Excerpt from Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend
Please do not reprint without permission

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” ~Lois Wyse

1. Ask, “What events in your life are changing and how are you coping with the changes?”
2. Understand that she lives in a constant state of making decisions for which there is no guarantee that she is making the right choice.
3. Put meals in disposable containers and attach a note saying “This doesn’t need to be returned.”
4. Add stickers to envelopes for a cheerful touch.
5. Arrange for your friend’s kids to have a night with your children.
6. Don’t make a person into a project.
7. Ask, “Would you be willing to talk to a friend of mine who has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and offer her some encouragement?” It makes one feel good to know that her
   experience can offer someone else hope and that God still has a purpose for her life.
8. Wash his car and put a little note inside for him to find later.
9. Remember important anniversaries, both the good and the bad. No one else will.
10. Ask, “Do you want company the day that you wait for the test results? I could come over for a couple of hours.”
11. “No matter how little you have, you can always give some of it away.” ~Catherine Marshall
12. Just listen . . . until it hurts to not say anything. And then listen some more.
13. Ask her, “How do you feel God is working through-or despite-this illness in your life? I’m interested.”
14. Ask, “What do you wish people understood about your illness?”
15. Don’t make her feel guilty about things that she cannot do.
16. Treat her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service ($7-15 a month).
17. Ask, “Would you be comfortable with having your name on a prayer list, so that others can pray for you?” Don’t assume.
18. Instead of saying, “I will pray for you,” say, “I’d like to pray for you right now, if that’s okay.”
19. Mop the floors.
20. Ask if she would be interested in writing something for the church newsletter, maybe even about the subject of living with chronic illness.
21. Buy a brightly colored umbrella as a gift.
22. Ask, “Do you have an errand I can run for you before coming over?”
23. Ask her to do spontaneous things, like go to a concert in the park, or just for a picnic. She may be more likely to participate since she knows if it’s a good day or a bad day.
24. Don’t say, “So, why aren’t you healed yet?” or “I wonder what God is trying to teach you that you just aren’t learning!”
25. For a unique gift, provide brightly colored paper plates, napkins, and utensils in a gift bag with a note that says “For when you don’t feel like doing dishes.”
26. Get her a pretty box to keep all of her notes of encouragement. Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling down.
27. Be her advocate. If you are at an event and walking/seating is an issue because of her disability, ask her if she’d like you to take care of it. If she says you can, be firm but not rude.
    Don’t embarrass her by making accusations of discrimination or by making a scene.
28. Ask, “Would you be interested in a prayer partner from our church?”
29. Purchase matching coffee mugs for you and your friend, and then commit to pray for one another each morning while using them.
30. Say, “While you’re in the hospital I’d be happy to take care of your pet.”
31. Don’t tell her about your brother’s niece’s cousin’s best friend who tried a cure for the same illness and. . . (you know the rest).
32. Find out which charity is most important to her and then give a donation in her honor.
33. Ask, “What are your top three indulgences?” and then spoil her soon.
34. Hold the door open for her. They are heavy!
35. Don’t tease her and call her “hop along” or “slowpoke.” Comments you mean in fun can cut to the quick and destroy her spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says, “A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”
36. Say, “I know you must need someone to just vent to occasionally. I may not fully understand how you feel, but I’m here to listen anytime.”
37. Ask your church youth group to come over and clean up the yard during seasonal changes.
38. Don’t ask her, “How are you able to make it financially?” If she wants to share a burden she will.
39. Ask, “What would you advise me to look for in a new doctor?”
40. If your friend has a disabled parking placard and you are driving, allow her to tell you where she wants to park. If she’s feeling particularly good that day, she may not want to park in the “blue space.” Don’t be disappointed that you’ll have to walk farther.
41. Don’t gossip about others. She’ll wonder what you say about her. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Be kind, gentle, and respectful.
42. Accept that her chronic illness may not go away. If she’s accepting it, don’t tell her the illness is winning and she’s giving in to it.
43. Don’t say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” People rarely feel comfortable saying, “Yes, my laundry.” Instead pick something you are willing to do and then ask her permission. Try the coupon in back!
44. Ask her to share her testimony at an event.
45. Buy a magazine subscription for her on her favorite topic.
46. Plant a rosebush to view from a window.
47. Understand that you don’t need to know all of the details about the illness in order to be helpful.,He’ll share with you what he’s comfortable with you knowing.
48. Don’t ask, “Why can’t the doctors help you?” or insinuate that it must be in her head. There are millions of people who are in pain with illnesses that do not have cures.
49. Avoid having gifts be “pity gifts.” Just say, “I saw these flowers and their cheerfulness reminded me of you.”
50. Send CDs of church services your friend misses to her with a copy of the bulletin and a note.
51. If she doesn’t have a cordless phone, get her one. Phone headsets are also nice.
52. Send an encouragement card or a funny card, but resist the temptation to send one that says, “Get Well Soon.”

