One of my all-time favorite books is The Art of Helping: What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting by Lauren Littauer Briggs. In fact, I am very honored to have a section in it for those with chronic illness. But the whole book is helpful for those of us who, well, care. And it is one of the few books I believe should be on the desk of every pastor and church secretary! So much so that when it was first published we offered it as part of our HopeKeepers Start Up Kit! And I wrote a review for the book on Amazon in 2006 (see it under Lisa Copen “RestMinistries”)

I am so excited to see that the author, Lauren, is doing a blog tour to share about this book again, as it it never out of date! The Art of Helping—What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting addresses 30 of the most common heartaches people face and takes away your fear of involvement by helping you understand what people are feeling and going through. From over 100 interviews and her own life experiences, Author Lauren Briggs shares proven advice and offers practical help with a list of what to say— and do. There is even a section on how to comfort people who have suffered the loss of a pet.

Lauren gave us a few minutes of her time to explain why she believes this book is one that is practical in the hands of many.

Why should I read The Art of Helping?

Do you know someone who is facing a crisis and wondered what you could do to help? Have you ever faced a difficult time and wished your family and friends knew what you were going through and knew how to help you?

I found that during my darkest hours, no one knew how much I was hurting, what I was going through or how they might help.

This is a book you’ll want to read before you need it—so that you will have ideas of what you can do and how you can respond—when you first hear the news. We want to help our family and friends through the hard times, but the right words or actions just don’t come to mind. The Art of Helping will give you the tools and enable you to turn thoughts into action.

If I was to ask you, “How will The Art of Helping change me?” what would you say?

The Art of Helping is your go to book when life gets tough. It is a social Bible filled with concrete, tangible action items to empower you to make a difference at times when we would otherwise feel helpless. When people get this book in their hands, they always say, “How I wish I had this book when my friend needed help.”

Yes, I think all of us who are chronically ill have often wished that people had a better idea of how to reach out to us. Sometimes when we live with illness, we think of everything in terms of that as our definition of suffering. But there are so many kinds of suffering in life! I wonder if you could share with us some of the basic Do’s and Don’ts that could be helpful for anyone–not just those with a chronic condition?

Sure! Here are some of my best tips!

DON’T wait before you make contact.
DO Respond as soon as you hear the news.

DON’T SAY “If there’s anything you need, give me a call.”
DO Offer a specific thing you can do.

DON’T put pressure on yourself to do something you don’t like to do.
DO use your gifts and talents to help.

DON’T minimize what they are going through.
DO offer caring statements of acknowledgement.

DON’T ASK “When will you be your old self again? or Aren’t you over it yet?”
DO understand that once their life is touched by tragedy, they will never be their “old self” again. They will eventually reach a “new normal” but life will never be the same.

Wonderful! Yes, I think those apply to anyone going through a difficult time. You have so many specific examples in the book. That is one of my favorite parts because it really personalizes it. Can you share with us some of your favorite creative suggestions in The Art of Helping?

Yes, here are some of my favorites!

• A mother of two young children picked up a hurting family’s laundry on Mondays, took it home and returned it all laundered and folded on Thursdays.
• A man volunteered to come mow the lawn once a week and do some simple “honey do” chores.
• My sons brought their game boy to the hospital for a friend going through chemo therapy. Every few days they would bring a different game to swap.

Those all sound wonderful. I know sometimes it’s the little things that make a huge difference for those of us who are hurting–both physically or emotionally. I am so glad to see that after a few years this book is still reaching so many people. It truly it timeless, Lauren. Can you tell our readers how they can I learn more about The Art of Helping?

The Art of Helping is reshaping the way people reach out to others. You can find more information at my website: www.laurenbriggs.com. You can also follow me on Facebook as and on Twitter as @Laurenbrgs. The Art of Helping is available both as an ebook and hard copy through Amazon.com. See the Kindle version here. If you would like an autographed copy of The Art of Helping, email me.

Thank you, Lauren! Readers! Lauren has graciously donated a copy of her book to one of you! Please take a moment to share a way that either (1) you encouraged someone who was hurting; (2) someone encouraged you when you were hurting; (3) a creative way you would like to encourage someone who is hurting.

We will pick the one that is most CREATIVE. . . so think hard! Post your comment below in the comments section and if you are chosen we will email you to get your postal address and Lauren will send the book right out!

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is the author of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend, another great book to add to your “encouragement book shelf!” She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

Lisa Copen

The facts are frightening. According to American Medical news 51 people died under Washington’s assisted-suicide law in 2010, the 1st full year of this law. They were provided with a lethal medication prescribed by a physician.

