walk with a young man she wasn’t attracted to, nor was she very comfortable with. She said yes because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying “no thanks”. During their walk, he sexually assaulted her. Every day she deeply regrets that she was too nice.

It doesn’t have to be a dangerous or suspicious situation for us to learn to simply say “no thank you, I can’t,” or “I don’t want to.” We all have limited resources of time, energy, and money. When we allow others to take from our resources without limits, it’s like giving them unrestricted access to our checking account and then feeling angry when we’re constantly overdrawn.

If giving to someone hurts you, count the cost. Sometimes it’s appropriate to sacrifice yourself for another, and other times it’s foolish. Jesus tells a story about five women who refused to share their lamp oil with five others who did not bring enough for themselves. Instead of rebuking these women for being stingy, Jesus called them wise (Mathew 25:1-13).

We Miss God’s Best

Each day there are endless things and people that clamor for our attention. Oswald Chambers reminds us that “the great enemy of the life of faith is the good that is not good enough.” Don’t allow other people to set your values, your schedule, or your priorities.

Many people asked Jesus to do things for them, but Jesus always looked for what God wanted first–even if it meant disappointing people. (See Mark 1:29-38 or John 11:1-6.) When we are too nice and passively accommodate others, we could very well miss God’s best.

How Do I Make Good Choices About This?

Finally, here are some steps to help you stop being too nice:

1. Understand that nice isn’t one of the fruits of the Spirit. Being kind doesn’t mean you always say “yes.” It means that you learn to say “no” kindly.

2. Before you say “yes,” stop and say, “Let me think about that. I’ll get back to you.” This will give you time to think through whether you’re being too nice or if you really feel led to do it.

3. Let go of guilt. You can’t be all things to all people nor do everything people want. Jesus was perfect, and he still disappointed people.

Leslie Vernick is a licensed counselor with over 25 years of experience helping individuals, couples, and families. “Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy”. It’s received over 75 reviews and has 5 stars! This book will help you recognize and change habits that, day by day, keep you from experiencing happiness; make good choices and learn from mistakes without beating yourself up; develop the skills that will enable you to let go of negative and painful emotions quicker; and transform difficult circumstances so you can live with gratitude, joy, and purpose. Visit Leslie’s web site to submit a question for her to answer!

Reprinted with permission, Copyright LeslieVernick.com

Note from Lisa:

When we live with illness we can easily feel guilty about all that we cannot do, perhaps how our family misses out on things because of our disease. To compensate, it is easy to give in to everything they want that we are “somewhat” capable of. I say somewhat because just because we can doesn’t mean we should.

For example, I have been trying to encourage my family members to pick up after themselves better, so that I don’t have to do so much of this, so I have leftover energy to do fun things with them or make healthy (not last minute) dinners.

I know it is easier to talk about then it is to put into place. How could you “stop being nice” to help improve not only your life, but the life of those around you?

Excerpt from Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend
Please do not reprint without permission

