Dooch - AKA "Hope Boy"

By Debbi Farmer

Eventually, we will all feel blue. We will have days, even weeks when we are sad. Many can rebound from these emotions–but many cannot.

We face tragedies and struggles that can turn our world completely upside down. And sadly there are times also when physical changes in our body can cause clinical depression even when life appears to the world to be running smoothly. When you have depression, it interferes with daily life and causes pain for both you and those who care about you.

Depression is a common but serious illness.

Many people with a depressive illness never even seek treatment. Helping someone with depression can be a challenge.

If someone in your life has depression, they may feel helpless and you may wonder what to do. You can help the person you care about recognize the symptoms of depression and get treatment that will help them.

People with depression may not recognize or even acknowledge that they are depressed. They may not even be aware of the signs and symptoms of depression, or they may feel too hopeless to address the issue. People with depression may think that how they feel is normal and not the result of a mental health condition. All too often, people feel ashamed about their depression and mistakenly believe they should be able to overcome it with willpower alone. But depression seldom gets better without treatment and may indeed get worse.

If you are in this same boat, believe me when I say the boat is full as many more are suffering today also.

Debbi Farmer, a part-time writer in North Carolina, lives a song-filled life now with her family thanks to the Lord’s wonderful and sufficient grace after suffering from severe clinical depression herself. Today she suffers from several illnesses including Fibromyalgia, but the Lord is good and has helped her face the trials of life and even waddle through them. She wishes she could give you all a cheerful hug today and share with you a song of hope.

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Tomorrow . . . we will be featuring an article about a rapper.

You heard it right! A rapper! Dominic Cook (also known as “Dooch”) has quite a story to tell and Debbi recently interviewed him about his testimony. He understands depression. He knows loss–deep, soul-wrenching, questioning God kind of loss.

His web site tells the details of his story:

From 12-17 his life revolved around the streets, he wanted to really live the stuff he rapped about and he did. Gang fights, felony arrests, robberies, him being stabbed 3 times and becoming a statistic by ending up on the notorious Rikers Island at age 18.

And that is why I ask you to open your heart. We do a lot of profiles here at Rest Ministries on women who have ministries out of their home, the clean-cut, those who sing what we define as traditional worship music. But pain is pain. And “Dooch” believes in the same God we do. And as I read through the interview by Debbi, a few people immediately came to mind who could use this man’s faith to strengthen their own. He speaks their “language.” They would read his story and see where he now puts his faith.

I hope you will look forward to it!

So we turn to our church for guidance, for acceptance, for unconditional support during the most difficult time in our life.

But churches are made up of people—all of us imperfect. And our church does not always give us what we need; in fact, sometimes, the people say things that hurt us even more.

“Everything will work out fine. Just keep praying.”
“If you just came to Bible study I am sure getting your mind off the pain would make it all go away.”
“You need to keep praying for healing. Remember that verse when Jesus asked the disabled man if he wanted to get well?”

We asked our readers, What would you like your pastor to know about living with a chronic illness and your need to serve others, or be ministered to, within the body?

Here are some of your heart-felt replies.

Please feel free to add your own comments below about what you would like your pastor to know. Remember, this is not a forum to vent about everything your church did wrong, but rather, honestly and kindly tell us what you would like your pastor to know about illness, your life, etc. so that he and the church body can better minister to those with chronic illness.

