You felt awful the entire day but you decided to get in the car and go to the support group anyway. You thought it would be good for you. It took forever to find the building at the hospital and then you ended up parking what seemed like a mile from the suite number. You found a chair that smelled like old sweat and smoke and hoped somehow you would find some encouragement.

But an hour later you’re ready to make dash for the door. Everyone seems to be so depressed! And too many people want to either sell you a juicer that is sure to cure your problems, or tell you about every surgery they’ve had since 1977.

Aren’t support groups supposed to be a valuable coping tool?

Yes, they are! Studies done on support groups by David Spiegel, MD, have found that support groups do improve the quality of life for their attendees. Recently studies have concluded, however, that the lifespan of a patient with cancer may not increase because of a support group environment (CANCER, Sept 2007). However, we cannot deny the fact that the validation of one’s feelings about their illness definitely makes a difference in how they cope with chronic illness.

You may attend a support group, or perhaps even lead one, but regardless of how long you have (or have not) participated in one, it’s likely that you’ve seen the slippery slope of how quickly people can go from sharing honest, vulnerable feelings to a session of complaints and even quarreling. Looking for fresh and fun icebreaker games for small groups to perk things up?

Here are 10 ideas to help create some humor and joy in your support group. You can evade some of those bitter moments that can so easily come out in conversation about illness. Some simple planning can make you feel enthused about your next get together. These ideas will work for any groups, from a Rhode Island support group for CFS to a diabetes support group for those in Marion County, Florida. And they a great tool to have when you are creating a proposal for starting up a support group.

1. Before your meeting, cut out some smiley faces and sad faces and glue them on each side of a stick or a plastic knife. When everyone goes around the room to share about their experiences or emotions of the week, ask people to make sure they are able to hold up both “faces’. For example, Beth may say, “I’m not looking forward to my joint replacement surgery and all the rehab afterwards” while holding up the sad side of the stick. And then she flips it to think of something positive to say “I feel blessed though, that the insurance is covering a lot of the expenses and my friends have volunteered to help take care of my children.”

2. Redefine your conception of what counts as indoor games for small groups. For example, start a JOY box and ask everyone to bring an item for it that someone else can take home with them. Have each person choose an item at the end of the meeting. It could be a silly toy, a cartoon, a rubber fish, or great book, a poem, a note someone sent that encouraged you, or even a funny DVD. Ask everyone to return them at the next meeting and exchange it for another item. Refresh the box up now and then.

3. Here’s a unique icebreaker for small groups. Make a silly theme song that you use to start the meeting. You can pick a song and make up new lyrics too. Check out comedian Anita Renfroe for some good ideas about how to make a song your own at her web site.

4. Bring some corny things to use during your meetings. Avoid making anyone feel pressured to use them. (If you force someone to wear a clown nose she may never come back) Have them available, however, and encourage goofiness before getting down to the real reasons you are there. Oriental Trading supply is the source of thousands of funny items guaranteed to spur a giggle.

5. Don’t allow the group to turn into a platform for any one member who talks incessantly about her illness, the treatment, the alternative treatments or even her complaints. If you have someone dominating the conversation, tell the group you are implementing a timer and set your own guidelines. (For example, can people vent for 60 seconds about anything they want? Can they share about an alternative treatment they want the group to try? Give them a time limit.)

6. Ask everyone to bring an encouraging item to include in a gift basket for someone in need who is either unable to attend the group or not even a member. Put your heads together about what kinds of items to include. You can find over five-hundred simple ideas in the book “Beyond Casseroles.” Remember personal notes mean a lot, even from people you don’t know, so ask people to write a sentence or two to include with the item.

7. Have a fun night out. You can act your age and go to a nice sit-down restaurant or head over to Chuck E. Cheese for some pin ball. It can definitely be a successful icebreaker for small groups because people who haven’t opened up much in the group may feel relieved to have this environment to get to know others.

8. Hand out articles and other resources that encourage people to thrive despite their illness. You can find fun items through the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week website like “My illness is invisible but my hope shines through.”

9. Invite guest speakers who you trust will speak positively. Inform your speakers that they can “tell it like it is” but that you always want people to leave the meeting feeling energized; not depressed. Let them know they can use props, tell a joke, or do whatever it takes to keep people paying attention.

