Dooch - AKA "Hope Boy"

By Debbi Farmer

Eventually, we will all feel blue. We will have days, even weeks when we are sad. Many can rebound from these emotions–but many cannot.

We face tragedies and struggles that can turn our world completely upside down. And sadly there are times also when physical changes in our body can cause clinical depression even when life appears to the world to be running smoothly. When you have depression, it interferes with daily life and causes pain for both you and those who care about you.

Depression is a common but serious illness.

Many people with a depressive illness never even seek treatment. Helping someone with depression can be a challenge.

If someone in your life has depression, they may feel helpless and you may wonder what to do. You can help the person you care about recognize the symptoms of depression and get treatment that will help them.

People with depression may not recognize or even acknowledge that they are depressed. They may not even be aware of the signs and symptoms of depression, or they may feel too hopeless to address the issue. People with depression may think that how they feel is normal and not the result of a mental health condition. All too often, people feel ashamed about their depression and mistakenly believe they should be able to overcome it with willpower alone. But depression seldom gets better without treatment and may indeed get worse.

If you are in this same boat, believe me when I say the boat is full as many more are suffering today also.

Debbi Farmer, a part-time writer in North Carolina, lives a song-filled life now with her family thanks to the Lord’s wonderful and sufficient grace after suffering from severe clinical depression herself. Today she suffers from several illnesses including Fibromyalgia, but the Lord is good and has helped her face the trials of life and even waddle through them. She wishes she could give you all a cheerful hug today and share with you a song of hope.

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Tomorrow . . . we will be featuring an article about a rapper.

You heard it right! A rapper! Dominic Cook (also known as “Dooch”) has quite a story to tell and Debbi recently interviewed him about his testimony. He understands depression. He knows loss–deep, soul-wrenching, questioning God kind of loss.

His web site tells the details of his story:

From 12-17 his life revolved around the streets, he wanted to really live the stuff he rapped about and he did. Gang fights, felony arrests, robberies, him being stabbed 3 times and becoming a statistic by ending up on the notorious Rikers Island at age 18.

And that is why I ask you to open your heart. We do a lot of profiles here at Rest Ministries on women who have ministries out of their home, the clean-cut, those who sing what we define as traditional worship music. But pain is pain. And “Dooch” believes in the same God we do. And as I read through the interview by Debbi, a few people immediately came to mind who could use this man’s faith to strengthen their own. He speaks their “language.” They would read his story and see where he now puts his faith.

I hope you will look forward to it!

 To submit your own link, put the code to our “Link Party button” (opens in a new window) on your own site. Then click the little blue button below that says “add your link” to submit your link!

By: Paul J. Donoghue, PhD and Mary E. Siegel, PhD

We all need to talk to relieve tension within us and to connect with people who matter to us. But those of us who are ill really need to talk. Illness threatens our well being, evokes strong emotions, heightens our needs, and makes us more dependent on others. To cope well with all these factors we need to talk. Yet illness often leads us to isolate, to retreat into out own world of pain, fatigue, vulnerability, and fear.

When we emerge from our silence, we frequently drive away those we need by blurting our thoughts formed by fear.
Blame:

You don’t care!
You don’t understand!
You only think of yourself.

Hopeless remarks:

Why don’t you just leave me?
I can’t take it anymore!
No one understands what it is like to live with pain.
No one cares.

Demands:

Take the children to my mother’s and pick up the prescription.
Take some days off so I can get some rest.
Call the insurance company today.
Don’t just stand there, do something.

We push those we need away by our fear-induced language as well as by our silent withdrawal.

We need to learn how to talk. That means we have to talk openly, honestly about our needs, our feelings, our thoughts in a manner that invites those we love to understand and to connect with us. We have to stop blaming, demanding, complaining, and learn to share our inner-most emotions such as discouragement and anxiety a well as our needs for attention and help.

After sharing thoughtfully with her husband, a woman undergoing cancer treatment told us, “Jay has been wonderful. I had to talk seriously with him about what I needed from him. Now he cooks when I’m not up to it. He cleans the house. He keeps the kids informed about my treatments. He goes to my doctor appointments with me. He told me that he had wanted to help but was afraid to, because he knows I like to do things for myself. I had to learn how to let him in on my illness.”