Beyond Casseroles is a popular little book to help people understand the needs of the chronically ill–and then get into action. They are $6 each or 3 for $15; we recommend getting one for yourself, one for a fiend, and one for an influencer (like a counselor, pastor, women’s ministry leader, doctor, etc.)

Do you remember passing notes in school? Us girls always seemed to have a need to put the most basic of thoughts or questions down on paper, fold them up in little shapes and maybe write the recipient’s name on it; it likely even included a few doodled stars or hearts.

Occasionally, we even passed a note along to a boy. Like the country song George Strait sings, “Yes or No”, we would write “Do you wanna be my friend? / Check yes or no” and include the little boxes beside the yes or no.

A yes. . . or a no. . . could determine our mood for days.

Did you know you are a letter? The scripture above reminds us that people read us. And when they do, what do they find out about Christ? About God’s love? About grace or forgiveness?

We are all imperfect, which is why we also need to be reminded daily about who we are in Christ. without Him and knowing Him, we will never be able to represent Him well.

Below is a love letter from God to you. I have seen this on the Internet but have yet to find the source of the person who compiled it to offer credit. But the true source of this love letter is God’s Word itself.

Print this off–a few copies–and place them on your bathroom mirror, inside the front flap of your Bible, in a note of encouragement to a friend. It is well worth recalling God’s unconditional and almighty love He loves us with.

About the Author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

My Child

You may not know me, but I know everything about you – Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up – Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways – Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered – Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image – Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being – Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring – Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived – Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation – Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book – Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live – Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb – Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born – Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me – John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love – 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you – 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father – 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could – Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father – Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand – James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs – Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope – Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love – Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore – Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing – Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you – Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession – Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul – Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things – Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me – Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart – Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires – Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine – Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager – 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you – Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart – Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes – Revelation 21:3-4
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth – Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus – John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed – John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being – Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you – Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins – 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled – 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you – 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love – Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me – 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again – Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen – Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father – Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is – Will you be my child? – John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you – Luke 15:11-32

Love,
Your Dad, Almighty God

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

How does it make you feel about yourself and your circumstances when you truly see yourself as the precious gift God sees you?

I have made a number of drives over to Phoenix, from San Diego. It is dry and hot, yet before you reach the desert you go over mountains. I always think about the settlers who came through these difficult paths to reach San Diego and eventually settle there. How many horses were injured? How many wheels on covered wagon broken? How many people buried those they loved along that trail?

But even more interesting to me is the question, did those who built a homestead out in the desert ever regret that they stopped? “Why didn’t you keep going?” I want to ask. “Did you send out a scout and he never returned? Did you begin to believe the Pacific Ocean didn’t exist or was months away by foot?”

How many families had to make the difficult choice between stopping and being assured they would have food and shelter, versus continuing on, not knowing what lay over those hills. More hills, famine, or sickness? Who made it to the ocean and, though their bodies ached and even suffered some permanent disabilities, they sat by the ocean and were in awe about God’s creation of the sea?

Living a life full of chronic illness we face daily struggles, infections, side effects, and life-risking choices more frequently than most people. When we hit that desert in our life, it is tempting to just sit down and say, “Lord, I can’t go another step. I am done.”

