“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
When I was young I thought when I became an adult I would be “grown up.” I would have myself “together,” and know everything I would need to know. My emotions would be stable and so would my income.
I am now a little bit past middle age, and have found out that it doesn’t work that way. I am still changing and hopefully, still growing. It seems to be a two-steps-up, and one-step-down type of situation, and I guess that is okay, for it means that I am still growing.
Last fail I wrote some devotionals sharing, (and complaining) about having to get used to my wheelchair. My multiple sclerosis and my permanently crippled foot brought about many painful and discouraging trips to various doctors. After a long and agonizing wait I was told that there was not anything else that could be done. I spent a couple of weeks learning to maneuver the chair around, but one night it hit me! The chair was my new reality!
I became fearful and spent a tearful evening crying out to the Lord that I accepted the wheelchair. Do you know that at 54 years old I still thought I was “mature” enough to think I was now okay with the chai and that I would not be upset about it again!
Over the busy Christmas season I was sitting in the crowded food court of a mall that I had never been to before. And I happened to be whining. My family was off getting food at the various places, while I waited at the table in my wheelchair. Looking at my surroundings I could see a few stores, but mostly I was seeing the midsections of the people all around me! I could not stand up, or walk by myself just across the aisle to the Hallmark store. I felt trapped, and angry with my wheelchair.
My family brought our food back and I was slightly tearful as I shared with my family just what I thought of going to the mall to see everyone’s belt buckles. In one 20-minute lunch period I was worn out and tearful, followed by an out of control case of the giggles with my daughter about belt buckles. A full range of emotions at one sitting.
The chair is still here. I don’t like it very much. But I need it. With it I can go places and have a fuller life. I still have pain when I walk a bit, and with the chair I can do more with less pain. I praise the Lord for my chair. He knows what I needed, He knows my heart, and He is never offended if we whine or cry. If we come to Him, even in a childish temper, He understands and cares for us.
“You hem me in – behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me” says Psalm 139:5
Prayer: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Amen. (Psalm 139:24)
About the Author:
Sandra Platt is a Pastor’s wife and Mother of 2 adult kids. She lives in rural Southern Indiana, and enjoys cross stitching, reading, and being with her family and church members