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” ~Lois Wyse

1. Ask, “What events in your life are changing and how are you coping with the changes?”
2. Understand that she lives in a constant state of making decisions for which there is no guarantee that she is making the right choice.
3. Put meals in disposable containers and attach a note saying “This doesn’t need to be returned.”
4. Add stickers to envelopes for a cheerful touch.
5. Arrange for your friend’s kids to have a night with your children.
6. Don’t make a person into a project.
7. Ask, “Would you be willing to talk to a friend of mine who has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and offer her some encouragement?” It makes one feel good to know that her
   experience can offer someone else hope and that God still has a purpose for her life.
8. Wash his car and put a little note inside for him to find later.
9. Remember important anniversaries, both the good and the bad. No one else will.
10. Ask, “Do you want company the day that you wait for the test results? I could come over for a couple of hours.”
11. “No matter how little you have, you can always give some of it away.” ~Catherine Marshall
12. Just listen . . . until it hurts to not say anything. And then listen some more.
13. Ask her, “How do you feel God is working through-or despite-this illness in your life? I’m interested.”
14. Ask, “What do you wish people understood about your illness?”
15. Don’t make her feel guilty about things that she cannot do.
16. Treat her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service ($7-15 a month).
17. Ask, “Would you be comfortable with having your name on a prayer list, so that others can pray for you?” Don’t assume.
18. Instead of saying, “I will pray for you,” say, “I’d like to pray for you right now, if that’s okay.”
19. Mop the floors.
20. Ask if she would be interested in writing something for the church newsletter, maybe even about the subject of living with chronic illness.
21. Buy a brightly colored umbrella as a gift.
22. Ask, “Do you have an errand I can run for you before coming over?”
23. Ask her to do spontaneous things, like go to a concert in the park, or just for a picnic. She may be more likely to participate since she knows if it’s a good day or a bad day.
24. Don’t say, “So, why aren’t you healed yet?” or “I wonder what God is trying to teach you that you just aren’t learning!”
25. For a unique gift, provide brightly colored paper plates, napkins, and utensils in a gift bag with a note that says “For when you don’t feel like doing dishes.”
26. Get her a pretty box to keep all of her notes of encouragement. Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling down.
27. Be her advocate. If you are at an event and walking/seating is an issue because of her disability, ask her if she’d like you to take care of it. If she says you can, be firm but not rude.
    Don’t embarrass her by making accusations of discrimination or by making a scene.
28. Ask, “Would you be interested in a prayer partner from our church?”
29. Purchase matching coffee mugs for you and your friend, and then commit to pray for one another each morning while using them.
30. Say, “While you’re in the hospital I’d be happy to take care of your pet.”
31. Don’t tell her about your brother’s niece’s cousin’s best friend who tried a cure for the same illness and. . . (you know the rest).
32. Find out which charity is most important to her and then give a donation in her honor.
33. Ask, “What are your top three indulgences?” and then spoil her soon.
34. Hold the door open for her. They are heavy!
35. Don’t tease her and call her “hop along” or “slowpoke.” Comments you mean in fun can cut to the quick and destroy her spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says, “A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”
36. Say, “I know you must need someone to just vent to occasionally. I may not fully understand how you feel, but I’m here to listen anytime.”
37. Ask your church youth group to come over and clean up the yard during seasonal changes.
38. Don’t ask her, “How are you able to make it financially?” If she wants to share a burden she will.
39. Ask, “What would you advise me to look for in a new doctor?”
40. If your friend has a disabled parking placard and you are driving, allow her to tell you where she wants to park. If she’s feeling particularly good that day, she may not want to park in the “blue space.” Don’t be disappointed that you’ll have to walk farther.
41. Don’t gossip about others. She’ll wonder what you say about her. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Be kind, gentle, and respectful.
42. Accept that her chronic illness may not go away. If she’s accepting it, don’t tell her the illness is winning and she’s giving in to it.
43. Don’t say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” People rarely feel comfortable saying, “Yes, my laundry.” Instead pick something you are willing to do and then ask her permission. Try the coupon in back!
44. Ask her to share her testimony at an event.
45. Buy a magazine subscription for her on her favorite topic.
46. Plant a rosebush to view from a window.
47. Understand that you don’t need to know all of the details about the illness in order to be helpful.,He’ll share with you what he’s comfortable with you knowing.
48. Don’t ask, “Why can’t the doctors help you?” or insinuate that it must be in her head. There are millions of people who are in pain with illnesses that do not have cures.
49. Avoid having gifts be “pity gifts.” Just say, “I saw these flowers and their cheerfulness reminded me of you.”
50. Send CDs of church services your friend misses to her with a copy of the bulletin and a note.
51. If she doesn’t have a cordless phone, get her one. Phone headsets are also nice.
52. Send an encouragement card or a funny card, but resist the temptation to send one that says, “Get Well Soon.”

Beyond Casseroles is a popular little book to help people understand the needs of the chronically ill–and then get into action. They are $6 each or 3 for $15; we recommend getting one for yourself, one for a fiend, and one for an influencer (like a counselor, pastor, women’s ministry leader, doctor, etc.)

Americans love big helpings. My weakness is peanut butter fudge ice cream. And so is Italian food. I’m also a huge fan of caramel apples. In fact, all three would make the perfect meal! But doctors warn us that overindulgence can be bad for our health.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could simply order things that would improve our emotional condition? Are you in despair? How ‘bout ordering a huge helping of “hope”? Anyone–especially those with disabilities–can never have too much of that!

Having a disease like multiple sclerosis (MS) can lead to helplessness. My feeble attempts to feel hopeful fail. I know the truth about my illness. No one can guarantee I’ll be spared serious vision or walking limitations. There are no assurances of a cure being found before I become more disabled. After years of disease progression, hope can dim.

But, my sense of powerlessness is erased when I reflect on the overflowing hope God offers. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

Praise God for His promise of abundant hope!

The Bible offers an abundance of many things:

Abounding in love and faithfulness:
“. . . The compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” (Exodus 34:6)

Blessings:
“Surely You have granted him unending blessings and made him glad with the joy of Your presence.” (Psalm 21:6)

Supply:
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

Power:
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…” (Ephesians 3:20)

So, feel free to indulge in anything on God’s menu. Have as much as you want of His hope and blessings. Feast on His faithfulness. He’s your constant burden-bearer. “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” (Psalm 68:19)

Prayer: Heavenly Father, Protect my mind from fearful thoughts of what this disease will do to me. Fill me afresh with Your abundant hope. I thirst for Your peace and presence. I praise Your for Your power to meet all my needs. Thank You for Your promise of love and faithfulness. You’re all I need. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

About the Author:
Vicki understands special needs as a patient, parent, and professor. She has had multiple sclerosis since 1993. Her 31 year old son was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She’s taught special education as a teacher, administrator, and adjunct professor. Through her online community she reaches out to other parents of children with special needs. http://theblogfrog.com/1505794

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

When have you felt most hopeless? How did God comfort you during that time?

