The desire to fix people or circumstances is strong, but Karlton explains how we must surrender this to the Lord.
“The priests agreed that they would not collect any more money from the people and that they would not repair the temple themselves” (2 Kings 12:8).
Over the years I have had to accept the reality that I cannot fix anyone. Not my mother, brother, sister, wife, child, or friend. Only God can fix people, and He can only fix them if they allow Him to do so.
Human pride, stubbornness, willfulness, arrogance, the absolute unwillingness to change within a human heart cannot be overcome by our desires and wishes no matter how strong or intense our feelings may be.
People will treat us badly, at times because of our illness and disability. Some people, perhaps friends and family, may treat us differently or dismiss us from their lives because of our illnesses and the way our illness now limits our abilities and interactions with others.
It is painful when what is so clear to us completely eludes those in our lives. Yet we must accept that we do not have the power to change the actions and reactions in others. Most of the time we have our hands full just trying to have some measure of control over ourselves and our own life.
When people around us behave badly toward us, especially when it involves our illness and disability, it can make us feel like we have been stabbed in the back, it can cause resentment, and can make us bitter. But the good news is with God’s help we can choose how we act and react despite the bad behavior of others.
It is humbling and yet freeing to realize we cannot fix or control how others act and behave. Accepting and acknowledging what is beyond our control allows us to focus upon the things we can control. When we allow God to deal with the people and problems around us, we can truly focus our limited energy where it will do the most good.
Prayer: Dear Lord, we want to fix people and situations, yet there are some things we can never fix. Help us to let go of what we cannot control, and to change the things we can control in the best way possible with Your help. Amen.
About the Author:
Karlton Douglas lives in Ohio with his lovely wife. He has had to learn over the years to let go, and to give control of people and situations into God’s capable hands.
Do you sometimes wish you could fix the problem people around you? Have you asked God to take control of situations only He can control?
Have you ever had a troubled relationship with a friend? This is a great song with Brandon Heath, “I’m Not Who I Was.” I think you will find something familiar in the lyrics because we have all had those friendships with the ups and downs. I love some of the Christian music today that puts so many feelings into the lyrics. Bless you. -Lisa
Thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. For me, it is especially hard when the bad behavior or actions come from family members, those who are suppose to love you unconditionally!
Dear Karlton,
Your post is wonderful. Learning that we cannot change other people’s beliefs or preconceived notions is one of the hardest things I have had to learn. It is, in my experience, more than painful to try and open up about my illnesses to family members who routinely minimize and/or dismiss me altogether. For a long time I retreated completely and kept everything to myself, feeling that it was the safer alternative. This was my way of coping for years. Finally, through prayer and reading God’s Word, I began to see that I was just who I was supposed to be; God’s child who has a lot to give to others, who has a kind heart, and who also happens to have illnesses. I started to feel stronger and stronger in my own right and I saw that other people are responsible for what they think and say. It is not my responsibility to keep trying to alter their belief systems and opinions, rather, once I have explained my illnesses and the limitations that they cause, it is in the other person’s hands. What they do with the information I have given to them, is up to them. The responsibility that I believe I have towards those who minimize or dismiss me is to pray for them and to always leave the door open to them. I know that God can do anything and everything. He changed my heart and my understanding, and He will do the same for everyone who asks!
Karlton, thanks for yet another practical & helpful devotional. 🙂
This is an area that is a real weakness for me, so I’m always needing reminders here! 😉
I think that my career of Special Ed teaching, being an advocate for children with disabilities & trying to help others understand their needs is where part of my fix others up stuff comes from. Always comes from a good base, but not necessarily what God wants sometimes. A timely reminder. God bless. Lotsoluv Kerryn
Thanks James 🙂 Glad the devotion was helpful. Praying God’s peace for you regarding the difficult people in your life.
Blessings.
Thanks for sharing Melissa 🙂 You have a great attitude in dealing with others regarding your illness.
Blessings.
Thanks Kerryn 🙂 Yes, sometimes it is hard to let go of people and situations, I too like to fix things 🙂 It is an ongoing challenge.
…………I do prayer sit with my guitar & do prayer songs for those I cannot materially help. It just seems to me that names put to music have a flavor all their own. Even though we may never have met, a name inserted into music somehow personalizes that person to me, I feel as if we are shaking hands with one another.
Paul, people tend to forget the Psalms were songs. Good idea to pray to music 🙂
Blessings.