Rather than giving up, however, give in. Give in to accepting the strength God offers when your own is completely depleted. If you sit down in the desert and just give up, you will surely never feel the ocean breeze, see the power of the Lord in those waves. Keep on going until you reach the place where you can sit down and say, “Thank You, Lord. We made it. I have reached a place of joy despite the ache of my bones.”

Whenever I am feeling weak, tired, and wondering where God is in it all, I go to the ocean. Fortunately, I have always lived within an hour of the Pacific Ocean. Even in my earliest days of being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, I remember feeling pulled to the shores to talk to the Lord about my future.

Don’t give up and live in the desert of life. Instead, give in and accept Jesus’ hand as He pulls you to the seashore.

Prayer: Lord, it is so hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other most days and I know I cannot do it on my own. Help me when I feel like giving up. When I am tempted to just give in and cancel all my plans and live in isolation, don’t allow me to get stuck here. Amen.

About the Author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

Have you ever felt like just sitting down in the desert and say, “I give up! I cannot go another step. This will have to do”? When have you made the choice to grab Jesus’ hand and have Him pull you to His warmth, leading you to His seashore?

So what is a crafty tutorial doing on the Rest Ministries web site? Well, I have been redecorating my home since the new year, hitting the thrift stores, “shopping my house” and re-purposing items in a new way. I went through a month of being a Pinterest addict, now would describe myself more as a loyal fan. I have gotten pretty creative in the things I have used to make new things (coming soon in another post) and I have become a frequent thrifter. For example, I now know when Salvation Army has their 50% off days.

I have always had a home that I tried to decorate in “cottage” style with a lot of nautical theme, but I decided I needed a calmer home and so have moved out a lot of the red and replaced it with creams, whites, blues, greens, and teal. Basically, I want to feel like I am sitting on the coast surrounded by sea glass that is washing up on the shore. I have been decreasing the clutter, and trying to decrease the volume on my son’s video games. Haven’t figured out that second one yet.

But we all can use a little craftiness in our life occasionally, and as the saying goes, well, it’s cheaper than therapy. Sometimes I just have to spray paint something or hot glue gun something and I feel much better.

There will soon be a “crafters” group starting over in the Sunroom by one of our volunteers and I promised I would share a few tutorials of my recent projects.

So here is what I recently created…

A coastal wreath made out of burlap

I used 2 rolls of burlap garland ($5 each at Michael’s), 10 yards for each roll. I had about 2 1 yard left at the end. And I used a package of floral wire, 18 gage, pack of 20 pieces (minutes 4 or 5 we tried to roast hot dogs on last summer).

Next, I folded the burlap over half, lengthwise, and just weaved the wire through it, like I was stitching it. I couldn’t hold both the burlap and the camera, so no photos. Sorry. But in the end I had about 6 feet of ruffled up burlap. This just took time and with my sore hands, I put it away for a month. (Tip: If you have a cat, s/he will likely love the fact that you are getting natural fibers out and be determined to play with this new toy you are making her. The burlap also sheds all over you, so don’t do it right up until you have to leave the house for an appointment. Live and learn, right?)

I doubled it over and connected the two rows with rafia. I know. I should have used wire, but I needed the last few pieces for the next step and I was too impatient to go to the store again. But I was able to scrunch it up nice and tight so in the end the who wreath had two levels of ruffled and looked pretty good.

I needed a backing for it to make it sturdy. I decided just to use cardboard. I made two layers of cardboard (hot glued them together) and then covered them in shipping tape. Next, I used the rest of the wire to attach it to the cardboard. (Very hard step on my hands!)

I flipped it over and a tiny bit of the cardboard showed in a few places, so I covered the inside of the cardboard with burlap using my glue gun. You can see it around the inside edge of the wreath in the photo above.

Next, I made the bow, and then randomly tied some additional bows in raffia to keep the “natural” look going.

And then I attached the shells with the glue gun. I had a few flat marbles that I attached for a bit of sparkle. (I can’t help it, I do love sparkle)

I hung in on the inside of our door in this image above, but I actually plan to spruce up the front entryway outside a bit and add this as part of my welcoming design in the next couple of weeks.