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• Devotion: What Is It Like To Have Cognition Problems With Your Illness? (restministries.com)

I am happy to be able to call Edna a friend through a Christian women writers organization, but even I didn’t know all that she had experienced in her life until I read this book. This woman has every right to write about her journey with suffering and how to use it for God’s plans.

This is an interactive 6-week Bible study that helps guide the reader through her pain and to a point where she can see how God may just use it. In my opinion, this book would most benefit those who have gone through the grief cycle of a period of suffering, who are now looking for how to use this pain and experience for God’s glory.

For example, if you were diagnosed with a chronic illness last week, this book likely will not meet your needs–yet! But when you have gone through the times of grief, anger, bargaining with God, etc. and are to the point where you want to step out of that grief cycle and into a place where God can use your pain, this is one of the best books I have ever seen to lead you on the next steps.

• In the chapter, “Trusting in Others: God Given Guidance” it explains the need for women to have mentors and some possibilities for you to become a mentor for women in your neighborhood, church, or as a volunteer at an organization.
• “Praying For Others With Serious Problems” explains how to pray for those who are suffering a great deal. This topic is one that Christian leaders are somehow just expected to know how to do, but are rarely taught.
• “Your God-Given Passion: God’s Motivation” reminds us how look for the “hurt points” we have had in our life and to recognize how they may be the most important ways that God can use us, as we can relate with the hurts others are going through.

If you are tired of just reacting to the pains in your life, and you are ready to pro-actively respond to them instead–in ways that will bring God glory and help you discover His will for your life–this book is for you! Edna wraps her arms around you, cautious to tread lightly on your hurts that still may be a bit raw, but she also encourages you and helps the reader see the potential God has for all the sufferings in her life.

The fact that this is a workbook, and not just a book to read, makes it a tool to not just encourage you to follow the plans God has for your life, but a way to actually be able to discover them, focus them, and then start reaching for them.

This book is 224 pages, and is larger than your average book at 8.9 x 7.5 inches.

Edna Ellison, who holds a Ph.D., speaks to women all over the world. According to her Amazon profile, she loves collecting Christian jokes and leading women in her church in the Beautiful Hat Society, a group of Christian women who meet monthly for encouragement, laughter, and a time of sharing their mentoring adventures.

Get it today at the Rest Ministries Shop! Our bookstore is how we find the funds to keep us going so your purchases help us keep the computers running!

By Linda Newton

I have stumbled onto a tool that has been very helpful when I get stuck and I can’t let go and let God. I have named this tool my “Counseling Sessions With God,” and here’s why.

As a counselor for the past twenty-five years, I have a lot of experience with how counseling sessions flow. The client comes in, shares his/or her presenting issue, talks for a while, then expects the counselor to sum things up, and offer clarity regarding what was presented.

With this pattern in mind, I idle down in my Divine Counselor’s office, under a tree, beside a rock, at my desk, anywhere in the universe will do since He owns it all. Then I put my pen to the paper and write out what is consuming my thoughts.

I slow down by writing my thoughts

I am the kind of person whose mind can run a thousand miles a minute, but as I simmer down, I can get in touch with the deeper layers of what I am thinking and feeling. If I am seriously troubled, I simply start with what I am feeling right now in this moment, just as a client would do in my office. Writing is better than talking because it slows me down and fine-tunes my focus. As I write, I ask the Lord to speak into my life.

Writing helps me see the real issues

I write until the issue crystallizes. Sometimes that happens in a few lines. Other times it takes a few pages. But I find as I slow down enough to write, I can better hear the “gentle whisper,” that Scripture refers to in the story of Elijah in 1 Kings.

A pastor friend of mine explains that God often speaks to us as, “an interruption of thought.” As I quiet myself, my mental commotion dies down, and a crystal clear thought dispels all the others. When God is trying to get my attention, it’s not just some random interruption. It’s a clear succinct thought that provides peace and offers help.

The wisdom and clarity presented are far beyond my ability to conjure up in that moment, leaving me more convinced that ever that the message is divinely inspired.

I write what I hear God showing me

As that clarity comes, I write down those words just as I have written my thoughts and feelings, but I’ll highlight those words of wisdom. I may need to keep writing to finish getting my feelings out, but I can come back to those words of insight for the answers that I am seeking.

Please understand, I am not one of those people who claim, “I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do!” The interruption of thought is often my own voice, only uncluttered by confusion and unencumbered by fear, and it possesses a power to bring peace, and an assurance that it is the Truth. The old saints of the church would often call that one’s “inner witness” referring to the voice of God within each of us who follows Him.

What I think it means to hear God’s voice

I believe that when we feel the inner witness, hear the gentle whisper, experience the interruption of thought, or however we choose to reference this Divine Help, we can always check the validity of it by God’s Word. He won’t contradict Himself. So the crazy-eyed guy on TV who says God told me to kill a certain person, clearly didn’t hear from God.