• I know I am young and you may not believe I am feeling well enough for leadership, but the Lord has worked in my life in so many ways through my illness and I am bursting to be a part of an “illness ministry” to encourage others. Please make some time to sit down and let me share my new calling with you. —Renee
• It is very difficult for me to get to church due to the fact that the services are about three hours long and I have problems sitting for long periods of time. When I come, I have to choose between worship or the sermon. No one ever calls or checks to see why I am not there and I used to be one of their Sunday school teachers. I think they have a problem with the fact that I am one of those that have not been healed. —Doris
• Every time we have gone to church and we have gone for prayer and I have sought out help, people keep telling me one of two things: “Patty, by His Stripes, You are healed. . . You must have faith; if you have faith then you will be healed,” or “You must not be praying hard enough.” I can’t tell you how much that hurts, and how I keep feeling like a failure when I am told that. —Patty
• Some of us simply want to rest confidently in the Lord and rely on Him for provision during long periods of ill health. I want rest, calm and privacy—not to be cut off from kindly connection with people—but not to have knocks on my door at all hours of the day and night, either! —Caron
• There needs to be a ministry devoted entirely to helping others: meals to the woman who just had a baby or rides to doctor appointments. Please help me out by seeing past the “you look fine, so you must feel fine” mentality. —Bridget
• Those who live with chronic illness need understanding first, love second, and challenge third. There are times when an ill person can’t function, and the church and its leaders need to be understanding, prayerful and available—for solving practical needs as well as spiritual counsel. —Kay
• Find out limitations, hindrances to participation. Ask, “What barriers, hindrances are there that prevent you from coming to church, worshipping with us, participating fully?” or “What can we do to help you to be able to participate more fully in church life?”
• Be supportive, take me seriously, not down-playing my illness and yet not drawing too much attention to it either. Suggest helpful tapes, books and articles that help me keep my eyes focused on God.
• I’d like people in the church to ask how they can help me in practical ways and offer some suggestions of what they could do, such as: rides to doctors, doing shopping, baking or housecleaning.
• Invite me to activities even if I probably can’t attend and when inviting, give as much details re the proceedings, program, length, environment, etc as you can. Don’t be hurt if I can’t come.
  —Marguerite
• Even though I went through physical therapy and rehabilita-tion, I was unable to continue working. This was very devastating. In the months following the accident, I learned to rely on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for comfort.
• My husband was also disabled and this caused a greater stress. I was most grieved because my church family didn’t visit and the telephone calls were few. Don’t just tell people you’re praying for them. Come pray with them. Don’t ask if there’s anything you can do, come prepared to do!
• Don’t ask if there is a financial need; think of the expenses you have in your household and, if they don’t have an income, there has to be a need. Don’t think that because they aren’t complaining they aren’t hurting. Don’t tell them to “give their problems to God.” Take that person and their problems in your hands and hold them up before God. —Wanda
• Please don’t discuss details of my illness with others without my expressed permission. When someone asks how I’m doing, they don’t need to know that I now have a catheter. Ask me, “When others ask, what shall I tell them?” I will be happy to tell you how much information to share. —Rev. Koiv
• My pastor feels very uncomfortable with people who cannot work hard and “Go! Go! Go!” for the Lord. His sermons are filled with “You must do this and you must do that!” I leave the service beaten up in spirit because my body is unable to “Go! Go! Go!” I fight depression because of the chronic pain and lack of sleep so I’m not “Happy! Happy! Happy!” all of the time. He feels that if you don’t “whistle while you work” then you better get on your knees before God! (Like I could get down on my knees and then get up again?) —Judy
• My church seems to operate under the misconception that a person who is disabled by a chronic illness, as I am, doesn’t need to serve the church. They are content with my just showing up for worship when I am able.
• I feel a compelling need to serve my Lord and my church. But I am no longer physically able to fill any of their traditional roles offered as service opportunities. When suggesting possible alternatives, I am met by rejection where it might cause someone else more work, or they just can’t see out of ‘the box’, or simply patted on the head and told to rest and not worry. This makes me feel useless, helpless, and a “lesser” person in the church – a burden.
• My disability makes it extremely difficult for me to counteract these obstacles – I need my pastor or another leader to champion my cause for me. I need him to teach/motivate others in the church to extend a hand so that I might participate as fully as God allows. —Jean
• As my pain grew worse over time, I realized that I could not do all the ministry that I wanted to do and had been doing; I am the pastor’s wife and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It was difficult for me to admit to our congregation that it was physically necessary for me to relieve myself of certain duties since I appeared fine. I periodically missed church, but I tried to go no matter how I felt.
• As time went on, I decided to give up areas of ministry: I quit teaching; I quit singing in the choir; I quit being the secretary. I stood up in a service and, by way of testimony, explained my situation. The people were very supportive and did not look down on me because I was withdrew myself from ministry. Our church was encouraged to get behind me and hold me up. My (pastor) husband made sure that he provided updates on my progress. It was important to me that he validated my illness and supported my decisions.
• It is difficult when someone steps down from ministry in order to attend to the physical needs of their bodies. But God has told us that this is his Temple and we are to take care of it. God sent new families to our church during my time of hiatus from ministry. My husband was very influential in plugging them into the vacant ministries. Because he supported me and my decision to remove myself, others were given the opportunity to serve the Lord and I have been able to focus on my relationship with the Lord more through this time. —Pamela

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

A few months ago a friend of mine, Linda Evans Shepherd, announced to our group of Christian women writers that she was starting a blog specifically to reach out to those who were considering suicide. I have to say that anything Linda touches is done well and with complete passion and heart behind it. Her most recent web site, Finding God Daily, has a wonderful collection of articles about all the places we can find God!

But would I be able to make a commitment to write an article or two a month about suicide? What do I know that may encourage someone else? And I just have a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, while many of the writers are professional counselors.

