with Lisa Copen

I am so excited today to share with you about two books that are written by a mom who has both the professional credentials as well as the education of experience, Jolene Philo. Jolene joined us here at Rest Ministries in 2009 for National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week to discuss the topic that many parents, including those with chronic illness, face on a daily basis– “When Your Child is Chronically Ill”. (This podcast is still available and an encouragement to many, so stop by and listen.)

Jolene, thank you again for joining us here at Rest Ministries! Most people are not familiar with your story. Can you tell us a little about your own family?

[Jolene:] When our beautiful newborn boy was transferred to a regional hospital, my husband and I felt lost at sea. A few hours later, we learned that our baby required immediate surgery at a university hospital 750 miles away. Without it, he would die.

That news threw us overboard. We longed for someone who could come alongside and pull us out of the water. A book to chart a map through unfamiliar waters and assure us of God’s presence.

I cannot imagine what you must have gone through. Where did you turn for encouragement?

Well, our son was born in 1982, when pediatric medicine was a relatively new field. Families like ours were hard to find. Parenting books hadn’t been written. The internet didn’t exist. Over the next twenty years, even after the surgeries and medical procedures that corrected our son’s condition were over, my search for parenting resources yielded scant results.

Eventually, I sensed God nudging me to come alongside young parents lost at sea like we had been, to create a map they could follow.

I understand that your dad had multiple sclerosis and that he was in a wheelchair by the time you were four years old. So you certainly understand the additional stresses on a family who copes with a chronic illness

My dad was diagnosed in 1958 when he was 29. I was two, my sister was five, and my brother wasn’t on the scene yet. Within two years, Dad couldn’t walk, read, write, or control his bladder. My parents decided they would do everything possible to keep Dad at home while we were growing up. They did, but the stress on Mom especially was incredible. She was teaching full time, going to school to complete her four year degree and then her masters, raising three kids, and caring for Dad. Mom did so many things right for our family, but the one thing she did that was very wrong was not seeking help outside the family.

We were expected to pitch in and help with Dad’s care. That was fine, but outside support and services would have made a huge difference. The lesson was well-learned. Once Allen was born, I sought support–spiritual, emotional, practical–and didn’t wait for people to realize we needed them. Some stories about growing up with Dad are included in my new book, Different Dream Parenting, too.

So tell us about your books. I know they are similar and yet also have distinct differences too. First, tell me about your newest book that just came out in November, Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs

Yes. Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs is that map that I had wished I had had. It’s a map for parents of kids living with medical special needs as well as conditions like Down Syndrome, juvenile diabetes, developmental delays, and autism, and those facing a terminal diagnosis. It guides parents by providing tools and resources they need to become effective advocates for their kids.

The book features interviews, advice, and resources from more than fifty families and two dozen professionals. With their help, the book addresses the situations parents face every day. Things I wish someone had told me.

What are some of these things you wish you had known how to do that you address in your book?

• Asking questions after diagnosis
• Dealing with insurance companies
• Preparing a child for a hospital stay
• Accessing financial resources and government monies
• Accessing special education services
• Determining optimum level of care
• Mobilizing volunteers at home
• Supporting the sibs
• Preparing a child for death
• Planning a funeral
• Participating in community and church events
• Creating a special needs trust for adult children with special needs

Wow! That is quite the list. I am thinking that some of these things we, who live with chronic illness ourselves, may be familiar with for ourselves, but navigating that medical maze for our child is a whole new world, plus we may have a different kind of emotional response to it. There are a lot of spiritual emotions to it all too!

You are right. In addition to practical advice, Different Dream Parenting tackles spiritual questions families are often afraid to ask. Questions about:

• God’s sovereignty
• Parental guilt
• Setting and maintaining spiritual priorities
• Grieving for children living with special needs
• Grieving the death of a child
• Passing faith on to children with special needs

And one of the things I loved in this book is the 30-day prayer guides that are in the appendices. They are perfect for parents who are just feeling to overwhelmed and exhausted to even form their own prayers.

