Excerpt from Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend
Please do not reprint without permission

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” ~Lois Wyse

1. Ask, “What events in your life are changing and how are you coping with the changes?”
2. Understand that she lives in a constant state of making decisions for which there is no guarantee that she is making the right choice.
3. Put meals in disposable containers and attach a note saying “This doesn’t need to be returned.”
4. Add stickers to envelopes for a cheerful touch.
5. Arrange for your friend’s kids to have a night with your children.
6. Don’t make a person into a project.
7. Ask, “Would you be willing to talk to a friend of mine who has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and offer her some encouragement?” It makes one feel good to know that her
   experience can offer someone else hope and that God still has a purpose for her life.
8. Wash his car and put a little note inside for him to find later.
9. Remember important anniversaries, both the good and the bad. No one else will.
10. Ask, “Do you want company the day that you wait for the test results? I could come over for a couple of hours.”
11. “No matter how little you have, you can always give some of it away.” ~Catherine Marshall
12. Just listen . . . until it hurts to not say anything. And then listen some more.
13. Ask her, “How do you feel God is working through-or despite-this illness in your life? I’m interested.”
14. Ask, “What do you wish people understood about your illness?”
15. Don’t make her feel guilty about things that she cannot do.
16. Treat her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service ($7-15 a month).
17. Ask, “Would you be comfortable with having your name on a prayer list, so that others can pray for you?” Don’t assume.
18. Instead of saying, “I will pray for you,” say, “I’d like to pray for you right now, if that’s okay.”
19. Mop the floors.
20. Ask if she would be interested in writing something for the church newsletter, maybe even about the subject of living with chronic illness.
21. Buy a brightly colored umbrella as a gift.
22. Ask, “Do you have an errand I can run for you before coming over?”
23. Ask her to do spontaneous things, like go to a concert in the park, or just for a picnic. She may be more likely to participate since she knows if it’s a good day or a bad day.
24. Don’t say, “So, why aren’t you healed yet?” or “I wonder what God is trying to teach you that you just aren’t learning!”
25. For a unique gift, provide brightly colored paper plates, napkins, and utensils in a gift bag with a note that says “For when you don’t feel like doing dishes.”
26. Get her a pretty box to keep all of her notes of encouragement. Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling down.
27. Be her advocate. If you are at an event and walking/seating is an issue because of her disability, ask her if she’d like you to take care of it. If she says you can, be firm but not rude.
    Don’t embarrass her by making accusations of discrimination or by making a scene.
28. Ask, “Would you be interested in a prayer partner from our church?”
29. Purchase matching coffee mugs for you and your friend, and then commit to pray for one another each morning while using them.
30. Say, “While you’re in the hospital I’d be happy to take care of your pet.”
31. Don’t tell her about your brother’s niece’s cousin’s best friend who tried a cure for the same illness and. . . (you know the rest).
32. Find out which charity is most important to her and then give a donation in her honor.
33. Ask, “What are your top three indulgences?” and then spoil her soon.
34. Hold the door open for her. They are heavy!
35. Don’t tease her and call her “hop along” or “slowpoke.” Comments you mean in fun can cut to the quick and destroy her spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says, “A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”
36. Say, “I know you must need someone to just vent to occasionally. I may not fully understand how you feel, but I’m here to listen anytime.”
37. Ask your church youth group to come over and clean up the yard during seasonal changes.
38. Don’t ask her, “How are you able to make it financially?” If she wants to share a burden she will.
39. Ask, “What would you advise me to look for in a new doctor?”
40. If your friend has a disabled parking placard and you are driving, allow her to tell you where she wants to park. If she’s feeling particularly good that day, she may not want to park in the “blue space.” Don’t be disappointed that you’ll have to walk farther.
41. Don’t gossip about others. She’ll wonder what you say about her. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Be kind, gentle, and respectful.
42. Accept that her chronic illness may not go away. If she’s accepting it, don’t tell her the illness is winning and she’s giving in to it.
43. Don’t say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” People rarely feel comfortable saying, “Yes, my laundry.” Instead pick something you are willing to do and then ask her permission. Try the coupon in back!
44. Ask her to share her testimony at an event.
45. Buy a magazine subscription for her on her favorite topic.
46. Plant a rosebush to view from a window.
47. Understand that you don’t need to know all of the details about the illness in order to be helpful.,He’ll share with you what he’s comfortable with you knowing.
48. Don’t ask, “Why can’t the doctors help you?” or insinuate that it must be in her head. There are millions of people who are in pain with illnesses that do not have cures.
49. Avoid having gifts be “pity gifts.” Just say, “I saw these flowers and their cheerfulness reminded me of you.”
50. Send CDs of church services your friend misses to her with a copy of the bulletin and a note.
51. If she doesn’t have a cordless phone, get her one. Phone headsets are also nice.
52. Send an encouragement card or a funny card, but resist the temptation to send one that says, “Get Well Soon.”