God can’t go against His nature and that nature is represented in the person of Christ who as He walked the earth, loved sinners, encouraged saints, and died to prove it. Even if my counsel that day from the Lord is corrective, it never comes from a place of anger or disgust. It’s helpful and uplifting for me and for the people in my life.

My counseling sessions with God have supplied me with answers as straightforward as, “Let go of your offence. That person doesn’t mean to hurt you,” to as specific as, “Now is not a good time to make major purchases.” Sometimes it’s a reminder of what I already know, that God has a plan, and that He can be trusted to take care of my problem.

Linda Newton’s contagious enthusiasm and engaging storytelling brings God’s Word to life. With authentic transparency and down-home humor she shares how God transformed heartbreak in her life into hope from her book 12 Ways to Turn Your Pain Into Praise published by Warner Press. She has currently written 2 new devotional books, Better Than Jewels: 31 Days of Biblical Insight for a Woman Seeking God based on the book of Proverbs, and Sapphires From Psalms. For more encouragement read Linda’s blog, “Savvy Choices.”

By Chelsey-Ann Fernandez Lawrence

When I was 17, my parents told me that there were three times I almost died in the ICU. One time, I stopped breathing. The other time, my blood pressure fell really low. Another time, I was losing a great deal of blood and nobody knew why.

When I recovered, the doctors called me “the miracle child” because they couldn’t believe it when, within a week after waking up from my coma, I was talking, walking (as much as I could anyway), and laughing again.

At 17 I was given a second chance at life

Looking back, I wonder if I made the most of this second chance in life. I did change my life direction. I went from planning on going to law school to planning a career in human services. I sought to volunteer as much as possible, and I have always shared a smile as often as I can.

And then my illness came back. . .

But last September, my illness came back again and put me in status epilepticus. I was having so many seizures that I did not have time to recover before a new seizure began. The doctors said my seizures were about 20 seconds apart, and this happened for almost a week. They told my husband I could be permanently disabled.

Thanks to God, we won this round again. I was given my third chance at life.

I am determined to beat this disease–and live!

I was raised with the attitude that quitting meant losing. And since I tended to have a competitive streak in me, I was resolved to win as often as I can–even against my own illness.

When my illness tells me, “Chelsey, forget about planning that part of your life, you’ll never get there because I am still here,” I tell my illness, “No. I will not give up. I have too much hope for my future. I did not work hard my whole life to just sit at home, wondering if I will ever have another flare up.”

I love people too much to accept that being alone is okay. I love God too much to think that an illness can ruin any plans He has for me.

Reflecting on why I have held on

Encouragement is defined as “the expression of approval and support.” Encouragement is meant to help us move forward in our goals. And like this quote says, “When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long.”

Reflecting on the reasons that keep you going will help you work harder, and be happier at what you are working for. If you are struggling with a job to support your family, think of how you are doing this for your family and how much you love them.

When my husband and I were struggling financially, he told me that he would dress up in a bunny suit and hold silly advertisement signs on street corners, just so he can provide for me. When I was in the hospital last September, he told me that he couldn’t bear to be away from me even when he was at work. But at work, he reminded himself that by working, he was making money and therefore would be able to put food on our table, buy my medications. In this way, he can care and provide for me in the best way he knows how.

Every life has meaning, even when you don’t see it

Remembering the reasons that give your life meaning is the best encouragement you can give yourself. And remember that encouragement goes hand in hand with perseverance, and perseverance says, “Don’t quit before the blessing.”

Chelsey-Ann Fernandez Lawrence lives in the United States with her husband. She grew up in Canada and recently graduated from Trinity Western University. When she was young, she was diagnosed with pediatric central nervous system vasculitis. She seeks to give hope to others through a career in human services and the online community of “HOPE – Helping Other Patients Everywhere.”

I’m not comfortable saying, “Hi there! No offense, but your perfume makes me gag! No, I can’t sit next to you!” If I were king, I’d lump perfume with cigarette smoke and ban it in public places! Sorry you perfume lovers– nothing personal. I am just trying to breathe and be healthy.
–Semi-silent sufferer, attending church on-line

Dear Semi-silent sufferer,

You are definitely not alone! Although many assume this is rare, unfortunately, approximately 14% of Americans (knowingly) have MCS.

I also live with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS). The term, “sensitivities” is not a good description of what these chemicals do to me. I get an instant, disabling migraine, vertigo, weakness or paralysis in my limbs, swelling of the brain, spasms in my spinal cord, nausea and horrific pain all over.

What’s more, anyone can develop MCS by way of every day use and exposure to chemical fragrances and/or a sudden large exposure. Continued exposures often lead to increased sensitivities.

In fact, a large portion of the population gets some sort of adverse health effects to perfumes or other synthetically fragranced products. Many do not make the connection to their headaches, fatigue and/or asthma type symptoms. By the time most people realize what is causing their symptoms, they are out of control and often debilitating and isolating.

