Sixteen months after I had four joints replaced in my hand I received a large bill that looked like a duplicate of one I had already paid. The name on the bill however, was “Joe.” My husband’s name (who carried the insurance) is Joel. I called the surgery center and explained that I believed there were two accounts and one was a duplicate of the other.

The woman in accounting didn’t believe so.

“That is just how it is addressed,” she explained. The bill is for Joel.”
“No,” I replied. “Everything on this bill says Joe. I won’t be paying this until I receive a bill with the correct name on it.”
“I see here your middle name is Joelle,” she said.
“Yes.”
“Well, that explains it then,” she said with a satisfied sigh.

Did I wake up in another world where logic was skewed?

Dealing with bills of any kind, especially medical ones, can be a frustrating and exhausting process. You have to find a sense of humor or you will quickly feel your blood pressure rise (and then you will have a new set of bills for that.) I don’t envy the people who work in the accounting or collection departments, but I do wonder how they can get so creative in their explanations.

I’ve learned over the years a few tips that help me get the most out of my experience and hopefully cheer up their day too.

1. Be kind. When they answer my call I say, “I know this is not your fault, but you are unlucky person that answered my call. I’d like to explain the situation to you and then seek your expertise on what my next step should be.” If you offer validation and acknowledge their experience they are more likely to help you out.

2. Write down information! For example, ask for his or her name and write it down. Later when someone says, “Who told you that?” you will have an answer. When the person says they are transferring your call, ask, “What is the number in case I get disconnected?” When they say, “I will call you back this afternoon,” ask, “Could I get your direct extension just in case I don’t hear from you.”

3. Be yourself (if you are a happy person). I’ve been on the phone on these important calls when the cat has brought a lizard into the house, my son was covered in chalk dust, and the doorbell wouldn’t quit ringing. If you have a little joy in your voice as you explain a problem, they will be more likely to help you find the answer.

4. Be able to send and receive faxes. Google “free online fax” for many services that have a 30-day free trial. If you are doing a lot of research for a bill, you may find this helpful. These usually work through your email account.

5. Zap the angry emotions. They hear frustration from people all day. Sounding a little flabbergasted is okay. You don’t want them to take advantage of your kindness. But do your best not to get angry and do not ever raise your voice.

6. Expect to wait. Be prepared to wait on hold awhile, so get a headset and a book to read. Call when you have plenty of time.

7. Say thank you. When someone is trying to help you or going the extra mile tell them you appreciate it. I have told many people “You have saved me so much time by doing the research for me instead of just transferring my call around. Thank you for making my day!” When I have received exceptional service I have asked the person how I could let her supervisor know. People rarely hear this. You will be surprised at how much they appreciate it.

8. Share your faith. I naturally tend to find a way to share why I have joy in my life. As a person in accounting looks at a bill and says, “Oh my gosh! You had the flesh eating bacteria?” I may respond, “Yes. It’s by the grace of God I am still here.” Sometimes they will say, “Wow, you sound so cheerful despite all of this,” so I will respond, “Well, God gets me through each day. Thankfully, He is the source of my joy, not the abilities of this body!”

If I have handled the call patiently, with thankfulness extended toward the person, and have controlled any anger about the situation, then when I talk about God I am not being hypocritical. These bill collecters hear from angry, rude people every day, all day, who are bitter about their illness and everything else in the world too. I hope I can be a light in a dark world to show them the reason for my joy.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and has lived with rheumatoid arthritis since 1993. She lives in San Diego with her husband and son and the author of the much-loved devotional book Mosaic Moments: Devotionals for the Chronically Ill.

Matt and Rachel

By Matt Horne

Caring for a chronically ill wife is not what I had envisioned when I was working up the nerve to ask out “that hot girl” who would later become my wife. We were in college and she was on the cross country team. She let me know very early on in the relationship that she had a chronic illness.

Nowadays, it’s just part of life. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if she were well.

There’s a reason I call her “Super Rachel.” On her good days, she can run circles around me–cleaning, getting things checked off her to-do list, and having tons of fun. She’s amazing.

On top of that, she has the greatest attitude and rarely lets her condition get her down. As her dad says, she’s an “overcomer.” Instead of having a “why me?” attitude, she says “what can I do to fix it?” She also has the tendency to volunteer for more than she can handle, but I digress. . .

Here are some tips about the logistics I’d like to pass on to help other couples who are coping with chronic illness:

Career

Super Rachel can’t work sometimes. A couple years ago, she was working part-time, working on her Master’s degree in Exercise Physiology, and working as a Graduate Assistant at the university (to pay for school). She crashed. We worked it out so we don’t need her income and she can stay at home trying to feel better.