Beyond Casseroles is a popular little book to help people understand the needs of the chronically ill–and then get into action. They are $6 each or 3 for $15; we recommend getting one for yourself, one for a fiend, and one for an influencer (like a counselor, pastor, women’s ministry leader, doctor, etc.)

A few months ago someone at Rest Ministries asked me what books I would recommend for some different areas of grief, and in looking at my list from years past, I realized sadly that many of them had gone out of print.

So I started compiling a new list. To add to the books I was aware of, I asked a group of Christian women authors of a group I am part of, AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association). They eagerly told me what books they recommend to people (many of them are also counselors), and what books they had written of specific areas of grief.

Some of these books we have even carried in our Rest Ministries bookstore over the years such as, The Gift of Mourning Glories by Georgia Shaffer about her journey with cancer and subsequent bone marrow transplant. and The Art of Helping by Lauren Littauer Briggs. I am blessed to call them both friends.

So below you will find the list on Christian books that I have compiled on a variety of grief situations, from the loss of a loved one, to divorce and everything in between. If you have read a book you think belongs on this list, please list it in the comments below. Authors who are members of the group I mentioned have AWSA beside their name.

If you are interested in purchasing a link, please use this Amazon search box below. If you click through clicking this link, Rest Ministries will receive a small percentage for referring you and this helps keep us going!

Amazon

Warmly,
Lisa

The Top Christian Books About Grief and Loss

GENERAL LOSS/GRIEF

After the Locusts: Restoring Ruined Dreams, Reclaiming Wasted Years, Jan Coleman
Decembered Grief: Living with Loss While Others are Celebrating, Howard F. Smith
Devotions for the Brokenhearted, Robin Prince Monroe
Experiencing Grief, H. Norman Wright
For Such a Time as This A Book of Comfort, Lanair G. Williams
For These Tough Times,, Max Lucado
For Those Who Hurt,, Chuck Swindoll
Getting Through the Tough Stuff,, Chuck Swindoll
A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life after Loss Georgia Shaffer, AWSA
Good Grief,, Granger E. Westberg
A Grace Disguised, Gerald Sittser
A Grief Observed,, C.S. Lewis
Grace for Tough Times, Mary J. Nelson
Grief Share, 1999, The Church Initiative
Grief-Work it, Let It Be, S. Leo Richardson
If God is so Good, Why Do I Hurt So Bad?, David Biebel
Living Above Pain: Experiencing Joy in the Midst of Suffering, Alma Edith Welch
On Grief and Grieving,, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
Prayer Guide for the Brokenhearted: Comfort and Healing on the Way to Wholeness, Michelle McKinney Hammond
The One-Year Book of Hope, Nancy Guthrie
Powerful Prayers for Challenging Times (Coming in October 2012), Jackie M. Johnson AWSA
Shattered Dreams, Larry Crabb
Strength and Hope Through the Seasons of Life, Cindy McMenamin AWSA
Thoughts for the Holidays Finding Permission to Grieve,, Doug Manning
The Twenty-Third Psalm for Those Who Grieve, Carmen Leal AWSA When Women Walk Alone: Finding
When You Can’t Find God: How to Ignite the Power of His Presence, Linda E. Shepherd AWSA
When You Don’t Know What to Pray: How to Talk to God about Anything, Linda E. Shepherd AWSA
Where Is God When It Hurts, Philip Yancey
Words of Comfort for Times of Loss, co-written with Liz Allison and Cecil Murphey

MARRIAGE

Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, Linda Rooks AWSA
That Was Then, This Is Now, This Broken Vessel Restored, Paulete Harper AWSA
When Love Ends, Jackie M. Johnson AWSA

PARENTING

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Sherrie Eldridge AWSA
Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs, Jolene Philo, AWSA
Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for parents of critically or chronically ill children, Jolene Philo AWSA
Hope for Families of Children on the Autistic Spectrum, Lynda Young AWSA
Hope for Families of Children with Cancer, Lynda Young AWSA
Hope for Families of Children with Heart Disease, Lynda Young AWSA

LOSS OF LOVED ONE

90 Minutes in Heaven, Don Piper and Cecil Murphey
How to Plan a Funeral and Other Things You Need to Know When a Loved One Dies by Liz Cowen Furman, AWSA
Will I Ever Be Whole Again? Surviving the Death of Someone You Love, Randy Aldrich