It is good that we don’t tell others that their perfume makes us gag or sick, because such use of words often cause people to take it personally. However, we should be able to be honest and do what we have to do to not be exposed.

We can do so by simply saying, “I am so sorry, I would love to sit next to you, but I get bad headaches from perfume.” That way the symptom is from the perfume and not them and it is not tied to a visual of us turning our noses up at them.

Another way is to share resources with them. My husband is the Founder and President of a couple of great non-profit organizations that provide pamphlets and information that can be shared with friends, family, employers and churches.

• Why Go Perfume Free to Church? Where Is God Ministries
• Is Your Church Making People Sick? Where Is God Ministries
• Why Go Fragrance Free? Invisible Disabilities Association (IDA)
• Creating a Fragrance-Free Zone (Workplace). Invisible Disabilities Association (IDA)
• Interview with Dr. Anne Steineman (Audio). The Cleaner Indoor Air Campaign (Launched by IDA)
• Letter for Churches. The Cleaner Indoor Air Campaign (Launched by IDA)
• My Invisible Disabilities Community (social network for people living with illness, pain and injury – with an MCS Group)

I am so sorry you are living with this, as it can be extremely isolating. I hope you find these resources helpful!

Sherri Connell has used her personal tragedy of chronic illness and pain to bring awareness and to be a voice for people who are living with debilitating chronic illness through the Invisible Disabilities Association with her husband, Wayne.

Related articles

• What Do You Do About Co-Workers’ Strong Perfume? (bellasugar.com)
• More People Are Making Their Own Natural Perfume (bellasugar.com)

Yes! Recently during Rest Ministries Fall Bible Study many people shared that they do this, or are learning to do it.

God understands even when our prayers don’t make sense

If you have ever felt like you could barely put a complete sentence together, don’t not pray. “The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes with sighs too deep for words.” (Romans 8:26) Sighing the name of “Jesus” will always bring you comfort. Eloquence is not necessary.

God has heard our prayers tied to tears

We have prayed, “Hear the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence” (2 Chronicles 6:19) and God has told us, “I have heard your prayer and seen your tears,” (2 Kings 20:5). When you want to talk to God but somehow your prayers turn into tears, it’s okay. Rest in His presence and allow Him to comfort you.

God knows what we are going to say before we say it

Psalm 139:4 says, “Before a word is on my tongue You, Lord, know it completely.” If you feel lost about where to even start to pray, open your Bible to the Psalms and start reading it out loud to God. Chances are it will describe what you didn’t know how to put into words.

God knows what is in our hearts

We don’t need to try to impress God with our fancy words or flowing phrases. We are speak to Him as a child does to his or her father, crying out “Abba” (Galatians 4:6) There is power in the name of Jesus and Philippians 2:10 tells us, “. . . at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth. . . ”

God knows what is on our minds

We can’t “inform” God about something since He already knows. We don’t have to try to figure out all the details in our life before going to the Lord in prayer. “The Lord knows the thoughts of man.” (Psalm 94:11a) He knows your worries, your concerns, your fears, and He wants to cast them all away and give you rest and peace. You don’t have to have the energy to explain the “whole story” about your needs and desires when you are exhausted. Instead, surrender it over to Him and accept His unconditional love.

God understands our difficulty in believing during difficult times

Have you ever felt this way? “Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’” (Mark 9:24) When we cannot form the words to pray, we tend to think it is because we are not worthy to approach the King in our state of mind right now. Not true. We can come to God at any time, in any way. Seek forgiveness for your shortcomings and sins and ask for the hope that He promises.

A 1-word prayer is one kind of prayer

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” (Ephesians 6:18) People may tell you how to pray and provide all kinds of “rules” about doing it correctly, respectfully and with “enough” faith. But remember all of the factors above and “pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.” Isn’t that freeing to know that through Jesus Christ, we can approach the God of the universe just as we are.

Prayer is created for us to be more intimate with God

We are inviting Him into our lives, to share our burdens, our worries, and even our thankfulness. “For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.” (1 John 3:20) Prayer is a gift that God has given us to be able to freely communicate with Him. It is easy to start to think of prayer as something we are “supposed to be doing” –but it is the greatest gift God has given us, for our benefit. In the new year, let go of your preconceptions of what prayer looks like and just communicate with God.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

I always love to take a second look at this story, however, to find a fresh perspective on it and to personalize it. This year, as I looked more closely at the life of Mary, I saw certain traits that we all can learn from, especially those with chronic illness.

Mary surrendered her own will to God’s plans

“’I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.’” (Luke 1:38) Mary was just a girl who had dreams of marrying and having a family, but I can imagine that this wasn’t exactly how she planned to fulfill those hopes! Still, as soon as the angel told her what God was to do, she said, “I am the Lord’s servant.”