Priorities

She was forced to reevaluate her priorities. Rachel used every ounce of her energy to please everyone else and live up to their expectations. Sometimes she was not physically able to drive home at night and I would have to put on my shining armor and drive my mighty steed (Ford Ranger) to pick her up. We had very little free time as a couple. At that time, she decided to put God first and her family (me) second in her life. School, work, and everything else is important, but not that important.

Now that she’s feeling better, she only works 2 days a week and we carpool, so she doesn’t have to drive herself. Working two days a week at the doctor’s office is the peak of her current physical ability, but she has the opportunity to help others with the same chronic condition she has.

Mobility

I searched on craigslist.org for a walker and a go-cart. (Yes, I call it the go-cart. Yes, I know I’m wrong. It is a mobility scooter. No, I won’t change.) I got the walker for $50 ($175 off) and the go-cart for $300 ($1,000 off). The walker helps her get around the house when she’s at her worst health-wise. The go-cart helps us get the shopping done, among other things.

Shopping

I used to get really frustrated when she said she had enough energy to go shopping, but didn’t. Invariably, when we got just about five items down on the list, she would need to quit and go home. I had probably 25 more things to get. It really made me angry sometimes, but it wasn’t her fault. The walker and the scooter dramatically changed things. Now, for the first time in her life, she actually enjoys shopping.

Independence

To help her be more independent on her bad days, I installed a hand-held shower head in the bath tub and bought a shower chair. Now she can clean herself most of the time.

Comfort

We used to sleep on an incline, so there wouldn’t be as much of a change for her when she gets up in the mornings. This is a common treatment for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.

Cooking

It is very important for her to be able to eat when I’m not home, even when she can’t stand up. If you can’t stand for more than a few seconds, you obviously can’t cook on the stove top. We try to get a good number of things pre-cooked and in the freezer for her to re-heat and I’m not talking about “healthy-choice box dinners” either.

We like to do what is called “Once A Month Cooking,” or OAMC. We’re not very good at doing it regularly, but if you do it right, you can have wonderful dinners & lunches for very little cost, and it’s all home made! With OAMC, you create a plan, buy your stuff, cook all day, and then freeze it for later. Sometimes all day Saturday spills over into part of the day on Sunday.

When she’s desperate for some nutrition and doesn’t have the energy to cook, she uses the walker to get to the kitchen, musters what energy she has to get the food from the freezer to the microwave, and then sits down on the seat of the walker (or the floor) while it cooks. After that, she can eat right there in the kitchen. Some days, we use the bar stool in front of the stove or sink so that she can get some work done.

And I almost forgot – I do pick her up and carry her sometimes!

Tomorrow Matt will Share. . .

How a Husband Can Encourage a Chronically Ill Wife – The Spiritual and Emotional Stuff

Matt Horne is the wife of Rachel, who lives with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) and fibromyalgia, among other conditions. They have been married since December 2006 and Rachel is currently pregnant with her first child. Matt is the youth pastor at the First Baptist Church Hebron in Carrollton, Texas. You can visit his web site at http://www.matthorne.info .

By Mark J. Yerkes, The Simple Life, Part 3 of 3

Depth in Relationships and Life

Of course, no discussion of simple living would be complete without addressing relationships. Relationships matter. A lot.

I met with my friend Robbie for lunch this week, and the issue of relationships came up. He made an observation that captivated me. He said many of us go through life like skipping stones.

Do you remember skipping stones as a child? The pastime involves throwing a stone with a flattened surface across a lake or other body of water in such a way that it bounces off the surface of the water. Robbie describes it this way, “Many of us are skipping rocks in our relationship with God and one another.

We rush through life at such a pace that we hit the surface of interaction. . .and we bounce to the next person or the next big thing.” He points out that in the process, we miss the depth and richness of relationships. “If we slowed down long enough, we would sink to the depth of relationship that God has in mind.”

This past year, I have been intentional about going deeper in life and relationships. I am opening myself up to others in a new way, without pretense or apology. I share the good, the bad, and the ugly. My friends know me and love me despite my self-centeredness, my half-baked ideas, and the way that I sometimes try to make myself out to be something that I am not.

They have taught me not only love but also grace, a kindness I don’t deserve. What I receive from them and others, I seek to freely give to all those who come across my path. The woman at the cash register who rung up my purchase wrong twice, while I was standing there in pain. Grace. The neighbor whose dog did his business in my front yard. Grace. The friend who showed up a half hour late for lunch. Grace.

I am learning to look beyond the surface and into the hearts and lives of the people around me. It’s changing me. And I think it’s changing them, too.