Total cost breakdown:

• Burlap – $10
• Wire – I had this, but about $2
• Shells – I had bought a big bag for decor at Home Goods. I used just a few – $10
• Glue – ?

So for under $15 I made this beautiful wreath that is sold online for over $40. And it fits my coastal cottage look perfectly.

Happy crafting!

“Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.” – Pablo Picasso

“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers.” (Luke 6:43-44)

The motivations of the beginning of the year, the good intentions of New Years’s resolutions have now passed. We are nearly into May of our calendar year. What kind of fruit is your life producing? I continue to feel as though I am swaying back and forth between being fruitful and wasting away.

So much of the time of one who lives with any illness is spent on managing the illness. today, as I left the rheumatologist ‘s office I scheduled 5 more appointments; 2 four-hour infusions, 3 more for knee injections and more office visits. And this is just one office and one doctor, not the others I have left to schedule. When is there time to be fruitful?

In the example above Jesus says that good trees do not bear bad fruit, and bad trees do not bear good fruit. But ever tree does experience seasons. Some seasons there is fruit and green leaves; other times the trees are dormant and by looking at the good tree, you could assume it had even died.

Like the trees, we have seasons in our life too. Sometimes we will bear good fruit, other times we won’t have much fruit on our branches. Many fruit trees bear their fruit in alternate years. One year they may over produce and the next year underproduce. What causes the tree to underproduce? It was not pruned or thinned enough. After pruning, a trees will bear more fruit, and that fruit will be much sweeter.

Do you see a metaphor here of your life?

I see many of you each day who feel badly about what you cannot do, what you offer–or not; basically about a lack of fruit you feel you are producing for God’s glory. Please remember that you may be in a dormant season just now. Or you may be bearing some fruit, but God is pruning it off as quickly as you produce it–because He knows it will then multiply next year and be even more fruitful. Only God gets to decide who long those dormant seasons last, so it truly is in His hands.

Prayer: Lord, I look around at my friends or other people at the church and I keep hearing myself say, “You should be doing more! You aren’t really that bad, are you?” Remind me that to surrender it to You so I always am one of your good tress and help me to accept the seasons of dormancy.

About the Author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

Have you ever had a season of dormancy, but the next season you felt like the “fruit you produced” was somehow sweeter? How does it make you feel to be reminded at you are a “good tree” in God’s eyes, you are just bring pruned or maybe in a season of dormancy?

I recently wrote about this new blog on 3/30/12, New Thinking About Suicide Blog Offers Eternal Hope. Some of you, however, missed this post and then wondered why I was “liking” a page on Facebook that is called “Thinking About Suicide”. Don’t worry! I am just supporting the efforts to help spread the word.

Below is a short video message to you about this blog and also my personal plea with anyone who wonders if life is worth living. . . it is. It is hard. But life is worth living.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

When we moved into our home twelve years ago, I imagined gardens of flowers, vegetables growing, blooms that made people who were walking their dog stop and take notice. I painfully sat on my little wagon-like “Lawn Buddy” and inched along the flower bed, planting, then weeding, then weeding again. . . and again. It was not fun. The physical pain that lasted for the next few days was not worth the price I paid for days.

Now I know what to plant that requires very little work, including watering. Birds of Paradise flowering plants and succulents adorn my yard. Lots and lots of succulents.

Adam and Even ate the fruit. So much has happened in our world, and even our own individual lives, because of their impulsive choice. And one of the consequences was weeds. Did you know before Adam and Eve sinned there were no weeds? Only flower beds that showered people with color; Plants that grew indefinitely. No thorny plants poking their heads up through the flowers, taking over their beauty.

According to Wikapedia, “A weed in a general sense is a plant that is considered by the user of the term to be a nuisance. The term is often used to describe any plants that grow and reproduce aggressively. . . in an undesired place.”