“Paul, people tend to forget the Psalms were songs. Good idea to pray to music 🙂
Blessings.”
Good point Karlton, I’d forgotten about that. Until tonight I have never been able to come up with the words why “prayer songs” I do from time to time are as if I were shaking that person’s hand.
I had handshakes with a whole bunch of God’s people a couple nights ago…………Hilda remembers.
This post was exactly what I needed to hear! Not only could I see how I was viewing a couple of key relationships, but I also looked at how I deal with myself and my health! I used to think accepting meant giving up, but nothing could be further from the truth. There is a reason Jesus told us not to worry, and to love everyone, including ourselves. I’m finally learning that if God is allowing a situation in my life, then He will give me the ability to deal with it. It’s taken me a VERY long time to learn this! I thank God every day for not giving up on me, and continuing to teach me and transform me. His mercy and patience is amazing!!
That is something I always have a problem with. Worrying what people are thinking about me. And it can drive you crazy because you cannot control it if people do not believe you’re sick or think you’re just exaggerating or trying to get sympathy. Also, sometimes when we have chronic illness, we can be extra sensitive about stuff like that. Like always assuming people don’t believe us.
Well said Kristina 🙂
Blessings.
Elizabeth, yes, can be very difficult emotionally being both ill and having disbelief about our illness. Very true that our illness can create or make worse mental-emotional liability. There is so much we need God’s help with.
Blessings.
Elizabeth, I understand where you are coming from because I feel the exact same way! I wonder if I perceive that others are seeing me in a certain way because of the way I truly feel about myself and the way my life has turned out? Obviously, I have not achieved the level of acceptance that others have. I am very encouraged by what Karlton has shared and by the post that Melissa shared. My prayers to all who are experiencing the same type of hurt and guilt that I tend to cling to.
Blessings and Favor,
James
Karlton, I saved this post to read because of the title, & because of what has been going on in my life, my family’s lives. I separated from my husband this past Monday. My birthday was the Fri before (14th), & our children-24 dau, & nearly 23 son, were both home. My husband & I have been in counseling numerous times these past several years. He kept quitting, & was telling lies in counseling. Even the Christian counselors know he’s been lying. They told me there was no point in continuing until he was willing to be honest. So…as a last ditch effort, I asked him to leave. Before doing so, I asked him to sit down w/me & tell our children why… He admitted to abandoning me in my illness, lying, misusing HUGE amts of money, & abusing me-in several ways. He also talked to my parents. NO ONE could believe it! He has carefully cultivated an image of the nicest, most helpful & friendly guy in the world! Even my parents were shocked, terribly sorrowed. They couldn’t believe I never told, or asked for help. You see, it was PRIDE-my pride for not telling, my husbands for never facing his demon’s & overcoming them, that kept us both quiet. I KNOW my husband-& I can SEE in him that he CAN become the man he pretends to be! He needs only to let go of his pride. I can’t do it FOR him, & I can’t FIX him. Only GOD can do that-and he needs to cooperate. This is my prayer for him. I am asking for prayer for ALL of us! I am going to C&P part of this to the Sunroom discussion after posting-because I COVET people’s prayer right now! I was grateful my husband DID the hard thing and admitted some of his wrongdoing…at least our dau & my parents are standing w/me. I’m not so sure about our son yet…he’s kind of been programmed since puberty to be against me. Ahh, the woe’s of parenthood. But this too shall pass. I am much MORE grateful that we are all SAVED by the blood of Christ! This post was SO timely for me. Now that both kids are gone again, & I start a new (hopefully temporary) time of solitude, & a time of full concentration on GOD, & work on what I need to do from my side of this marriage covenant, I am glad to have had the time to thank you for the post. Blessings to you~Teresa K
Teresa,
So sorry about all you have been through. You are definitely in that place where you have to give everything to God, let Him have the concern, worry, grief and pain, and listen for His guiding voice as you move forward, releasing the reaction and actions of others into His hands. This so hard to do and yet so necessary to move forward again.
Praying for you, your husband, your children, and family and friends that are involved or affected. Praying Jesus will give you strength and guidance as you move forward with your life.
God Bless You.
Teresa, my heart goes out to you at this time.
Beautiful & wise words from Karlton for you. Know that I’m praying now for you. May God guide, comfort, help & bless you through this time. Gentle hugs. Lotsoluv Kerryn ♥
Teresa, you and your family are in my prayers!