My relationship with God has deepened, too. I have moved from religion and fabricated rules to deepening spirituality and real freedom. I worship not only in church but with the whole of my life and relationships.

Yes, my health is deteriorating.

What I did a year ago, I can no longer do.

But as I funnel my limited strength and energy through the filter of my life’s purpose and reach out with love and grace to others, I am learning that I can live with far less than I think. To live a significant, meaningful life, I need very little. And what I need is not found in achieving or acquiring more.

This past year as I have began to remove more and more clutter from my life, I found what I’ve been missing in the busyness of life. For the first time in years, my external world-my home, my relationships, how I spend my time-line up with my internal compass as I live out my life’s purpose. Most days, I have a deep, abiding sense of peace and purpose.

How about you?

Share below! Do you have a deep, abiding sense of peace and purpose? If not, what one thing could you do to change this?

Did you miss a day of our 3-part series? Here are the links:

1. The Simple Life: Intentional Living for the Chronically Ill – Part 1 of 3
2. Removing the Clutter: Part 2 of 3 with Mary Yerkes
3. Depth in Relationships and Life: Part 3 of 3 with Mary Yerkes

Mary Yerkes facilitates spiritual and personal transformation in the lives of believers through coaching, writing, speaking, and teaching. She is active helping the chronically ill, women in Christian leadership, the and new and aspiring writers find their purpose, live their passion, and experience abundant life through intimacy with Jesus Christ. To learn more about Mary and her ministry, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com and www.maryyerkes.com.

By Mark J. Yerkes, The Simple Life, Part 2 of 3

Removing the Clutter

Personally, I’ve made several significant changes to my life over the past year, all of which fall under the category of moving toward a more simple, meaningful life that supports my life purpose and gives me the time and energy I need to focus of what I value most. I have not yet arrived, but I am headed in the right direction.

Here is the first significant change I’ve made over the past year, along with the benefits this, and the change I share with you tomorrow, brought:

Home as Sanctuary

For most of my life, I viewed my home as a quick place to refuel rather than a sanctuary. Cluttered with things acquired over more than thirty years of marriage, I had my space (my office and bookcases) and my husband had his (the basement and garage). The basement contained his lazy-boy leather recliners while my office featured artwork, books, and pops of color. And never the twain shall meet.

As my health declined, I began spending more time at home. The cry of my soul was for a sanctuary and a space that would reflect not only me but us as a couple. And so I created one.

My husband and I sold our beaten-up, clunky furniture, along with the tschotchkes we had scattered throughout the house that survived our son’s growing up years, two dogs, and two rabbits in a garage sale. We replaced our old things with simple, inexpensive furniture with clean lines. We painted the walls, cleared the clutter, and created the home of our dreams–all while staying on a budget. Our home now reflects us as individuals and as a couple. It brings together two very different personalities as one, a reflection of the marital relationship and union.

Just as we retain our individuality in marriage, so, too, we’ve made for individual expression in our home. As a writer and coach, I spend many hours in my office, so I needed a warm, inviting, and inspiring space where I could spend hours at a time. I painted the walls a spicy red with orange undertones, aptly names Salsa Dancing, and filled the room with books, artwork, and family photos. My husband is creating a media room in the basement, filled with leather recliners and football paraphernalia.

My home is a sanctuary, a place of refuge that nourishes my soul and feeds my spirit. It is a place where I worship God by honoring the person he created me to be-a wife, a friend, a writer, a coach.

But it’s more than that.

What I failed to realize was the impact it would have on my relationships. More stuff usually means less time for relationships. I resisted friends just “dropping by” before, because the house was cluttered, and I could never clean the whole house at once with my limited mobility. With less to clean, I now have more time to cultivate meaningful relationships; and I love when friends drop by for coffee or conversation.

My home also gives me “soul space. . . room to breathe and freedom to dream,” as my friend, Jerome Daley, describes in his book, “Soul Space: Where God Breaks In.” In it, he says, “Only a few things are necessary. The rest is clutter.”

With the clutter gone, all that surrounds me supports my life purpose-to foster spiritual and personal transformation in the lives of others through writing, coaching, speaking, and teaching.

I had no idea how significant a few simple changes could be.

Share below! Where would you start in your home, even in little ways, to make your home your sanctuary? (If you need to begin with just a night stand!)

Tomorrow Mary Yerkes will share about how relationships are a vital part of our life and finding contentment in keeping life simple so we can put our energies into these important friendships.

Chronic Illness Coach Mary Yerkes sparks hope in the lives of those facing life challenges and change. Through a prayer-soaked, thought-provoking, creative partnership, she helps people find their purpose and live their passion for greater kingdom impact and abundant living in Christ. To learn more about Mary, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com and www.maryyerkes.com.