Before sin, Eve must surely been out there admiring God’s beauty that came in so many colors. She never had to tell Adam, “Honey, the lawn needs mowed and could you throw some weed killer down and then fertilizer for the grass?” Did she ever pick some flowers to bring into her dwelling and sit on the table? Did she even have a table, or just a large bolder? They lived in a garden we can hardly imagine.

And then came weeds. Adam couldn’t sit around and bird watch any longer. The weeds were taking over and they needed to eat! It wasn’t about keeping the yard looking pretty; it was about sweating all day so you had food for dinner and the next day. At this time, they were vegetarians, so the plants and crops were all they had for protein and vitamins.

We all have weeds in our life and we can pull them out only one weed at a time. When we attempt to change ourself and get rid of some of the thorns, we are often overwhelmed as we try to pull up all the weeds in our life at the same time. But while some need pulled, there are others that need a shovel to dig out the roots. Some even need weed killer and a time to sit and let it work before we grab them an yank them up.

When you are attempting to grow in Christ, and make significant changes in your character as well as the logistics in your life, don’t feel overwhelmed when you start weeding the garden of your life. Don’t quit. Instead, tackle them one weed at a time with the original gardener, God, beside you all the way.

About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

Have you ever tried to make some major changes in your life, and instead felt overwhelmed by it all and quit? Does remembering that all the weeds in your life have different levels of resistance help you remember that some take longer than others?

“You are being so selfish! Can you think of someone other than yourself?”
“Why doesn’t anyone else seem to care that our house is trashed? If everyone would just pick up their own stuff I wouldn’t be so tired all the time!”
“Stop making that screeching sounds! and turn down the video game! And pick up your dishes and take them to the kitchen.”

Uh. . . Yeah. Those are my words. Not very polite, are they? I said them politely the first five times, but then I started to seethe and said nothing, and then, as I couldn’t walk through my house without stepping on a Lego or a Hot Wheel car I became much less patient.

This scripture reminds us “The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” In other words, there is really no getting around the fact that the real us will always be revealed–eventually. We can say, “Oh, I didn’t mean to say that,” or “The way I said that wasn’t nice. I will try to put it another way.” We can blame it on our illness: “You know these meds always make me moody,” or “I am in so much pain I don’t even know what I am saying anymore.” But regardless, our heart comes out of our mouth.

It takes patience to stop before we speak and think of the best way to say things. And none of us are perfect, There will likely always be times when we need to seek forgiveness because of our words. Yet, if we are immersed in the Word, in conversation with God–molding our heart to be more Christ-like, this will naturally flow out. We won’t have to put so much effort into watching every single word that we say, because our heart will be a filter for some of it before we even begin to be aware of what we are planning to say.

Prayer: God, so often I fail to reflect You when I am dealing with the people I love the most. There are times even a total stranger says something to me and I have to be careful that I don’t say what I am thinking, such as a response laced with sarcasm. But if my heart is fully Yours, if I am spending time with You, I shouldn’t even be thinking the wrong thing in my heart or my head. Teach me to reflect You.

About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

How have you experienced, or witnessed someone else, communicating a true loving heart even though the situation may have warranted a negative response? When you hear the words coming out of your mouth at moments of frustration, how do you deal with it? Do you ask for forgiveness, offer flimsy excuses, go to God in prayer?

A few months ago a friend of mine, Linda Evans Shepherd, announced to our group of Christian women writers that she was starting a blog specifically to reach out to those who were considering suicide. I have to say that anything Linda touches is done well and with complete passion and heart behind it. Her most recent web site, Finding God Daily, has a wonderful collection of articles about all the places we can find God!

But would I be able to make a commitment to write an article or two a month about suicide? What do I know that may encourage someone else? And I just have a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, while many of the writers are professional counselors.

But then I got an email from someone at Rest Ministries pouring her heart out. . . about taking her life. And all those statistics about chronic pain or physical illness being the cause of about 70 percent of suicides kept popping up in my mind in the next few days (Source: Mackenzie TB, Popkin MK: “Suicide in the medical patient.” Intl J Psych in Med 17:3-22, 1987).

So I prayed about it. And God said, “Do it.”