Our local pastor is a strong proponent of prayer. Several years ago, when our kids were in elementary and high school, he gave me a thirty day prayer guide, ways to pray Scripture for a child’s character. I have used it for years. When writing Different Dream Parenting, I realized how beneficial a similar prayer guide would be for parents. As you said, they are sometimes too exhausted to put words to the longings of their hearts. These guides are an attempt to give them the words and the scripture references so they can voice their prayers in a variety of situations. Six of the guides are related to the topics of the six sections of the book and the seventh, as was mentioned earlier, are ways to pray for a child’s character.

Your other book, A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children also fills a real need. I remember when I first received a copy of it, I was so thrilled to finally have such a resource to be able to confidently refer people to.

I think it is so important that books like this exist, not just for the informational value, but so that parents feel they are not alone. One woman on Amazon shared quite a touching review about how the book brought about “healing tears.”

Yes, she gave the book as a gift and then wrote. . .

“I read most all of yesterday morning,” she wrote, “and I cried and cried and cried. I need to re-read the material to absorb it better. You see, much of what I read actually helped to give a name to feelings I had experienced but had not consciously been able to process in all the whirlwind of this last spring and summer.”

What would you like moms and dads who have children who are dealing with medical issues to be able to get out of your books?

I remember what it’s like to be lost at sea, thrown overboard by an unexpected diagnosis, and drowning under a flood of caregiving demands.

My goal is to put Different Dream Parenting into the hands of floundering parents so they have a map and know they’re not alone.

Thank you so very much, Jolene, for putting your heart and soul into these books. I know it is a very personal matter to you which you have truly been called to. Can you tell us a little bit about what our readers can find at your web site in addition to being able to order the books directly from you?

I have a variety of articles, guest bloggers and more at www.DifferentDream.com. There are some practical articles such as What to Do When Kids Say No, to dealing with haircuts with sensitive kids as well as spiritual support

Thanks again for joining us today, Jolene.

Jolene as donated books for YOU! We have 1 copy of A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children and 2 copies of Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs! THANK YOU, to Jolene and her publisher, Discovery House Publishers. Would you like to WIN A COPY? Just comment below, telling us in a few sentences about the time you were dealing with a difficult situation with your special needs child and you thought “HELP!” We will choose a winner in two weeks and notify you by email if you have won. You have one week to reply with your postal address and if we don’t hear from you we will choose another winner.

“Mom, I want to go fishing. It’s free!”

I pick up my son from day camp. It’s 4 PM. It’s 95 degrees. Today they fished at the lake during camp.

He has his pole his Grandpa got him 2 years ago. He’s used it twice. Now he wants to fish more.

I could barely walk down the paved trail to sign him out of camp. My feet are swollen, sore. I am faint from the heat. I hope to make it back to the car.

I joke about that, but sometimes I wonder.

He stops. He sticks his chest out. His lip curls up.

“You aren’t seriously going to have a tantrum over this, are you?” I ask. . . calmly of course. I am not one for unplanned battles.

Walking down a boat landing and onto the dock is non-negotiable. I have no need to feel guilty.

Grandpa wanted to take him fishing two weeks ago when he visited. He said no.

“Mommy just can’t do that, honey.” I say. “I can’t walk down there. Maybe Daddy can bring you on Saturday.”

I turn and walk to the car.

“You’re so mean!” he yells.

Am I bad mother for not having this affect me whatsoever?

I wonder to myself, Would a healthy mother have said yes? Perhaps, yes. I have friends who would. But is this reasonable? No. Fishing in 95 degree weather is not reasonable.

We get in the car. The pole barely fits. It pokes me in the arm from the back seat. I tell him that is dangerous. I change the subject to the plans for the next day at camp.

He tells me he caught a fish. I ask how big and he holds up his hands of 2 feet. A fish story. He’s learned early.

I look in my rear view mirror and see him smiling. And the tip of the fishing pole. It’s cliche, but I pray, Lord, please let him always want to fish for You. Maybe he will be a fisher of men someday.

Smile, I remind myself. This is one of those moments you will want to remember.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.

Here is the story of my experience at becoming a father. The thought I hope you keep in mind is that our Heavenly Father cares even more for us than we do our own children, and unlike us, He doesn’t feel helpless because He is all-powerful.