But then I got an email from someone at Rest Ministries pouring her heart out. . . about taking her life. And all those statistics about chronic pain or physical illness being the cause of about 70 percent of suicides kept popping up in my mind in the next few days (Source: Mackenzie TB, Popkin MK: “Suicide in the medical patient.” Intl J Psych in Med 17:3-22, 1987).

So I prayed about it. And God said, “Do it.”

I emailed Linda and volunteered and was accepted as a writer for this new amazing blog Thinking About Suicide. It just kicked off last week on Wednesday, March 21, 2012. Why a Wednesday? Linda explains in one of the blog posts How to Live Through Hump Day that Wednesday is the day when most suicides occur.

In just a little over a week there is a wonderful growing collection of blog posts by this team of writers. Recently, author Karen Boerger wrote about Help For Chronic Pain With Suicidal Thoughts.

Our hope is that through a collection of various articles, when people search the internet about “thinking about suicide” this web site will come up, and not only will one find hope for the moment, but also a Christ-based resource that will provide answers about where that real, enduring hope comes from.

Please make a note to yourself that this blog exists and if you, or someone you know, needs a resource to turn to through a difficult time, visit it for a pick-me-up. If you are seriously considering suicide, I urge you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) without delay.

Also, if there is something you are personally experiencing with hopelessness and would like me to consider addressing it in a future blog post over at Thinking About Suicide, please let me know.

My first article will appear on Wednesday, April 4, 2012. “Why Bother Living When I Am Facing a Serious Infection Without a Hand to Hold?”

If you are having a rough day, here are a few resources on our web site that discuss suicide– a tough but very real topic.

• When You Are Tempted to Speed Up The Trip to Heaven
• I Forgot: My Life is Not My Own, Christian Author Shares About Her Attempted Suicide
• Assisted Suicide Due to Pain of Illness and How it Fits With Our Belief in God

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

I have a friend who I’ve known for years. We used to go out partying before my diagnosis, but now I’ve really become grounded in my faith, because God is the only thing that has gotten me through. She keeps saying she “knows the real me” and I cannot possibly be satisfied with this life I have now. Whenever I share something I’ve learned while living with illness or about anything good in my life, she has something negative to say about how much I am missing out on in life because of my illness. I care about her, but I just don’t know if I can continue to be around her right now if she keeps this up. – Kelly

Hi, Kelly,
Do you know someone who is the same now as they were 30 or even 40 years ago? They love to complain and stir up trouble for everyone else. What they don’t realize. . . or maybe care about is the fact that most people change over the course of a lifetime.

It’s unfortunate because most of us try to improve our lives as we get older. We try to forgive and forget and move on with our lives but there’s always going to be that one who is so unhappy with their life that they can’t stand to see anyone else doing better than them or enjoying their life.

For instance, I drank until I was 34 and I am happy those days are over with. It has been almost 13 years since I’ve let anything or anyone control me but there are others who are still trapped in drugs and alcohol that want to drag you down to their level.

They want you to be as unhappy as they are and you know what? It’s not gonna happen. You see, I’m not proud of the way I behaved when I drank but there are others that were instigators and troublemakers who caused all kinds of problems and they still have that mindset even today. It’s very sad because they live in the past and they want you to stay there. . . buried in misery just like they are and that’s all they can think about.

If you have one of these people in your life–someone you don’t ever think about unless they come knocking (beating) at your front door threatening you and whining that you’ll never change–then just do what I do: give it to God.

There are always going to be those who will try to drag you down and make you feel bad because of something you said or did 20 years ago. Let them know you aren’t the same person since Jesus took control of your life. Don’t let them shake you because you are grounded in Jesus Christ.

When they say they know the real you tell them. . . “No, you are so stuck in the past that you can’t see the change all around you” and that “No, I choose not to whine and cry and live in the past as you seem to have chosen to do.”

You are a new creation in Christ and if you had a past you aren’t proud of then give it to God. No matter what your past is, give it to God and learn to love yourself again. Once you’ve changed as I did so many years ago, don’t let anyone convince you that you are less than a beautiful and wonderful being created by the creator of the universe Himself. . . God Almighty.

Thank you Jesus for taking care of those who want to suppress us and threaten us and keep us wallowing in guilt and despair. Help those who still live this way and help us to keep our eyes planted squarely on you and your wonderful name.

God Bless, Dave

David Brown has been writing poetry and short stories for his own enjoyment for more than 40 years. Recently, he decided he had some things he would like to say to the rest of the world and has been writing non-stop ever since ~ thus the culmination of his three-book series Love Notes From Above. A husband, father and born-again, spirit-filled Christian he offers scripture-based advice and insight on some of life’s toughest topics based on his unique perspective gained through experience on this journey called life.