I emailed Linda and volunteered and was accepted as a writer for this new amazing blog Thinking About Suicide. It just kicked off last week on Wednesday, March 21, 2012. Why a Wednesday? Linda explains in one of the blog posts How to Live Through Hump Day that Wednesday is the day when most suicides occur.

In just a little over a week there is a wonderful growing collection of blog posts by this team of writers. Recently, author Karen Boerger wrote about Help For Chronic Pain With Suicidal Thoughts.

Our hope is that through a collection of various articles, when people search the internet about “thinking about suicide” this web site will come up, and not only will one find hope for the moment, but also a Christ-based resource that will provide answers about where that real, enduring hope comes from.

Please make a note to yourself that this blog exists and if you, or someone you know, needs a resource to turn to through a difficult time, visit it for a pick-me-up. If you are seriously considering suicide, I urge you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) without delay.

Also, if there is something you are personally experiencing with hopelessness and would like me to consider addressing it in a future blog post over at Thinking About Suicide, please let me know.

My first article will appear on Wednesday, April 4, 2012. “Why Bother Living When I Am Facing a Serious Infection Without a Hand to Hold?”

If you are having a rough day, here are a few resources on our web site that discuss suicide– a tough but very real topic.

• When You Are Tempted to Speed Up The Trip to Heaven
• I Forgot: My Life is Not My Own, Christian Author Shares About Her Attempted Suicide
• Assisted Suicide Due to Pain of Illness and How it Fits With Our Belief in God

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

Lisa

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• From Lisa – Resting in the New Year(chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)

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Last year I had a falling out with my rheumatologist of over ten years. She was ready to retire, out of options or ideas for my rheumatoid arthritis, and basically decided to try yelling at me to see if that would motivate me to decrease the prednisone I had been trying to get off of for years.

I went through a few days of tears, frustration, anger, and mixed emotions. I knew God had a plan, but finding a new doctor and catching him up on 18 years of my disease, proving myself, getting to know his style, etc. would be emotionally and physically exhausting.

But I prayed about it. God, please send me to the right person. Please give me a doctor who can help me be as healthy as possible, someone who will trust me, who will find delight in me as a patient.

It was as if God told me, “You need to find a new doctor,” and, like Simon, I said, “God, I tried that already! Don’t you remember how hard it was for me to find this doctor who has helped me all these years? Remember when I thought about finding a new doctor a few months ago? I tried already and nothing really worked.”

And God pretty much said, “Put down the net. You haven’t tried this yet with Me, when I said to do so. Try again.”

I put out a net and now I have the most amazing rheumatologist who is a leader among the gluten-free community, who uses herbs as well as all the typical Western medicine models and who truly cares about his patients. (For example, if he is walking by the waiting area and sees you, he will actually wave hello instead of pretend he doesn’t see you.)

In all areas of our life, but especially in our illness arena, it’s easy to tell God, “I already tried that!” when He tells us to try something new. Yes, perhaps you have. And that was on your own strength and wisdom. But now God is saying, “Try it now. See what happens.”

He is waiting to surprise you just like He had all those fish jump into the nets Simon threw out. Who knows what you may discover in your net.

Prayer: There are so many times I have relied on my own strength and have based my future decisions on what my past history has taught me. Lord, teach me to hear You voice louder than my experience, so when you say “Try again!” I am eager to follow Your directions and see what miracles You have in store for me.

About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

Have you ever heard God’s voice, and even though what He told you to do didn’t really make sense you did it anyway? What was the result? How did it make you feel?

By Lisa Copen

A walk in closet I have not walked into for . . . years. My husband uses most of it, but my clothes–in about 10 different sizes–sit on the bars. The wire baskets hold old t-shirts. An Old Navy shirt, size small, mocks me with the year 2004 on it.

The day previously I started throwing them into bags. I have become sick of the clutter all over my house and have been purging for months. But this closet has overwhelmed me. I had no plans to take care of the closet this weekend. . . and I have discovered that this works best for me. This way, any effort is a step in the right direction, but I don’t have to use up all my energy on it. I can pace myself.

