How does is affect us when we spend more effort proving our illness to our doctor than finding relief from the pain?
“This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God” (1 John 3:19-21).
There comes a time in every war when some soldiers will come face to face with a terror they should never encounter. The soldier sharing their foxhole, laughing at a joke over chow, the one who is maybe even their commanding officer–turns the weapons onto them. No soldier should carry the added weight of an enemy in the same uniform.
If you’ve suffered invisible illness for any length of time, you have faced friendly fire from the medical profession. They are supposed to be on your side. In fact, they should be helping or even saving. Nodding in empathy seems the least they could do for one of their own.
We should be on the same side, but we’re not always.
There’s an invisible fight that goes on when you live with chronic illness, and a lot of it has to do with distrust of doctors. It’s a kind of PTSD from this war zone that we bear up under every day.
We find ourselves fighting our fears as we recognize that a doctor visit is necessary.
The stress increases our symptoms and clouds our minds. We really have to stay poised on our toes to not be taken by surprise. We sometimes sit literally naked before them, holding up our flimsy paper shield, peeking around it as we wait to see if we’re safe.
So often, we have to muster up the self-confidence needed to believe in our own selves. Difficult when the professionals are confident that we are imagining what we live with each day.
We take aim, waiting for the other shoe to drop as their condescending tone alerts us to danger. Sometimes our arms are just exhausted from the state of readiness. And so many times, the scoffing we receive robs us of our hope more ruthlessly than our illness ever could.
The world sees none of this invisible fight. Sometimes , even those close to us don’t see it. But it definitely takes a toll.
Keep fighting the good fight.
You know.
God knows.
Let that be the blow that will end this war once and for all.
Don’t give away your freedom in Christ. Don’t hand over a power than belongs only to God–the power to condemn or save. None of our fellow soldiers are entitled to hold that much sway over us, no matter their rank.
Prayer: Dear Lord, will You go this us this week as we face stressful medical situations? Please help us as we press on in this invisible fight. Bring us to a team of doctors that will partner with us instead of tearing us down. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
About the author:
Shelly Hendricks is a wife and mother of 2 amazing kids. They live the good life in South Louisiana. She was a teacher and a librarian in another life. She suffers from Intracranial Hypertension and a yet-unnamed neuro degenerative disease, among a myriad of other issues mostly stemming from these two. She had brain surgery in 2012, to install a VP Shunt, and had a revision in January 2014. She depends on God for all strength and hopes to encourage others on this journey, through her blog at http://reneweddaily.com .
Are you facing the chance of friendly fire today? When you feel a physician has turned on you, how do you respond?
This is the band Unspoken singing “Good Fight.” The lyrics share how we keep fighting the good fight and how God’s love can be our anthem. Hoping it reminds you that you are not alone in your battles. -Lisa
Shelly
Thank you for this devotion
Nice to know we are not alone in this
After failed surgery my doctor turned on me
I was devastated
It was unexpected
But God can use this experience for His glory
in Christ
Kimberlee
((((Kimberlee)))) <3 I'm so sorry you know what friendly fire is. God certainly does use it for His glory, but I'm sorry for your pain in the process. Heart Hugs <3 Shelly
I’ve had Fibromyalgia for 16 years and in the beginning, before they bothered to do any research, this condition was discounted and those suffering from it often were blown off by the medical profession. Because this illness effect more women than men, the trash can diagnosis of depression or some other mental disorders were regularly bandied about without any empirical evidence to back them up. The abuse I suffered at the hands of physicians changed the way I interact with them to this day. This is unfortunate because after my husband and I left Arizona in 2006, I’ve had nothing but great doctors who were kind and took me seriously. They were able to diagnose me with Ankylosing spondylitis as well and got me on medication that led to a remission of that part of the problem. Nonetheless every time I go to the doctor for any reason (and believe me when I say I have to be really really sick to even consider going in) it gives me great anxiety. It’s sad that in addition to the pain, lack of sleep, lack of energy and being cut off from regular life in many ways, your character can be impugned by the profession that’s supposedly there to help you. This devotional is right on! If I’ve learned anything from years of illness it’s that you cannot allow sinful humans to determine your value, which comes from God alone.
I hear u, except mine’s me/cfs (myalgic encephalomyelitis) which was diagnosed early 2015 after i got it in late 2007. actually these past few months have been tough but fortunately not for friendly fire. More just the “test seems normal to me so i guess u can’t b sick aside from me” varierty while the me was getting worse from a possible bladder infection.
Really good article, I’m sure we’ve all been there at times .Love your way of describing and love the scripture–great for fighting the mental issues! To know God is greater than our hearts! YES! I’ve read that verse before and taken great comfort from it.
Thank you for the encouragement, Mary! Sending you extra heart hugs! <3
Thanks so much for today’s devotion, Shelly! It really ministered to me. I’ve faced this same struggle so many times and even today it continues. I’m so sensitive to medications prescribed for me. Many make me really nauseous, but I need them for pain. I feel like my doctor is now ignoring my calls through her nurse. I want to keep trying to find the medication that will work for my body. I believe that they think I’m making this all up. I’m between a rock and hard place, but I know God is greater and is my greatest Advocate. He goes before me making the path smooth. I will trust in Him. You devotion was such a blessing to me today. God bless YOU!
It is truly a comfort and God’s blessing to know others struggle with this same issue and the toll it takes on our bodies. One of my friends told me I should never look good when I go to any of my specialists, rather wear colors that make me look really sick. Anyone have beige/brown clothing I could borrow?