SUICIDE

Aftershock: Help, Hope and Healing in the Wake of Suicide, Candy Arrington & David Cox AWSA
Fierce Goodbye, Lloyd and Gwendolyn Carr
Finding Your Way After the Suicide of Someone You Love, David B. Biebel, DMin, & Susanne L. Foster
Grieving a Suicide, A. Hsu
Standing in the Shadow: Help and Encouragement for Suicide Survivors, June Cerza Kolf

DEATH OF CHILD

Jonathan You Left Too Soon, David B. Biebel
Roses in December, Marilyn Heavilin
Too Early Frost (losing child to cancer), Harold Dostervien
The Toughest Days of Grief (multiple losses and holidays, Meg Woodson
Grieving Forward, Suzie Duke (loss her 17-year-old son)
Waiting For Answers: A Parent’s Guide to Grief, Resolution, and Healing, Betsy Haid

WIDOWHOOD

Dare to Trust, Dare to Hope Again, Kari West
From One Widow to Another: Conversations on the New You, Miriam Neff
Light in My Darkest Night, Catherine Marshall
Will I Ever Be Whole Again? Sandra Aldrich AWSA
Reflections of a Grieving Spouse: The Unexpected Journey from Loss to Renewed Hope, H. Norman Wright

INFERTILITY/LOSS OF BABY

Beside the Empty Cradle: Finding Peace with Childlessness, Pamela Sonnenmoser AWSA
Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby, Janet Thompson AWSA
Empty Arms (miscarriage), Pam Vredevelt
Hannah’s Prayer, Jennifer Saake
Morning Will Come (infertility, miscarriage, stillborn, early infant death) Sandy Day AWSA
Standing on the Promises (a chapter on infertility) Leslie Vernick, AWSA

LOSS OF HEALTH

90 Minutes in Heaven, Don Piper and Cecil Murphey
A Path Through Suffering: Discovering the Relationship Between God’s Mercy and Our Pain, Elisabeth Elliott
Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer, Janet Thompson AWSA
Joni Eareckson Tada–any of her books
Mosaic Moments: Devotions For The Chronically Ill, Lisa Copen AWSA
Trusting God Even When Life Hurts, Jerry Bridges
When God Weeps: wHy Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty, Joni Eareckson Tada
Why Can’t I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why, Lisa Copen, AWSA

CAREGIVERS

Ambushed, Grace: Help & Hope on the Caregiving Journey, Shelly Beach AWSA
Because You Care: Spiritual Encouragement for Caregivers, Cecil Murphey and Twila Belk AWSA
Blessings And Prayers for Caregivers, Annetta E. Dellinger and Karen Boerger AWSA
A Caregiver’s Survival Guide: How to Stay Healthy When Your Loved One Is Sick, Kay Marshall Strom
My Parents, My Children: Spiritual Help for Caregivers, Cecil Murphey
Precious Lord Take My Hand: Meditations for Caregivers, Shelly Beach AWSA
The Twenty-Third Psalm For Caregivers, Carmen Leal AWSA
Walking Together Through Illness: Twelve Steps for Caregivers and Care Receivers, Wanda Scott Bledsoe, Milt Bledsoe
When Someone You Love No Longer Remembers, Cecil Murphey
Give Us This Day: Daily Hope for Caregivers, Martha Sparks

WHEN A FRIEND IS HURTING

The Art of Helping What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting, Lauren Littauer Briggs
Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend, Lisa Copen, AWSA
Comforting Those Who Grieve: A Guide for Helping Others, Doug Manning
The Complete Guide to Crisis & Trauma Counseling: What to Do and Say When It Matters Most! H. Norman Wright
Helping Those in Grief: A Guide to Help You Care for Others, H. Norman Wright
How to Help a Heartbroken Friend, David B. Biebel
Ministering to the Mourning: A Practical Guide for Pastors, Church Leaders, and Other Caregivers, David Wiersbe, Warren W. Wiersbe

MISC

RAPE: Forgiving the Dead Man Walking, Debbie Morris

UNPLANNED PREGNANCY: Deliver Me: Hope, Help, & Healing through True Stories of Unplanned Pregnancy by Dianne E. Butts

Chronic illness is not a sprint–it’s a long haul. Hence the “chronic.” Sometimes that seems so hard to face. The fact that we can look at the future knowing that we may not improve, can bring those feelings of depression as we struggle not to be overwhelmed.

As Christians, we can look forward to the time when there will be no more crying, no more pain–but there are days when that seems so far from where we now find ourselves.

As I read Paul’s words above, I see the reminder that as we grow in our knowledge of God and what He wants us to do, we are strengthened by His power, so we have endurance and patience to face the life ahead of us.

That endurance and patience are things that I seem to need so much with chronic illness. It is a daily fight that we must endure and we have to learn patience to cope with it.

