Hurt Feelings

Is There Such a Thing as Being Too Nice?

May 3, 2012 By admin 3 Comments

By Leslie Vernick Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" when you want to (or should) say "no"? For example, several years back, a graduate student asked me if I thought she would make a good counselor. I knew her gifts weren't strongest in that area, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She left our conversation believing I thought she was capable. We all do it. We say "yes" when our honest response should be "no." But let's take a look at the cost of being too nice. We Hurt People It amazes me how unaware we are of how we injure people by being too nice. Isn't that why we're nice to begin with? We don't want to hurt people? When I wasn't completely honest with my intern, I unintentionally hurt her. She spent time, energy, and … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Articles - Read, Attitude, Coping Skills, Friendships, Hurt Feelings, Person w/ Illness, What's New? Tagged With: being honest, Bible, boundaries, can you be too polite, christian faith, counselor, Debbie, Friendships, God, Jesu, kindness, leslie vernick, Lord, Lydia, manners, Oswald Chambers, setting limits, too nice, truthfulness

What I’d Like to Tell My Pastor About Living with Illness

April 13, 2012 By admin 10 Comments

Living with chronic illness is lonely. Everyone around us seems to be enjoying health, happiness, and the ability to at least pursue their dreams. But many of us feel lonely, scared, and disappointed. We are faced with so many insecurities and we are living with an illness that we have not been able to pray away, cry away, or confess away. So we turn to our church for guidance, for acceptance, for unconditional support during the most difficult time in our life. But churches are made up of people—all of us imperfect. And our church does not always give us what we need; in fact, sometimes, the people say things that hurt us even more. "Everything will work out fine. Just keep praying." "If you just came to Bible study I am sure … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Articles - Read, Caregiver, Church Leader, Depression, Explaining Illness, Friend Has Illness, HopeKeepers Resources, Hurt Feelings, Loneliness, Medical Professional, Need to Know, Parent of Ill or Disabled Child, Person w/ Illness, Person w/ lll Spouse, Share Your Story, Spiritually Struggling, Support Group Leader, Teen w/ Illness, What's New? Tagged With: care pastor, Christianity, Chronic, Chronic pain, Church, church disabilities ministry, Conditions and Diseases, Congregational, congregational care, Denominations, disability ministry, Disabled, disabled ministry, disablity, God, Health, Illness, Jesus, Joni Eareckson Tada, joni erickson tada, joni tada, Lord, Online Communities, parish, parish nurse, pastor, pastoral care, pastors, Prayer, Religion and Spirituality, Rest Ministries, small groups, Stephen Ministries, stephen ministry

4 Steps to Take to Get Rid of Resentment You May Hold Against Others

April 11, 2012 By admin Leave a Comment

By Leslie Vernick When someone hurts us, is foolish, or sins against us, the consequences of their behaviors often impact us more than the other person. Anger, bitterness and resentment can be the result. Even when someone hasn't intentionally inflicted harm, these negative emotions creep into our spirits and are hard to get rid of. Here are 4 things you can do if you find yourself stuck in resentment. 1. Ask yourself what purpose do these negative emotions serve? Is it payback? Is it an attitude of I get to be right? Or, is it that you haven't been able or willing to forgive Or, perhaps it is an indicator that you're angry and need to have a conversation with someone who has sinned against you in order to bring healing … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Anger, Articles, Articles - Read, Explaining Illness, Hurt Feelings, Loneliness, What's New? Tagged With: Anger, Apostle Paul, Emotion, God, leslie vernick, Paul, relationship, Resentment

A Letter to One Afflicted With Illness (From One Who is Also Afflicted)

February 21, 2012 By admin 9 Comments

Karlton Douglas, one of our regular devotional writers, had someone who has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness write to him asking for advice in a few areas. Karlton wrote him back and then sent a copy of the letter to us to see if we would be interested in reprinting it here at Rest Ministries. I hope you will read it and comment below on what you agree with, disagree with, your experience and more. What advice would you give someone who has just been diagnosed with an illness that may last his or her lifetime? A Letter to One Afflicted With Illness (From One Who is Also Afflicted) I think most of my life with illness I have felt it is a battle the Lord and I have fought alone. Beyond praying with me and a bit of … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Church Leader, Friend Has Illness, Hurt Feelings, Person w/ Illness, What's New? Tagged With: Christianity, chronic conditions, Chronic pain, God, Health, Hurt Feelings, if i could tell my healthy friends something, karlton douglas, letter to healthy friends, letter to those with loved ones who have a chronic illness, Lord, Ohio, Psalm, Rest Ministries, when healthy people do not understand chronic illness

