“I wanted to share from a different perspective. Most of the blogs or websites I read seemed to have a negative mood and mindset to them. I understand why, but I also know when facing an illness this kind of mindset is less than helpful. I wanted people to know they can thrive, and not just survive. This ties in with me being a pastor. My whole life wraps around God, and who He is. I believe that God desires people to be healthy, strong, and live a vibrant and whole life.” Chad goes on to explain, “I believe part of my call in ministry is to extend this hope to everyone; this includes those who are sick. So through Living with Arthritis, I share practical things I have learned, and mix in God and the strength and healing He desires to bring, all with the hopes of sharing love and hope to others.

Related articles

• What is the Hardest Part of Living with Illness? Your Responses! (restministries.com)

This life can be hard for many of us to imagine if we are healthy, but consider those moms and dads who are chronically ill; those who face the daily pain and physical limitations at we face living with illness, yet they also have a spouse who may not even be home for months at a time.

Wednesday Jocelyn Green, author of Faith Deployed will share a story with us from her book about a chronically ill mom and wife who is in a military family. The article, “Worn Out and Weary” is by Ronda Sturgill, quite an amazing woman that we featured on the cover of one of our HopeKeepers Magazines [no longer in print] back in 2005.

A couple of weeks ago we asked our readers if there were any military families out there who would be willing to share a look into her life, and Erin eagerly responded. So, I am proud to introduce you to Erin Wang and her family.

Can you tell us about your family and the illness you live with.

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years. I married him late in his US Navy Officer career, and have not had to live with long deployments, but he does travel frequently. We have one five-year-old son. While I have always had chronic migraines and headaches, I was diagnosed with severe fibromyalgia when my son was born while we were stationed in Japan. I still feel like I’m not to the bottom of my diagnosis, as I have new symptoms developing.

How do you prepare for your husband’s deployment in regard to your illness and it’s challenges?

I have experienced being stationed in five places in six years of marriage–and this really has been one of the hardest parts for me as I live with chronic pain and illnesses. Preparing for my husband’s (often overseas) trips has been quite hard because of these moves, and I have had a little-to-no support system. With the stress of a fresh move under my belt, it seems that the first trip my husband takes after each move, my body gives out in some unexpected way, and I’m literally left with no known person to call for help. Calling on strangers in my greatest time of need has not gotten any easier.

Since you likely do not live near family, who is part of your support team?

I hire babysitters off the internet, and have to trust that God will send me the right person. (He has every time!)– though I stress out over doing the process again and again each move, and make sure to stay home in a separate room for the first few times they babysit! This is always one of the first things I do after a move, as I know that that help is the only thing that keeps me going as a mom with chronic illnesses.

I am generally outgoing and push myself to seek relationships quickly with every move– with new neighbors (on and off bases, depending on where we have lived), church members at new churches, and strangers I start conversations with in the stores and schools and at playgrounds of new cities.

But it is often just too physically hard to be able to do the things that build and maintain relationships, when simply getting a shower two times a week is a miracle! And I feel I must hoard what little energy I have to be able to care for my son, let alone make my doctors appointments.

Most Officer’s wives I’ve met are kind, but I have yet to meet one who struggles with daily, chronic illnesses and caring for young children– that would really be a blessing all around

Regardless of who I meet, opening up to new people who don’t know anything about me and my past has been difficult. I have been judged and rejected more often than accepted. With each move, I have joined or started chronic illness support groups, sought out professional counselors, joined women’s Bible studies and couples bible studies, joined a Japanese play-group or two (I speak Japanese and had been a missionary to Japan).

The only success I felt I really had was the emotional support of the chronic pain groups, whether Christian or not. I have a personality that is intensely open and honest about my reality, including that I am a childhood abuse survivor, and I guess I have learned that these moves and building deep-but-brief relationships with “healthy” women is just not what is going to happen for me. But God may surprise yet!

Really, my best support team member is my God! Early in my diagnosis, I really struggled to even go to church or read my Bible for the first time in nearly thirty years of being a Christian. Praying was really just me crying–mad at God! I had been married just two years to my husband– two years to the Navy Life.

I had a six-month-old colicky baby (diagnosed later with Sensory Processing Disorder/ SPD), and had just gone through an international move, among other things! Where was God? It really has taken time to re-build what my relationship with God is. And I am still trying to figure that out. But I know He is faithful. I know God is love.

What are some of the challenges you face as a chronically ill spouse living in military life?

Changing doctors so frequently has been hard as well, as there is no history or continuity of treatment. I have really been learning to be my own advocate and to know my illnesses and medications.

