Is your illness the topic of conversation too frequently? Julie shares how to find new conversation starters.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
There is nothing as thought-consuming as an illness you have to deal with twenty-four hours a day. It makes it hard to think about anything else. And oftentimes those thoughts can end up being the main topic of our conversation.
Matthew 12:34 says “for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Sometimes friends and family tire of only hearing about an illness. People aren’t as long-suffering as the Lord is.
Obviously, you can’t just forget about your illness or pain, but you can fill your heart with other things that will come out in conversations. Joyful things. Things of God. Pleasures of life that you can still enjoy.
The more you do this, the less you concentrate on your afflictions. And the more joyful your conversations will become.
How about lovely things? You can still appreciate the lovely things God has created. In my case, it would be seeing goldfinches on the feeder. A sunset or a rainbow is a lovely thing.
Something else that can be lovely is music. Music is a powerful way to improve our mood. Just as in 1 Samuel, chapter 16, Saul was plagued by an evil spirit that put him in a really bad mood. But when David played his harp for him, that mood, or “spirit” left Saul.
Music can revitalize us, calm us, distract us from unpleasantness, bring to mind pleasant memories, and evoke positive emotions.
We especially need encouragement every day, and there are many good Christian programs that can be obtained on the internet which tell of admirable people and things that are noble, right , and pure.
If you take time to dwell on the things mentioned in this verse, you may find you will have more joy in your heart, and that joy will be reflected in your life., improving your topic of conversations.
Prayer: Father, I don’t want my illness to consume my thoughts. Help me to find things in life that are true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, and praiseworthy to replace the unpleasant thoughts I have. Give me joy that I can give to others. Amen.
About the author:
Julie Buckley was diagnosed with mixed connective tissue disease in 1995 (scleroderma, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and polymyositis) along with fibromyalgia. She lives in the midwest with her husband and has a grown son. She also has a blog site called “Healthy Souls,” which encourages Christians to grow stronger through their physical weakness, http://jabuckle.wordpress.com/
From where you are right now can you name things around you that are lovely and praiseworthy?
This is Sanctus Real singing “Pray.” I know there are times when I say too much to people about my illness. And I have been known to sweetly give a rundown of the last 6 months in 60 seconds or less of my painful struggles when I feel like they are belittling my pain. (Um, yeah, I know… confession time!) The truth is when we are saying too much to others, it’s because we aren’t talking to God enough.” This is a great song by Sanctus Real about one of the many reason we need to pray! -Lisa
Julie, I so appreciate your thoughts and encouragement today. I must say this is a battle, esp when in a time of much pain or discomfort. But recently I too have been hearing Gid speak to me, from various sources, INCLUDING this sweet confirmation from you, to again refocus. Look to the joyful things in life. Yes, to take time for those JOY MOMENTS. A short walk, listening to praise music, time reading a good book or playing with my grand daughter. All things that bring joy, even when illness is present. Thank you so much for your sweet fragrance of hope today!
Hugs Di
Thanks, Di, for your kind words. I sure haven’t overcome the struggle yet, but I also try to enjoy the beautiful things in life also and take joy in the little things God provides for me.
God bless you!
Julie – you are so right when you share that our illness symptoms cannot be negated as they are physically with us 24/7 along with any emotions that can accompany them.
As I live alone, it is not so much that anyone talks with me ( or I to them ) about what is going on. But my mind can try to keep me captive and so your encouragement for me is to watch what I focus on.
Nothing energizes me more when I can be with ( or talk via phone ) to a friend and share from all the many things I love: a book I have read, a DVD I had recently seen, good news I have heard or ANYthing but what ails me. IF they ask how I am going, I make it honest but brief and share how God has been helping me.
The One who hears the deeper feelings that can taunt me is God who I know wants me to come to Him to share my heart and my needs AND my praises for how He helps me to get through.
And music – always music around here to soothe and uplift unless I want to be in the quiet with Him.
GREAT message and very much needed. Thank you so much!
xo Lynn
me more
Lynn, thank you for your insight and comments! You are so right, we can always talk to God about our deeper feelings that perhaps our friends would not tolerate as well as He does. Our captive minds can be set free by unloading on Him instead of others.
God bless, my friend!