But “joyfully giving thanks to the Father”–is that something that we are able to do for whatever “chronic” issues we face? Sometimes it’s hard to be thankful for what makes our lives so hard, or maybe harder than the life we see someone else lead.

Paul also says that by our endurance and patience, we qualify to share in the inheritance of the saints.

I wonder if the “joyfully giving thanks to the Father” will be when we see how the challenges of our lives have caused us to depend on God’s grace and strength. Because we have learned we cannot do the journey alone–we will receive the reward He has in store for us. At that time, I think we will be grateful for all that drew us closer to God.

Prayer: Father, I pray that You will encourage and strengthen all who read this. Help us to trust You, depend on You, and even give thanks for the trials that bring us closer to You. Amen.

About the Author:
Fiona Burrows lives in Melbourne, Australia. She is thankful for the difference God makes in her life, and the lessons He is teaching her, as she lives with chronic back pain. She enjoys finding time for reading, writing, and photography, and to travel when she is able. You can contact her in the Sunroom.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

When you are feeling overwhelmed with the daily-ness of chronic illness, what is the first thing you do to improve your outlook? Share your creative ideas that some of us may not have thought of that we can implement too!

By Cecil Murphey

“I’ve learned that building walls isn’t the same as setting boundaries.”

I heard those words last month from a woman in my seminar audience.

I’ve thought about that statement almost every day. Both walls and boundaries are important. I need to be aware of their difference and appreciate their value.

Have you built walls to protect yourself from more emotional pain?

I’m learning to build walls to protect myself from people who demand my time and constantly ask me to do things for them. Walls provide safety. I need to close myself off from some individuals. Once they get inside the walls, it’s difficult to push them out.

Walls remind me of the old story of the Arab and his camel during a sandstorm. The camel asked to put only his nose into the tent. The Arab agreed and then the whole head and the feet. Slowly the camel intruded so the Arab finally slept outside and the camel had the tent. The walls of the tent were there but they did little good for the Arab.

I want my walls to remain sturdy to keep others outside. I want to shut myself away from certain individuals and the erected barriers to give me the privacy I seek.

What is the difference between a wall and a boundary?

By contrast, boundaries represent the places where I give permission to cross onto my property—that is, I offer them my interest, time, and energy.

I say, “Come into my life,” and I point to an invisible line. “You may have this much from me as you like but I won’t allow you to cross my line of personal space.”

Are there drawbacks to having walls?

Walls keep me safe, but they can also keep me isolated. Sometimes I hide from people with whom I need to interact, but haven’t erected walls for others. I need wisdom—daily wisdom—to know those to shut out and those to invite into my life.

Building boundaries can be a challenge

Establishing boundaries is difficult for me, but I’m learning. Often many times a day, I have to decide what’s important to me, how much I choose to give or to share, and how far I’ll allow someone to come into my space.

Cecil Murphey is a best-selling author of numerous books including 90 Minutes in Heaven. His newest book, is Making Sense When Life Doesn’t (Understanding the Books of the Bible) Used with permission, copyright Cecil Murphy, 2012.

“The promises of God are what give us hope in the midst of affliction. . .” Pastor Thorn

As we approach Easter, I understand that many people are feeling it hard to rejoice. If God is love and cares about us, why are we going through such physical pain and other hardships?

I recently came across a sermon at entitled “Trials (Part 1)” given by Pastor Joe Thorn at Redeemer Fellowship. It looked like a good one and I asked Debbi Farmer if she would listen and let me know her thoughts. Below is her review on this podcast sermon that you can listen to here on Trials. It is an MP3 file.

If you hear a fantastic sermon on suffering, illness, pain, etc. that is available to listen to online, feel free to write up what it is about and why it touched you in a couple of paragraphs and we will consider sharing it!

Lisa Copen

_______________________________________

By Debbi Farmer

Redeemer Fellowship is in St. Charles, IL and it is a gospel-centered church. Their web site states, “we believe Christianity is better than a list of rules, and more than believing the right things. The Christian life is a life transformed by the gospel, experienced in community, and lived out for the glory of God and the good of our neighbors.”

Pastor Joe Thorn’s sermon “Trials” (Part 1), is based on James 1 and in it he talks about suffering.

His key points about trials and suffering are:

1. It strengthens our faith
2. It deepens our relationship with Christ
3. It makes us mature as we trust in Him

James 1:2-8 says,

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

Most all of us have endured severe trials, suffering, pain and affliction in our lives.

What kind of questions do you ask yourself about your pain and suffering?

1. “What is God doing in my life?”
2. How can we find joy in our trials?
3. Can our inflictions be used in our lives?
4. Is my suffering in my life for a divine purpose?
5. Do we take all our trials to the Lord in prayer?
6. Is sin the reason I am going through this trial?
7. If we are to by joyous in our trails than what is joy?