And there is the added benefit of getting loads of “second opinions”! It was my fourth Neurologist on my fourth move that diagnosed me with Essential Tremor (that others had discounted) and persevered to find a medication that helped my migraines for the first time in twenty years of having them. Praise the Lord!!

When you have to move, how do you do this without overdoing physically? Do you have a system you’d like to share?

People joke that I must be an expert mover! That really is not the case– and there are career military spouses out there that have moved many, many more times than me. Every move has been so different for us– by car, by plane, by rental RV. Twice we’ve been given a last-minute change of orders to a completely different country let alone state! And a year in our child’s life brings great changes to how that move will effect him.

Moving is just simply: hard. And in reality, my way of dealing with illnesses and moving has been to trust God with the finances of not moving the “cheap” way. We often chose to do extra things to care for my body like paying for someone to professionally clean our rental before we check out, or like staying in hotels when the movers are packing up or before our household goods arrive to the new place.

We always have the movers unpack as much as possible and open every box in the new house, even if they put things in the wrong places, because then I won’t have to bend and reach and use my painful hands quite as much.

My body will inevitably give out anyway– adrenaline can only go so far so long during a move! But little steps can help, and I always try to find those things that I can do to care for myself.

What advice would you give someone who ill and who has a spouse in the military?

I really don’t know that I would have any advice for other chronically ill military spouses than just to cling to God–even when you’re “mad” at Him for all that is going on in your life and body. He will show you the way to go– what church to go to or not, what new friend to pursue or not.

He will love you with an everlasting love. “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” Psalm 56:8 (NKJV)

Thank you so much, for sharing, Erin. I have a lot of admiration how you seem to handle it all with grace. Thank you for serving our country through supporting your husband and traveling all over where he is sent.

Through my conversations with Angela Dugi, author of What I Learned Lying Down: Hope for the Chronically Ill, I saw that God did indeed meet her needs during her times of devastation. She struggles with chronic fatigue, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis, and asthma, and yet God has provided for her in miraculous ways. God has used her illnesses to teach her five life lessons:

First, we must gain an eternal perspective

“God used my weekly trips to the cancer center to teach me that, and much more.” Because she is chronically ill, she could empathize with others who were hurting. She knows firsthand (after fourteen years) how encouraging words helped her to survive when she thought she could not make it another day. She wants to make sure others have the Hope in Christ she experiences.

Second, we need to learn to appreciate the little things

Like rain! As with many who suffer with Lupus, Angie is UV Light Sensitive and cannot be out in the sun longer than a few minutes otherwise she faces life-threatening consequences. She was saddened that she could no longer be outside during daylight hours. But, she soon began to appreciate the rainy days as those days she was free to be outside!

Since my life is at a standstill, I appreciate the little things.

Thirdly, we need to discover that it really is okay to be still

One thing about being ill is that you don’t always have a choice of whether you want to rest and be still or not. Angie has had her share of guilt over not being able to do all she planned to do. It was (and continues to be) at those times when God reminds her of Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are wary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (NIV)

The Psalms remind us to be still (cease striving) and know that He is God. Angie states that when God asks us to be still, it’s because “He has set you aside for a very special purpose and assignment.”

“One of the treasures I have found is in hearing His quiet voice because
of the many hours I spent lying down.” -Angela Dugi

Fourthly, we need to believe that we can be fruitful in affliction

His power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12) Angie reminds us that, “Jesus doesn’t waste our sorrows or pain. You are of much value to the Lord and He can use you even if you are in bed reading this flat on your back.” We can share the love of Christ in the midst of our pain, finding joy and purpose.

Lastly, we need to rejoice in God’s goodness as he creatively ministers to us

In her book, Angie talks about the many different ways God has encouraged her: from seeing her favorite bird to having neighbors pop in to help. One of the biggest ways God strengthens her is through Scripture. “These scriptures are God breathed words that the Holy Spirit uses to strengthen me so I can make it through another day.”

“I take it [God's Holy Word] like medicine.” -Angela Dugi

Angie is so transparent in how God has used her health struggles to help mold her character and deepen her faith. She is a great example of letting God work in her life. For more on Angie or to get a copy of her book, go to www.be-encouragedonline.com

Bridget Gazlay is a freelance writer and artist (and is also chronically ill). She resides in West Michigan. www.pfccreations.com . ** Watch for more articles in coming weeks from Bridget as she shares the highlights of what she has learned through her conversations with Angela!

Fatigue was taking over my body. I barely had enough energy to dress myself or prepare a simple meal. Earlier that year I had noticed other changes in my physical health. My feet shuffled along, feeling as if they were too heavy to lift, and a slight tremor moved my left hand involuntarily. I dismissed these symptoms as part of the aging process and tried to get more sleep, assuming I was just overtired.