Devotion: When Well-Meaning People Hurt Us, God Gets It

January 25, 2012 By admin 12 Comments

"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples ask Him, 'Rabbi who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.'" (John 9: 1-3) One dear-lady on one of the prayer forums I visit requested prayer for her church and a member of this church. This church-member suffers from Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, one of the illnesses we refer to as an “invisible illness” because we can not actually see the results of the damage this illness can cause. Since there is little known about this disorder, the church members took it upon themselves to intervene and try to heal this member in … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Devotionals, Hurt Feelings, What's New? Tagged With: advice on illness, Christ, God, Gospel of John, Hurt Feelings, is there a cure, Jesus, John, Lord, medical advice, people fixing me, people try to tell me what to do, Prayer, Religion and Spirituality, unsolicited

Q & A: I Don’t Seem To Fit In To Online Support Groups!

June 13, 2011 By admin 9 Comments

Sometimes I feel very left out in the online support groups. I live with an incredible amount of daily pain and I just need someone who cares. It seems like everyone else in the group have people who support them and write them back. But when I share something from my heart all I get is a bunch of well-meaning advice. I don't need advice! Or . . . no one responds at all. What I need is someone who will listen and try to understand. -Sandy Hi, Sandy, I can hear the pain in your words. I am going to assume since you wrote to me you are asking for some kind of advice, so here is my best 2-cents. Ask yourself, "What would the perfect response to my post be?" When we say we want people to "listen" and yet we are typing our posts out … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Explaining Illness, Help! Q/A, Hurt Feelings, Person w/ Illness, Sunroom, Support Group Leader, What's New? Tagged With: Conditions and Diseases, DVD, God, Health, Lord, Rest Ministries, Rheumatoid arthritis, Support group

I Need To Forgive… But Where Do I Even Begin?

March 23, 2011 By admin 1 Comment

I have read in some places online that many people who have a chronic illness were abused in their childhood. I know many were not, but I am one of the ones who was. I will never know for sure if the illness I have was "caused" by the stress of me trying to cope with my history, or the bitterness it caused in my heart eating away (literally!) at my body, but I know I need to figure out a way to let go of the bitterness. My father is no longer on this earth and my mom and I have a very weak relationship. I am not sure I want more. But where do I go from here?" Belinda, who doesn't want to be "Bitter Belinda" Belinda, It's true that studies have shown that sometimes chronic illness can be more prevalent among adults who suffered abuse … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Fear, Help! Q/A, Hurt Feelings, Relationships, What's New? Tagged With: Bible, forgiveness, God, God the Father, Jesus, linda newton, Lord's Prayer, Resentment

We Really Need to Talk: Authors of “Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired” Have New Book on Communication

March 21, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

By: Paul J. Donoghue, PhD and Mary E. Siegel, PhD We all need to talk to relieve tension within us and to connect with people who matter to us. But those of us who are ill really need to talk. Illness threatens our well being, evokes strong emotions, heightens our needs, and makes us more dependent on others. To cope well with all these factors we need to talk. Yet illness often leads us to isolate, to retreat into out own world of pain, fatigue, vulnerability, and fear. When we emerge from our silence, we frequently drive away those we need by blurting our thoughts formed by fear. Blame: You don't care! You don't understand! You only think of yourself. Hopeless remarks: Why don't you just leave me? I can't take it … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Church Leader, Friend Has Illness, Hurt Feelings, Invisible Illnesses, Marriage, Parents of Adult Children, Person w/ Illness, Person w/ lll Spouse, What's New? Tagged With: Bipolar Disorder, Desmond Tutu, fear, Health, Illness, Learning, Mary E. Siegel, Mental Health, Paul J. Donoghue, PhD, sick and tired of being sick and tired, Talk radio, We Really Need to Talk: Steps to Better Communication