What is this sermon about?

I believe you will find his speaking style easy to listen to and encouraging, regardless of what you are going through today. Here are some of the highlights by Pastor Thorn.

• Did you know that our trials aren’t meant to test our discipline, but our dependency on Christ?
• Trials are like storms and we have to weather that storm. It is the wind in that storm that will ultimately drive you to where you need to go!
• We are to be joyous in trials. . . but what is joy?
• Joy is not happy, bubbly, or smiling through suffering. Joy is the “Holy Hopeful Happiness” that we have in God and His promises! We look to God as our redeemer and trust him to make it all work together for our good.
• Joy is theological not superficial. Joy is hopeful; it is embracing the promises of God.
• God will not leave you or forsake you and He will cause you to grow in your faith.
• Your interaction through the trial can get you to the joy of the Lord.
• Testing of your faith through trials produces steadfastness and leads you to maturity.
• Every child longs to grow up! As children of the Lord, we strive to persevere without falling, but growing up takes time and maturity.
• You will face trials in your life! Trials are the school that God uses to test your faith! Trials prove your dependency on Christ.
• Can you rejoice in grief?
• Your faith is the most precious thing to hold onto in this life!
• You will not be defeated by the circumstances of your life! You cannot go on, on your own, but you can in Christ!
• You need to rest in Christ! We need to continue to grow in Christ. The whole body of Christ needs to grow in maturity.
• The church must become mature and complete. How can we do this? We need wisdom (insight from God)! If you lack wisdom ask God.
• How do I make sense of my life right now? Are you shouting because this trial was not in our plan for life? Remember we are to seek God’s will!
• God is our father and ready to give all good things to his children. Don’t be surprise by the manner that God gives you His wisdom! So if you pray for rain, carry an umbrella! Believe it! Expect an answer when you pray. Everyone is called to believe in Jesus! Trust Him. Pray!

Why I enjoyed this sermon

This sermon helped me discover how to have joy in the trials of my life. I hope that it will do the same for you! Why don’t you tune in and see if you discover why your trials are so important in your growing faith in Christ? The sermon was a blessing in my life today!

Interested in listening to Part 2, the pastor’s second sermon on trials? You can find it here.

Debbi Farmer is a part-time writer, mother and wife and loves to read! She is praying for all today to persevere through their trials as they learn to lean on Jesus!

by Mary J. Yerkes

Why we suffer may always remain a mystery on this side of eternity. We can, however, glean certain truths from God’s Word.

If God loves us, why do we suffer? Christian or not, it’s a question that comes up repeatedly during times of grief and tragedy. In times of distress, we want to know that our suffering matters to God and that He cares about our pain.

“Sometimes a fresh word may, in fact, be a very old one,” write Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes in When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty1

“Truths that are timeless often need only the ‘time’ brushed away in order to reveal the polished patina that has gleamed all along.”

Pastor Tim Hager, an associate minister in the Washington D.C. area, asserts that we suffer because we live in a fallen world. “When sin entered the world, death entered,” he says. “Chronic pain, illness, and disease are a form of death.”

Despite this harsh reality, Richard C. Leonard, a minister with a Ph.D. in Biblical Studies, urges the chronically ill to take their questions to God rather than allow them to become a wedge in their relationship with Him.

“Follow the example of the Psalmists,” he says, “who sometimes cry out to God as though taking Him to task for their problems, but who persist in their conversation with Him; eventually [they received] an answer, reinforcing His faithfulness to His servants.”

Suffering, in many ways, remains a mystery, one that we will never fully understand this side of eternity. We can, however, glean these truths from God’s Word:

Suffering produces intimacy with God (Job 42:5)

Job, who endured unspeakable suffering, said, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”
Intimacy with God is often borne in the furnace of affliction.

“There’s an opening of the soul that happens during times of stress or duress,” says Dr. Hager. “During times of suffering, we experience God at a deep, profound level.”

Suffering equips us to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

Suffering gives us compassion for others who are hurting, enabling us to minister more effectively.
“Sufferers want to be ministered to by people who have suffered,” writes Stephen F. Saint in his essay, “Sovereignty, Suffering, and the Work of Missions.”2 “People who suffer want people who have suffered to tell them there is hope. They are justifiably suspicious of people who appear to have lived lives of ease.”
Those who have suffered make the most effective comforters.

Suffering refines us

We can read in Isaiah 48:10 that “…I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”
The meaning of this verse makes it clear that pain and suffering have a way of bringing our strengths and weaknesses to the surface. When the dross floats to the surface, God skims it off; he purifies and refines us to be the radiant bride of Christ.