I was nervous about being a father. Most men about to become dads probably are.

But after my wife suffered ten hours of back labor, and no baby in sight, the family doctor called in a specialist. My wife lay with her eyes rolled back in her head from pain, and I was ready for a breakdown. In trying to explain what I understood of the situation I did start breaking down emotionally in front of both sides of the family. Never had I been in such a situation where I felt so totally helpless.

By the worried look on the doctor’s face, and a baby being too far down for a c-section, but not wanting to come into the world–how much more could my wife withstand?

There was only one answer to a situation that was leaving the worry and fear stage, and becoming a frantic, terrorizing thing. I went to a place every father must go to time and time again when we are out of our element–serious, desperate prayer to One who can help us. He is the pre-eminent Father.

I slipped into a bathroom to try and regain a composure that had fled me. More than that, I knew this was a desperate situation that if my heavenly Father did not intercede with, could become life and death for mother and baby.

As well as can be remembered in that anxious time the prayer went something like this:

“Father we need you now very much. Rhonda cannot get that baby delivered without your help. Give me strength so that I can be strong for her. Please help this child to come safely into the world.”

I imagine Joseph and Mary must have prayed something similar to this in Bethlehem while she was giving birth to Jesus in that chilly barn without doctors, monitors, or any modern conveniences. Well, all the modern conveniences in the world were not helping my wife and baby right now.

Stepping out of the bathroom and going back to my wife’s side, I took her hand and told her, “Rhonda, we have to get this baby out.” I know, easy for me to say, but she did draw strength from God, or the strength she felt that God gave me, or maybe an angel pushed on her stomach right then–I didn’t really care how. All I can say is that baby started coming.

Indeed it was coming so fast that when the nurse stepped into the room and looked, she took off like a shot to get help moving my wife to the delivery room, from her hospital room.

It is hard for me to think about this roller coaster of emotions I felt, and still feel thinking back on that time. I am not sure it is safe for a man to have that much emotion surging through him in a twenty-four-hour period: anxiety, worry, dread, fear, terror, hope, love, joy.

And joy it was when that little package of red-headed purple and pink-with such a cone-head I feared something was wrong with her at the time. But she was perfect. My wife was transformed from near-death experience to glowing bubbly motherhood. I had to do a reality check to make sure I was in the same world as just minutes before.

That was not the first time God has helped me to be a father, and that will not be the last. Only He can take a desperate situation and turn it into one of joy instead.

Because of this traumatic delivery of our baby girl, I sincerely believe we consider her an even greater gift. We certainly appreciate that she is a great gift from One who was a father before the world was made. And just maybe when we get to heaven, all these spiritual birth pains down here will also make our appreciation of heaven that much greater, it may be that without our experiences of “hell” on earth, we would not recognize the glory of heaven.

About the Author:
Karlton Douglas lives in Ohio with his lovely wife. He is proud of his daughter who recently graduated 4 years of college with magna cum-laude GPA and she has recently married. He is a frequent contributor to Rest Ministries devotionals.

I sent a few photos off, but they said the lighting wasn’t good enough. So I brushed on some make up and hobbled out side with my son and said, “smile and look cute.” Four photos later, Grammy had snapped a great one I zipped off. Next I received an email from the fact-checker. All looked fine.

The end of April I began my hunt for Parenting: The School Years magazine. A sub-magazine of Parenting, it was impossible to find, even at Barnes and Noble. I looked it up online and found the page. Yay! My quote made it. But uh, wait, no photo. Oh, bummer for Josh, my son! I finally accept that icky prednisone face just so maybe my son can get his photo in a national magazine and it doesn’t make the cut.

But the quote . . . what did they do to that? It barely makes sense and sounds like I am just running around trying to prove myself capable of sliding down slides and “roller coasting” all over the place.

Oh well. I’ve been an editor and I know the reasons why I used to have to cut things, clarify things, and people were not happy with me. But I would never have written, “but he must appreciate my effort.” I’m letting it go. Really, I am. Even if it does make me sound a little ditzy. That’s the risk you take when you give editors your articles or quotations.