10. Focus on things that your group can actually do that will change things, since they may feel so unable to control their illness. If you can’t physically participate in the local walk for charity, could you work at a table handing out snacks or doing registration? Find events your group can participate in to feel like they are doing more than just complaining about their predicament. Take advantage of the energy that teens with chronic illness often have to motivate support groups to get involved in outside projects.

Illness can be one of the most isolating experiences people have, and support groups provide a sense of belonging in the midst of this. The levels of relationship that form in the group, however, are significantly influenced by how uplifting the leader makes the group environment. None of us want to leave a meeting feeling worse than when we came, but rather refreshed and motivated to live the best life possible. With just a few changes, your support group can go from being a simple meeting, to becoming a lifeline for those involved.

Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and lives with rheumatoid arthritis. You can find more ideas for icebreakers for small groups with your free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from “Beyond Casseroles” by Lisa Copen.

Birds have an amazing sense of balance. Whether perching on thin wires or hanging on bird feeders, they maintain their stability. As I watch birds, I am aware of my own need for balance in life.

I need balance in my physical activities so that I don’t overextend myself with housework, shopping, or exercise and suffer later. I need balance in my relationships so that I don’t become overly burdened with the problems of others, but rather trust that God is using these trials to work out His plan in their lives.

I need balance in handling my emotions so that when the downward cycles come, I remember what God has done in the past and believe He will lift me up again.

Since I struggle with perfectionism, I need balance to keep the perfect from being the enemy of the good in each of these areas. Above all, I need balance in my perspective of this earthly life. Knowing this is not all there is and what great things lie ahead in eternity helps me to handle the grief of unfulfilled expectations and dreams here on earth.

Jesus is the perfect example of a balanced life. Even though His days were filled with ministry, He made time with God His first priority. Although He could have healed every person’s disease and fixed every problem on the planet, He did not. He grieved over Jerusalem’s impending destruction but did not stop it. He wept over death and became angry at injustice. He certainly understands the struggles of balance in this fallen world.

Between the world’s messages and my own perceptions, balance can be very difficult to maintain. Only God can give me the discernment to know what to do or not to do and the self-discipline to follow through on those decisions. His Word and His example are the stability I need to keep me hanging on.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, help me to seek Your will for balance in each aspect of my life and give me a willing heart to accept Your plan. Amen.

About the author:
Bronlynn Spindler lives in VA and is blessed to have the support and encouragement of a wonderful husband and three grown daughters. God’s grace and strength have brought her through thyroid cancer and ongoing back pain, depression, headaches, and fibromyalgia. You may view her blog of devotionals at www.aplaceofsprings57.blogspot.com.

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

Are there certain areas of your life that are difficult to balance? How do you manage them?

An antiseptic smell I couldn’t quite place permeated the air. Perhaps it was a combination of Pine Sol and Clorox. Industrial carpet woven in blues and reds needed a vacuum. A lone ant traveled by my foot. I took the damp tissue in my hand and squashed it. A few fluorescents created shadows which revealed the starkness of the room. The barren environment mimicked the fact that I was the only occupant waiting.

It was the middle of the night, and I lay curled on my side wondering if my husband was going to live through surgery.

I also–possibly selfishly, yet realistically–wondered if my body would allow me to make it through the ordeal. Having postural intolerance, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia severely limit how much time I can be out of bed each day. Normal, everyday activities for most people, like driving to a hospital and sitting for any length of time, are a challenge for me. Doing it for hours is virtually impossible.

My life had taken on a surreal quality since the midnight phone call. A stranger had informed me that Mike was being life flighted back home from Boy Scout Camp. Was I really lying on a hospital floor hoping my body would hold out until I could get information on Mike? Maybe I should call my sister to come sit with me, but we were arguing. What about, I couldn’t remember.

All I knew was I was alone—too alone. For moments I’d seem okay, like I was holding it together; then, the realness of the situation would come over me like the feeling you get when you jump into a pool on your first day of summer vacation. You know the water will be cold, but it’s still a shock. You can’t believe you’ve gone from dripping sweat to shivering violently in the space of seconds. I tried to make sense of the frigid water, but I couldn’t. I wanted back on dry land.