But Saturday morning I started bagging items up, and in less than two hours my husband took over 30 grocery bags to the thrift store. When you still have outfits you recall put on layaway during college, it is okay to let them go when you are in your forties.

Sunday. I could walk into the closet now. The night before my husband started organizing too and commented that I had lots of shoes in the back of the closet. Real shoes. I have worn only two pairs of shoes in over 10 years–literally. Nothing in there will ever fit on my feet again.

I start pulling them out. Most are not even shoes I like. They were season 2 shoes of rheumatoid arthritis. They were “maybe this will work” shoes that never worked. Slippers my mom bought me. Sandals I could never wear more than a few steps. And then I pulled out my wedding shoes. How did I ever get my feet into these? They are flat, but so narrow. I only wore them a few hours. At that time my doctor thought there still may be hope that my feet could improve. They never improved. They got worse. . . Much worse.

In the past two weeks in fact a new nodule has grown out of the bottom of my foot, so there is nowhere to put weight on, on the balls of my feet–the inside or outside are of my sole. I need to see the foot doctor and hear what he has to say.

I go back to the closet and lean against my clothes, feeling around underneath them for more shoes. I start to fall, I can’t regain my balance and I half fall, half ease down onto a stack of my husband’s pants. I sit there. I am not able to get up alone. My husband and son are outside. I wait. It is actually so quiet. Now I understand why the cat likes to come in here.

I reach over and pick up an old journal that was uncovered. I randomly open to a page. 1996.

My grandmother, who lived with severe feet deformities, died the week I wrote it. I write how I miss her, but now she is no longer in any pain, she is dancing in heaven.

“Hey, what are you doing?” my husband appears.
“I fell,” I reply.

He asks me how he can help, I grab his hands and say, “One, two, three,” but I do not rise. I collapse back on the clothes. “Here, let’s try again,” he says. I grab his hands, “I can’t. I just can’t.” My knee is throbbing. My wrists don’t bend so I have no way to push myself up. “I guess. . . get me a chair.” I say. ” I can pull myself up.”

He leaves and then comes back with a chair. My grandmother’s chair from her 1950s table I have. I try to position my legs so I can pull up, but the closet is too crowded. “I can’t. I need a minute,” I say. “I am so tired.”

I rest my head on his flannel shirts. The tears start to leak out . . . I can’t help it. my husband stands there feeling helpless. He can’t even reach me. I sit and cry.

. . . About the shoes. About the me who no longer exists, I have long ago donated the “cute” shoes, so I am not grieving that gal who wore them, but the gal who still had hope that she could even fit into these shoes. I grieve for the naive girl who wrote of her grandmother’s pain not realizing how much worse her own would get.

I cry because I have fallen and I can’t get up! I am living a bad commercial! And that here in front of me sits my grandmother’s chair. And even with that I cannot figure out how to get off the floor of my closet.

“Go ahead and take the chair,” I say. He moves it away and I grab the door frame. “I am going to try to pull myself to my knees and then help pull me up.”

I grasp and gasp as I put weight on kneecaps that have pieces of bone and calcium deposits floating around on them. The knee that was drained last week but feels just as badly. He holds my hand, I count to three, and I cry out as I arise. Tears fall, but I am up. He holds me, and I give in for a minute.

“Okay, I will finish bagging this up and then we will go. . .” I trail off.

We will go. We will try to do something fun that is not haunted by these memories. I will use the tool of distraction to step away from the emotional pain. I want to rest in his arms and sob, but I don’t want to start because then I may not be able to stop. I don’t wish to ruin everyone’s day just because I am hurting. I go to the living room and put on my orthopedic black clunky shoes.

About the Author:
Lisa Copen is an author, speaker, and the founder of Rest Ministries which serves the chronically ill. She lives in San Diego with her husband and 9-year-old son. She is currently writing a book for Christian moms who live with chronic illness. If you are interested in sharing your stories, feedback and confessions for the book, visit her Facebook page at http://MomWithIllness.com .