When God shows us the path He has for us, it’s often the last thing we would have imagined. Like Mary, it may make those around us uncomfortable, think we are confused about God’s plans for us, and even subject us to ridicule. Still, if we just immediately surrender our will to be God’s servant, it will make everything be smoother.

Mary expressed her wonder and questions

“‘How will this be?’ Mary asked the angel.” (Luke 1:34) When she heard that she was to give birth to the Son of God–as a virgin, she obviously had a few questions running through her head about how it would all work out, and what would happen to the honor of her and her family as well.

When we look at our circumstances it is easy to have our first response to be, “God cannot possibly do something with this mess!” or “I have made too many mistakes for God to be able to help me now.” We are never beyond God being able to work in our lives, and it’s okay to pray, “Lord, how will this be? How will You do the impossible? I am eager to see You at work!”

Mary knew when to seek out a friend

“Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.” ( Luke 1:56) Even when travel was difficult, she knew that visiting with Elizabeth and spending some time with a girlfriend would make a difference. It may also have been a good opportunity to avoid some of the growing rumors that could put her in physical danger back home.

I can allow myself the gift of friendship, whether it is a getaway for three hours, three days, or three months. Though traveling may be difficult, even if it’s just leaving the house, God created me with the need for friends, and I need to be with them.

Mary worked with what she had

“[Mary] wrapped Him in cloths and placed Him in a manger.” (Luke 2:7a) I can imagine that Mary’s relatives had made her baby blankets for the child she would have, but she wasn’t able to carry very much with her to Bethlehem. Perhaps the innkeeper found a few clothes she could use. Though the circumstances were not as she had hoped, she didn’t sit around and whine to the shepherds about the donkey ride, or demand that Joseph go find a Macy’s to get some worthy linen to wrap this future King in. She worked with what she had.

My illness will likely cause there to be many times when I would choose to have things different, but just as Mary worked with what she had, I too can accept the way things are and use what God has given me.

Mary recognized what was important and treasured it

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19) Notice this verse says, “But. . .Mary. . . ” In other words, Mary was unique in her appreciation of the situation. Unlike many of the others who were there, she fully treasured the birth of her baby and pondered it all, wondered, noted each moment.

Luke 1:45 says, “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!” Mary took time to really think about what God had done, how He had done it, and how she had been blessed to be part of the story. Even as Jesus grows up, when he is twelve years old scripture tells us–that still– “But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.” (Luke 2:51b)

When we live with illness, we need to take a step away from the hustle of the holidays and ponder what really matters and where God is in it all. If we just celebrate through our actions, but not take time to reflect on them in our heart, and lay our thanksgiving out before God, we may miss the true blessing in it all.

Mary allowed others to help her

“So [Joseph] got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt.” (Matthew 2:14) We do not know exactly how old Jesus was (estimation is a few weeks) when Joseph received the message in a dream that his son’s life was in danger, but when he had that dream, he immediately woke Mary up and they headed out.

How easy it would have been for Mary to say, “Joseph, I have packing to do, Jesus is on a tight nap schedule. I don’t think God will mind if we wait a few days, right?” But she didn’t. She had learned that God spoke to both her and to her husband and when a message received, there was no time for dilly-dallying. They left immediately.

There are times when surgeries or lab tests or uncomfortable medications are just not convenient! But when I feel that it is necessary to do it as soon as possible, I need to follow the message I believe God is giving me and not give in to others opinions that I should wait until after the holidays, or a more convenient time.

Reflections

May your season to a time to reflect on the many gifts that our Savior has given us, including the opportunity to learn from one of the most-loved people in His life, His mother.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

Many people are eager to start the chaos of preparing for the holidays, including baking, decorating, shopping and getting together with loved ones. For those with a chronic illness, however, there can be a sense of dread because our desires are much like the rest of the population, but we know our bodies will never hold up to all of the things that we would like to do.

“When I think of the holidays, I immediately think of all of the things I need to do and then I am tired just thinking about it,” says Karon, who lives with lupus and fibromyalgia. “I used to love to bake and do cookie exchanges. I decorated the whole house. Now just thinking about getting a tree seems overwhelming.”

As believers, Christmas is a time of celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus. It should be a time of joy and reflecting on the pure contentment that we can experience because we know we have everlasting life. But how easily it becomes to grieve the fact that we cannot afford Christmas gifts for everyone we care about and that we aren’t going to be able to get the nine-foot Christmas tree.

Before the craziness of the holidays set in, here are some questions to ask yourself to decrease that anxiety!

What are my values and how can I express them?
What is really important to you? Do you believe that Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birthday? Then skip all the dozens of cookies and make a birthday cake. Invite a few of your friends over for coffee and cake and just share an hour of quietness talking about how God has been faithful in your life, even through the most difficult trials. Your house doesn’t have to be perfectly decorated or even clean. Just clear off the table, put on some music and light a candle. In sunny San Diego, I turn on my DVD of a fire burning on the television.