My 8-year-old son said it was going to be a boring movie. Afterward, he said it was boring. But during the film he was on the edge of his seat. After we came home, he went outside with his skateboard, and when he came in he wanted to watch videos on Bethany Hamilton’s web site. The next morning, he took a break from video games to listen to every word Bethany said on the Today Show.

“Soul Surfer” is easy to label an inspiring movie. Who wouldn’t? A 13-year-old girl is out on her surfboard when a 14-foot tiger shark takes her arm and then leaves the scene. The rest of the movie we see how Bethany deals with the day-to-day challenges of living with one arm (who knew cutting a tomato could be so difficult?); learning to surf again with one arm; and trying to figure out what God’s plan is for her life.

When the movie “Joni” came out in 1980 I was 14 years old. My sister was 10. We both remember it. Now, all these years later, Rest Ministries is an affiliate of Joni and Friends, Joni’s ministry to those with disabilities. We never know how God works and I shared this with my son before the film.

If you’ve been waiting for an inspirational movie, you won’t be disappointed. There were a few times the tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over. The innocence of a young girl who has the potential to be a world-class surfing champion suddenly has difficulty putting on a swim suit or putting her hair in a pony tail. Bethany Hamilton has courage and spunk, but the film also shows the emotional and spiritual struggles are underneath the smile. A trip to Thailand to help with missionary work after the tsnaumi is what gives her focus and thinking beyond her own limitations.

I highly encourage you to put this on your “must see” list of films. If you can make it to the theaters, do so, as films such as this, with a solid message of faith are rare and I alway love to see them do well at the theaters. If you cannot make it to the theaters, watch for it when it is out on DVD.

As one with a chronic illness, I can say that you will feel compassion for this young gal because you have personally experienced just how hard it is to get out of bed some days and face the world with a smile. When you witness Bethany do it in the film, or see the “real” Bethany interviewed on a television show, you know how VERY hard it is!

For parents who are worried about the dramatic shark scene, I can say that it was a splash with blood in the water, but the shark is not even seen during the attack. I put my hand on my son’s leg and he took it off and said, “I’m okay, mom.”

The acting is great. Helen Hunt, Dennis Quaid, and Carrie Underwood round out the cast. AnnaSophia Robb was suggested by Bethany to play her and the movie casting agreed. She does a fabulous job. Jack Nicholson’s daughter, Lorraine Nicholson, plays Bethany’s best friend and surfing champion, Alana Blanchard. And Craig T. Nelson rounds out the cast as the surgeon in this small Hawaiian hospital.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and has lived with very active rheumatoid arthritis since age 24 in 1993.

Related articles

• Soul Surfer Movie Review: Inspirational! (rightcelebrity.com)
• ‘Soul Surfer’ Is Bethany Hamilton’s Shark Tale (movies.nytimes.com)

Soul Surfer casting is an all-star team, including AnnaSophia Robb and Helen Hunt, with Carrie Underwood in her film debut, and Dennis Quaid. The Soul Surfer movie release date is April 8th.

You can find out more details at the Soul Surfer IMBD web site, or www.bethanyhamilton.com , or read the biography of Bethany Hamilton. The Soul Surfer book, in which the movie is based, is “Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Fighting to Get Back on the Board.” There are many other Bethany Hamilton books to choose from.

Related articles

• SOUL SURFER Trailer Starring AnnaSophia Robb, Dennis Quaid, and Helen Hunt (collider.com)
• Movie Poster for SOUL SURFER (geektyrant.com)
• New Trailer for ‘Soul Surfer’ (latinoreview.com)

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“Wear iT Wednesday™” is a grass roots movement which empowers Christian youth to show the joy of their faith as one community. Wear iT Wednesday™ is the idea of college senior, Chelsea Eubank. Chelsea’s vision is to register over 1,000,000 youth on www.wearitwednesday.com to gain their commitment to wear their favorite Christian shirt every Wednesday. This movement will provide a way for young people to join together across this great country to personally show their commitment to Christ.

“We are excited to announce that Kerusso (www.kerusso.com), the leading producer of Christian-themed apparel in the United States, has partnered with Wear iT Wednesday™” said, Chelsea. Vic Kennett, CEO & President of Kerusso said, “We’ve been producing Christian t-shirts for over 20 years & have seen first-h& the impact they have on people’s lives. To see Chelsea spearheading this movement is extremely exciting & we are honored to be a part” Both Chelsea & Vic underst& the power of wearing your faith & look forward to what the future holds for Wear It Wednesday.