Wow Julie, thank you so much! I know that this is a big problem for me and the verses you shared gave me a great tool to overcome this. I think a lot of us feel like our thoughts aren’t important and we don’t feel validated. We must remember that our identity is truly in Christ when we feel this way. My problem is that it’s hard for me to make conversation as my life gets isolated when I’m confined to bed or the house.
Huggs!!!
Kathy
A big hug to you, Kathy! I’m sorry to hear you are increasingly isolated and confined to the house. That makes it even harder to concentrate on joyful things, but I know God will bring things to mind for you to enjoy while you are confined. Thank you for your comments.
Blessings! 🙂
Thank you for your message to us today Julie It was very timely for me as I tend to be a “half empty cup” thinker and talker. Again, the words of a friend of mine come to mind “have an attitude of gratitude”. Journaling about the blessings in my life is very helpful. As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to do that now. God Bless.
Paige, thank you for the quote, “have an attitude of gratitude.” That’s an excellent way to think of it. And journaling is a great way to imprint things in your mind and even refer to later when needed. Blessings to you!
Hi Julie. You are welcome and thanks for responding to me – that means a lot since I’m relatively new. I wish I could say I always have that attitude, but, it usually proceeds feeling sorry for myself, complaining, etc. before I get to that point. That’s usually when I jot those “Thank You’s” down in my journal and my mood is lifted up. God Bless, Paige
I meant it usually follows but you probably figured that out!
I saw a social worker for a couple of years when I was first injured. This created a safe place for me to talk about “it”. Now, along with prayer, I think I do less talking about it if I keep up with a journal. I forget a lot of stuff, so the journal is a good way to remember what I need to bring to God during the day. I know when I’m talking about it too much, I can hear more dead air from my friend’s end of the conversation. If I know what my priorities for the day are, I try to focus on that. Early on I understood my brother did not want to talk about it. So, I never spoke with him about it. It took him 3 years to ask how I was doing…… I never laughed so hard. I’m laughing again as I write this.
Julie,
Good, good, good ! I try to make an effort with this but do not always succeed.
I posted this on my Facebook and Pinterest page. Just gotta get the message out there.
Thanks for listening to God in what to share with us. May God bless you richly in all areas of your life.
Carol, I sure don’t want you to think I always succeed either! But I am getting a lot better about concentrating on Philippians 4:8. My thoughts of my illness used to consume me and dominate my conversation, but I have learned over the years to concentrate on my blessings, because they really are so many!
Thank you for your comments, and thank you for sharing! 🙂
Julie
This is so timely, as I have struggled when people begin their conversation with ” How are you?”
Because the symptoms of my illness can be unpredictable and at times the pain worse, with no rhyme or reason, my answer can be varied.
Then, if it is a quite positive response of how I am physically doing, the next time, when the case isn’t so, maybe they are confused as I am. They often will say “Well I thought you were better ( as in all better)…I was thinking you wouldn’t be using your walking stick.
Then, at times I feel, they don’t get it. In reality they don’t.
Also, when I make a commitment, early in the day and then have to cancel because my evening does not hold the strength I had in the morning, I have learned the hard way ( which I sometimes forget) to not rise up and commit, but rather say ” I would love to but will have to see.”
One way I have managed to stay positive is to reassure them how much I covet and appreciate their prayers ( which I do) and tell them to keep praying. In that way, I can acknowledge my reality yet not get into a list of woes.
Another tip I was given by a woman, who had a daughter with daunting health issues was this. She said to me…
” What is it that you need?”
“Is it a phone call or a note?”
“Is it a non judgmental and compassionate listening ear?”
Then…
” Then give that VERY thing to another”
I can honestly say, each time I do that, I am left with the joy of giving.
“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Jesus said.
In everything I have pointed out to you [by example] that, by working diligently in this manner, we ought to assist the weak, being mindful of the words of the Lord Jesus, how He Himself said, It is more blessed (makes one happier and more [a]to be envied) to give than to receive. AMP 20:35
Linda, thanks for your comments and suggestions. You know, I have found the same thing you have, that when you give to someone else what you yourself would like to receive, it is such a blessing! But I have only learned that since I have gotten ill and understand more of what they are going through. God bless!