But just for the record, I am a good mom NOT because I can do these things (I can’t do them now, like I could 5 years ago!) but because my son inspires me to be the best I can be–limitations and all.

And for the record, I told my son, “Mommy loves you as big as the ocean!” and his reply was, “I love you as. . . big as the toilet.” It helps to hear that in context. I mean. . . I don’t want anyone thinking I encourage potty talk.

Now. . . I have to go tell him our photo didn’t make the cut. Somewhere in there is a life lesson, but I am too tired to find it right now.

Lisa

Once upon a time, a fair young maiden caught the eye of a godly young lad in the village of “Bowl of Cherries.” The young lad asked the fair maiden if she’d accompany him to a jousting tournament and a courtship began that continued to blossom over the next two years. Once the fair maiden completed her classical studies, the young lad asked for her hand in marriage and she enthusiastically said yes! A grand wedding ceremony and marriage celebration followed and life became a “bowl full of cherries!”

Actually, that “fair maiden” is me, and I have been married 30 years to my “young lad.” We were blessed with two children, a 24 year-old daughter who married her own godly young lad, and a 21 year-old son who is entering graduate school. Thirty years of marriage and two grown children progressing successfully in life. . .so far, so good, right? Well, frankly, it is good, and I hope to share with you both the joys and struggles of two imperfect people in marriage, and how we have remained “one flesh” through God’s grace and faithfulness.

All members of our family live with chronic, sometimes debilitating, disease.

When you live with a chronic disease, you can look lively and healthy on the outside, but be struggling on the inside. The chronic nature of a disease can also be “wearing” over time and can cause the person suffering with the disease to become self-centered, uninterested in sharing the interests of his/her spouse, and unable to serve them.

Now multiply that by four people in a family, two people in a marriage, and you can see where maintaining a healthy Christian marriage can seem impossible. Yet several times in the Bible, Jesus states, “With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) Throughout our 29 years, God has been faithful in meeting all of our physical, mental, and emotional needs, allowing all of us to live active lives.

My husband and I became born-again Christians later in life, around age 40, through God’s intervention in many ways, and through the prayers of many believers. Once we accepted Christ as our personal Savior, life became a bowl full of cherries, right? Not quite.

As we grew in our faith, we also began to realize that what our family was being taught at church was not consistent with what we were learning in the Bible. After what seemed like an eternity, God gave both my husband and I a clear signal that it was time to move on, which brought us both such peace, but our children were upset and shocked, and could only think about the friends who they would no longer see. It was a period of anger, confusion, and what seemed like an endless search for a new church that we could call our home.

The bowl of cherries seems full again, right?

As our children grew, we invested a lot of our time and energy into their lives, which was wonderful and we don’t regret a minute of it. We were having fun with the kids, with our kids’ friends, and with our own friends. Even though my husband and I were spending time together and having fun together, we were not investing emotionally in each other. This occurred in spite of being active in the Marriage Encounter ministry and teaching Sunday School classes on family and marriage issues.

Yet life was good. . . the bowl of cherries seemed full–almost overflowing.

And then I “blinked” and our beautiful daughter was off to college in Virginia, seven hours away. She loved college from day one, a blessing from the Lord, but the loss to me was like a death in the family. In addition, my mother-in-law died suddenly and unexpectedly a few months before that from a stroke, and my mother, who had been ill, died one month after our daughter left for college. The three most important women in my life were gone.

My bowl of cherries was not completely empty, but there certainly was not enough to make a pie.

The outgoing, organized, always-together wife, mother, sister, friend, and worker “disappeared” and a clinically depressed and anxious shell of a person replaced her. In addition, our son entered tenth grade and the most rebellious year of his life. A woman that usually went toe-to-toe with her son now could barely put one toe in front of the other.

It was a very dark period of my life, a time of complete helplessness with no human ability to “fix” it. I lost all ability to concentrate, to sleep, and to have any emotion about anything. I was anxious all the time and couldn’t organize myself to get showered, to pick out clothes, or to get dressed.

Years before, the Lord had given me a life verse: “I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8). . . yet I felt shaken to the core. What kind of testimony was my life now?