While volunteering for Fellowship of Christian Athletes Chelsea found that young people were very excited about their faith. As a young clothing designer she came to underst& that clothing is their personal media. What better way to show who they believe in than to wear their faith? Upon reflecting she saw that there has been no national movement that allows our Christian youth to st& up & be counted.

Wear iT Wednesday™ is a growing movement that will show the nation that young people are committed to change & that they are willing to take on the personal responsibility of their values. The Wear iT Wednesday™ tag line states it best–“Wear iT, Live iT”.

Imagine what those Wednesdays will be like? Will everyone be kinder? Will it connect youth together in a more personal way? Chelsea’s initial goal is to have 1,000,000 students commit to “wear their faith” each Wednesday by registering online at www.wearitwednesday.com.

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• Christian goods spoof commercial br&s or logos (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

What a wonderful website with an uplifting & positive message! You can sit in the comfort of your own home & read forty pages of useful information, without having to worry about going to a bookstore & spending time, energy, & money.

It discusses a number of issues & challenges particular to young people with arthritis. Some of these include how to express your feelings, surviving school & university, leaning on your support system & many more.

It’s an easy read that is interesting, interactive & unique in the fact that it is able to go much deeper than what is seen on the surface.

It is definitely recommended for any young person dealing with arthritis or anyone who loves a young person dealing with arthritis!

Naomi Kingery, twenty year old brittle diabetic & author of The Sugar Free Series available at www.livetolovediabetes.com.

Well, the show has been picked up by a tv show called “Heroes Among Us” & the producer who taped my segment was notified yesterday afternoon that the show is actually airing today & tomorrow (Sat & Sun). You can check your local listings here http://heroesamongustv.com/listings.htm for times.

It will be airing both days. Next week we should have a DVD that we can post online. (I’ve not yet seen the program myself!)

Please pray that we are able to reach many with the Good News & the fact that our ministry exists! This is a secular program, so the fact that they chose a Christian ministry to feature is truly a blessing.

Please forward this to anyone you think may be interested!

Lisa

Just copy & paste it below & put it up on your blog, send it to your friends, paste in on Facebook (if it’s too long put it in your “notes” section.)

THEN… post a COMMENT BELOW with the link to where you posted it & we are going to choose 2 people to receive a prize Sept 5th, 2009.

Let’s spread the word about II Week this way & it’s a wonderful way to share a little bit about your life. And don’t forget to add the last paragraph for people know where to find us!

You can see the answers of Rest Ministries founder, Lisa Copen, here. Remember, don’t get stressed out over this. Each answer should be just a sentence, two at the most. You can always go back to it later & journal about it with deeper answers if you wish to ponder some of the questions.

1. The illness I live with is:
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:
3. But I had symptoms since:
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:
5. Most people assume:
6. The hardest part about mornings are:
7. My favorite medical TV show is:
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
9. The hardest part about nights are:
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
13. Regarding working & career:
14. People would be surprised to know:
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
17. The commercials about my illness:
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
19. It was really hard to have to give up:
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
22. My illness has taught me:
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
24. But I love it when people:
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week & the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com

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• 6 Reasons I Support Invisible Illness Week (invisibleillnessweek.com)
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DID YOU FILL OUT THE MEME ABOVE? If so, tell us where to find your answers in the comments below & by listing your blog, FB page, whatever, you will automatically be entered to win a prize! We are selecting 2 prize winners Saturday 9/5.

The Christian Messenger states:

Two separate studies were done by Michael Yi, MD, the associate professor of medicine, and Sian Cotton, PhD, research assistant professor in the department of family medicine. They investigated how adolescents might use spirituality as a coping tool for their illnesses like inflammatory bowel disease.

They defined spirituality as “One’s sense of meaning or purpose in life or one’s sense of connectedness to the sacred or divine. “

Patients with IBD experience recurrent abdominal pain, bloody stools and diarrhoea, among other serious problems, and have an increased risk for colon cancer. Some would argue that all of these symptoms can be even more difficult to deal emotionall with when you are a teenager. In fact, research has shown that teens with IBD, this condition without a cure, are at risk for numerous psychosocial difficulties, including increased mental health problems and social stigma.

In the report Yi states, “Personal characteristics like self esteem, family functioning and social characteristics, like level of peer support, were similar between adolescents with IBD when compared to healthy peers, indicating that adolescents with IBD appear resilient.”

“However, health-related quality of life was significantly poorer in general. On average, when compared to their healthy peers, patients with IBD were willing to trade more years of their life expectancy or risk a greater chance of death in order to achieve a better state of health.”