As one who lives with a chronic illness and daily chronic pain, I understand how difficult it can be to get up and face each day when every part of your body aches and no one seems to have any answers.

I also am wise enough to know that I have not experienced the kind of darkness that many have. . . yet. I have no doubt that just as many Christians go through “a dark night of the soul” as the darkest depression is described, those with illness surely have some days when they awake and wonder if it is really worth living another day and just enduring and surviving.

Here are more scary statistics

• Sixty-eight physicians wrote life-ending prescriptions for 87 patients, 51 of whom took the medication and died.
• As of February 9th, 2011, when the report was published, 15 people died of their illnesses before taking the lethal medication, and another 15 patients were still alive. For the remaining six deaths, it is unclear whether the patients ingested the medication prescribed under the law, the report said.

Let us not forget God’s faithfulness

There is always a risk of speaking of these statistics and wondering, “Will this put the idea into someone’s head to try this?” I pray that you will never consider such a thing. But if you do, seek help and hope, not quick “solutions” to end your life.

There are many times in scriptures when we are given examples of some of God’s servants who felt overwhelmed, tested, and even wished for their own death (such as 1 Kings 19:4; John 4:8). But these individuals did not take matters into their own hands and end their lives, but rather, God always rescued them. No matter how desperate things may seem, we must remember that God is faithful and when we cry out to Him he will rescue us.

As people with chronic illness who know physical pain. . . and also the Lord, we must be aware that there are people who may not know Jesus, but who are taking their own lives to avoid living on this earth another day.

The physician-assisted suicide total represents a 42% increase. In Oregon (where the law has been in place since 1998 and the only other state with a law authorizing physician-assisted suicide), 65 patients died last year after taking life-ending medication prescribed by their doctors.

In all, 612 patients have died with physicians’ help under Oregon’s and Washington’s assisted-suicide laws.

Do you ever have nothing left to give?

Why are they choosing to end their lives?

Reports state that the vast majority of patients using the law were white, well-educated, insured, dying of cancer, receiving hospice care and most concerned about loss of autonomy, dignity and joy in living.

I remember when my grandfather was in the later stages of Alzheimer’s disease and my grandmother basically couldn’t see the need for him to still be here on earth. I looked her firmly in the eye and said something to the effect of, “Grandma, he may not even know what is going on, but he is joyful. Every day, every single person that comes into his room has their day brightened by his joy. They love him. You don’t know what those people may have been going through. A nurse could have been beaten by her spouse last night; an attendant may be losing his own father to this disease but he lives across the country and can’t be with him. Grandpa may be the only person in their life who makes them smile. You don’t know how God is still using him.”

I am not certain she understood. But even as I said the words, I realized just how true they were.

What does the Christian community think of these suicide-assisted laws?

Robert D. Orr, MD, CM, Professor of Medical Ethics and Christian Medical Dental Association (CMDA) Board of Trustees says,

“When a legislative sea-change such as state sanctioned physician-assisted suicide is introduced in a jurisdiction, citizens and physicians take early cautious steps into new and scary territory. As they realize that intentionally causing death does not result in public condemnation, and that oversight is minimal, they relax; they become less apprehensive and less cautious. And the (minimal) data that is made available to the public reflects this slide into societal acceptance.”

The number of individuals in Oregon who took their own lives with help from physicians more than tripled from 1999 to 2009. With a 70% larger population base, Washington’s anticipated data swell should cause major concerns. But it probably won’t. As Francis Schaeffer warned about public sentiment in the post-Christian era, ‘The unthinkable becomes thinkable.’

Orr asks, “What should be the response of those who recognize the image of God in each person? We should be advocating for and involved in providing excellent palliative care, and we should voice our opposition to extension of physician-assisted suicide into other states.”

I say, “Yes! We should voice our opposition to extension of physician-assisted suicide into other states.” I may not be standing down on the courthouse steps today, but I am asking you to join me in being aware of just how much you impact the lives of those around you.

You do make a difference. God is not done with you yet

There will be some dark days. Yes, the Lord says in this lifetime we will see trouble. But we, the chronically ill who are believers in Jesus Christ, are also examples of people who may not be “successful” in the eyes of our secular, materialistic world, but we are worthy in His sight–and that is all that matters. Though we may not even be able to leave our bed or our home, we are connected, we are encouraging others, we are witnesses that even when we are stuck in a hospital bed, we are still a representative of our Lord.