In my fog, this verse somehow came to mind, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12). God knew what to do: He drew together a small group of women who interceded for me, who provided meals for us, who took turns calling me each day to see if I was moving forward, who encouraged me to seek counseling and medication.

Eventually, I began to be restored, the cherries began to blossom on the tree again!

Not only was God faithful, but my husband was too, even though he was stretched way beyond his comfort zone and experienced intense periods of sadness, anger, exasperation, confusion, and loneliness. He modeled Jesus’ servanthood to me. . . and still does.

I look back now and call that period of my life a “treasure of darkness,” because there are things God taught my family during that time that could not have been learned in any other way. I saw unconditional and sacrificial love in action daily, and I could return neither. Neither my husband, children, or friends knew when, or if, I would “return.”

Since my “return,” my husband and I have been able to reach out to others where a spouse is suffering from depression and have been able not only to offer our testimony, but our ears, our hands, and our feet in very tangible ways. God does not waste anything.

We counseled for about a year and a half and the counselor helped me to see lies that I believed about the priority of my relationship with my daughter and my husband, and then gave us tools to find the truth. Counseling is hard work; although we felt weak when we began, through Christ’s strength, and the perseverance of both the counselor and us, we came out much stronger as individuals and as a couple grounded in Christ.

Once again, God was faithful. . .

. . . . this time in providing a godly counselor with whom we both connected and who helped reconnect us with Christ and His plan for our lives.

I wish I could say I feel spectacular now, our marriage is consistently joyous, and everyday is an awesome experience, but I would be lying. We still struggle with ongoing health issues, resulting in fatigue and sometimes poor communication. I still sometimes struggle with how I ended up where I am in life, and the passion and friendship of our marriage still waxes and wanes.

So you might say the bowl of cherries is only half full.

Yet, I look beyond the man with the hair graying at his temples, the man with the hair growing on his back and in his ears, the man who daily struggles physically and mentally, and I see the man who calls me his “bride.” I see the man who loves me unconditionally and who is the “Jesus with skin on” in my life. And I praise God for the consistent sacrificial love he has shown and given to me for many of those 29 years.

I know that the bowl of cherries overflows! God continues to be faithful.

So, what is the key to keeping and replenishing that bowl full of cherries for your marriage? Unconditional and sacrificial love to meet the needs of our spouse, modeled by Jesus Christ in so many ways.

In Romans 12:3, Paul reminds us, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” This is the key, whether you’re married to a Christian or non-Christian, modeling service and sacrificial love to others.

What does this unconditional and sacrificial love look like daily? Making dinner when you don’t feel like it; turning off your favorite TV show to talk with your spouse or to take a walk; perhaps watching a ball game on TV with him (or HGTV with her), even though you have no interest in it; being sexually intimate with him when you don’t feel like it as an act of sacrificial love; going out to where he tinkers with cars or with wood (you know, the place which has literally taken over your garage or basement); and just watching him work and keeping him company, even when your energy level is low or nonexistent. Ask God. He will give you the strength you need to fulfill this calling.

This is sacrificial love in action, and it will change your marriage! It’s not natural, it’s not something we’re inclined to do, and it’s not something we’re encouraged to do in our society. It will only occur through obedience to those little nudges and promptings of the Holy Spirit within you. Your spouse will notice, your kids will notice, and your girlfriends or family may tell you you’re nuts! But, most importantly, God will notice, and as you are faithful in unconditionally and sacrificially loving your spouse, He will bless and transform you, your marriage and your life!

Jackie Confalone lives in Pennsylvania with her “groom” of 30 years, Gary, and they have two children-a daughter who is married and living in Virginia, and a son who is in graduate school at U. of Tennessee in Knoxville. Jackie “lives” with three invisible illnesses, Ulcerative Colitis, Endometriosis, and Late Stage Lyme Disease.

Each of her family members has at least one invisible illness. Although they have walked through many years of pain, struggle, and uncertainty, she believes and lives by her life verse: “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8). She loves God, Jesus, her family, ministering and teaching with her husband, teaching fitness classes, sleeping, technology, writing, and cherry pie-in that order. These are her first published articles and she feels blessed that God has used her experiences to help others with invisible illnesses. She has started posting some writings at http://jackieconfalone.wordpress.com.