Yes, Nan, it seems the opposite of what we want to do, which is to look our best! I don’t wear makeup anymore and I think that is along those same lines. Praying for you. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3
Shelly, I again, through your words thought to myself…these people really “get it” Even in that I am not alone.
I recently had an experience with a Dr who in my initial visits had helped me tremendously. He was “on a roll” so to speak
About the 4th visit, things started to go south and the last 3 visits were terrible. I was not making any progress and as a matter of fact, getting worse.
Within my complaints/reports ( depending on who you were talking to) were an fervent attempt to get him to see that I was suffering. That was to no avail and somehow, it all got turned around for him to act like it was my fault. The last visit,without a word, he just walked out of the room, leaving a wide eyed student with me.
You know what I thought…after days of being so upset…was that his own pride was injured
When things are going well and he is applauded…that is great…but when he seemed to have lost his touch…it hurt his ego.
He;s young…You know I pray that he will realize that even though he is on the “cutting edge: in his field, that a hurting, vulnerable and possibly frightened human being is laying on the table…and not books and sheets of studies and statistics and likely outcomes. And that when things are not proceeding according to his expectations, he would gain some humility and realize that he does not have all the answers
Thanks all of you for sharing from your hearts
Lin
Oh, Lin, I so want to hug you close. I have so been there. Those doctors who are so eager to help in the first couple of visits are the hardest losses, I think. We get so hopeful and then suddenly in the 3rd or 4th visit it’s like we’re seeing someone who is a totally different person. It makes it hard to relax with caring doctors until we are a very established patient and can see that they will not turn on us. You are safe here. Love and Heart Hugs, Shelly <3
I love how you speak to your audience – it feels like you are so willing and able to hold everyone’s hand by speaking truth and validating fears and concerns. God is using you in such a powerful way.
Jen, what a huge compliment and encouragement to me! Thank you!!! <3 Love you, sweet friend! Heart Hugs, Shelly <3
In the past and now…some specialists that are available in our area have made me feel like a scared puppy. I’m so thankful, grateful and praise God when one doctor is compassionate and I can feel safe.
There have been times I’ve had to stop seeing a doctor due to their “really not knowing” but thinking they do…and being so busy that the wait is hours or days.
Thank you for your affirmation of the place we hold in Gods heart, Shelly…
Oh, Linda, a scared puppy is a perfect description! Yes! So thankful that our God values and believes us. What in the world would we do without that reassurance?! Love you! <3 Heart Hugs, Shelly
Thank you Shelly for your encouraging words! It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one who goes through these responses from doctors. I’ve also had an M.D. and a physical therapist make me feel like “its all in my head”. Part of it is their hurt pride and failure to be able to help me and part of it is a spiritual battle. One PT turned on me when she asked me why I had two pain free days in a row (I have right sided pain every other day). I told her the only reason I could think of was that my church had prayed for me the day before. After that she seemed mad at me and talked very rudely. I actually reported her to her superiors. The naturopathic doctors and chiropractors have all been considerate and kind even if they can’t figure out what’s going on. This encourages me to focus on the fact that God totally understands how I feel even when others deny it.
It’s so hard to keep going under such discouragement, isn’t it, Janet? So thankful for our God, and for each other! Praying for you! Heart Hugs, Shelly <3
I feel like this more and more option. I have been diagnosed with something pretty common that everyone thinks they understand (although they usually actually associate it with a different disease in the same family, but it’s close) for 9 years but a rare disease that almost no one remembers even reading about 3 years ago. The rare disease is the worst. I once had a neuro PA tell me that I need someone to be captaining my ship. But they all fail at captaining, even those who say they are stop. I am left to steer the ship myself and navigate where to go next. The not believing even though I have diagnosis in their help system is what always gets me. I’ve been told many times things are in my head. I’ve had the doctors come into my hospital room for the psych eval from a hospitalist who insisted there was nothing else wrong with me. They told her I wasn’t crazy. I have always said when they get to that point….I have no problem with crazy, if it’s all in my head let’s fix the crazy. There’s never anything wrong except what they always say in the right amount of depression they would expect from a patient with a diagnosis of a life changing illness.
The absolute worst was a nurse who triaged me in the ER and a doctor who ended up being the head of emergency medicine. I was sent back to the ER by my neurologist and the neurologist on call because they wanted to admit me. They called ahead and had talked to staff letting them know I was coming. I had the rudest nurse who after all I tried to explain to her, went to the desk outside my room dropped my folder and said she’s here for a headache. I had already tried to correct her from headache to head pain about 4 times. I had a wonderful resident I explained my disease to, he didn’t remember hearing of it but went searching for info, I said neuro already called here. Then the doctor who is the head of emergency medicine walked in and sat on a stool and proceeded to lecture me on how coming to the ER for a headache is a waste of valuable time and resources for “people who really need it.” I tried to explain the disease and he went off in a huff. Came back again and lectured me. I was in tears at that point. I had head pain that felt like my head was exploding, I was having vision issues from the pressure inside my head, I probably needed a spinal tap and he was lecturing me on how I’m a waste of time. When the resident came I told him I was leaving and I did AMA which freaked him out. They hadn’t scanned me yet to make sure it wasn’t something else and not the disease, I got told all the things that good happen including dying if it was something else. And all I could say was, I would rather die at home than to deal with this man who refuses to even look up what is wrong or listen that I’m bad enough that I’m being admitted.