Someone asked me last week if thinking about suicide from time to time was a normal part of living with chronic illness. She said she would never even consider it, but her doctor thought she was very weird for even thinking of it. We should not hide from words like suicide and pretend that a “real Christian” would never have these thoughts.

Instead, we must face that, yes, there are many times we will dream of heaven, we may want to stop the pain, we begin to wonder if our family’s lives would be easier without us. But God is not finished with you yet. Only He should be in control of your last breath.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she encourages you to never stop seeking God, even when you do not see His presence or hear His voice. He promises He will never leave you or forsake you and she believes that to be true, regardless of how our emotions may tell us otherwise sometimes.

Note: An article on Physician-Assisted Suicide from Dr. Robert Orr will be published in the 2011 Summer edition of Today’s Christian Doctor with a special tear-out section on Theory vs. Practice.

CMDA also shares about this book:
Basic Questions on Suicide & Euthanasia
Many in our society champion assisted suicide and euthanasia as answers to intractable physical and emotional problems. There are alternatives to this contemporary “culture of death,” however, that uphold the sanctity of human life and seek to meet the problems of fear, pain, and despair with compassion and dignity. Questions such as “How do active and passive euthanasia differ?”; “Do I have a ‘right to die’?”‘ “Is suicide the unpardonable sin?”; “Why hasn’t Dr. Kovorkian been convicted of a crime?” and many more are answered in this informative piece.
Paperback. 80 pages. Price: $4.00

I recently happened upon a delightful surprise. While planning for a family vacation, I learned of an interesting tourist attraction: The Museum of disABILITY History in Buffalo, New York.

“The museum is the result of the desire of Dr. James M. Boles,” said 51-year-old Doug Platt, museum curator, in a telephone interview. “Boles was teaching an introduction to developmental disabilities course at University of Buffalo and wanted to direct his students to a website for a comprehensive look at how people with disabilities have been treated throughout the ages. There wasn’t one. That’s how the museum was born, in 1998.”

Boles also was president/CEO of People Inc., a New York nonprofit providing employment, residential, recreation, community outreach, and healthcare programs for people with disabilities. The Museum of disABILITY became a People Inc. project.

Said Platt, “I’m museum curator and my job is the safekeeping, arrangement, and description of artifacts I have helped collect. We used items we collected to create displays and exhibits that resulted in the way our gallery and website appear now.”

The museum has a website and a brick-and-mortar location in Buffalo. Visitors to the latter include elementary and high school groups, college social work and physical therapy students, and University of Buffalo medical students learning about disability history.

“We want to give people an idea of the role people with disabilities have always played in history,” said Platt, also a 26-year People Inc. employee. The museum’s online version has “wings” dedicated to people with disabilities and events in media, medicine, society, education, and advocacy. One recent exhibit was called Eugenics in America: Perfecting the Population. In part, it explained the history of the 1927 Buck vs. Bell Supreme Court ruling allowing forced sterilization of “unfit” Americans well into the 1960s.

“We have an Invacar, too” said Platt, referring to the three-wheeled vehicle manufactured for disabled British veterans from 1948-77. The museum also features well-known Americans such as President Roosevelt, Temple Grandin, John Elder Robison, and Stevie Wonder.

Platt said, “The museum wants to include a wide range of disabilities. People with disabilities have been marginalized and part of our vision is to create a society accepting of people with disabilities. By our presenting to the public the role people with disabilities have played, perhaps that will better help society understand and accept them.”

Daniel J. Vance writes a weekly newspaper column called “Disabilities,” and should soon be graduating from Minnesota State with a master’s in mental health counseling and becoming a licensed professional counselor. His goal is to combine this new career with being a freelance writer. See his Daniel Vance website or his Facebook Page.

A recent study has proven what we-as patients-want, and it won’t come as any surprise: more communication! 90% of patients said they want their doctors to listen to them; only 25% wanted a prescription, and 60% wanted an examination (Southampton University in UK). Previous research from the University of Connecticut has shown that the effectiveness of drugs depends largely on the relationship and amount of time doctors spend with the patient. The longer the consultation, the more effective the medications.

We asked some of you what you want and the answers may leave you nodding in agreement more than surprise.