By Mary J. Yerkes, Part 1 of 3

Simple living can seem elusive. In a world focused on achieving and accumulating more and bumper stickers that read, “He who dies with the most toys wins,” the reality of simple living seems like some pie-in-the sky ambition, a trend. Despite the proliferation of products, books, magazines, classes, and organizational systems guaranteed to simplify our lives, most of us continue to hurry through live, pursuing activities and making purchases that ultimately add to life’s clutter. There has to be a better way.

As my rheumatoid arthritis and autoimmune diseases have worsened over the years, my desire for simple living has grown. It has become a quality of life issue for me; and if you live with chronic illness, it is one for you as well. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to spend my limited physical and emotional energy dusting rooms full of things I never use? How much physical, emotional, and spiritual space could I free up if I removed the clutter from my life?”

But how do you define simple living? What’s simple for me might not be simple for you.

I have looked for a satisfying definition for years, but could never seem to find one that fit. Until now. My thanks to author Tsh Oxenreider, who wrote “Organized Simplicity: The Clutter Free Approach to Intentional Living,” for her definition, which I have adopted for my life as well.

She says this, “It applies to everybody; it’s timeless, and it’s not bound by cultural trends or norms. It can be your definition for the rest of your life.” Her definition of simple living is this: “living holistically with your life’s purpose.” And I would add: life purpose is always directed toward others.

Holistic living means the different parts of your life all line up in the same direction-toward your life’s purpose. “All the independent things in your life–the items you own, how you spend your time, the relationships you cultivate, and the books you read–ultimately benefit your life’s purpose,” writes Oxenreider. “There is no clutter. The hours and days and weeks reflect your priorities, and so does the space in which you live.”

So simple, yet so profound.

Share below! How much physical, emotional, and spiritual space could you free up if you removed the clutter from your life?

> Tomorrow we are going to discuss how to remove the clutter and turn one’s home into a sanctuary–even on a limited budget!

Christian Chronic Illness Coach Mary Yerkes partners with the chronically ill to address issues related to living successfully with chronic illness, redefining purpose, and building a significant and meaningful life, of which illness is only a part. To learn more about Chronic Illness Coaching with Mary, visit www.newlifechristiancoaching.com.

I’ve been busy unpacking in my “new” place. I’m enjoying the remodel results. The unpacking has been moving slowly for several reasons: (1) my pain level can’t take too much at one time: (2) I’m rearranging things.

I decided while packing up my apartment, that this would be the time to reevaluate what I have where and why. Throughout the years, I’ve worked on getting things which help keep my pain level lower: sleep number bed in the bedroom, a high table in the kitchen, a shelving unit putting things within my reach (my pantry), and most recently the daybed and new mattress in the living room.

Yet, I didn’t think through where things were put and how they affected my pain. Until now.

One simple change I made was in the kitchen. Since lifting things up above my head is painful putting plates away in the cupboard is difficult. So, why not put the plates in a drawer?! I love it. Yes, it’s not the “conventional” way to do things, but it sure helps me. I used the silverware drawer for the plates and bowls. The silverware is now by the stove in a drawer which was for the towels and hot pads. The latter are now in a basket on a shelf (my pantry).
Moving the plates to the drawer is such a simple thing that I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. But then plates are to go in drawers. . . until now!

So often I am caught up in the pain that I miss simple solutions around me. Oh, I fully understand those all consuming pain days. But those are the days I should work harder as changing my focus. The more I focus on the pain, I miss the solutions to lower the pain.

Maybe you don’t suffer from physical pain, but there are frustrations which can be all consuming. Perhaps at work, you are in the midst of a problem and you can’t find your way out. Take some time to think about something else. “Oh, but I don’t have time.” Well you aren’t making any progress by focusing on the problem are you?

Most often we find solutions to our problems or relief from pain, when we take a moment to change our focus. Then when we return to the problem, the solution will be very clear.

Creating a positive day isn’t possible, if I focus on ONLY the pain or the problems. When I change my focus to the positive and give my mind a rest, the solutions will come. It’s not a difficult thing, to change our focus, but it’s one that doesn’t come naturally. Next time you find yourself consumed with a problem (or pain), think about my unconventional solution—the drawer of plates.

The solution is there, if you DON’T think about it!

Rhonda Sawtelle lives with chronic headaches and pain due to failed back surgery syndrome. Her philosophy is “Create a positive day!” She enjoys watching football (Go FL Gators; Go Chicago Bears!), digital scrapbooking, and reading. To read more about how Rhonda creates a positive day, even while living with pain, visit her blog: http://createapositiveday.blogspot.com.