Suffering produces growth and maturity (James 1:2-4)

If we turn toward God in our pain, He can use our suffering to mature our faith. We see this biblical truth illustrated through the persecuted church. After hearing their testimonies, few would deny that suffering produces beauty and maturity of spirit.

Suffering conforms us into God’s image (Romans 8:28-29)

We may be tempted to read these verses to say that God will bring good out of everything. While He can and does redeem pain in our lives, these verses speak of being conformed to God’s image through our suffering.

“If we are willing to sit still and let God work, we will find ourselves being transformed into the image of Jesus,” says Pastor Paul Daniel Jackson, a pastor at a church in Tucson.
And Jackson speaks from experience. His wife, Jodee, suffered with breast cancer before passing away in 2002.

“Though this horrendous experience, God did incredible things. Her mother accepted Jesus Christ as Savior . . . God also changed those who cared for her. Our lives were enriched by suffering [Emphasis mine].”
Simply put, when we seek God through His Word and prayer, we find Jesus. Remember, Jesus understands our pain because he, too, suffered.

We read the words of Psalm 22:1: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?”

Did God abandon His Son in His hour of need? We find the answer three days later—God raised Him from the dead! Because of this promise, we have hope for our future.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Mary Yerkes facilitates spiritual and personal transformation in the lives of believers through coaching, writing, speaking, and teaching. She is active helping the chronically ill, women in Christian leadership, the and new and aspiring writers find their purpose, live their passion, and experience abundant life through intimacy with Jesus Christ. To learn more about Mary and her ministry, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com and www.maryyerkes.com.

Copyright © 2007 Mary J. Yerkes. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

________________________________________

1 Tada, Joni Eareckson and Steven Estes, When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty Grand Rapids, Zondervan Publishing House, 1997, p. 8. 2 Piper, John and Justin Taylor, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, Wheaton, Crossway Books, 2006, p. 112.

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We have a “drug drawer” in the kitchen with a lock. But as the rest of the family has added vitamins and medication over the years, my medications have suddenly become mixed in with everyone elses. So every time I spent 5 minutes going through 15 bottles looking for a particular one I think, “There has got to be a better way!”

And. . . There is! Check this out!

Can you guess what it is? It is a bead organizer from the crafty Michael’s store. Regularly $17.99, it was on clearance for just $10. And as I looked at, my mind started spinning. It looked like a huge pill box!

So, just to be clear, it is not my daily pill box, as it would be a pain (the irony!) to open up every container for 1 pill each day, but this new box is where I dump whatever is left over when I am done with my two weeks which are separated out.

Here is what my 2 weeks of pills look like.

But now this is where I have everything else from Vicodin to Vitamin D.

Now when I am getting low I can visually see that it is time to call in a refill soon.

I also have all of my labels on the back that include dosage information, milligrams, etc.

Here a little video about it if you are a more audio learner!

What clever solutions have you come up with to organize your medication?

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

She is currently writing a book for Christian moms who live with chronic illness. If you are interested in sharing your stories, feedback and confessions for the book, visit her Facebook page at http://MomWithIllness.com .

We shared the story of Matt Krueger previously on our web site in April 2011. His story was recently on Christian Broadcasting Network.

Matt says, “They did a great job on the piece! We are blessed to share God’s story with the World and are interested in sharing the music and message with more. . . I never thought I would be on the same program as John Tesh or Pat Robertson… LOL. God works in wonderful ways.”

At the age of 22, when Matt had a heart scan, he was told by his doctors he needed immediate surgery or he could have a heart attack. He married his girlfriend, and at the age of 27 had 6 stents inserted into his heart to open up the blocked arteries.

This is a beautiful 5-minute video I encourage you to watch. You will be encouraged, maybe shed a few tears with Matt’s wife, and see what god has done in his life.

Matt shares in the broadcast, “Life is shorter than we think and none of us want to think about death, but it will come to all of us… He just wants us, going forward, to continue to love Him and to grow in Him, so that when we get to that judgement day we’ve done what we can on this earth for Him and we can spend the rest of eternity with Him.”

Listen to some of >Matt Krueger’s music here.

The Gift of Pain

Physical, emotional, chronic –

Consumes, swallows, saps,

Drains.

Connecting, responding,

Reaching out

Requires more

Energy,

Effort,

Emotion,

Than the pain sometimes allows,

Leaving me separated, isolated,

Alone.

Words lie flat on printed pages –

Unclear,

Obscure,

Perplexing.

Thoughts drift, wander,

Swirl out of reach,

Refusing to make sense,

Take shape,

Opaque,

Leaving me wordless,

Isolated,

Alone.