My bible lay open to Psalm 23, yet all I could do was scan the words as my mind flitted about. A bottle of Gatorade with salt packets I’d asked the E.R. nurse for sat beside it. I must have left my baggie of salt at home. My cell phone, a wad of tissues and purse surrounded me. The shawl I wore for writing was draped over my chest. It reminded me of home which helped to alleviate the uneasiness of my surroundings. How much longer would I have to wait? I was trying to keep from panicking; trying to keep it together. It was a battle I was beginning to lose.

I started flipping pages in my Bible. Okay, Lord, I need some help here. I’m scared. My eyes settled on Psalm 63:8 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”

I am clinging to you, God. Since I am doing that, I am going to trust Your Word that says You will uphold me. You know how I struggle with trusting You. I am weak, but You are strong. I need You, Lord. I can’t do this alone. I know that all power in heaven and earth is Yours. I’m asking You to allow Mike to stay with me. I need him. The kids need him. I’m begging You. I also know that Mike is Yours, not mine. So, for me to have peace, I surrender the love of my life into Your hands. If You take him home, I will be angry and grief stricken. But, if that is Your plan, help me to accept it. I can’t do any of this alone. I’m afraid, Jesus. Amen.

As I opened my eyes, I noticed that nothing around me had changed. The waiting room was still bathed in glowing light. Disinfectant hung heavy in the air. There was not another person in sight. And, yet, I felt different.

A tinge of peace subdued my fearful thoughts. The burden I’d been carrying on my own had eased. I felt a little freer, a little lighter. Talking with God had transferred the enormity of the situation from my limited, human hands to His powerful ones.

Honestly, I was still scared, still anxious. But, I didn’t feel alone anymore. I didn’t feel so overwhelmed. I knew God was in this with me, and that He would help me face whatever was to come. So, I did the next thing I could. I took a deep breath, gathered my soggy tissues, and went to find someone who could give me an update about Mike.

By the way, my story has a happy ending. I was able to stay at the hospital until Mike was admitted to a private room following surgery. Since that time, he has made a full recovery.

Dana Kennedy is a survivor, encourager, wife and mother. She writes a devotional column for Glory and Strength e-magazine. It has taken Dana the better part of 17 years to begin to understand the gifts God has hidden for her in chronic illness, especially Himself. Dana welcomes your contact at dtearosee@earthlink.net

Has your “healthy” spouse had a medical issue, such as a stroke, cancer, an accident, that left you reeling, wondering how things would “work out”? How did you handle the uncertainty?

Have you ever been to a new doctor, only to discover that they think they know what is wrong with you before you even describe your symptoms?

Or. . .

Do you feel they are doing all of the talking, and they have not even heard a word that you have said? Perhaps they jump to their conclusions without fully examining all of the possibilities.

Do you ever meet someone you know in a store or just out and about and find that they know how to fix all of the world’s problems, especially yours?
Right away they just start chattering about everything that is wrong in your life

Or. . .

Perhaps you run into the person who loves to tell everyone every single detail of their problems, over and over again.“Woo-woo is me!”

Do you feel that perhaps no-one really cares about you and your pain personally?

So much well-meaning advice a lot of the times is given to us even though we did not ask for it. With all of this chattering going on it is no wonder we feel as though we can not hear the Holy Spirit’s directions for our lives.

Perhaps our ears are clogged with a case of severe “noise pollution!” Some people like to get lost in noise. They find that the louder their surroundings, the better to block their painful thoughts, bad memories,and sad feelings. Many use noise to drown out their negative emotions and thoughts.

God however does not have to yell to make His presence known. In Habakkuk 2:20 we are told to be “silent” before the Lord.

It is in this quietness that the Lord will whisper to you the nourishing recipe you need for your soul.
It is in this quietness that the Lord will gently settle the upset of your broken-heart.
It is in the quietness, that your mind can find a spiritual peace.
It is in this quietness that you can seek true relief from your pain.
It is in this quietness that the Lord will remind you that He loves and cares for you and everything going on with you.

Be still and know that I am God,” says, Psalms 46:10. In the stillness of our lives, we can better communicate with the Lord. Perhaps we should take our quiet moments in life to reflect on God’s Word and use the still hours for mediation and prayer. Perhaps you are wide-awake in the wee hours of the night; perhaps this is a good time to commune with the Lord.