“But You LOOK Good!” Book Explains How This Hurts Sometimes

September 15, 2010 By admin Leave a Comment

but-you-look-good-invisible-illness-disabilities-sherri-connell

Did you know that most people who have a chronic illness would prefer not to be told we look good. It’s not that those of us who are ill want to be told we look awful, but the comments on our “looks” seem to say, “You can’t really feel as bad as you say you do, since you look fine.” Those we love don’t always understand this. And though we know we cannot change other people, if those who love us do want to know what encourages us or what makes us feel like throwing something across the room, these tips can be helpful, right? Well, along comes a booklet that tons of people have said, “This is the best book I’ve ever read…” “But You LOOK Good: A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People with Chronic, … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Books, Hurt Feelings, Invisible Illnesses, Person w/ Illness, RM Shop E-flyers, What's New? Tagged With: Chronic (medicine), Colorado, Conditions and Diseases, Health, Illness, Invisible Illness Week, Lord, Rest Ministries

For Chronically Ill “Not By Sight” Book Offers Validation & Underst&ing

March 19, 2010 By admin Leave a Comment

Not By Sight is a wonderful little booklet that can help friends & family to see the courage & faith that abounds in those with debilitating conditions. It gives them simple, pragmatic examples of "What to say" & "What not to say" in order to truly be a source of encouragement. This book is written by Sherri O'Connell, co-founder of Invisible Disabilities Advocate. It is full of Scripture & quotes from physicians who specialize in chronic conditions & many would say it should be a "must have" for all believers, church staff & ministry leaders. Read more here at our bookstore chronicillnessbooks.com … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Books, Caregiver, Church Leader, Explaining Illness, Friend Has Illness, Hurt Feelings, Invisible Illnesses, Links, Medical Professional, Person w/ Illness, RM Shop E-flyers, What's New? Tagged With: activist websites, advocate medical, Barbecue, book, Books, Christianity, Chronic, Church, comfort zone books, Denominations, Faith, God, Health, health mission, invisible disabilities, invisible illness, Lydia, Memorial Day, Memorial Web Sites, Military, Pastoral Resources, Religion and Spirituality, Shopping, Tent, Veterans

New Study Finds Clergy Dismiss Depression, Anxiety The Most Often

February 25, 2010 By admin 2 Comments

This is a study that was released Sept 2009 that we are passing on to our readers. We have added the bold parts. New Study Finds Clergy Dismiss Depression, Anxiety The Most Often Released: 9/30/2009 11:50 AM EDT Source: Baylor University Newswise — In 2008, a Baylor University study found nearly a third of those who approached their local church for assistance in response to a personal or family member’s diagnosed mental illness were told by their church pastor that they or their loved one did not really have a mental illness. Baylor researchers have now built upon that research & have found that depression & anxiety are the mental illnesses that are dismissed the most often. Research consistently shows that clergy – not … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Caregiver, Church Leader, Depression, Explaining Illness, Health News, Hurt Feelings, Mental Illness, Need to Know, Person w/ Illness, Statistics, What's New? Tagged With: Bipolar Disorder, caring for ill in church, Christian, Church Leadership, Depression, disabilities, elders, Faith, Health, Herbal tea, hospital visitation, Illness, Live attenuated influenza vaccine, Major depressive disorder, Mary E. Siegel, Mental disorder, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Ministry, Ministry - Personal, parish nurses, pastoral care, pastors, PhD, Psychology, stephen minister, stephen ministry

When It is Tempting to Quit We Need Jesus More Than Ever

January 4, 2010 By admin 1 Comment

I was using a saltshaker when I first noticed that the right side of my body was staging a mutiny. Inexplicably, my h& had forgotten how to move up & down. Other everyday activities became difficult. Brushing my teeth was a challenge. Playing piano was impossible & typing was clumsy. And then there were these weird, involuntary tremors on my right side. What was going on here? After a batch of expensive tests, the doctors couldn’t — & still don’t — agree. While they are scratching their heads, the elders anointed me & prayed for my healing — twice — & I am trying everything in my power while the problem persists. Like Paul, I have asked the Lord that this “thorn in my flesh” be taken from me. As He told Paul, He has … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Caregiver, Church Leader, Depression, HopeKeepers Resources, Hurt Feelings, Overwhelmed, Parent of Ill or Disabled Child, Person w/ Illness, Share Your Story, Spiritually Struggling, Support Group Leader, What's New? Tagged With: Author, book, Editing, Leadership, Piano, Publishing, Shopping, Website