• That he have more time to spend with me to thoroughly answer my questions. When he’s rushed I feel pressured and afraid to ask questions or I forget. -Name withheld
• For him to listen to me, not just hear me. I’ve recently had to be hospitalized, because he wasn’t listening to what I was telling him. I guess he thought I was just an old man with chronic aches and pains, but I nearly died. -Na’Ho’Ka, NM
• I would send him back to medical school to learn more about chronic pain and how to treat it. There are a lot of doctors out there that are not getting adequate training in pain-management.
  -Marsha, WA
• For her to desire to learn about what I have and treat it as a whole, not individual symptoms.
  -Leonie, Australia
• That he would understand that for me, doing procedures just to be doing something, is not management of pain. -Name withheld
• I feel like one of a herd and he is just trying to get us all through the line. He overbooks and is too busy to spend time explaining what is causing my chronic back pain. -Shirley, AK
• That they believe chemical sensitivities exist, and that’s it not all in my head. I have a somewhat unique perspective as I am in med school myself to become a doctor.
  -Maxine, WA
• For him to write down things as I say them. Some times he doesn’t write anything down and it’s frustrating. -Joni, CA
• Her accessibility. First I have to talk to a receptionist who decides if I can talk to a nurse; then the nurse asks various questions to decide if the doctor should be notified. She promises to “leave the doctor a note and ask for answers.” Nine times out ten I do not actually hear from the doctor. -Christal, MI
• His work schedule. He works too hard and long and then when he takes a vacation it is not long enough for him to revive himself. -Bonnie
• For him to be more willing to try treatments that I want to try rather than just what is tried and true.
  -Debra, PA
• The amount of time he has with patients. Many doctors schedule patients every fifteen minutes and that is rarely enough time, especially for those with chronic illnesses. -Nici, TX
  I would change him into a man who listens most willingly with his ears, his mind, his heart, his understanding. Most importantly, he would listen to the Creator of us all who has all the answers. -Judith Rose
• For him to trade places with me for one week. Then I believe I would see a difference in his compassion and understanding of someone who lives with constant pain. The off-handed remarks about “now, now, it can’t be all that bad” or “there are others worse off than you” may just have a second thought. His compassion may be more sincere and his willingness to try another approach may be more open. -Karen, Ontario, Canada
• That she would see her patients on time and not make them wait anywhere from two to four hours.-Sheila, AR
• His extremely rude, non-empathetic staff. He’s been my surgeon for seven years and I have heard all the other “horror” stories from patients sitting in the waiting room too. -Patty,
• That he understand I am losing weight as quickly as I can. After losing 100 pounds he is still at me to lose more. -Joann, MA

What do you want from your doctor or medical team? Share in the comments below!

American Association of Pastoral Counselors AAPC is evolving into a more diverse professional organization serving within an increasingly complex world. Our members now represent a broader spectrum of theological and spiritual traditions and work among a wide variety of health care providers and settings.

American College of Physicians Home Care Guide for Advanced Cancer An excellent resource for chaplaincy caregiving for those undergoing cancer treatments, through all the processes from grieving, to symptoms of treatments, respite, death, etc. Great resources for the chaplain to utilize to be there for the entire family.

COMISS Network: The Network on Ministry in Specialized Settings A network of professional organizations, institutions, and faith communities that promotes and supports collaboration among its membership and is the collective voice of advocacy to a variety of publics. Among these ministries are chaplaincies in healthcare facilities, correctional institutions, mental health settings, the armed forces, business settings, industrial settings, pastoral counseling, clinical pastoral education, and the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Ten Four Ministries Providing Practical and Spiritual Support to the Law Enforcement Community founded by Tony Miano who has served as a volunteer chaplain for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department since 2000.

The Canadian Association for Pastoral Practice and Education A national multifaith organization which is committed to the professional education, certification and support of people involved in pastoral care and pastoral counselling.

College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy (CPSP) The College of Pastoral Supervision & Psychotherapy is a theologically based covenant community, dedicated to “Recovery of Soul.”

Patient Resource Book for Hospital or Home The purpose of Healing Flood books is to provide tools for the world of Chaplains, Mental Health Professionals, Healthcare Professionals, and the general public that will assist them in bringing healing, comfort and hope to those in need. The tools we publish and market are intended to assist, empower, inspire and equip these “angels of mercy” in their ministries.

Chaplaincy Publications

Chap Notes Daily notes of encouragement, humor and inspiration for chaplains. The founder welcomes you to print them out and post them on bulletin boards to encourage those who care-give for the sick or dying. From the executive chaplain of Tampa International Airport. Excellent!

A New Heart A quarterly USA HCF Publication to “Encourage Christians in Healthcare”. A New Heart is a gold-mine of information. It features candid, real-life stories; guidelines and opportunities to give spiritual care; details on all Coming Events and Medical Missions.

The Pastoral Report The CPSP Pastoral Report on the Web (PR) is a publication of the College of Pastoral Supervision & Psychotherapy. The PR will be a lively and interesting place to visit and to engage those within the CPSP community as well as those who visit us from afar.