This husband and wife learned to apply basic communication skills in their conversations. The following are some practical tips for expressing your needs, feelings, and wishes in a way that makes it more possible that you will be understood:

1. Take some time to reflect before talking. What do you really want to get across? What is your intention in speaking? To get help? To be understood? To clarify your thoughts?

2. Identify and share your feelings directly. For example:

Direct sharing of feelings: “I felt vulnerable and helpless when you and the girls made dinner.”

Rather than blaming and judging: “You paid so much attention to the girls and totally ignored me.”

Sharing your feelings requires that you identify them before you speak. After identifying your feelings, such as loneliness, sadness, hope, fear, excitement, appreciation, hurt, frustration, share them by saying “I” then the feeling. Then give the reason for the feeling. For example: “I felt sad when I realized that I didn’t have the energy to make the trip to the reunion.”

3. Identify and share your needs; need for specific help, need for a conversation about treatment options, need for a ride to the store, need for rest or exercise or a phone call from a friend. Share your need directly. To do so, start with the world “I” followed by your need.

Direct sharing of needs:

“I need you to call the insurance company.”
“I need to leave the party early tonight.
“I need help to decide whether I should go back to the physical therapist.”

Rather than demanding and criticizing:

“You always leave the tough phone calls to me.”
“You never want to leave a party no matter how late it is.”
“You have to help me figure this out.”

People with illnesses definitely need to talk. But the talking needs to be thoughtful and skillful. Nobel Peace Prize recipient, Desmond Tutu writes, “It requires courage to be honest, but it also requires skill.” He was kind to add that in our book We Really Need to Talk: Steps to Better Communication (Sorin Books 2010), “Drs. Donoghue and Siegel teach in a deeply human ways the skills needed to communicate with genuine love.” We hope that you will learn to improve you ability to share yourself in order to gain the relief and comfort and support that you need and deserve.

bIO GOES HERE

By Lisa Saunders, Special Guest Writer

The moment I gave birth to my daughter Elizabeth in December of 1989, I felt a stab of fear—her head was so small, so deformed. Within 12 hours, I was told she had been profoundly disabled by congenital CMV (cytomegalovirus). The neonatologist said, “If she lives, she will never roll over, sit up, or feed herself.”

He was right.

Writing (& Scripture) was how I dealt with my initial shock & grief–organizing my thoughts of despair by getting them down on paper stopped them from endlessly swirling around & overwhelming me. Getting my revelations & stories inspired by Elizabeth published made me feel less alone as I connected with others. Sharing my story with others not only healed my own soul, but according to the letters I received from readers, my c&id thoughts were also bringing some healing to them. Eventually, even my sense of humor returned & I found that I was able to start writing about other things.

Many writers have asked me, “How can I get my story published?” In order to share what has (& has not) worked for me, I’ve written a FREE e-book, “How to Publish & Promote Your Work,” to help others find the same satisfaction I felt when publicly sharing my thoughts. To download it visit the web site post, Free “How to Get Published” E-Booklet & click on the “Get Published” button.

When trying to get a non-fiction book published, it is required to submit a book proposal. The publisher for my recently released book, “Anything But a Dog! The Perfect Pet for a Girl with Congenital CMV,” which is about a big, homeless dog’s devotion to my disabled daughter, gave their permission for me to include my book proposal in my free e-book. Readers can use it as a guide for their own proposals.

Share your soul!
Lisa Saunders

Note from Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries: I had the opportunity to read this ebook & it’s a gem. Lisa writes it from the heart, but also provides some special stories & examples that will help you piece together your own story for a book, an article or more. It’s a wonderful tool I recommend.

• The Entrenched Caregiver
• Today’s Caregiver
• Caregiving Online
• Celebrations of Caregivers & Caregetters
• Caregiver Survival Resources
• Caregiver’s Webring
• John Hopkins Health Caregiver Resources
• Hospice H&s Webring
• Empowering Caregivers

The National Caregivers Library
This is one of the most extensive online libraries for caregivers that exist today.It consists of hundreds of articles, forms, checklists & links to topic-specific external resources. The library is organized into the eighteen Caregivers Resources categories.

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