Having been out of work for six months, beginning a new job was a challenge. I suspected the symptoms were evidence of a serious disease. One month after being hired, I went to a chiropractor who suggested I see a neurologist. This doctor visit launched my battle with a condition with which I was unfamiliar.

The neurologist performed a series of tests to assess my balance and physical dexterity.

I was not prepared for his diagnosis

“Darlene,” he quietly spoke my name, “I believe you have Parkinson’s disease.”

That moment literally took my breath away.

Shock waves of unbelief and fear rocked my mind as questions stacked up in my brain like a mound of pick up sticks, difficult to organize.

“What about my new job? Could I continue working? What medications would I need?”

The neurologist’s recommendation was for me to start taking a strong drug. Reluctant to take any medication with dramatic side effects, I was encouraged to go the natural route, seeing a nutritionist who also specialized in treating neurological diseases.

For the next ten months I visited the nutritionist weekly, spending hundreds of dollars on supplements, herbs, and vitamins. I continued to work, but struggled with hours of pain daily and sleepless nights when I would remain awake for hours, praying or reading. It was during these times of prayer I came to realize my only place of relief was in meditating on God’s Word.

These were moments that took my breath away.

I found the Psalms to be an endless source of inspiration and strength. Even the smallest activities formed my prayers to God. Psalm 27 states “The Lord is my Light and my Salvation, whom shall I fear. . .”

The following months were disastrous. It felt like my brain spoke to my body and said, “Quit working now.” My body stopped functioning normally. Muscles became more rigid, any movement was painful, and I was no longer able to care for my own hygiene. My body didn’t have the strength to perform simple functions.

The days became duplicates of one another, each day seeming endless. There was no anticipation of evening rest to renew my strength.

One evening as I prayed, I was reminded God is my strength. God is with me. It was a moment that took my breath away as I realized the presence of God was in my room–waiting to provide the strength I needed.

But where is God in all of this?

As my strength and mobility diminished I was convinced that I was dying. My youngest daughter moved back to California from Minnesota to help care for me. In spite of the prayers of hundreds of people I was not getting any better.

Appointments with three additional neurologists yielded no recommendations with which I felt comfortable.

For the next eight months, I was surrounded by enemies of fear, self-pity, and despair. The lights had gone out and I was in complete darkness and could not see the way ahead – moments that took my breath away.

As I lay on my back in bed, there was only one place to look. Up!

I again discovered that the Lord was there with me every second. . .

. . . not necessarily relieving the pain, but giving me the strength and courage to go through it.

The light of His promises came flooding back to my soul.

The Lord is My Light.
The Lord is My Salvation.
The Lord is the Strength of My life.

Darlene Palermo has an M.A. in Human Development Counseling and lives in Southern California. She believes that she has been given this gift of a debilitating disease because it gave her a greater appreciation for those who are chronically ill.

She plans to use her experiences to encourage others whose lives have been changed. With over 30 published articles, she says, “I’ve discovered my writings afford me a connection to the outside world and the opportunity to provide encouragement to others and to myself.”

Matt and Rachel

By Matt Horne

Caring for a chronically ill wife is not what I had envisioned when I was working up the nerve to ask out “that hot girl” who would later become my wife. We were in college and she was on the cross country team. She let me know very early on in the relationship that she had a chronic illness.

Nowadays, it’s just part of life. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if she were well.

There’s a reason I call her “Super Rachel.” On her good days, she can run circles around me–cleaning, getting things checked off her to-do list, and having tons of fun. She’s amazing.

On top of that, she has the greatest attitude and rarely lets her condition get her down. As her dad says, she’s an “overcomer.” Instead of having a “why me?” attitude, she says “what can I do to fix it?” She also has the tendency to volunteer for more than she can handle, but I digress. . .

Here are some tips about the logistics I’d like to pass on to help other couples who are coping with chronic illness:

Career

Super Rachel can’t work sometimes. A couple years ago, she was working part-time, working on her Master’s degree in Exercise Physiology, and working as a Graduate Assistant at the university (to pay for school). She crashed. We worked it out so we don’t need her income and she can stay at home trying to feel better.

Priorities

She was forced to reevaluate her priorities. Rachel used every ounce of her energy to please everyone else and live up to their expectations. Sometimes she was not physically able to drive home at night and I would have to put on my shining armor and drive my mighty steed (Ford Ranger) to pick her up. We had very little free time as a couple. At that time, she decided to put God first and her family (me) second in her life. School, work, and everything else is important, but not that important.

Now that she’s feeling better, she only works 2 days a week and we carpool, so she doesn’t have to drive herself. Working two days a week at the doctor’s office is the peak of her current physical ability, but she has the opportunity to help others with the same chronic condition she has.