What memories do I want my children or loved ones to have?
Make a list and don’t hold anything back! What would be on your dream holiday wish list? It may be having everyone gather around and read the Christmas story, driving through the neighborhood to see the Christmas lights, having a big holiday meal with everyone around the table. Maybe you love to go to the Christmas tree farm and cut down your own tree, take your child to see Santa Clause, and open the little doors on your advent calendar. Remember your favorite memories as a child that you want to repeat, for example, curling up with cocoa and popcorn and watching Rudolph. What traditions do you already have?

Now, look at your list again and organize it. What things require a lot of energy? What things take less? Obviously, there is quite a difference between getting a Christmas tree and watching a Christmas program. What on your list is an annual tradition that you wish to make a priority? What would you be willing to allow your family to do without you? What church services or programs do you wish to attend? What is something you love to do, but could do every other year?

What is God going to hold me accountable for?
If your list above is growing longer by the moment, stop and reflect on what is most important to the Lord. What do you believe God will hold you accountable for? If you are able to make time to stand in the long line for your children to see Santa Clause, but you are too tired to read the Christmas story, will that be pleasing to the Lord?

It is impossible to please everyone, and it may even be impossible to meet your own expectations of yourself. Look at your list and ask yourself, “What on this list is pleasing to God? What is bringing Him joy?”

Remember. . . Jesus is the reason for the season! It is not meant to be just a cheery slogan, but a way to keep your priorities in the right order.

What can I do in advance or accept help with to make it happen without exhausting myself?
When you look at your list what is on there where you could simplify? Before my chronic illness I made all baked good from scratch. Now, however, since I want my son to have ten minutes of cutting our sugar cookies with the Christmas cookie cutters, I just buy the pre-made dough.

Shop online when you can. Ask at the mall when the lines are the shortest to see Santa. Go to church on Saturday night if mornings are physically painful. Could a friend help you come over and decorate? Can you pre-make and freeze some items for Christmas dinner? If you cannot travel to be with family, can you Skype to be a part of the party? Think of alternatives to what you usually do.

Prepare the logistics before you are in pain
Speak with your doctor about your typical pain during December. Does the weather impact you? Do you get sick easily? Prepare a plan for the holiday season, such as who to call if you are in severe pain–especially if you are traveling. Ask about medications that may be prescribed, how to avoid infections, etc. Stock up on pain patches, a heating pad, ice bags, vitamins; have on hand whatever can help.

Remember to take care of yourself. Prop your feet up while watching the Christmas shows; use hand sanitizer after you hit the buttons on those ATM machines and use grocery carts, avoid excessive salt and sugar. Get some cozy sleepwear and do your best to get some sleep.

Planning your priorities before the holidays arrive can help you decide what is most vital to your holiday experience and memory-making efforts. Be sure to take photos of everything, and make it a goal to write a few sentences about what you did and why it was special to you. This can become a lovely keepsake scrapbook of memories and it will help you prioritize the desires of your heart the next year!

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

I once heard the comparison that life with chronic illness was sort of like “living in the parenthesis.” It can sound like a bad Christmas letter. . .

We have had the most fabulous year (despite mom being in the hospital a couple of weeks). We had a wonderful trip to the lake and went camping (mom stayed in a motel nearby) and everyone waterskiied and sunbathed (except mom, she can’t be in the sun or ski so she just watched from under a canopy). We went to see the caves (mom couldn’t walk the stairs so she just rested at the motel). We are looking forward to getting together with you this year (Mom can’t travel so we hope you can visit us!)

Does life ever feel that way? Over in the Rest Ministries Sunroom Bet shared her heart on acknowledging her body’s need to rest, yet also feeling like she is missing out on life.

Rest. It’s what my body needs me to do. When I was well, I would have loved a day like this. To just rest. But when you lose two weeks of the month or more to chronic pain it’s not so fun anymore. Sometimes I think I’m becoming invisible. That I’m so removed from life that I’m not here anymore. Sometimes, the effort it takes to go somewhere, get things done is just too much.

Yes, we can so relate! It’s so easy for us to feel as though we are slipping into the background of everyone’s life. We may be present, but we aren’t talking a lot. It’s too exhausting. We aren’t participating. We may be there, but we are resting. And laughing? Will our children grow up ever remembering what our laughter even sounds like?

Sarah shares that she feels this way sometimes. “I feel often that life is just surviving. I do feel invisible to many around and I do feel like an observer in life. I watch other people living their life.”

Linda says she sometimes feels invisible too. “When we have visitors I can chat for about twenty minutes, and then I get quieter and quieter, and eventually I feel like ‘the vegetable in the corner’ who nobody makes eye-contact with.”

So how do you cope with these feelings?
There are no easy answers, but here are a few ways to redirect your thoughts to help keep some perspective. “So many times I hear from others trying to be helpful to ‘just be more positive.’” says, Barb. “If positive thinking were the cure, that would be fabulous!”

We all know “positive thinking” likely will not “cure us” but by trading in our thoughts of negativity to focusing on God’s promises we can know that we are giving our very best to the art of coping.