Pain is difficult to define,

Describe, color,

Number, name,

A formless image,

A vapor, a mist,

A mirage

That dissolves, dissembles, disappears

As I try to capture it in words,

Wanting it to be concrete,

Quantifiable,

Understandable to others…

To me.

Yet the mystery

Is that once accepted,

Embraced,

Understood as allowed

By the Hand of my Heavenly Father,

Pain becomes a gift –

A mysterious,

Powerful,

Incomprehensible gift –

Able to refine, cleanse,

Justify, purify

And strengthen my soul,

Deepening my faith

And leaving in its wake,

A humble,

Useful, usable

Teachable,

Willing spirit,

Intrinsically reflecting

The heart and soul and mind

Of GOD.

Cindee Snider Re lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five children (ages 10-18). She’s a homeschooling mom who enjoys long walks, quiet evenings, and strong, black tea, who is also learning to live well with a permanent spine and rib injury, an unexpected blessing through which her best writing is born. Cindee’s writing can be found at: http://www.breathedeeply.org.

By Mark J. Yerkes, The Simple Life, Part 3 of 3

Depth in Relationships and Life

Of course, no discussion of simple living would be complete without addressing relationships. Relationships matter. A lot.

I met with my friend Robbie for lunch this week, and the issue of relationships came up. He made an observation that captivated me. He said many of us go through life like skipping stones.

Do you remember skipping stones as a child? The pastime involves throwing a stone with a flattened surface across a lake or other body of water in such a way that it bounces off the surface of the water. Robbie describes it this way, “Many of us are skipping rocks in our relationship with God and one another.

We rush through life at such a pace that we hit the surface of interaction. . .and we bounce to the next person or the next big thing.” He points out that in the process, we miss the depth and richness of relationships. “If we slowed down long enough, we would sink to the depth of relationship that God has in mind.”

This past year, I have been intentional about going deeper in life and relationships. I am opening myself up to others in a new way, without pretense or apology. I share the good, the bad, and the ugly. My friends know me and love me despite my self-centeredness, my half-baked ideas, and the way that I sometimes try to make myself out to be something that I am not.

They have taught me not only love but also grace, a kindness I don’t deserve. What I receive from them and others, I seek to freely give to all those who come across my path. The woman at the cash register who rung up my purchase wrong twice, while I was standing there in pain. Grace. The neighbor whose dog did his business in my front yard. Grace. The friend who showed up a half hour late for lunch. Grace.

I am learning to look beyond the surface and into the hearts and lives of the people around me. It’s changing me. And I think it’s changing them, too.

My relationship with God has deepened, too. I have moved from religion and fabricated rules to deepening spirituality and real freedom. I worship not only in church but with the whole of my life and relationships.

Yes, my health is deteriorating.

What I did a year ago, I can no longer do.

But as I funnel my limited strength and energy through the filter of my life’s purpose and reach out with love and grace to others, I am learning that I can live with far less than I think. To live a significant, meaningful life, I need very little. And what I need is not found in achieving or acquiring more.

This past year as I have began to remove more and more clutter from my life, I found what I’ve been missing in the busyness of life. For the first time in years, my external world-my home, my relationships, how I spend my time-line up with my internal compass as I live out my life’s purpose. Most days, I have a deep, abiding sense of peace and purpose.

How about you?

Share below! Do you have a deep, abiding sense of peace and purpose? If not, what one thing could you do to change this?

Did you miss a day of our 3-part series? Here are the links:

1. The Simple Life: Intentional Living for the Chronically Ill – Part 1 of 3
2. Removing the Clutter: Part 2 of 3 with Mary Yerkes
3. Depth in Relationships and Life: Part 3 of 3 with Mary Yerkes

Mary Yerkes facilitates spiritual and personal transformation in the lives of believers through coaching, writing, speaking, and teaching. She is active helping the chronically ill, women in Christian leadership, the and new and aspiring writers find their purpose, live their passion, and experience abundant life through intimacy with Jesus Christ. To learn more about Mary and her ministry, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com and www.maryyerkes.com.

By Mark J. Yerkes, The Simple Life, Part 2 of 3

Removing the Clutter

Personally, I’ve made several significant changes to my life over the past year, all of which fall under the category of moving toward a more simple, meaningful life that supports my life purpose and gives me the time and energy I need to focus of what I value most. I have not yet arrived, but I am headed in the right direction.

Here is the first significant change I’ve made over the past year, along with the benefits this, and the change I share with you tomorrow, brought:

Home as Sanctuary

For most of my life, I viewed my home as a quick place to refuel rather than a sanctuary. Cluttered with things acquired over more than thirty years of marriage, I had my space (my office and bookcases) and my husband had his (the basement and garage). The basement contained his lazy-boy leather recliners while my office featured artwork, books, and pops of color. And never the twain shall meet.