If these two words relate to your life, chances are they are enough to keep you busy indefinitely. They can easily become a large part of your identity, and they both fight for control over your energy, time, and some days, your sanity.

I have been working on a book about living with a chronic illness and being a mom for a few years now. It’s about 70 percent done, but something keeps getting in the way of finishing it.

You know what kinds of things: motherhood and childhood. And the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. As I work on a chapter about the latest lessons I’ve discovered, my house tends to erupt in chaos and I feel tested again.

Was it God trying to stretch me so the book would be better? Or other forces determined to get me to doubt myself? What good mother would ever consider writing a book on parenting while her son plays video games in the other room? Who can write about how to be patient while she loses her own temper over the messes made while she is on the phone?

I have found there is a precious art to balancing motherhood and illness and it’s one that I will be trying to learn the rest of my life, as my son grows up to be my adult son.

A life balancing motherhood and illness will always be chaotic, but it does not have to be frustrating.

How do you find balance?

Here are some of the things I’ve discovered.

Find the humor! When my son stopped eating solid food for 6 months and we had “food therapy” at Children’s hospital, we had to bring McDonald’s Happy Meals to the session, because kids were more likely to eat apples out of McDonald’s wrapper than regular apples. (Studies really have shown this to be true.)

Know your child’s concerns and address them. I was in the hospital for 8 days with the flesh eating bacteria threatening to take my foot, but as long as my son was assured that the hospital has great mac and cheese, my bed moved up and down, and the TV remote worked, he figured I’d be fine.

When tempted to be depressed, think like your child. When I had 4 joint replacements on my left hand and 12 weeks of therapy and wearing an outrigger splint, my son thought the splint was cool–like C3Po’s hand in Star Wars. As soon as the therapist was finished designing it I couldn’t wait for my son to see it.

Look for the benefits of medication’s side effects. Taking a major pain killer in order to sit through your child’s IEP meeting can be helpful if you tend to talk too much instead of listening. I recently explained at the beginning of the meeting that I was paying attention, I just could not turn my head, so I may not look directly at them when they were  speaking.

Someone recently asked me if I thought she could “do it”–meaning “be a mom with an illness.”

“There is no real answer for that,” I explained. “Every mother, ill or not, feels completely inadequate at some time, exhausted, and out of her element. You will feel that too, but it may be just motherhood, not your illness.”

When I was asking myself the same questions, I read a tip: to see if you can be a mom with rheumatoid arthritis, go buy a 10-pound bag of potatoes and carry it around for a few hours.

Uh. . . yeah, right. You wouldn’t lay down your life for those potatoes. You can’t dress them in cute little outfits, or gaze at them and know that nothing else in the world matters because you have them beside you. Potatoes don’t throw a handful of Cherrios across the room to get a reaction out of you, or look at you like you are the most important person in the world to them.

As I explained to my friend, “I have spent years just trying to get through one day at a time, but I’ve also found myself on the top of a slide at the park at 9 AM with my toddler, or on a roller coaster he was scared of just to prove I could still do it.” Like all moms, parenthood ages us and keeps us young at the same time.

So, here are three cheers to the mothers out there who are doing their best to make it through each day parenting while chronically ill.

To the woman who can figure out how to get a stroller into the trunk, but who can barely lift her arm to wash her hair. To the mothers who ask their 7-year-old to help open the child-proof bottles; to those who teach their children about germs and auto-immune diseases using cartoon characters battling it out as examples.

Here’s to the moms who take their toddler to Little Gym classes and pay someone to help wear their children out. To those who find the best reading time with your child is in waiting rooms. To the moms who teach their children that yes, God heals, but not always on our schedule. . . and then living each day so your children sees your joy, and not bitterness, so when they have tough times some day, they remember your perseverance and faith.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries, which she began in 1997. She had been praying about being a mom and it wasn’t happening on her schedule, when she felt God’s calling for a ministry for those with illness. Lisa and her husband were blessed in 2003 with the gift of their son through adoption.