Journal of Pastoral Care An award-winning professional publication offering articles and book reviews on pastoral care, pastoral counseling, clinical pastoral education, and ministry in specialized settings.Approximately 7,500 pastoral caregivers and subscribers receive Journal of Pastoral Care .

Corporate Chaplains of America (CCA) The organization employs full time, long term, career chaplains who combine workplace experience with professional chaplaincy training. In addition to holding seminary level or higher degrees, all chaplains will pursue certification through 154 hours of continuing education within the first year of tenure.

Federation of Fire Chaplains The purpose of this organization is to bring together individuals and groups who are interested in providing effective chaplaincies for fire service organizations. Its members exchange and share ideas and concerns that influence the quality of life of all members of the fire service and their families.

International Conference of Police Chaplains An interfaith organization of chaplains who serve law enforcement agencies. Pastoral care and counseling is provided to law enforcement officers, civilian employees, their families and/or assistance to crime victims. ICPC publishes a newsletter and holds training seminars.

His Victory Inc Truckers’ Chaplain Service “Our mission is to aid, comfort and support truckers, their families and associates in managing occupational stress, resolving personal problems and recovering from traumatic experiences through practical application of spiritual principles.”

Race Track Chaplaincy of America RTCA sanctions and oversees 60 chaplains who serve at 100 tracks and training/breeding centers throughout North America and around the world. Their mission is to provide, with excellence, for the spiritual, emotional, physical and social/educational needs of horse racing’s vast workforce.

A Christian Ministry in the National Parks Recognized by more than 40 Christian denominations, A Christian Ministry in the National Parks (ACMNP) is an educational ministry experience for lay people. We bring Christ’s message to people often isolated from immediate contact with local churches — millions of visitors who come to enjoy God’s great natural wonders.

National Institute of Business and Industrial Chaplains NIBIC helps establish academic and professional criteria for the practice of this specialized ministry. These standards help ensure skilled, effective ministers. NIBIC’s goal is for every person providing pastoral care, counseling, and consultation in workplace settings to meet these professional standards.

Marketplace Ministries, Inc The world’s original and leading chaplain provider to businesses is a proactive and personalized Employee Care provider. Client companies are assigned a team of male, female, ethnically diverse chaplains who visit the work site regularly, and are available for crisis care, any needed help and confidential discussions.

The Institute of Worklife MinistryThe workplace chaplaincy training division of the Worklife Institute, providing education, mentoring and outreach services for pastoral care professionals. The Worklife Institute is a leading center for resources providing worklife support with a variety of programs for individuals and companies seeking to address with integrity the challenges of today’s business environment.

American Correctional Chaplains Association Correctional chaplains provide pastoral care to those who are disconnected from the general community by certain circumstances – in this case to those who are imprisoned, as well as to correctional facility staff and their families when requested. Where permitted, we also minister to the families of prisoners.

Coalition of Prison Evangelists

Military Chaplaincy Organizations

Coast Guard Chaplaincy

USA Army Chaplaincy U.S. Army Chaplains serve both God and country by bringing their unique gifts with which they are endowed by God, to the Soldiers of our nation in the broad, challenging, diverse, and ever changing environment of the Army.

USA Air Force Chaplain Services Air Force people live and work around the world serving our country. Chaplains serve side-by-side with them, leading worship services and observances, providing pastoral care, and advising leadership as they magnify the Air Force Chaplain Service vision of Glorifying God, Honoring Airmen, and Serving All.

USA Navy Chaplaincy Corps Tools and resources for chaplains and how to become a chaplain are provided here.

United States Corps of Chaplains (USCOC) A volunteer, non-sectarian Christian, charitable, non-profit 501(c)3 public service organization, active in community ministry to everyone, but with special emphasis on aid to active duty military members, veterans, and their family members.

Military Chaplains Association Headquartered in metropolitan Washington, D.C., they serve as the professional support organization for military chaplaincy in the U.S. “The voice of chaplaincy – articulating our Congressional mandate with a professional, prophetic, and pastoral voice.”

National Conference on Ministry to the Armed Forces (NCMAF) Our members, as endorsers for particular bodies, are the point of contact between the armed forces and over 220 religious denominations and faith groups. Our common goals are to recruit, endorse and provide oversight for clergypersons who desire to serve as chaplains in any one of the branches of our armed forces.

Veterans Affairs Chaplain Service The mission is to empower Department of Veterans Affairs Chaplains in the achievement of excellence in meeting the spiritual healthcare needs of Veterans.

Article: What it’s like to be a military chaplain