As my health declined, I began spending more time at home. The cry of my soul was for a sanctuary and a space that would reflect not only me but us as a couple. And so I created one.

My husband and I sold our beaten-up, clunky furniture, along with the tschotchkes we had scattered throughout the house that survived our son’s growing up years, two dogs, and two rabbits in a garage sale. We replaced our old things with simple, inexpensive furniture with clean lines. We painted the walls, cleared the clutter, and created the home of our dreams–all while staying on a budget. Our home now reflects us as individuals and as a couple. It brings together two very different personalities as one, a reflection of the marital relationship and union.

Just as we retain our individuality in marriage, so, too, we’ve made for individual expression in our home. As a writer and coach, I spend many hours in my office, so I needed a warm, inviting, and inspiring space where I could spend hours at a time. I painted the walls a spicy red with orange undertones, aptly names Salsa Dancing, and filled the room with books, artwork, and family photos. My husband is creating a media room in the basement, filled with leather recliners and football paraphernalia.

My home is a sanctuary, a place of refuge that nourishes my soul and feeds my spirit. It is a place where I worship God by honoring the person he created me to be-a wife, a friend, a writer, a coach.

But it’s more than that.

What I failed to realize was the impact it would have on my relationships. More stuff usually means less time for relationships. I resisted friends just “dropping by” before, because the house was cluttered, and I could never clean the whole house at once with my limited mobility. With less to clean, I now have more time to cultivate meaningful relationships; and I love when friends drop by for coffee or conversation.

My home also gives me “soul space. . . room to breathe and freedom to dream,” as my friend, Jerome Daley, describes in his book, “Soul Space: Where God Breaks In.” In it, he says, “Only a few things are necessary. The rest is clutter.”

With the clutter gone, all that surrounds me supports my life purpose-to foster spiritual and personal transformation in the lives of others through writing, coaching, speaking, and teaching.

I had no idea how significant a few simple changes could be.

Share below! Where would you start in your home, even in little ways, to make your home your sanctuary? (If you need to begin with just a night stand!)

Tomorrow Mary Yerkes will share about how relationships are a vital part of our life and finding contentment in keeping life simple so we can put our energies into these important friendships.

Chronic Illness Coach Mary Yerkes sparks hope in the lives of those facing life challenges and change. Through a prayer-soaked, thought-provoking, creative partnership, she helps people find their purpose and live their passion for greater kingdom impact and abundant living in Christ. To learn more about Mary, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com and www.maryyerkes.com.

By Mary J. Yerkes, Part 1 of 3

Simple living can seem elusive. In a world focused on achieving and accumulating more and bumper stickers that read, “He who dies with the most toys wins,” the reality of simple living seems like some pie-in-the sky ambition, a trend. Despite the proliferation of products, books, magazines, classes, and organizational systems guaranteed to simplify our lives, most of us continue to hurry through live, pursuing activities and making purchases that ultimately add to life’s clutter. There has to be a better way.

As my rheumatoid arthritis and autoimmune diseases have worsened over the years, my desire for simple living has grown. It has become a quality of life issue for me; and if you live with chronic illness, it is one for you as well. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to spend my limited physical and emotional energy dusting rooms full of things I never use? How much physical, emotional, and spiritual space could I free up if I removed the clutter from my life?”

But how do you define simple living? What’s simple for me might not be simple for you.

I have looked for a satisfying definition for years, but could never seem to find one that fit. Until now. My thanks to author Tsh Oxenreider, who wrote “Organized Simplicity: The Clutter Free Approach to Intentional Living,” for her definition, which I have adopted for my life as well.

She says this, “It applies to everybody; it’s timeless, and it’s not bound by cultural trends or norms. It can be your definition for the rest of your life.” Her definition of simple living is this: “living holistically with your life’s purpose.” And I would add: life purpose is always directed toward others.

Holistic living means the different parts of your life all line up in the same direction-toward your life’s purpose. “All the independent things in your life–the items you own, how you spend your time, the relationships you cultivate, and the books you read–ultimately benefit your life’s purpose,” writes Oxenreider. “There is no clutter. The hours and days and weeks reflect your priorities, and so does the space in which you live.”

So simple, yet so profound.

Share below! How much physical, emotional, and spiritual space could you free up if you removed the clutter from your life?

> Tomorrow we are going to discuss how to remove the clutter and turn one’s home into a sanctuary–even on a limited budget!

Christian Chronic Illness Coach Mary Yerkes partners with the chronically ill to address issues related to living successfully with chronic illness, redefining purpose, and building a significant and meaningful life, of which illness is only a part. To learn more about Chronic Illness Coaching with Mary, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com.