You may be familiar with the scripture Jeremiah 29:11. This is one of my favorites as far as promises go.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

Let’s break this down to see how it can be a coping tool for us when we start to feel invisible in this life.

God has plans for you
Even though there may be days when you don’t feel this to be true, it is one of God’s promises. It is not a matter of opinion, it just is. God has plans for you–even if you are never healed here on earth. God’s plans include prospering, not harm, God will give you a hope and a future. It doesn’t matter what your doctors say, or your test results–only God knows how much time you have here on earth and He has plans for you right up until your last breath.

As the saying goes “Don’t put trouble in your wheelbarrow. It’s heavy enough as it is.” Life is full of sufferings, and we each have quite a wheelbarrow of burdens we may be pulling around, so don’t add to it by thinking your best year are past you. You never know what God has for tomorrow.

God has plans that are prosperous for you!
Sarah agrees. “[God] has me sitting on the sidelines for His purpose. He certainly is refining me in ways that I had never imagined. So whatever His purposes are He does have a purpose for each of us even if we can’t see it. We need to trust He knows what is best for us.”
Is that easy? Not necessarily. It is true and beneficial? Yes!

“When I am out in the world, sometimes I get this weird feeling like I’m not a part of it,” confesses Bet. “Like the whole world is just going about their business without issue. And there I am, the struggling one.”

Though we may feel like we are the struggling one, think of yourself as the one whom God is blessing with wisdom. You are different. You are suffering. But you have been set apart by the Lord Himself to become one who knows Him in a much more intimate way then even some of the most well-known pastors you may watch on television today. Because you are suffering for Christ. And Jesus says, “Whoever does not take up their cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:38-39)

God promises not to harm us
I love Sarah’s words about suffering and turning to God for our needs. “He hears our cries and gives us everything we need to get through each difficulty or crisis. We often want out of the crisis but He never promised to take us out–just through.”

Ah, yes. He never promised to take us out of our trials. . . just through. Though the pain you are experiencing may feel as though it is harmful, it is not intended that way. I was awake off and on nearly all night with aching shoulder pain that nothing could stop. I am sitting in my chair in the living room now, unable to even move my left arm. But when I prop is up just so, I can type. And I have written this article. God can use anything. Had I felt decent today I would not have spent this time, I would have been doing laundry, cleaning, etc., but God gave me a shortcut to learning what Martha learned.

Have you read this scripture before? When we are in a lot of pain, we just go straight to Jesus’ feet- no cooking or cleaning!

“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:40-42)

Believe God does have a purpose
My favorite scripture I sign all my books with is Psalm 119:50. “My purpose in my suffering is this, Your promise perseveres my life.” I may suffer, but it does have a purpose, and God’s promises persevere my life!

Imagine that. God’s promises are not meant to just reassure us. They are meant to renew our life! Refresh it! Keep my life from rotting or going stale! And how do God’s promises preserve my life? Through my suffering! They will do it for you too.

God promises us hope
“Invisible. It is so helpful to share with someone who can really understand what you are experiencing,” says Barb. “Sharing with others going through like circumstances helps tremendously.” One of the ways hope can come is through the conversations we have with friends.

Many people here at Rest Ministries have found some true friendships in the Sunroom. In fact, we’ve heard from people who signed up and didn’t come back for six months, only to later discover a whole world of gals and guys who “get it” when it comes to living with illness and staying encouraged through our faith. Whether it’s through friends in your hometown, or a social network, have a “go to” place for when you need to express the emotions you are dealing with.

God promises us a future
When you have had weeks or even months of bad days it seems like there may never be a good day again. The odds are, however, there will be days that you can do something you enjoy, even if it is just a small something. “Some days can be very hard. On those days I don’t even want to answer the door, or look outside the window, I just want to be left alone,” says Lillie. “But those days will come and go, and good days will come along too. And O, how I thank the Lord for those good days!”

What brings you joy? Hopefully you can answer something besides, “Going to Disneyland!” Think small. Is it watching a romantic comedy? Listening to some upbeat music? Turning on a sermon on your computer to spend some time learning something in the word? Playing with your cat? Joy doesn’t have to be in big packages to still be pure joy. When you think of pampering yourself, what is it that you can do? Stop yourself if you start thinking of things you cannot do! Focus on the possibilities.

There are times that having the promise of a future is all we need to get through one more day!

Remember it!
It can be easy to get into the habit of reading a scripture and thinking it was meant just for those people in Biblical times, or for the people of today–who are healthy. Nope! God’s promises are for you too!

Say this scripture with me inserting your name in the blank spot. Read it out loud right now with your name. Personalize it. Make it your own! Tape it to your bathroom mirror. It is one of God’s promises for you!

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,________’ declares the Lord, ‘I plans to prosper _____________ and not to harm ______________, plans to give ________________ hope and give ___________ a future.’”

Wow. Powerful stuff, huh?

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.