When someone tells you “time heals all wounds” does it feel like comfort or a misunderstanding? Lisa considers this cliche.
“. . . A time to kill, a time to heal, a time to tear down, a time to build. (Ephesians 3:3)
There is a common saying among many, “time heals all wounds.” Most cliches have a bit of truth to them, but I have never found the truth in this one. I have seen people who have lived nearly a century who still exude daily bitterness or loneliness due to a tragedy that happened many years earlier. And there are others who seem to be emotionally healed and back in the swing of things not long after following a tragedy.
Does the passage of time make our pain less intense? Does time heal all wounds? For those of us with illness, the time heals all wounds saying feels like an insult. Time usually makes our physical wounds worse–even deeper and more debilitating. The passing of time can feel like an enemy as our body withers away. Yet, time can also seem like a friend, as we are glad to be given one more day of life.
Only through seeking God’s solace, and asking for His forgiveness for our shortcomings, and seeking Him while in the depths of despair, can we eventually find healing for our soul. And even though our bodies waste way, scripture tells us that our spirit still be renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
I remember, following an episode with the flash-eating bacteria, I had to have my ankle debrided over and over. I assumed time heals. It would just be a matter of time for the wound to improve. But time became an enemy, since the medical professionals kept taking the scab off every time it would heal over. I was hoping time would slow down so I could delay a debridement one more day!
The goal was not to have the wound heal quickly, doctors explained to me, but correctly. And there are moments in our life like this, when time heals our hurts, only to have it seem like God rips the scab back off again, exposing us to the pain all over again.
You may be going through your own wounds right now. Perhaps an adult child is not part of your life or you have lost a parent. Maybe your illness has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Each day my email in-box is filled with stories of pain, betrayal, and fear–they are all tragic. Time has not healed them yet. It seems so unfair.
It takes a Savior to heal us, not a clock. It takes a loving God to wrap His arms around us with comfort through the suffering, not someone who tries to rescue us from ever experiencing pain. When time attempts to numb the pain by scarring over the wounds, God sometimes removes the scab, exposing us to pain again, so we will have to come to Him with it and fully surrender ourselves, instead of just hardening our heart.
Prayer: Dear Lord, oh how I wish I could rest in the fact that time heals, but I know You are the only source of true healing. Only You can take away the pain, not the ticking of a clock or the pages of a calendar. Let me always turn to You for any healing. Amen.
About the author:
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries and she lives in San Diego with her husband and son. She is gradually learning how to balance motherhood, family, illness, and ministry, but she still knows it will be a lifetime lesson. You can see the books she has written, including, Why Can’t I Make People Understand? at the Rest Ministries shop.
Has someone ever told you, “Oh, you’ll get over it. Time heals all wounds”? How did this make you feel? Did it make you feel comforted or as though they didn’t understand the depth of your pain? What do you think of the saying, “time heals all wounds”?
Do you need a healing for your soul? This gospel song, “Healing,” by Kelly Price, is a great way to put some music to a prayer to God. Trust us! You will love the lyrics. -Lisa
I have never liked this cliche expression either.
What time does after the life changing events that occur ( whatever level they are: physical, emotional, mental and even spiritually ) is, with God’s help, ease us into the newness they bring, the integration of them into the person we are “now” and will remain and then the pattern repeats itself over and over. We are forever being changed – transformed into His image and how that happens is unique to each of us. It is the transformation God is after and perhaps it is in His eyes a kind of healing in that we grow closer to Him. However, that is not what most people mean when they use this expression.
I love this description, Lynn. I feel like I need to highlight the whole thing!
🙂 Well, you started it with your thoughts in your devotional!
FICTION. Doctors let me nearly starve to death from an easily treatable disease called celiac. Despite seeing nearly 60 doctors over 40 years of ever increasing disability, everyone claimed I was depressed, stressed, arthritic, aging (normal). Not one looked at my weight. Even as my iron fell to dangerous levels they still wrote it off to “womens issues”.
When I was finaly diagnosed my body was damaged and I still suffer pain from this more than 15 years later. time has not healed all!
Susan, I am so sorry to read of this life altering ( literally ) experience you have dealt with for many years and now the aftermath.
Although different than your situation, I had a neurologist put me into a “healing” plan 9 years ago which he claimed had healed others with my diagnosis. He cited examples and I asked all the right questions. As I had been entrenched in my physical challenges for 20 years at that time, and no other treatments or therapies had worked, I felt enthused by the success he claimed.
Rather than help me, it did more damage and I have not fully recovered back to my former state of function though praise God I have recovered enough that I can get out of my home and live on my own. He took no responsibility for what happened and it took some time to forgive him – more that he took no responsibility for his actions and had not properly understood the complexities of my diagnosis although he said that he did.
I can say that out of this time – these past 9 years – God has worked more deeply in me as I have had to depend on Him more and more. It was out of that set back that I came to write for Rest Ministries. Living in more isolation than I had before, God has been able to pour things into me ( for my own encouragement ) that I would not have known before.
Would I like my “old but still physically challenged self” back? Yes. But that has not happened; that healing has not occurred. “Time does not heal all wounds” – and I agree with what you say. I only share my story in support of what you shared of yours. And as I ponder some of the whys – I can see some good that has emerged from this time, even though in the natural I am still quite limited.
Lisa: Tears filled my eyes when I read this. Tears for what you went through when that debridement had to had to be repeated several times. Tears for what many people are going through. And yes, tears for my own situation.
When I worked in a children’s hospital as part of my nurses training I watched in horror as a 14-year-old boy who was badly burned was placed in bathtub and had this procedure done day after day after day after day.
I don’t think this saying has much truth in it. If someone said it to me, I’d feel like my suffering was being minimized and it would be more like a slap on the face than a comfort. No matter how well meaning the person might be.
I find precious few people, even Christians, who really know how to “weep with those who weep”. That’s one reason Rest Ministries is important to me. I’ve met so many here who do this. It affirms me, validates what I share and brings comfort. May the Lord give us the grace to do this for the people in our lives.
The same applies to “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me”.
Personally, I’ve been harmed by words far more than by any of the nearly countless physical injuries I’ve experienced. If nothing else, knowing that has helped me guard my own words before they’re spoken. Like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube, I cannot put a word back into my mouth.
Words can be a wound that time will never heal.