I believe that our prayer closet is an example of “one-on-one” quiet time with you and your heavenly Father. If we go to the Lord in prayer, He has promised to meet us there. Listen for His whisper, dear child; the Lord is waiting to commune with you.

Is your heart heavy today? Have you found yourself feeling alone in the still,quietness of your mind? Oh you precious sweet child; The Lord is there ready to hold and nurture you. Use that silence to reverently seek God’s presence. Hide His word in your heart. The Lord understands and knows your pain.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father: We seek your “rest” in our lives. Give us a quiet stream to meditate on your Word! Help us Lord to seek your voice in our lives and find relief in your arms! Amen.

About the author:
Debbi Farmer knows that our hearts can seem extremely heavy and lonely when “silence” is surrounding us in our pain. She desires for all hurting hearts, to use those lonely, quiet moments to reflect on God’s Word and seek fellowship with a loving and nurturing Father. Remember, child, you are so loved and you are not alone!

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

What is creating too much noise in your life? When you are in pain do you regularly turn to the computer, TV, movies, radio, anything to block out the noise–before turning to God? What kind of difference do you think it would make if you first turned to God?

I remember when I first learned to drive. It was overwhelming yet exciting, terrifying yet thrilling.

Peering over the steering wheel, I stared at the hood of the car. Lots of self-talk guided me. Stay in your lane. Check your rear view mirror. Watch your speed. You are doing fine.

Rumble, rumble, rumble. The unexpected sound shattered my confidence.

“Watch it; you’re driving on the shoulder. Get back in your lane” said my mother with all the composure she could muster.

The sound of the flat road surface signaled I was back on track. Confidence restored. Smooth sailing. But the hood of the car loomed so large. Stay clear of oncoming traffic. Keep to the right.

Rumble, rumble, rumble. Drifted again. Corrected once more.

Realizing my problem my mother instructed, “You have to look far ahead in the distance. Concentrate beyond the hood of the car.”
Her advice helped me maneuver my car safely in my lane. Thankfully, I learned how to stay on the road.

As we travel through life, we have a choice where to look. We can either dwell on our problems (as if admiring them) or ponder God’s faithfulness. Concentrate on our difficulties or on the One who offers comfort.

Unfortunately, I haven’t mastered a steady focus in life. Thinking about my constant pain results in self-pity and frustration. God offers a path for my thoughts. Hebrews 12:2 tells us where stare. “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Pioneer and Perfecter of faith. . . ”

Swerving off that path leads to rumblings of doubt and hopelessness. We have to mentally steer in a different direction. The Psalmist shows us how to deliberately adjust our thoughts.

“The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” (Psalm 34:19) Pain is real, but God. . . is my strength (Psalm 28:7), assures me of comfort in my affliction (Psalm 119:50), and is my refuge (Jeremiah 16:19). His love and faithfulness always protect me (Psalm 40:11).

An eternal gaze assures me of everlasting relief from pain. “There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. . . ” (Revelation 21:4)

Prayer: Dear heavenly Father, captivate my thoughts today. How I long to meditate on Your love for me (rather than on my pain). Sustain me. Strengthen me. Help me honor and serve You today. In Your Son’s precious name, Amen.

About the Author:
Vicki understands special needs as a patient, parent, and professor. She has had multiple sclerosis since 1993. Her 31 year old son was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She’s taught special education as a teacher, administrator, and adjunct professor. Through her online community she reaches out to other parents of children with special needs. http://theblogfrog.com/1505794

You can now read this on your Kindle. Find out more at http://TodaysDevotionOnKindle.com

How do you keep your mind off your pain?

“I wanted to share from a different perspective. Most of the blogs or websites I read seemed to have a negative mood and mindset to them. I understand why, but I also know when facing an illness this kind of mindset is less than helpful. I wanted people to know they can thrive, and not just survive. This ties in with me being a pastor. My whole life wraps around God, and who He is. I believe that God desires people to be healthy, strong, and live a vibrant and whole life.” Chad goes on to explain, “I believe part of my call in ministry is to extend this hope to everyone; this includes those who are sick. So through Living with Arthritis, I share practical things I have learned, and mix in God and the strength and healing He desires to bring, all with the hopes of sharing love and hope to others.

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