Mobility

I searched on craigslist.org for a walker and a go-cart. (Yes, I call it the go-cart. Yes, I know I’m wrong. It is a mobility scooter. No, I won’t change.) I got the walker for $50 ($175 off) and the go-cart for $300 ($1,000 off). The walker helps her get around the house when she’s at her worst health-wise. The go-cart helps us get the shopping done, among other things.

Shopping

I used to get really frustrated when she said she had enough energy to go shopping, but didn’t. Invariably, when we got just about five items down on the list, she would need to quit and go home. I had probably 25 more things to get. It really made me angry sometimes, but it wasn’t her fault. The walker and the scooter dramatically changed things. Now, for the first time in her life, she actually enjoys shopping.

Independence

To help her be more independent on her bad days, I installed a hand-held shower head in the bath tub and bought a shower chair. Now she can clean herself most of the time.

Comfort

We used to sleep on an incline, so there wouldn’t be as much of a change for her when she gets up in the mornings. This is a common treatment for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.

Cooking

It is very important for her to be able to eat when I’m not home, even when she can’t stand up. If you can’t stand for more than a few seconds, you obviously can’t cook on the stove top. We try to get a good number of things pre-cooked and in the freezer for her to re-heat and I’m not talking about “healthy-choice box dinners” either.

We like to do what is called “Once A Month Cooking,” or OAMC. We’re not very good at doing it regularly, but if you do it right, you can have wonderful dinners & lunches for very little cost, and it’s all home made! With OAMC, you create a plan, buy your stuff, cook all day, and then freeze it for later. Sometimes all day Saturday spills over into part of the day on Sunday.

When she’s desperate for some nutrition and doesn’t have the energy to cook, she uses the walker to get to the kitchen, musters what energy she has to get the food from the freezer to the microwave, and then sits down on the seat of the walker (or the floor) while it cooks. After that, she can eat right there in the kitchen. Some days, we use the bar stool in front of the stove or sink so that she can get some work done.

And I almost forgot – I do pick her up and carry her sometimes!

Tomorrow Matt will Share. . .

How a Husband Can Encourage a Chronically Ill Wife – The Spiritual and Emotional Stuff

Matt Horne is the wife of Rachel, who lives with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) and fibromyalgia, among other conditions. They have been married since December 2006 and Rachel is currently pregnant with her first child. Matt is the youth pastor at the First Baptist Church Hebron in Carrollton, Texas. You can visit his web site at http://www.matthorne.info .

In coming months I will be sharing more of your testimonies about your involvement in small groups, the Sunroom, on Facebook, daily devotionals–wherever Rest Ministries has touched your life. Print, audio, or videos are all welcome if you’re interested in sharing. Lisa

From a woman we will call Samantha, who has been a part of a HopeKeepers in Southern California that has met for over 10 years.

I was a young Christian woman, just starting my career, newly in love, and full of hopes for the future.

Then, one day, chronic pain entered my life and set up a long-term stay. Now, over 20 years later, I live in constant severe pain.

Do I have many moments of questioning, tears and frustration? If I said I didn’t, I’d be giving false testimony, and worse, making it harder for someone who is reading this to believe that there is such a thing as solid hope even when one is living through intense suffering.

No, I haven’t found an answer, medically, for my chronic pain, but I found these things, which are so valuable. . . a God who suffers alongside me and does not turn His back on me, a group called–of all things–HopeKeepers (R).

The group has co-suffering servant-hearted leaders who are incredibly accepting and inspire me to spiritual maturity, brave fellow seekers and believers who listen and care and pray and allow me–in my brokenness–to listen to, care, and pray for them in return.

I am now still a young Christian woman, still growing in love with the same devoted man, striving to understand the riches of God’s Word, still leaning hard into my Savior.

What have I learned through HopeKeepers? Simple–No one gets through life without pain. The blessed ones are not those who live without heartache, obstacles and pain, but the ones who, in pain, in struggle, have love, hope and support in their very soul because of the giver of hope.

I invite others with whom I cross paths who are suffering to join us in community as we endeavor to keep our hope, right where it needs to be–in Christ.

Are you interested in starting a HopeKeepers group?

HopeKeepers is the small group program of Rest Ministries that meets in churches and communities around the world. Rest Ministries provides help in starting your group, materials and resources, tools such as training DVD to help increase awareness of (mostly invisible) illness in your church, and opportunities for networking with other leaders.

To find out more visit the “Start a Group” section of our web site.

Related articles

• When Our Church Disappoints Us, Where Do We Put Those Emotions (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)
• The Journey of Life Is Not Meant to Be Done Alone (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)